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 maise (original poster member #69516) posted at 9:33 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020

How did you know when you were done having kids?

BW (SSM) D-Day: 6/9/2018 Status: Divorced

"Our task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

— Rumi

posts: 980   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: Houston
id 8611656
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 10:18 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020

When the doctor told me i had a good chance of having another set of twins, or even triplets.

I had DD and the twins taken away and rushed to the NICU. Ds was able to be with me but i had a nurse in my room monitoring him before and after each feeding.

Wh and i had a hard time not beibg able to take our children home. He talked alot about me gettibg mu tubes tied when the twins were born by c section. We agreed it was best.

Four years later he expressed regret at not having more kids.

Im happy with four.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25896   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8611671
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Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 1:34 AM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

Two bedrooms two kids. Never wanted mine to have to share. And i thought we would manage two college tuition fees.

[This message edited by Lionne at 7:35 PM, November 23rd (Monday)]

Me-BS-71 in May HIM-SAFWH-74 I just wanted a normal life.Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

posts: 8533   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   ·   location: In my head
id 8611724
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:14 AM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

As a nurse knowing all the possible things that can go wrong I'm amazed any babies come out ok.

I was blessed with 2 healthy ones. I was done. Plus I always only wanted 2 and that did not change.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8611734
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HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 2:34 AM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

We really wanted a third child. I got pregnant when ds22 was 7 or 8 months old. Not what we’d planned for. It took me a couple of weeks to come around to the idea and just as soon as I began to think it would be kinda fun to have them close together, I miscarried. I was 32 then. Because of my experience in obstetric nursing I set 35 as my cutoff. My pregnancies were not easy at all. I had hyperemesis gravidarum (horrible, horrible round the clock vomiting) all 3 of my pregnancies and preeclampsia with 1 and 3. I also have extremely aggressive antibodies against type A blood and both boys were severely jaundiced. So we decided if I hadn’t gotten pregnant by age 35 we were done. I had my hysterectomy less than 2 weeks after my 35th birthday. (Perks of working for my Ob/Gyn doctor.

I had grade 2-3 uterine prolapse and severe adenomyosis. My periods were horrible and (TMI) even if I wasn’t done having babies, we had to be able to do the required activity. And my, um, garage was already full, and no double parking was allowed, lol.

Aren’t you glad you asked?

Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4971   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8611738
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 3:44 AM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

I always wanted every baby that I held in my arms. I wanted to steal them and take them home. Probably because I couldn’t have any on my own.

H and I got pregnant once. Found out we were pregnant on our 1st anniversary - which happened to be Mother’s Day. Then, sadly, a miscarriage.

Then we adopted our first son, and getting our next child turned into getting two babies 10 weeks apart.

I remember when one of my great nieces was born. Of course I went to the hospital and held her in my arms. And then i handed her back. And I knew, just like that, that I was done.

Of course I was 43 years old, with a four year old, 18 month old, and 8 month old.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8268   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8611755
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:46 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

HF - Girl I swear.....

.

I had my hysterectomy less than 2 weeks after my 35th birthday.

I had mine for my 32 birthday. And I had to fight with the damn Dr to do it, even though my H had already had been neutered.

I had grade 2-3 uterine prolapse and severe adenomyosis. My periods were horrible and (TMI) even if I wasn’t done having babies, we had to be able to do the required activity. And my, um, garage was already full, and no double parking was allowed, lol.

I did not have the prolapse, but I did have adenomyosis, and bleeding continuously tends to put a strain on marital activities.

I probably couldn't have had a 3rd kid even if I wanted to due to the adenomyosis. I bled throughout the second pregnancy.

TMI right.... Sorry for the T/J Maise.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8611802
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Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 8:53 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

I would have liked a little girl. But I knew several families that had 3+ boys with that in mind.

I always figured that God knew I'd not be able to deal with girl's hair because I wasn't very good with my own.

But I had a straight haired, shiny boy with beautiful blonde hair and a kinky curly blonde hair that never stopped smiling. It was all good.

Me-BS-71 in May HIM-SAFWH-74 I just wanted a normal life.Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

posts: 8533   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   ·   location: In my head
id 8611913
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 11:22 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

I had my last when I was 32 and have 3 boys. The last pregnancy took a toll on my body. I didn't have morning sickness, I had afternoon sickness. From 1 pm till 9 pm, anything I ate came back up. Ended up weighing less at delivery than I did when pregnant. Six prescriptions for sinus infections because they can't prescribe the antibiotics needed to get rid of them. Ended up with pre-eclampsia & induced at 37 weeks. He still weighed 8 lb 6 oz.

I wanted to be done having children by my early 30's so they'd (theoretically) be out of the house in my early 50's.

Edit to add: We usually had extra kids over, even as the boys grew to be in their 20's. Some of them even stayed with us for awhile when they had nowhere else to go. Just because no more children come out of your body doesn't mean you won't have more of them in your life.

[This message edited by leafields at 5:26 PM, November 24th (Tuesday)]

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4566   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8611946
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J707 ( member #63778) posted at 11:54 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

My son was born when I was 20, my daughter at 26. I had my boy and and I had my girl. At 30, I decided to get the cut. I thought about it for 6 months at least. But I knew deep down I didn't want any more kids, I just knew. I'm 39 now. If my son followed my exact path, I'd be a Grandpa in about 10 months! Wow, that's crazy! But I think deep down you either know or want more. 2 was good for me.

posts: 1113   ·   registered: May. 14th, 2018   ·   location: Ca
id 8611951
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TrustedHer ( member #23328) posted at 3:35 AM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2020

After the 3rd boy was born, I told her "Three strikes and you're out". No girl, no more kids.

Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

posts: 5942   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2009   ·   location: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
id 8611997
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secondtime ( member #58162) posted at 5:32 AM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2020

I knew I was done after #3.

I knew I was right when I ended up pregnant with #4.

I was very unhappy that I was pregnant. In my defense, she was a reproductive old age, birth control, and infertility fail. She shouldn't exist, statistically.

I stopped crying every day after we had the 20 week ultrasound.

By the time she was about 18 months, I was in a good space with having her.

posts: 1106   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2017
id 8612011
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newlife03 ( member #56527) posted at 7:54 PM on Monday, November 30th, 2020

My story is a little silly, but it got me my answer.

I had a dream that my kids were gone, just vanished into thin air. I was sad for them and wanted them back, and a friend said it was ok, I could just have more! I told my friend that I didn't want more, but wanted MY children back. I woke up from the dream and knew I was done :-)

Me - 50
Kids 25, 22, 18
1st DDay in 2006, 2nd in 2007
D in 2009
Happily Committed to SO since 2011

posts: 657   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: ID
id 8613185
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Hutch ( member #70846) posted at 8:40 PM on Monday, November 30th, 2020

This is a really great question. For me, I was meant to be a mom. I have two incredible boys that are my world. With that being said I would’ve loved having three but at that time my world was crumbling around me. My ex had anger issues and I initially found out about his affair when my kids were just 3 and 1 (almost 4 and 2). I think at that point I was in survival mode and stayed in that state until I finally divorced. I couldn’t even fathom having more kids with him.

Now I’m 46. My kids are still my world but I think I would die from the shock of it all if I ever became pregnant at 46. Poor kiddo would probably call me grandma out of sheer confusion. 😂 Clearly, mentally and biologically I’m done.

Divorced.

posts: 246   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2019   ·   location: FL
id 8613205
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 8:42 PM on Monday, November 30th, 2020

When my WH told me he didn't want anymore. Our second was two and he said he wanted "his wife back". We had always planned on having three. Our first was a horrible sleeper and I was overwhelmed by both of them at the time. I should have read more into that than I did. I thought he was trying to suggest that *I* would have less stress. But what he really meant was "I am selfish and want all of the attention back on me or I'll go looking for attention elsewhere."

*I* knew I was done having kids when we had a pregnancy scare when my second was 8 and I was relieved when the test was negative. Of course my husband had already checked out on me emotionally so I think that had a lot to do with it as well.

I'm the BS. WH had an EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair.
Current and forever status is reconciling. I don't

posts: 1026   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8613208
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