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Newest Member: InkHulk

Just Found Out :
is this real?

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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 5:01 AM on Sunday, August 9th, 2020

Nice excuse but her internet history shows she went there everyday for a week!

Have you talked to a D attorney yet ?, if not, why not ?

posts: 2600   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8572044
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Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 12:55 PM on Sunday, August 9th, 2020

Strength brother, get legal advice ASAP. You need to knit your rights as well as her responsibilities.

Eat well, exercise and drink water, booze and recreational drugs won’t help.

Talk with a close friend.

One day at a time.

Buffer

Buffer

posts: 1223   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8572080
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Dismayed2012 ( member #49151) posted at 7:00 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2020

Like I said subverted and now your betrayer has confirmed, "She's spread her legs for him more than once and she apparently liked it a lot."

Please realize that she only wants you back until the other man gets out of jail. Without your income and help her life is going to be more difficult. She still wants the other man over you. Once he gets out, she's going to be waiting at the gate for him and will be spreading her legs in the back seat of the car she picks him up in. She's mentally long gone and isn't returning.

You've got to strengthen your backbone and get away from her. Even if you can't divorce right away, you can still move on with your life. There must be a way you can travel to your local courthouse or whatever and fill out a free form and hand it to some authority or agency to make your separation official. Even the destitute are provided some sort of legal support. Start your new life apart from your betrayer today. Separate yourself and all of your assets immediately. Block her in every way possible. Don't speak to her or come within proximity of her again, period. Get busy making yourself successful. Do it now.

I wish the best for you.

Infidelity sucks. Freedom rocks.

posts: 1798   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Central KY
id 8572504
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Westway ( member #71747) posted at 7:06 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2020

Get an STD test asap.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8572507
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 subverted (original poster member #74713) posted at 11:18 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2020

I will be getting an STD test.

I have since moved out and we are going to file for D. She knows I never want her back.

Yesterday we told the kids. Tough.

I cant afford a lawyer. Wish I could but I cant. And I cant just take away the car and her money. Does not work that way in michigan since we are married, the money is hers and so is the vehicle even tho its the money i make and the car in my name.

I have her on a VR admitting to cheating, begging me for prescription drugs and getting upset that i didn't give her any.

On top of speaking to a sex offender in jail, I think this will hold up in court for full custody?

not sure but like I said, I need a lawyer and cannot afford one.

Right now she is staying at the house while I am at my parents. Rly need to start getting the house rdy for sale.....

I already feel so much better that she admitted to having sex with this guy twice. its like closure. She still text storms me every night telling me how lonely it is but I try not to say mean things and def. dont give in.

She says to me yesterday....We can still have sex right?

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2020
id 8573245
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 11:36 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2020

She says to me yesterday....We can still have sex right?

Good lord. This woman is definitely a couple fries short of a Happy Meal.

You stated a few times that you cannot afford a lawyer. Subverted, you cannot afford to NOT get a lawyer. There are many lawyers who offer free consults so you can interview several to find a good fit. Do you have any friends/family who could loan the money to you? If you are selling the house, you will be able to pay them back. Sign a promissory note for reassurance. Given that you want custody of your children (for good reason) - that issue alone warrants sound legal representation.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8863   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8573248
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squid ( member #57624) posted at 11:44 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2020

She's trying to love-bomb you into submission. More manipulation.

Can't you file without an attorney? Just fill out the paperwork yourself and file. Get the ball rolling. She may be more "agreeable" now while she's still foggy.

BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18

This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

posts: 2586   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Central Florida
id 8573249
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 12:05 PM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2020

I call bull on the cant afford an attorney.

Considering what’s at stake sensible legal advice can save you a fortune.

The key is SENSIBLE. Generally, the high cost of divorce is due to one or both partners making unrealistic demand.

Your wife is a SAHM with 3 kids. You two as a married couple decided she should be at home as the prime caregiver. You don’t have any proof of infidelity. Proof of the type a court demands. Do this alone without legal representation and you will be paying alimony for years… Do it with an attorney and he might find ways of limiting that.

Your wife was the prime caregiver to the kids. You can reasonably expect her to be given prime custody. You will be paying child support.

Divorce is the relinquishment of your rights as a partner. There is no way you can prevent your WW from being in contact with OM. If they start dating, he stays over at her place and stuff like that AND if the kids are around at the same time then and only then do you have a legal reason to report this to the authorities and apply for a change in the custody arrangements.

Infidelity is all fantasy. The only way out is through reality. I’m calling the fantasy YOU are in and suggesting you deal with the situation through reality.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10741   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8573251
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:59 PM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2020

subverted, first of all: It is real.

Subverted, you cannot afford to NOT get a lawyer.

from Lalagirl. This is so true.

In my jurisdiction I filed a "Statement of Claim for Divorce". I did this myself. This informs the court that you are intending to divorce. This had a small court cost. Once accepted the spouse is served with the information. Where I am I couldn't serve her. I paid a process server to do so. In some jurisdictions the plaintiff can serve but not mine. Again, not expensive.

None of this cost much, so far. It starts the ball rolling. Where I am you can get a divorce in 3 months for adultery. The catch is you need to separate immediately. I didn't and I had sex with my WW (sound familiar). According to the law I condoned the adultery. That meant we had to be separated for a year before the D could be finalized. Took me over two years.

The big legal costs came with getting the Separation Agreement written by a lawyer (we had a formal partnership and ranch property) and the D document filed with the court. The big costs come if the divorce is contested.

As above by Lalagirl and Bigger: You can't afford not to have an attorney. You don't need one to file the first document. You can get a feel for what your situation by an initial consult with an attorney for your jurisdiction. You can start building up a reserve fund to deal with the actual divorce for when it happens. Do that with money that would have went for manicures, pedicures, microblading, eyebrow dying, and whatever other beauty and recreational things you've been funding.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman who, as others have said, does not appear to be R material? You can't afford not to have a lawyer. Don't dither. Your future, health, happiness and life are at stake.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4705   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8573281
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Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 3:13 PM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2020

Talk to a lawyer ASAP, the lawyer might hold off on his/her fee until after house sells.

Good luck and stay strong

Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 679   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8573298
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 4:32 PM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2020

You can't afford not to have a lawyer. Don't dither. Your future, health, happiness and life are at stake.

^^^This.

And let's not forget about your children. You are their only advocate.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8863   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8573326
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farsidejunky ( member #49392) posted at 5:06 PM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2020

For the last 40 days, people have provided you with sound advice.

Your typical response is to acknowledge the validity of their suggestions and advice, while summarily ignoring it.

Then your WW trickle-truth's you more, or continues with her underground affair (which you were told weeks ago) which causes you to take action that you should have taken much earlier.

I am being harsh for a reason.

Consult a fucking attorney...now. No more, "Yeah, but's..."

These are your children at risk! She is lost, and does not want to be found. She is putting the safety of your children at risk by destroying the marriage with a SEX OFFENDER.

Stop talking about what you should or would do, and actually consult with an attorney...preferably three. The safety of your children is at stake, dude.

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

-Maya Angelou

posts: 606   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2015   ·   location: Tennessee
id 8573344
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KingofNothing ( member #71775) posted at 10:26 PM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2020

She says to me yesterday....We can still have sex right?

You know, you are posting smilies about this but you have fallen for exactly this ploy multiple times, right?

You have to stop having hysterical bonding sex with her immediately. As squid says, this is a blatant form of manipulation.

Start listening about the lawyer thing. This will not go well for you until you do.

Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
----------------------------------
“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill

BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place

posts: 799   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2019   ·   location: East Coast USA
id 8573500
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 subverted (original poster member #74713) posted at 11:43 AM on Friday, August 14th, 2020

You guys...

I hear you all loud and clear.

My father said he will help with a lawyer so thats great.

I do have proof of her infidelity. I have call records, I have her on VR admitting it. I have her on VR asking me for my prescription medications, I have all the conversations saved in text of her telling me how she cannot handle these kids. I have pictures of the website history and bank documents of her talking to a sex offender (AP) in jail. Oh, and the place where she would be living (her parents) her dad has been in jail for exposing himself to people multiple times.........Yeah I got some ammunition. She knows none of this. I have her recorded texts of her saying one of her jobs is going to be to sell weed!!!

I think if I had a lawyer I could get full custody. I just don't want a fight and she wants to settle. (you know me pay her monthly child support, 50 50 cust. half the equity in the house, pay for her car insurance and her car payment and also tap my 401k...) its gosh darn crazy what shes asking. I will be calling a lawyer and getting real now that I have the money backings to do so.

I moved out a little over a week ago. I have had the kids the last 4 days. I am documenting all the time I spend with them. My parents are watching them while I am at work. WW has not done a thing in these 4 days even tho i tell her to GO FIND A JOB! The nights she has the kids she complains how hard it is alone. I simply say you're a single mom now, because of your choices. There are a million single moms out there getting it done everyday.

I feel so much better now that I have left that house. I just hate the fact that i'm paying for a house for her to live in....While I now have to spend 25 dollars every 2 days in gas to get to work instead of 25 a week....Shes the one that should be moving out..(although that would mean less time with my kids since I wouldn't have a daytime sitter)

I dont want to take my kids away from their mother, If I got full cust she would still have visitation rights whenever she needed....I also dont want a costly court fight. Her mother is now involved. asking me whats the rush? why do u want to sign papers so fast? you both need a lawyer! I simply told her to stay out of it and I was done talking to her.

Stay strong everyone!

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2020
id 8574069
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 12:45 PM on Friday, August 14th, 2020

Great job, subverted! Really proud of you for your decisiveness and for getting an attorney!

Oh, and the place where she would be living (her parents) her dad has been in jail for exposing himself to people multiple times.

My god. Any of it involve minors? Should you be leery about having your kids around him?

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8863   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8574076
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reborn07 ( new member #71226) posted at 1:11 PM on Friday, August 14th, 2020

well done subverted, WELL DONE! the lawyer thing was critical. this is exactly what you need to be doing right now. everything you do right now will dictate how good or how shitty the next several years of your life are going to be. keep the coarse you’re on and keep your head in the game. when in doubt, think about what’s best for the kids. and as a friendly reminder: this situation is temporary. when it’s all over, you’ll settle into your new normal and everything will be ok. even if it doesn’t look that way now ✌🏻

[This message edited by reborn07 at 7:18 AM, August 14th (Friday)]

posts: 36   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2019   ·   location: georgia
id 8574085
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 subverted (original poster member #74713) posted at 1:15 PM on Friday, August 14th, 2020

Thank you so much Reborn.

Your words inspire me to keep going. even tho everyday she wants me to stop by the house to help with this and that....

No, I dont think her father is a danger to my children. But then again, I never thought id be here posting.....

[This message edited by subverted at 7:15 AM, August 14th (Friday)]

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2020
id 8574086
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reborn07 ( new member #71226) posted at 1:35 PM on Friday, August 14th, 2020

seriously subverted, this is shitsville. it’s the worst part, stay on track and keep treading water till ya find dry ground. you’ll get there. our situations sound near identical, i’m just two or three years out. things get easier and easier. if you’re anything like me, one day you’ll wake up and wonder how you stood that shit for so long. if she was that selfish at the end, she was probably pretty selfish the whole time. you were just too accustomed to notice

posts: 36   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2019   ·   location: georgia
id 8574088
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 subverted (original poster member #74713) posted at 2:10 PM on Friday, August 14th, 2020

I agree.

Already had a small awakening this past week without her. I feel....like myself.

Am I anxious? Yes

Depressed? Yes

Jealous? Yes

But I feel better. I feel like this is 100% the right move now where before I did not. Her admitting to sex with him was the closure I needed.

She keeps saying to give it time and see what happens. She thinks we will re-kindle...Never. Never. Never.

She is the most narcissistic manipulative women I have ever known. Pretty on the outside only. Smoke and mirrors and I have caught on to her side show.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel. But its dim. I only hope and pray my children can make it thru this storm.

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2020
id 8574103
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 2:36 PM on Friday, August 14th, 2020

Pass whatever evidence you have by an attorney. The validity of recordings vary state-by-state. I actually think your best bet for prime custody is more associated with your WW admittance she plans on moving in with her parents – including a convicted sex-offender.

What are your plans? Can you keep the home? What environment can you offer your kids?

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10741   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8574113
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