Merti posted 4/12/2021 13:22 PM

I hope this is not too funny.
A few years ago, I was arranging my garden and bought a plant that gives flowers. I put it in a huge pot and it has grown really big since then. Then the A happens and guess what, AP’s name is the same as those flowers I have in my garden.
I know it’s funny but I sometimes feel as if the plant brought me bad luck. A total nonsense obviously but a constant reminder in my garden. Did you have such ridiculous thoughts?
Lastly, should I leave the poor plant alone or give it to someone who wants it?

[This message edited by Merti at 1:23 PM, April 12th (Monday)]

DictumVeritas posted 4/12/2021 13:34 PM

With me, it is a song. "Cotton Eyed Joe". I found out my wife cheated on me as it was playing on the radio (it was a brand new song back then).

That song also played when I totaled my car shortly afterwards and there are many negative things I remember happening around the time I heard that song. It's most likely that I just associated the song with pain and that any other song could also have been playing at the time of these incidents in my life, but to this day I cringe and wonder what pain is upon my path each time I hear this song.

Irrational and totally baseless fear I know, but like most phobias and superstitions I guess the object of fear is linked to the fear by a mechanism of the mind that defies logic.

WalkingHome posted 4/12/2021 13:36 PM

There is a town I don't go to and there are people I never need to see again.

The town didn't wrong me...but there is just something wrong with it and the people who live there.

BetrayedGamer posted 4/12/2021 13:38 PM

Am I allowed to hate the entire state of Michigan?

humantrampoline posted 4/12/2021 13:38 PM

Merti,

I understand totally. I would keep the plant unless it is too much of a bother.

This is my silly infidelity plant story. We're about 4.5 years out from D-day. A month after D-day we went to a house we owned in the same town as AP. Many of the plants had died because the property caretakers hadn't tended them. I wanted the pots.

There was one sad looking boston fern on the back deck. I decided to take it home and tend it as a symbol of my marriage. If I could get it to live again, I could get my marriage to live again. I repotted it and put it in a room where I didn't see it often.

It was better and then it was worse again due to neglect. I said screw it, I can get a new one for $19.99. I threw it by the compost pile for a year. It still lived. I've repotted it again, and it's doing great now.

A plant is no metaphor for a marriage. It takes more than one person to tend a marriage. I like the fern though.

JanaGreen posted 4/12/2021 13:54 PM

Am I allowed to hate the entire state of Michigan?

Yes! You do you.

SadieMae posted 4/12/2021 14:01 PM

My father left my mother for his AP when I was in high school.

I had always loved my mother's engagement ring. Of course she stopped wearing it when they separated & divorced. I asked my mother for that ring for over 20 years. She gave it to me on my 40th birthday. Two months later I found out my husband was a cheater. I felt like that ring had cursed me. I never wore it.

Edited to add:

My mother passed away about 6 months after D-Day. A few years after she passed, I took her ring to a jewelry store and traded it in on another diamond. It's the same cut, I had it put into a similar ring, but the stone is bigger. I figure I'll pass it down to one of my nieces and they'll never know the difference.

I did wear it in front of my dad's wife (former AP) and she certainly admired it. I didn't let on to her that I had changed the diamond. But I did get a kick out of the fact that it is bigger than the one my dad bought her. Let her think about that.

[This message edited by SadieMae at 2:04 PM, April 12th, 2021 (Monday)]

SadieMae posted 4/12/2021 14:05 PM

Am I allowed to hate the entire state of Michigan?

I don't think I will ever set foot in Missouri.

Chaos posted 4/12/2021 14:07 PM

LTAP once sent WH a photo of a donut on her boob.

I haven't eaten a donut since DDay1. Can't look at them, can't look at donut themed stuff, donut printed PJs, etc.

Hello. My name is Chaos and I hate donuts.

PS - give the plant to someone who wants it. Not the plant's fault it has an unfortunate name.

Merti posted 4/12/2021 14:09 PM

Thank you so much for your responses. I am so happy to hear I am not crazy.
I completely understand it DictumVeritas, it is just as you suggested an example of selective perception, but when you have too many of those random disasters with the same song in the background, it becomes really irritating.
BetrayedGamer I hated my neighborhood and my house for so long because of the reminders. When I think about it, I could’ve been living in NYC, in Chicago, in Madrid when this happened. I would’ve hated those places as well. I know it is about how horrible the betrayer was, not those places. I also know it’s all about creating new good memories with those places. To be honest I usually do not bother and just go spend time in other neighborhoods. But I try to be happy in my house.
Humantrampoline, very true! A plant is no metaphor for marriage but why am I still considering to give it away? Oh well..

[This message edited by Merti at 2:13 PM, April 12th (Monday)]

Bonetired posted 4/12/2021 15:00 PM

Lol..wait a minute betrayed gamer.I'm from Michigan! However I do have to say I am not totally in love with Michigan either.Planning on moving somewhere else when I retire.

Bonetired posted 4/12/2021 15:11 PM

Recently I found it's when my now husband goes out of town.I get triggered bad.Merti...maybe do bad things to the plant you couldn't with the OW.My husband has to do credit work to keep his license on his job and recently he had to leave for 3 days.I was a blubbering mess by the end of it.That's when I realized I was still dealing with the trauma I went through with infidelity.Just because you don't love your ex anymore doesn't mean the damage just goes away.

landclark posted 4/12/2021 19:08 PM

Am I allowed to hate the entire state of Michigan?

New Mexico for me, and also orange roses. My WH since dday bought me orange roses (I truly believe he doesn’t remember discussing them with the hag), and it took all I had not to crush them into oblivion. Also cherries. Hate them now.

I say let the plant rot. Lol (Mostly kidding)

BetrayedGamer posted 4/12/2021 19:24 PM

I don't live in Michigan, that is where the AP lives.

I love the town I'm in...it's got a small town feel even though it's part of the Denver metro area. I may not go to some of the same restaurants we frequented as a family, but I'll be using the same grocery store and local stuff as before.

This will be the 2nd time I'm in a home with bad memories. The first time my brother and I were living with my Dad in his home (all adults) and he passed away in his sleep. I couldn't take over the master bedroom...my brother did...but I adapted and got used to it.

Things that become triggers are hard to predict...will I mind living in the house? I plan on changing a lot of things around so it looks different. Are there songs or shows that will be triggers? Unfortunately I think it's just a matter of waiting and finding out.

Adira posted 4/12/2021 21:28 PM

Am I allowed to hate the entire state of Michigan?

LTAP once sent WH a photo of a donut on her boob.

leafields posted 4/13/2021 00:04 AM

It's hard to say. I have the same car as AP, but a different color. I love my car, and she was in it prior to the A. She was on my couch, which I loved at the time but now feel like I need to torch.

Why? I don't know. Not much difference between the two, except I like my car more than my couch. Go figure. But I'll never go to Oklahoma again.

The1stWife posted 4/13/2021 05:30 AM

Triggers are the consequences of being a BS.

I dislike jazz music thanks to my H’s affair. I tried to get past it but decided a “no jazz rule” was better than any other option.

Knitaknee posted 4/13/2021 11:54 AM

Am I allowed to hate the entire state of Michigan?

I hate Australia. Wife's AP was Australian. She "liked the way he talked".
I used to want to visit Australia. Loved the Crocodile Dundee movies.

Now I want to kick the Geico gecko through the goal posts.

sisoon posted 4/13/2021 12:15 PM

Hate Ohio, not Michigan. M! Go Blue!

*****

Since d-day, I've disliked butterflies. The aps talked of being caterpillars and morphing into beautiful butterflies. Fuck butterflies.

*****

I had my W throw out a lot of stuff, but not everything. If I wanted something touched by the A that I didn't want to buy new, I kept it.

If I had a plant with the same name as ow, I might decide to destroy it, but I'd be more likely to give it away. Why keep a constant reminder of the A around? And why destroy a life?

*****

I can't possibly understand why you think your thoughts, or the ones like them that other BSes entertain, are ridiculous.

[This message edited by sisoon at 12:16 PM, April 13th (Tuesday)]

Underserving posted 4/13/2021 12:28 PM

Seeing people of a certain religion bothers me sometimes. I obviously can’t hate an entire religion because of one person, but dammit if my brain hasn’t tried occasionally. I’m better now. I purposefully watched wonderful people who practice it on YouTube, so I could disassociate the OW from them. Let’s just say they wouldn’t exactly claim her with all of her actions and choices anyways. I think even her parents are pretty embarrassed by her.