SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Nice excuse but her internet history shows she went there everyday for a week!

Have you talked to a D attorney yet ?, if not, why not ?

Strength brother, get legal advice ASAP. You need to knit your rights as well as her responsibilities.

Eat well, exercise and drink water, booze and recreational drugs won’t help.

Talk with a close friend.

One day at a time.

Buffer

Like I said subverted and now your betrayer has confirmed, "She's spread her legs for him more than once and she apparently liked it a lot."

Please realize that she only wants you back until the other man gets out of jail. Without your income and help her life is going to be more difficult. She still wants the other man over you. Once he gets out, she's going to be waiting at the gate for him and will be spreading her legs in the back seat of the car she picks him up in. She's mentally long gone and isn't returning.

You've got to strengthen your backbone and get away from her. Even if you can't divorce right away, you can still move on with your life. There must be a way you can travel to your local courthouse or whatever and fill out a free form and hand it to some authority or agency to make your separation official. Even the destitute are provided some sort of legal support. Start your new life apart from your betrayer today. Separate yourself and all of your assets immediately. Block her in every way possible. Don't speak to her or come within proximity of her again, period. Get busy making yourself successful. Do it now.

I wish the best for you.

Get an STD test asap.

I will be getting an STD test.

I have since moved out and we are going to file for D. She knows I never want her back.

Yesterday we told the kids. Tough.

I cant afford a lawyer. Wish I could but I cant. And I cant just take away the car and her money. Does not work that way in michigan since we are married, the money is hers and so is the vehicle even tho its the money i make and the car in my name.

I have her on a VR admitting to cheating, begging me for prescription drugs and getting upset that i didn't give her any.

On top of speaking to a sex offender in jail, I think this will hold up in court for full custody?

not sure but like I said, I need a lawyer and cannot afford one.

Right now she is staying at the house while I am at my parents. Rly need to start getting the house rdy for sale.....

I already feel so much better that she admitted to having sex with this guy twice. its like closure. She still text storms me every night telling me how lonely it is but I try not to say mean things and def. dont give in.

She says to me yesterday....We can still have sex right?

She says to me yesterday....We can still have sex right?

Good lord. This woman is definitely a couple fries short of a Happy Meal.

You stated a few times that you cannot afford a lawyer. Subverted, you cannot afford to NOT get a lawyer. There are many lawyers who offer free consults so you can interview several to find a good fit. Do you have any friends/family who could loan the money to you? If you are selling the house, you will be able to pay them back. Sign a promissory note for reassurance. Given that you want custody of your children (for good reason) - that issue alone warrants sound legal representation.

She's trying to love-bomb you into submission. More manipulation.

Can't you file without an attorney? Just fill out the paperwork yourself and file. Get the ball rolling. She may be more "agreeable" now while she's still foggy.

I call bull on the cant afford an attorney.

Considering what’s at stake sensible legal advice can save you a fortune.

The key is SENSIBLE. Generally, the high cost of divorce is due to one or both partners making unrealistic demand.

Your wife is a SAHM with 3 kids. You two as a married couple decided she should be at home as the prime caregiver. You don’t have any proof of infidelity. Proof of the type a court demands. Do this alone without legal representation and you will be paying alimony for years… Do it with an attorney and he might find ways of limiting that.

Your wife was the prime caregiver to the kids. You can reasonably expect her to be given prime custody. You will be paying child support.

Divorce is the relinquishment of your rights as a partner. There is no way you can prevent your WW from being in contact with OM. If they start dating, he stays over at her place and stuff like that AND if the kids are around at the same time then and only then do you have a legal reason to report this to the authorities and apply for a change in the custody arrangements.

Infidelity is all fantasy. The only way out is through reality. I’m calling the fantasy YOU are in and suggesting you deal with the situation through reality.

subverted, first of all: It is real.

Subverted, you cannot afford to NOT get a lawyer.

from Lalagirl. This is so true.

In my jurisdiction I filed a "Statement of Claim for Divorce". I did this myself. This informs the court that you are intending to divorce. This had a small court cost. Once accepted the spouse is served with the information. Where I am I couldn't serve her. I paid a process server to do so. In some jurisdictions the plaintiff can serve but not mine. Again, not expensive.

None of this cost much, so far. It starts the ball rolling. Where I am you can get a divorce in 3 months for adultery. The catch is you need to separate immediately. I didn't and I had sex with my WW (sound familiar). According to the law I condoned the adultery. That meant we had to be separated for a year before the D could be finalized. Took me over two years.

The big legal costs came with getting the Separation Agreement written by a lawyer (we had a formal partnership and ranch property) and the D document filed with the court. The big costs come if the divorce is contested.

As above by Lalagirl and Bigger: You can't afford not to have an attorney. You don't need one to file the first document. You can get a feel for what your situation by an initial consult with an attorney for your jurisdiction. You can start building up a reserve fund to deal with the actual divorce for when it happens. Do that with money that would have went for manicures, pedicures, microblading, eyebrow dying, and whatever other beauty and recreational things you've been funding.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman who, as others have said, does not appear to be R material? You can't afford not to have a lawyer. Don't dither. Your future, health, happiness and life are at stake.

Talk to a lawyer ASAP, the lawyer might hold off on his/her fee until after house sells.

Good luck and stay strong

You can't afford not to have a lawyer. Don't dither. Your future, health, happiness and life are at stake.

^^^This.

And let's not forget about your children. You are their only advocate.

For the last 40 days, people have provided you with sound advice.

Your typical response is to acknowledge the validity of their suggestions and advice, while summarily ignoring it.

Then your WW trickle-truth's you more, or continues with her underground affair (which you were told weeks ago) which causes you to take action that you should have taken much earlier.

I am being harsh for a reason.

Consult a fucking attorney...now. No more, "Yeah, but's..."

These are your children at risk! She is lost, and does not want to be found. She is putting the safety of your children at risk by destroying the marriage with a SEX OFFENDER.

Stop talking about what you should or would do, and actually consult with an attorney...preferably three. The safety of your children is at stake, dude.

She says to me yesterday....We can still have sex right?

You know, you are posting smilies about this but you have fallen for exactly this ploy multiple times, right?

You have to stop having hysterical bonding sex with her immediately. As squid says, this is a blatant form of manipulation.

Start listening about the lawyer thing. This will not go well for you until you do.

You guys...

I hear you all loud and clear.

My father said he will help with a lawyer so thats great.

I do have proof of her infidelity. I have call records, I have her on VR admitting it. I have her on VR asking me for my prescription medications, I have all the conversations saved in text of her telling me how she cannot handle these kids. I have pictures of the website history and bank documents of her talking to a sex offender (AP) in jail. Oh, and the place where she would be living (her parents) her dad has been in jail for exposing himself to people multiple times.........Yeah I got some ammunition. She knows none of this. I have her recorded texts of her saying one of her jobs is going to be to sell weed!!!

I think if I had a lawyer I could get full custody. I just don't want a fight and she wants to settle. (you know me pay her monthly child support, 50 50 cust. half the equity in the house, pay for her car insurance and her car payment and also tap my 401k...) its gosh darn crazy what shes asking. I will be calling a lawyer and getting real now that I have the money backings to do so.

I moved out a little over a week ago. I have had the kids the last 4 days. I am documenting all the time I spend with them. My parents are watching them while I am at work. WW has not done a thing in these 4 days even tho i tell her to GO FIND A JOB! The nights she has the kids she complains how hard it is alone. I simply say you're a single mom now, because of your choices. There are a million single moms out there getting it done everyday.

I feel so much better now that I have left that house. I just hate the fact that i'm paying for a house for her to live in....While I now have to spend 25 dollars every 2 days in gas to get to work instead of 25 a week....Shes the one that should be moving out..(although that would mean less time with my kids since I wouldn't have a daytime sitter)

I dont want to take my kids away from their mother, If I got full cust she would still have visitation rights whenever she needed....I also dont want a costly court fight. Her mother is now involved. asking me whats the rush? why do u want to sign papers so fast? you both need a lawyer! I simply told her to stay out of it and I was done talking to her.

Stay strong everyone!

Great job, subverted! Really proud of you for your decisiveness and for getting an attorney!

Oh, and the place where she would be living (her parents) her dad has been in jail for exposing himself to people multiple times.

My god. Any of it involve minors? Should you be leery about having your kids around him?

well done subverted, WELL DONE! the lawyer thing was critical. this is exactly what you need to be doing right now. everything you do right now will dictate how good or how shitty the next several years of your life are going to be. keep the coarse you’re on and keep your head in the game. when in doubt, think about what’s best for the kids. and as a friendly reminder: this situation is temporary. when it’s all over, you’ll settle into your new normal and everything will be ok. even if it doesn’t look that way now ✌🏻

[This message edited by reborn07 at 7:18 AM, August 14th (Friday)]

Thank you so much Reborn.

Your words inspire me to keep going. even tho everyday she wants me to stop by the house to help with this and that....

No, I dont think her father is a danger to my children. But then again, I never thought id be here posting.....

[This message edited by subverted at 7:15 AM, August 14th (Friday)]

seriously subverted, this is shitsville. it’s the worst part, stay on track and keep treading water till ya find dry ground. you’ll get there. our situations sound near identical, i’m just two or three years out. things get easier and easier. if you’re anything like me, one day you’ll wake up and wonder how you stood that shit for so long. if she was that selfish at the end, she was probably pretty selfish the whole time. you were just too accustomed to notice

I agree.

Already had a small awakening this past week without her. I feel....like myself.

Am I anxious? Yes

Depressed? Yes

Jealous? Yes

But I feel better. I feel like this is 100% the right move now where before I did not. Her admitting to sex with him was the closure I needed.

She keeps saying to give it time and see what happens. She thinks we will re-kindle...Never. Never. Never.

She is the most narcissistic manipulative women I have ever known. Pretty on the outside only. Smoke and mirrors and I have caught on to her side show.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel. But its dim. I only hope and pray my children can make it thru this storm.

Pass whatever evidence you have by an attorney. The validity of recordings vary state-by-state. I actually think your best bet for prime custody is more associated with your WW admittance she plans on moving in with her parents – including a convicted sex-offender.

What are your plans? Can you keep the home? What environment can you offer your kids?