Newest Member: Notarunnerup


Me-BS-65 in May<BR />HIM-SAFWH-68<BR />I just wanted a normal life.<BR />Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

Another covid transmission question

We have a new grandbaby. We are being very cautious, masking more frequently than required, avoiding large crowds, etc.
I walk with a friend several times a week, outside, maskless. We are both vaccinated. Her husband just tested positive, tested as part of a pre-op requirement. That was on Thursday. She tested negative on Friday. He's asymptomatic, thank goodness, test was repeated yesterday, still positive.
Do I need to avoid walking with her? Or is it safe to walk masked and with a larger space between us?


0 comment posted: Wednesday, October 20th, 2021

Another covid transmission question

We have a new grandbaby. We are being very cautious, masking more frequently than required, avoiding large crowds, etc.
I walk with a friend several times a week, outside, maskless. We are both vaccinated. Her husband just tested positive, tested as part of a pre-op requirement. That was on Thursday. She tested negative on Friday. He's asymptomatic, thank goodness, test was repeated yesterday, still positive.
Do I need to avoid walking with her? Or is it safe to walk masked and with a larger space between us?


0 comment posted: Wednesday, October 20th, 2021

Excessive daytime sleepiness

Is this a thing? My 70 year old husband is guaranteed to fall asleep whenever he sits down to watch TV, read a book, and today, holding our new granddaughter. I was right there, he is rarely deeply asleep, but nods off many, many times a day.

Is this a medical condition that needs to be addressed? Or just a normal change of life thing?

He uses a CPAP machine most nights, but I don't really notice a difference between the nights he does and doesn't hook it up...


0 comment posted: Friday, October 8th, 2021

Reality vs a mother's perception

My DIL is being induced tomorrow. That could mean I'll be a Grammy tomorrow or the next day or...we all know how that goes.
My son is 38, she is 34. They are both responsible adults, chose parenthood are both adore children. My son is an RN and very nurturing, he is planning to be the main stay at home parent with tons of family support when he has to work.
I have a tendency to think of them as kids. That they don't really have the skill set to deal with diapers, colic, breast vs bottle, etc. It's nonsense of course. Very few of us were ready for all of that, right? And they are certainly more ready than I ever was.
Anyway. I'm so excited to have this granddaughter, am logically confident in their ability to cope,and am stuffing my concerns even as I plan what meals to take them while they are plunged into this next life phase.
Pray or hold a thought for her, please. She has some physical limitations that make induction the wise choice.

20 comments posted: Tuesday, September 28th, 2021

I need help with my diet

I hate complaining. I'm a lucky woman. I have issues, but what 67 year old doesn't? Sometimes it's beyond frustrating, though.

Two days ago I had a small salad. I spent yesterday in pain, heating pad on my stomach. Today I'm a bit better but not great. This is a regular thing.

Nothing is wrong with my GI tract. Recent colonoscopy and endoscopy. The doc told me to take beano, lactaid, etc. It just seems that each day there are fewer and fewer things I can eat comfortably.

I'm already on a restricted diet because of another non-life threatening condition. I can't eat most fruits, a lot of grains, some vegetables, few condiments and dressings, etc. Dairy bothers me too, but that isn't a new thing. On this diet I can eat honeydew and watermelon, a few apple types, blueberries...but fruit often bothers me. Even cooked vegetables hurt.

I can eat meat, feel great if I only eat beef. I eat HB eggs even though I really don't like eggs. Fortunately my cholesterol is good. But I don't want to gain weight!

How do I insure I get proper nutrition? And certainly, avoiding roughage isn't likely to help my "regularity," also an issue.

Any and all suggestions are appreciated.

6 comments posted: Thursday, September 23rd, 2021

Raunchy text messages

My SAfWh is getting really obnoxious spam text messages. I get spam, but far less and NEVER porn related. Is his previous use of porn on his phone browser the reason for this, or is it just a random thing?

My SAfWH is a very unsavvy tech user. He frequently answers calls that he doesn't recognize. He often clicks on web links that are clearly clickbait. I don't think he has clicked on links sent by text but I wouldn't be surprised if he had. He says he doesn't even see these raunchy texts, he's awful about keeping up with text threads and/or voice-mail, so I believe that is true.

We are using the Verizon messaging app on android phones. It doesn't allow an easy way to block specific phone numbers on the app although it appears easier to do that with phone calls.

I'm assuming he's not currently porn hopping.
Is there a good way to stop them from coming? And more concerning, is there a skanky reason he's getting them?

3 comments posted: Wednesday, September 8th, 2021

Mod Please

Can I get an email when someone has a chance, please?

1 comment posted: Wednesday, September 8th, 2021

Porn texts

Not sure if this is the best place for this question but here goes.
My H is a porn/sex addict in recovery. Maybe. He's not engaged with rl people for a long time but online porn has been a longterm issue. I have no reason to believe he's engaging now but I no longer look.
There are blocking apps and controls on his phone but he definitely was using it for skanky stuff in the past. He's getting a lot of really yucky texts. Now, I get spam texts but never of the XX variety. Why is he? Is it just a random thing?
He's a very unsavvy tech user. He frequently answers calls that he doesn't recognize. He often clicks on web links that are clearly click clickbait. I don't think he has clicked on links sent by text but I wouldn't be surprised if he had. He says he doesn't even see these raunchy texts, he's awful about keeping up with text threads and/or voice-mail.
Assuming he's not currently porn hopping, is there a good way to stop them from coming?

3 comments posted: Tuesday, September 7th, 2021

Flu shot

I always get one in late October. But with a new grandbaby coming in early October I'm wondering if I should get one earlier. Will that immunity carry me through flu season?

2 comments posted: Thursday, August 12th, 2021

Post emergent crabgrass killer

I'm not one to immediately jump to chemicals. But the crabgrass is out of control. I've got a lawn that's not all grass anyway, we've got lots of clover and violets. I have seen my neighbor's lawn turn white with a a chemical that blocks chlorophyll but can't find the name of it. Anybody?

3 comments posted: Wednesday, August 11th, 2021

Life isn't what I wanted it to be

I fairly certain most of us could make this statement. And this is mostly a vent. Typing this out and getting feedback will probably help me process it.

Year and years of deception and lies have put me in the place where I don't trust my husband at all. While I don't think he's doing anything skanky, not meeting people, not using porn, etc., I wouldn't be surprised to find that he's scanning, or maybe he's just cheating on his heart healthy diet. Lies are just part of his modus operandi.

I know all this, and have resigned myself to it. If he's cheating nutritionally or virtually, he's cheating himself and it has little to do with me. Of course, he's cheating our coming granddaughter if he dies of a heart attack.

And that's the point. We have a long desired grandbaby coming soon. We had 2 beautiful covid weddings this past 18 months and have 2 wonderful bonus daughters. Our sons are happy, healthy, contributing members of society and they have married into families that love and respect them.

We are financially comfortable and have a great home with nature all around us. We can afford to travel, to buy things we want (we are low maintenance) have been able to contribute to several charities to help those who were so impacted this last year. We enjoy many of the same activities and are generally happy and content. And mostly healthy.

But I don't have a real marriage, never have had one. I'm married to severely flawed, CST survivor, bipolar man who never lived up to his dream of greatness. He's (now) kind and considerate after years and years of blaming me for all his failures. He's actively participating in therapy which include relapse prevention. Other than a time machine, he can't possibly do anything else to make it up to me.

I should be feeling overwhelmed with love and joy with my husband and how our life has blossomed. I'm not constantly in a state of anger, but regret, that I was never loved, never cherished and valued by my husband. I can share these new experiences with my husband but not in the way that long bonded married people do.

It just makes me sad. And mad.
Thanks for listening...

28 comments posted: Sunday, August 8th, 2021

Sick (?) cat question

My two little foster kitties are still with me. I don't really see an end to their visit as one of them has a large ventricular septal defect. The vet just shook his head when he listened, and has never personally seen this, so no prediction on how long she might have. I've been educated as to what to look for as congestive heart failure is pretty inevitable, eventually. So far I've seen no symptoms at all, her respiration rate remains low and her energy and appetite are the same as her sister's.
These guys came to me at ~1.2 lbs, just 6 weeks old. Their mother was euthanized and I suspect they were partially bottle babies although that wasn't said. The healthy one was pretty regularly trying to nurse on her sister, not all the time and that has slowed down significantly. But recently, the sick one has started sucking her own hair, while kneading and purring. I suspect she doesn't feel well and is trying to comfort herself. Any ideas?

Anyone ever raise a VSD little animal?

4 comments posted: Sunday, August 8th, 2021

Charlotte NC

My son and bonus daughter are moving from Dallas to Charlotte. Yay! 8 hour vs 24 hour drive!

They are avid sailors, enjoy a lot of outdoor activities and make very good salaries. Any areas they should lean towards/avoid?

They'll most likely rent for a year till they decide upon a place to make more permanent.

Oh, and in Dallas apartments pets are almost obligatory. Very pet friendly with reasonable associated fees. Is Charlotte similar or will they have trouble finding pet friendly rentals?


0 comment posted: Saturday, July 17th, 2021

Bird disease

Apparently, a disease that causes eye problems is affecting birds across the country. We have been advised to take down feeders to discourage congregation. We regularly clean ours and feed the birds year round. We are lucky enough to live in an area in which many species visit or live.

Doesn't it seem creepy/strange that after a world wide human pandemic, we now see widespread infection in birds?

4 comments posted: Monday, June 28th, 2021

This issue keeps me up several times a week

It happened 2 years ago. My 2 nephews are military, in rather prestigious divisions. I'm very proud of the hard work they have done to get where they are. But, I'm of a religious group that practices pacifism along with the acceptance that others don't believe as we do. That is, that everyone has to listen to their own God/heart/conscience.

I reposted something on FB that nephew #1 found very offensive and insulting. It referred to "boots" which is apparently a reference to military personnel, something that wasn't in my lexicon. Regardless, even though I stand by my interpretation of the post, I immediately removed it when I heard he was hurt and offended and apologized for my ignorance.

I was browbeaten for weeks by his mother, father, wife. I didn't try to defend myself after an initial statement that I didn't realize the connotation and that I apologized for my ignorance and for offending anyone.

Later, the wife and I shared a few light texts, inquiring about our health, etc.

The live 8 hours away and we don't see them often. I always send birthday gifts, especially to their son who is 9. I adore him, he adored me. Since my nephew returned from deployment, I haven't heard from them. I don't need a thank you note or even an acknowledgement, but gift cards I've sent have not been retrieved and I suspect gifts sent to my great nephew are discarded.

Even worse, both my sons got married this year. Not only did no one come, they never even acknowledged the invitation or responded in any way. NO ONE in my family knows about this despite, I simply didn't think sharing the dispute with my sons was beneficial.

They always had a loving, if distant relationship among the cousins.

I can't involve my sister, their mother in this. Her relationship with her son is a bit tricky, too. I won't stress her with this. But, I suspect they will be coming to my town this summer and sister has been told to keep me in the dark. The nephew involved clearly has PTSD which will not be addressed. I could regale you with events which detail this.

I'm kept awake by my sadness over this. And by the division in the family, but I keep it to myself as I believe my sons and my husband may think poorly of my nephew. He's hurting, using me as a scapegoat, I think, and I do believe it's unfair to expect me to have interpreted that term as referring to military personnel. I'm also a bit dismayed by the idea that fighting for freedom doesn't include respect and tolerance for people of different points of view.

I appreciate anyone who has read this far. I know I cannot control this and any additional efforts I make will likely result in more rejection. I doubt if they'd even read anything I send them.

Any thoughts?

8 comments posted: Saturday, June 12th, 2021

Fostering shelter animals Part 2

I have been working with a cat rescue for some time, only recently took on a few longer term fosters. Most were supposed to be a few weeks, the first was, the second became longer. All my fosters got great homes.

I took in two baby girls a few weeks ago. Once they approached 2 pounds I arranged for them to be spayed. Today was spay day.

A bit about them...2 sweet little all silver grey kitties with black noses and green eyes. Little fur balls with round bellies. They had spent virtually all their 6 weeks in a tiny cage. Watching them figure out how to get their legs working on a laminate floor was a hoot.

Jazzy is more adventurous than her sister. She rarely hides. She loves to jump up on the bed to see what's happening and absolutely LOVES to watch TV, her little paws crossed in front of her.

Poppy is a little more timid, but an absolute purr factory as soon as you stroke her. She runs across the room when she sees me, jumps up on my neck and settles herself. She likes to collapse into my arms like a baby and falls asleep.

They cry when separated. It's pitiful.

Well, Poppy was spayed today. Jazzy has a heart murmur. Bad. 5/6 bad. She is seeing a cardiologist on Monday for a very expensive consultation. I don't think it will be good news.

It's unlikely that anyone will want to adopt a cat with predictable health issues. I'm not sure what that means for Poppy in the long term, I'm guessing I'll be asked to keep them for the foreseeable future.

So, fostering a shelter animal is very rewarding, but unpredictable.

(I really don't want to own FOUR cats.)

8 comments posted: Thursday, June 10th, 2021

Tankless water heater, yea or nay?

Our tank is starting to leak. We heat with gas. There is a $750 rebate available for certain types.

Anyone have experience?

18 comments posted: Thursday, June 3rd, 2021

New laptop purchase questions

If you had multitudes of pictures on a hard drive, backed up, of course but I like them nearby, and $1000, what laptop would you buy? PC only, please.

My old, but upgraded laptop is annoying me with its slowness.

I multitask constantly so need that to be a specification.

I'm thinking if they are having trouble building cars due to a poor supply of chips, computers won't be far behind major price increases.

[This message edited by Lionne at 3:15 PM, June 1st (Tuesday)]

13 comments posted: Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

Best. Wedding. Ever.

On our way home, driving from Dallas to NJ. Exhausted.

My dress was a success and I felt great in it, mostly. It fit perfectly. I have the remnants of imposter syndrome so I had occasional panicky thoughts that looked like a clowny toad woman. But I squashed it and embraced the glamor!

Pictures to come!

[This message edited by Lionne at 9:48 AM, May 13th (Thursday)]

28 comments posted: Tuesday, May 11th, 2021

Quick question for ladies of a certain age

I have interstitial cystitis. I'm also old and apparently drying up like a prune. I've been prescribed topical estrogen but found it irritating. My doctor suggested that I try the estring. It's a pessary that dispenses a small amount of estrogen.

I got some immediate relief with insertion, probably because of support for a minor prolapse. I have to reinsert it after a BM, sorry for the tmi.

But I've developed a nasty yeast infection that's not responding to otc cream. Is this common? Can it be circumvented so I get the benefits of the medication and support?

I've contacted my doctor but know someone here might have experience.


5 comments posted: Monday, May 10th, 2021

Dog bite

I really love dogs. I don't want the trouble of owning one but there are a lot of dogs in my history. Wonderful friends.

Last Saturday my (animal fearing) neighbor alerted me to a stray dog in my front yard. I ran out, wet hair and in my bathrobe, to see a tiny white dog, trembling in my yard. I scooped her up, afraid she'd run into the street or into the dense, brambly woods. As I did, she turned her head to bite my thumb. I don't blame her, I'd have done the same if a stranger lifted me up.

I had to report it to animal control as efforts to find her home in my neighborhood were fruitless. I'm glad I did. Her owner was found but the doggie hadn't had shots for 7 years. I know the chance of rabies is small but animal control will check her in 10 days.

Apparently the dog doesn't go outside much. These neighbors have a high fence surrounding their house and use pee pads instead of walking them. But the dog seemed poorly cared for, pampered but not groomed or vetted. She had very bad teeth. The bite is mostly healed with no problem.

There is a tiny bit of worry that I'll have to get treatment right before we head to Texas for our son's wedding.

I get it, vets are expensive. But to not get basic care on a yearly basis is not animal friendly.

Just a vent.

5 comments posted: Saturday, April 24th, 2021

Ted Nugent

I'm guessing karma/god is messing with him. Couldn't happen to a nICer gUy.

10 comments posted: Wednesday, April 21st, 2021

Anxiety, weddings, long distance driving and dreams

My anxiety is through the roof even though there is no REAL reason for it. We are driving 1200 miles to our son's wedding, transporting supplies for it, along with my expensive dress. But I have it all organized and am not the type to expect everything to go perfectly.

Two night ago my intense dream was that I was charged with cleaning out an old house that had accumulated tons of junk. I was "helped" but a couple of adolescent boys, with good intentions but with all the trouble preteen kids bring. By the end of the dream I had made decent progress.

But the constant, unending DECISIONS I had to make were exhausting. Much like my real life.

Last night's dream was just bizarre. A group of orangutans were handed to me to foster. They consisted of an adult, a baby, a toddler and a young boy. Along with a tablet computer which was, oddly, also an orangutan. I let them all our back to wander the woods, and my dad, dead since 1987, showed up at my back door holding the adult, muddy and dirty, so now we have to round them up and put them into the shower, one by one.

I get the interpretation of the first dream but the second one was just weird.

Hope I can sleep tonight!

6 comments posted: Wednesday, April 7th, 2021

To talk or not to talk...

My marriage is in a weird place. I'm not going anywhere unless he engages with RL women. He is an addict and slips with porn happen. I don't dwell on it because I cannot control it but there are filters on media and devices that he probably could circumvent. It's up to him to continue his recovery work. From what I see, he's okay. But addicts are never not addicts.

We are friends. Good friends that can depend on one another, we enjoy the same hobbies and activities and have 2 great sons, one, married and expecting a baby and one getting married. It should be among the happiest times of our lives.

And it is. Except I still have an underlying anger towards him. For denying me of a normal sex life, for treating me like shit and taking out all his frustrations on me, for more or less abandoning his kids to explore his hobbies. He feels absolutely terrible about it all, works every day to be a better man, and is grateful that he still has his family.

We've talked all this out ad nauseum. He knows I am not "healed" from all the trauma and knows how horribly I was damaged. But I feel the urge to tell him again, how angry I am that his actions destroyed the "we" that could have been. We are weird in that we don't enjoy going out to drink, prefer an ice cream cone, love to work in our yard and garden, we like to go birding and whale watching, and prefer travel that involves nature and cheap accommodations instead of fancy places and old buildings. There are few people who share our kind of lifestyle and, if not for the years of abuse and infidelity, are lucky we found each other.

So, do I express my anger knowing it will probably accomplish nothing other that to make him feel like shit, ashamed and embarrassed, and won't change his actions? It seems pointless to speak up.

But I'd love the opinion of the wise people here.


14 comments posted: Wednesday, April 7th, 2021

TV shows and social justice plots

Most of my favorite main stream TV shows have featured some version of a social justice theme. As a privileged white woman, I'm watching and trying to learn about the experiences of others and trying to clue in to any potential unconscious biases I may have.

I'd love the opinions of people here on what shows get it right, and which miss the mark.

I found myself having an odd reaction to the varied characters on Bridgerton. I was a bit confused by the unexplained mixed racial characters knowing that it wasn't congruent with historical fact. I thought perhaps the series chose to just ignore race entirely, which was an interesting observation. Then there was an explanation of that detail which added another interesting detail. And THEN I found that I was thoroughly enjoying seeing all the different skin tones and hair types along with all the great costumes.

This show was clearly pure escapism. Others have been hard to watch. But, in your opinions, which address the issues in a more realistic manner?

3 comments posted: Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

Inoculations for grandparents to be

Do I need boosters to be safe around my future grandbaby? My DIL is going to check with her infectious disease doctor but I'm just wondering.

I had all the 50s 60s childhood diseases...

2 comments posted: Friday, March 19th, 2021

Blocked websites aaarrrrggghhh!

Why is my router suddenly blocking websites?! I'm trying to search for pantyhose and it's blocking spanx as part of "lingerie." Nobody has control of my router except me and I didn't block anything.


5 comments posted: Monday, March 8th, 2021

When can I go back to the gym?

Appropriately masked and social distanced, of course.

My second shot is this Friday.

4 comments posted: Sunday, February 21st, 2021

This may be the weirdest post ever

It's just such an odd husband and I don't share a bathroom, he uses the one formerly used by the kids. I recently replaced all the toilet seats in the house, it was time.

My turns blue. It's the same exact one as the others in the house. It happened with the previous seat and is happening to this one. No amount of bleach fixes it.

So I Googled it. I got as far as "my toilet seat..." before google finished the question "is turning blue."

Apparently, my skin excretes a chemical that reacts with the antibacterial treatment of the seat. It's called Chromhidrosis. It's common in pregnancy which is decidedly NOT the case.

I'm thinking it's a benign condition?

Anyone else have blue butts?

23 comments posted: Sunday, February 21st, 2021

Name suggestions for Siamese cat

I am fostering 3 kittens, rescued yesterday. Two are very young and one is older, clearly a Siamese mix but with a long fox like tail. S(he) has beautiful blue eyes and a small triangle face that is half black, half buff, like a feline chimera.

I can't decide on a name, it has to be just right!

Any creative suggestions?

21 comments posted: Tuesday, February 9th, 2021

Finally my turn!

My son and his new wife are pregnant! She is VERY early so I hope I'm not jinxing things. They are both over the moon.

He said he can't wait till her face gets round "she'll be SO beautiful!"

They won't be the richest parents but they certainly will be among the ones who have the most fun.

10 comments posted: Monday, February 8th, 2021

T/j printers

I have an OLD Brother laser printer. It's done a very good job over the years. Now, the print quality is poor, smears, too light, etc. I bought a replacement toner, messed with the limited settings with no improvement. Is there some other way to figure out if it's worth saving?

I suspect there is some other part that needs replacing and it may not be worth the cost.

5 comments posted: Saturday, January 30th, 2021

Another covid question

We are masking, avoiding crowds, etc. But I do shop for groceries, walk outside with a friend, masked and distanced.

My asthma flared yesterday. It's been long quiescent. Not bad, just mild tightness that appears late in the day. It could be the walks outside in cold air, could be a reaction to the street cat I'm fostering. Or could be covid19.

I had a drive through test yesterday. 1-7 day turnaround.

I'm scheduled for an important doctor's appointment on Thursday, to the vet on Wednesday and FOR MY VACCINE ON FRIDAY.

Edit. Just requested curbside for vet and telehealth for doctor.

What about the vaccine? Hopefully my test results will be in and hopefully negative. Is there any consensus on whether having the virus conveys any layer of protection?

Do I cancel?

[This message edited by Lionne at 8:16 AM, January 25th (Monday)]

12 comments posted: Monday, January 25th, 2021

Is the eyesight of men just different?

My husband used to be completely out of the loop concerning housework. It all fell to me, both of us working full time, he, of course, was tied up in that-which-shall-not-be-named in this forum. Two kids, one with learning problems, one acting out, all the homework, music practice, discipline, fell to me along with my own career. It was exhausting and I became completely codependent, unable to insist he be a partner.

Since the shit hit the fan and he began to work towards being a decent human, he does pitch in, actually does a lot. But I'm the one that notices and asks for "help." I mean, I get some of it. My standards are different. But this seems to be in addition to different standards

We are quarantined along with half the universe. I clean for control of something but enjoy it, like to putter. I'm not a lunatic, I clean what I want and as long as hygiene is accomplished and stuff is put away, I'm generally okay. But. Dust. I hate to dust. It's low priority. When I can write my name, it becomes more urgent. He JUST DOESN'T SEE IT. He truly doesn't. He'll be happy (well, not happy) to do the task if I point it out. But he just doesn't notice. Nor can he find the ketchup in the refrigerator, the Tylenol in the medicine cabinet. It really irks him when he's searching and kvetching and I walk over and find it immediately.

So, is this a gender thing? Genetic? Personality? Any thoughts?

28 comments posted: Sunday, January 17th, 2021

Silencing smoke detectors while cooking

At 5:30 am all the smoke detectors in the house went off in response to the oven turning on to clean. There was no visible smoke. This detector is in a bad place, adjacent to the kitchen. A shower cap ove it had fallen down. It's hardwired, so I needed to turn off the breaker, and then remove batteries from 5 others, no mean feet at 5' and half asleep. Not to mention unsafe at 66.

What are my options here? I have other non wired detectors on this floor just because of the shower cap, and I'm reading that the "silence button " on newer models only silences for 7-8 minutes.

Should I look at the NEST or other smart detectors?


15 comments posted: Sunday, January 10th, 2021

Husband is back in the hospital

A very scary morning. He got up, rather quickly, and I heard a crash. He fell and was very disoriented. He was apparently conscious but non-responsive, intermittently. He could follow my directions a little, "stay there, don't get up" but there were periods where he looked at me as though he didn't know me. When he finally sat up, he went "out" again, and was breathing with a gurgling sound and not responding. It was terrifying.

When the paramedics got here he was better, although his lips were still gray.

They won't let me in the hospital.[CAN I JUST RANT AGAINST COVID DENIERS WHO HAVE PARTLY PUT US IN THIS POSITION!!!] He is cognitively fine right now, but until I scared him by describing his symptoms, was insisting he's fine. He is listening to me when I tell him what questions to ask.

They found low hemoglobin, not horrible, 11, but they suspect a gastric bleed, they'll monitor, are giving him a protonix drip, and if he's still low tomorrow, will do a colonoscopy and endoscopy. They've lowered his dose of blood pressure meds.

Many years ago, his mother was rushed to the hospital around this time. Her heart was severely damaged and she never came out of it when they attempted surgery, died in late January.

Me, I'm cleaning. That's what I do.

60 comments posted: Monday, December 21st, 2020

Ice and snow safety

I have osteoporosis. Falling is not an option. I found these great things you slip on shoes and they have spikes at the bottom for gripping.

Our winter storm yesterday brought beautiful snow that then turned to freezing rain. My feral cats need to be fed! These things worked wonderfully, digging into the ice layer and giving me firm traction.

They are on Amazon, several different types and prices, but I got the cheapest kind.

2 comments posted: Thursday, December 17th, 2020

Covid vaccine

Don't misunderstand, I'm lining up asap. But I do have concerns about the speed at which it was developed and approved. I'm not finding anything alarming in the list of side effects, but I don't know if I completely trust that.

Any thoughts from those smarter than I?

210 comments posted: Wednesday, December 9th, 2020

Thread count, Egyptian Cotton and old lady skin

I have been shopping for REALLY SOFT pillowcases for years. I've stayed in a few homes and hotels where I positively lust after these. I have bought things that I thought were soft, bamboo, high thread count, even satin (yuch) but none have met my needs. I've read reviews that confuse me more than help. Ironically, one of my jobs in HS and college was selling linens at a large department store. One had two choices-muslin or percale. Far too many choices now.

What do I buy? I would appreciate specific brand names if that doesn't go against SI rules, I know you cannot post links.

I'm down to one, nearly threadbare, old pillowcase that is unlikely to survive the next wash.

First world problems...

24 comments posted: Saturday, November 28th, 2020

Brittle nails

I've always had terrible nails. I became addicted to acrylic because I no longer had to worry about my nails breaking to the quick. Like many of us, i missed by bimonthly nail appointments when things shut down.

Now I'm reluctant to go back to acrylics but my nails are awful. They are shiny and clear, but I have no nail extending beyond the pink part on all but one thumb. It hurts. And still tries to break.

Any great products that work?

I wear rubber gloves to clean and take biotin supplements.

Btw, my toe nails are in the same shape.

8 comments posted: Friday, November 20th, 2020


Here we go again...getting old sucks.

I'm 66

BP runs 100/60

Hypothyroidism but well controlled

5' 110 lbs.

Heart rate 98-105, 85ish when I wake up but runs around 100 all day

I drink very little coffee, none of my meds appear to have this side effect.

I exercise 5-6 days a week, 3-4 cardio. My heart goes to around 120 and drops back fast

Cardiologist is a bit concerned wants me to experiment with my meds that I can skip, like the flexiril I use for sleep and chronic pain.

My cholesterol is low normal, total, hdl is high, ldl low, ratio excellent. She ordered a coronary calcium test which indicated NO arteriosclerosis.

Any ideas dear SI friends? How worried should I be?

13 comments posted: Wednesday, November 11th, 2020

Phone tracker

My husband has a non smart flip phone without data. Can there be a family locator app used to track him? And conversely can he track my smartphone with an app? We are getting older. I'm concerned about safety.

Him having a smartphone isnt an option.

OR could an old smartphone without data be used just for tracking? Like if i secreted it in his car, would i be able to track him?

Some of you may remember when he was hopelessly lost in Paris.


[This message edited by Lionne at 10:25 PM, November 3rd (Tuesday)]

1 comment posted: Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020

Libraries in a pandemic

Amazing source of entertainment and resources. Most Public libraries have some online databases.

Hoopla audio and video

Overdrive books and audio books

Fold3 military record search

Lots of stuff for kids, although I'm betting they are getting too much screen time right now

Artist works, art lessons

Chilton auto repair

Rosetta stone and Mango, two language sites

Kanopy, documentaries and classic films


Flipster, magazines

All sorts of science, history etc.

Check your local branch.

[This message edited by Lionne at 7:03 AM, November 2nd (Monday)]

7 comments posted: Monday, November 2nd, 2020

Feral cats

After FIVE years, I finally got a cat to use a shelter I lovingly make. The trick seems to be to use clear plastic and a wide opening so the cat is able to see danger coming.

This wonderful guy was TNRed by us in July of 2017. We let him go and never saw him again until this spring. He was quickly approachable and is now my new best buddy. He lives on our deck, unfortunately displacing another little girl who was TNRed in 2015, she's still around, comes for meals, but no longer eats on the deck.

Harry, on the other hand, allows me to pick him up for cuddles, comes when I call him, and everyday, I take him for a walk around the house. If I don't walk down the steps fast enough he waits at the foot and meows at me. He scampers about, often climbing trees and frequently stopping so I can scritch his head or so he can flop on his back for belly rubs. He lives for belly rubs.

He's quite a hunter. I've found the hind quarters of a rabbit, the tail of a squirrel and the entrails of dozens of small rodents. He'll politely eat a bit of kibble but clearly he isn't reliant on it.

I had the idea that I'd get him tested, have him revaccinated and MAYBE, just MAYBE, let him in with my other cats. Harry had other ideas. As soon as we tried to wrangle him into a carrier he went berserk, scarily berserk and that was with a dose of prozac. He reverted to sweet cat shortly after but his attempt to bite me was frightening.

Anyway, we now have 2 outdoor and 2 indoor cats.

Working unsuccessfully to upload a picture...

[Dragn? Dragn? can you help me in your copious free time?]

[This message edited by Lionne at 8:23 PM, November 1st (Sunday)]

15 comments posted: Sunday, November 1st, 2020


Relying on my friends here...I have a Samsung phone running the most recent Android version. Every once in a while, it slips into incognito mode. I don't want that, I need to see my history because I often happen upon something I want to look up later, then I forget, only to wake up at 3AM DYING to know the answer.

Why is it doing this and how do I stop it?

Just for the record, I've had phantom phones become, butt dialing randomly, bursting into song inside my purse...

Any ideas?

[This message edited by Lionne at 8:44 PM, November 1st (Sunday)]

7 comments posted: Friday, October 30th, 2020

Talk to me about Sodastream

H gave up diet soda after his heart attack. He hates water but is drinking a lot of carbonated water flavor with drops of something.

Is a Sodastream worth it or is there a comparable product that isn't Sodastream?

I realize it may not be a cheaper option but certainly save on recycling.

7 comments posted: Monday, October 26th, 2020

Covid test

It is appalling to me that there are inadequate tests in some areas. Communities should be able to track and take steps to contain soread. But I wonder why, on a practical level, why being tested will change anything you might do if you or a close contact exhibit symptoms. If you know that you've been exposed, it's prudent, and fair to your community, to self isolate and watch for symptoms and reach out for medical attention if needed.

My neighbor, a cancer patient, tested positive, had a few days of bad coughing and then recovered with no apparent ill effects. He's my age. I recognize that he is one of the lucky ones.

I know that widespread testing is a useful and necessary tool to deal with this terrible disease, but on a practical level, since there doesn't appear to be any one effective treatment, will it change one's behavior if one is symptomatic?


6 comments posted: Monday, October 19th, 2020

Really stupid medical question about aging

"What a drag it is, getting old."

I am having trouble swallowing pills. I used to take a bunch of supplements and could swallow a handful with no trouble. Now I have difficulty with smaller pills and just CANNOT swallow the calcium I'm supposed to.

Is this an aging thing, or just me?

16 comments posted: Saturday, October 10th, 2020


It seems to me that even after many years of relationship work my husband and I have significant and disturbing differences. It feels like we have been doing this dysfunctional dance forever. In some relationships, these differences might be useful and balancing.

I am always considering the consequences of actions. In big ways and small ways. If I choose to do something, I think about what will happen short term and long term. He, not so much.

I posted in OT about the massive amount of overgrowth in our garden, partly a result of his desire to plant things and then not tend to them. Much of the maintenance fell to me, I just didn't have the time or strength to do it. And each time I did uproot or cut down an errant planting he acted like I was the Destroyer.

See, I could foresee that that tree would push up concrete or become a hazard, or a huge expense to tend.

Did you know that years of neglecting sunscreen could cause skin cancers? After several MOHS procedures this is a realization that seems to elude him. Oh, I know that much of the damage took place many years earlier, but still. Isn't it prudent to use sunscreen? Apparently not.

He had a heart attack in July. Can he not foresee that educating himself about better food choices is better than eating sugared cereal several times a day? He has made many changes. But nutrition is complicated and our efforts to get an appointment has not yet been successful. And he isn't listening to me. He's prediabetic, his cholesterol and blood pressure are only controlled by high doses of medication. Wouldn't you learn what you need to know?

Of course, this applies to the many years of infidelity. He just didn't see that his choices would lead to catastrophe.

Some of this is personality differences. But today it feels bigger, like our arguments about trees are a metaphor for my whole life.

And I KNOW that I have to give up the outcome here. Hire an arborist to clear the yard, accept that he might die before his time or suffer disfiguring surgery because of his choices. I'm working on that.

Thanks for letting me share.

8 comments posted: Sunday, October 4th, 2020


My husband and i have a running argument about this. He plants trees. Lots of trees. I love trees, too, but they are overgrown, too close to the house, some are diseased. We haven't seen the blooms on our two crepe myrtles for years, they are so high up as to be unseeable.

We live on the edge of woods. These trees are in addition to the pretty ones there.

Last year we paid over $2000 to have one, huge, dying double trunked sycamore removed.

Who do I hire to help me make decisions about this overgrown property?

He's pouting as though I asked him to castrate himself.

11 comments posted: Sunday, October 4th, 2020

Anybody here!?

Not much action tonight. I'm upset about something and thought I needed a pick me up.

Tell me the best holiday jokes you heard this year...

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had very low elf esteem.

2 comments posted: Saturday, January 4th, 2020

Any way to track a dumb phone

My husband is still struggling with inappropriate surfing. He didn't cross the porn line but it's potentially a matter of time. I'm not willing to wait.

So he got himself a dumb phone.

We used to use a tracker on Verizon with dumb phones but they don't even sell dumb phones.

I have Verizon, he has consumer cellular.

Any ideas?

[This message edited by Lionne at 4:37 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]

2 comments posted: Wednesday, November 13th, 2019

What's on your menu?

Memorial day picnics! Summer is on the way!

Our menu

Fresh Jersey strawberries, picked ourselves


Green salad

Pasta salad



Chicken BBQ

Chips and dip

Corn on the cob

Rosemary grilled potatoes

Oreo truffles


Fresh iced tea

Wine and beer

Even though I'm not allowed to eat 2/3 of this, I'm looking forward to it!

3 comments posted: Friday, May 25th, 2018

They are greasing poles in Philly...

My first reaction was that this is a hate crime again Polish people. The I remembered I do live near a city known for stupidity.

This guy could be the poster child.

1 comment posted: Sunday, January 21st, 2018

Willie Nelson

My FB had a link to his new song, Still Not Dead. I'm making it my theme song.

4 comments posted: Sunday, April 30th, 2017

(almost) free books

These are a testament to the bad early days...

All gone!

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 12:25 PM, January 17th (Tuesday)]

1 comment posted: Tuesday, January 17th, 2017

Funny/cute video thread

Mods, is this okay? There used to be one on here. I loved to see the new posts.

If this is continued, please remember the guidelines, no religious, or political videos!

Here's my current favorite. I think she'll give Taylor Swift a run for her money!

12 comments posted: Friday, April 22nd, 2016

My strange new obsession

Dr. Pimple Popper. Website. Fascinating. And I've branched out so I now know how to remove abscess in the abdomen also.

But those people who are NOT medical folks, with their exacto knives, dirty fingers, etc. messing with things that very well may be infectious, MRSA, etc. { shudder }

Judging from the views, I'm not the only one attracted to this stuff. Anyone else willing to own up?

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 3:18 AM, March 8th (Tuesday)]

12 comments posted: Tuesday, March 8th, 2016

Grammies anyone?

I'm loving the music this year. And my man, Jackson Browne, always happy to see him.

He's finally starting to show his age.

I think I need to explore some new artists.

2 comments posted: Monday, February 15th, 2016

The Spiritual Child

Wow. interesting stuff. My DS, 32, a recovering alcoholic and newly diagnosed BP patient says it answers many questions and describes much of what he and other addicts feel as they work their program, that the need for and search for a spiritual life is essential. As a child, he was amazing in his innate empathy, far beyond his years, his ability to see beyond himself, and in worship, (we worship silently) to center himself far faster and more quickly than most adults. I'm not a believer in a corporeal God, but do believe in something transcendent to myself, I allowed my kids to find their own way.

This is an absolutely fascinating read.

0 comment posted: Friday, October 2nd, 2015

Oregon Vacation!

What a beautiful state! We had a wonderful time.

Whale watching, scenic wonderment, seafood. Although I must say, Jersey has you beat on tomatoes...

The dog detects the whales. Barks and lifts one ear.

We gave up on selfies. Enlisted passerbys.

I fell in love with a bunch of different trees.

Rufous Hummingbird

Beautiful vistas

Sunset from our room in a lovely Inn in Yachats

3 comments posted: Thursday, August 6th, 2015

Make your own hologram

I seriously want one, but I'll probably cut off my finger...

0 comment posted: Sunday, August 2nd, 2015

If you crave a very long, multi volume series....

And enjoy speculative fiction mixed with revisionist history, mythology and extrasensory abilities, I strongly recommend an old series I am rereading by Julian May.

The Saga of the Pliocene Exile

(4 books) The Many Colored Land, The Golden Torc, The Nonborn King, The Adversary

The Galactic Milieu Trilogy Jack the Bodiless, Diamond Mask, Magnificat


That is the order in which they were written. Frankly, I think you should read Intervention first, The Pliocene Exile books second, and The Galactic Milieu last.

All are available in Kindle form although some of the transliteration is just awful. I managed to find most of them online at my library and downloaded them that way.

Lots of fun and lots of twists and turns that end up in places you don't expect. And interesting speculation about the future genetic shifts in humanity.

The French Canadians among us will enjoy the allusions and the language.

3 comments posted: Tuesday, May 12th, 2015

Great Holiday Kids' books

The thing I miss the most about retirement is the opportunity to read to kids and tell stories. I do/did dramatic readings of all the books I read aloud, and the one requirement the students had of the new librarian was the she do "funny voices." I have limitations, of course and while reading the first book below, my Yiddish tended to migrate to an Irish brogue, (which I don't do well.)

Anyway, these are a few of my favorite for the December holidays. Hershel for Hanukkah, of course. There are several others of a more serious nature. If you are interested, I can get the names for you. Especially if you are a non-Jewish family interested in expanding your cultural knowledge.

The Bird in Santa's Beard is wonderfully illustrated and explains why there are SO MANY Santas all around.

And my all time favorite is about a boy named Edward, who shows up in more of David McPhail's books, who is in the first grade and JUST CANNOT master reading. His parents insist that the teacher NOT test him but be patient. Edward is worried and worries about it as he falls asleep on Christmas Eve. Well, he wakes up when he hears sounds in the house, and sees that he has JUST MISSED the jolly old man. But, to his dismay, Santa has dropped his book in Edward's living room. Edward, (no dummy after all, he does know how to count to 100 and knows the names of ALL the dinosaurs) cleverly figures out a way to signal Santa, who comes back and asks Edward to accompany him on his journey. Along the way, a magical thing happens, and is told in a way only David McPhail can tell it.

Wonderful story...

0 comment posted: Sunday, December 14th, 2014

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