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This is the time in your life subverted where you make choices that are best for you. The kids will adapt; there's a lot of psychological evidence in their favor. Your WW had her say when she decided to betray you. She gave up her right to decide anything else. It's now your turn to have your say. Never forget that you are the prize, not her. You add the most value to the kids. This life is about you now and what you want. Make your future successful by choosing yourself over the betrayer. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

okay subverted, let’s talk about what you do and what your options are. i’ll go first. i’m an industrial mechanic and i always worked swing shift because that was my best way to provide. the money was better on nights and weekends and everybody had starbucks and manny peddys or however you spell that and i was just an absent work mule, coddling my kid’s relationship with their narcissistic mother because i felt like she could teach my girls how to be women. i sacrificed them because i felt like they needed my security and their mother’s guidance. in hindsight they needed all of me, not just my financial security and my paycheck.... that thing that their mother was using me for. things change and growth comes with growing pains. there is an opportunity for you and your kids to grow here, even if it hurts....have you ever grown in a comfortable situation? anything i’ve ever learned, i learned the hard way.....:: comfortable situations make weak people. let this shit hurt and embrace the suck. you’ll be ok buddy, just hang on tight for a little while

Thanks everyone.

Dismay, I agree. I hope that she can come to terms here.

Her plan of a side hustle and youtube (or porn) isnt going to be enough to cover the 2000 dollar a month housing costs. She thinks the I should play nice and just hand her the house. Let her stay there. She uses the kids as her leverage. "just let me stay here I need your help, and the kids want to stay in the same school with their friends."

Never going to work. That's how I would get bent over. She has no income. 0. She will have to prove income. She cant. She likes the wave the "Im the primary caregiver" in my face. Bitch, not for long.....

She is being served this week. My lawyer said he will contact her before serving to try and cool the water.

Reborn, Thank you. Oddly enough, I am an industrial mechanic/electrician too! AND to take it a step further, I dont think there is a picture of my soon to be EX WIFE without nice clothes, nails done, holding a 7 dollar Starbucks coffee Strange how much you and I have in common.

I think she is at least now coming to terms with herself that this divorce is moving forward. Lots of different emotions.

I spoke with my lawyer about not being able to have my children over night for a week and a half. He said it is absolutely not abandonment. It is looked at by the court as removing myself from a toxic situation. This is good. I am going to be picking the kiddos up from school everyday so I can at least see them. WW will be home, but I will just try and not engage while im visiting my kiddos.

HAAA, HAAA! E&I/ millwright... industrial mechanic is always the simple description .... do you work a weird shift? if you do, is there family support? i had to change jobs, but everything worked out with the kids and all. just had to make some adjustments... and yeah, this thread absolutely feels like i’m talkin to me two years ago through a time warp or something 😂

[This message edited by reborn07 at 9:25 AM, August 29th (Saturday)]

Boilers and power generation here.

I work sort of a weird shift but should be able to make it work.

Every other sat/sun off, every other thur/fri off 6am to 2pm. so not too bad.

oh, cool. we’re paper makers down here, but we got a powerhouse. wood fired boilers and steam turbines. i did the powerhouse for a while. the reason i asked is, you’re still in the early stages of getting custody stuff worked out. in hopes that she pulls her shit together and looks like a capable parent, or just depending on how things work out in court, that schedule would be pretty good for joint and probably pretty manageable for full custody. the only problem is, she sounds like she’s a wild card so ur not gonna know what to expect until she either rises to the occasion or just totally cracks under the pressure . it’s sounds like ur in a good place to start tho. do you have anybody to help with the work weekends? is gettin them to school pretty manageable? how ya hangin in there?

subverted has your WW actually visited the OM in prison? Was she having conjugal visits with him?

No, He is not in prison. Only county jail at the moment. But thanks for the idea of conjugal visits....I used it on her yesterday lol...

He had his court date...lots of anxiety for me on if he would be getting out or not. I ended up calling the jail and asking if he was still incarcerated. They said yes...I asked when his next court date was...they said Nov 2nd...

So yah....I told her, well...sorry...but maybe u guys can have conjugal visits??

I am constantly being taunted by her with sex, or this or that to come over and stay... its hard. Yesterday I successfully avoided her. I picked the kiddos up from school and dropped them off at MY house (where she lives) and she was out running errands. When she said she was almost home i took off...

Was hard to do. Just saying. 1 day at a time.

I will regretfully say that I slept with her the other day. I always have my VR on me and it was a good thing I did. She attacked me again trying to get my phone. I got punched, slapped, tackled, pinched ect. I know I should avoid her...but when she gets on her triple X SMS texts, things get difficult. I was proud of myself for leaving before she arrived yesterday. Again, 1 day at a time. Trying not to get down on myself if I slip up. I remind myself that she's the one that cheated. Shes the one still talking to her AP in jail. Shes the one that caused all this pain. This makes me NOT want to be around her. I have to stay positive here.

The reason for her physical abuse this time, was her suspicion of me talking to other women. She tried to wrestle my phone from me (unsuccessfully) its locked anyways....but still. The fact that she can be upset with me over that is kind of unreal, given the circumstances.

The best thing for me right now is to move on and stay away. Everyday I will have 40-50 text messages from her. rambling on, on her bi-polar chemical filled emotional roller coaster. Sometimes being with my kids makes my depression worse. It remind me of the family I used to have....Idle time also makes it worse.

Unfortunately for me, after being cheated on, it really hurt my self esteem. So I made a dating profile and surrounded myself with women to I guess re-justify my self worth....This is wrong and I know that. Spoke with my counselor about this as well. There is 1 girl in particular that I am very fond of. Luckily she lives an hour away, so we cant just hang out everyday. We do talk everyday, and I am sure her feelings towards me are mutual. She has been single for 5 years. She understands the sitsuation I am in and is a shoulder to lean on. We have a lot in common. We have only went on 2 dates thus far and have not slept together. I am also not planning on it. Whatever happens, will happen. I know a relationship right now is 100% not what I need. But it helps with my self esteem and keeps my mind off the women that I love, but did me so wrong. I love to hate her I guess you can say....

No, He is not in prison. Only county jail at the moment. But thanks for the idea of conjugal visits....I used it on her yesterday lol...

He had his court date...lots of anxiety for me on if he would be getting out or not. I ended up calling the jail and asking if he was still incarcerated. They said yes...I asked when his next court date was...they said Nov 2nd...

So yah....I told her, well...sorry...but maybe u guys can have conjugal visits??

Did you ever find out what he was charged with? Maybe I overlooked it.

There is a good chance he will be released as the jails are kicking out as many non-violent-crime inmates as possible due to the Covid. If she wants to go to him after he is released there is nothing you can do to stop her, so prepare for her to do just that. Document, document, document.

If he is released, it will most likely be on probation. Find out from the county or district probation/parole office who his case officer is and ask them what his offense is. Don't trust your lying WW to tell you what he did. If his is on for a sex crime against minors, the stipulation of his probation most likely will prohibit him from contact with any children.

If he is on for a sex crime, let the P.O. know your wife and him are most likely hooking up and that you fear for your children's safety. This takes a phone call, nothing more. It is public record, so there is no reason you should not do this.

[This message edited by Westway at 10:14 AM, September 1st (Tuesday)]

He is being held on home invasion 1st degree with attempted assult.... and priors...

Never going to work. That's how I would get bent over. She has no income. 0. She will have to prove income. She cant. She likes the wave the "Im the primary caregiver" in my face. Bitch, not for long.....

She is being served this week. My lawyer said he will contact her before serving to try and cool the water.

Damn, subverted, you have been reborn, and reborn hard, to quote Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann.

Can you afford the house by yourself or is that going to be a casualty of the divorce? Is she seriously going to do the OnlyFans route? As her source of income? Imagine what a great influence that will be for the kiddos....

Seriously, you HAVE TO STOP SLEEPING WITH HER. She will use this as a tool for manipulation. Of course you miss her. Of course you're still attracted to her, in a weird messed up way. But you have to be strong, she's playing that card as much as she can.

As for the physical abuse, are you frackin' kidding me?

ok subverted, i gotta go to sleep, i work night shift tonight. i wanted to touch down on a couple things. that worthless , unwanted, “i am less” feeling is super normal. you just need to understand that it is a feeling, it’s not a reality. it’s a perception that you get when someone makes u feel like you’re not good enough. that is some 1. one person. don’t let her actions define what you’re worth to u. given some time, you’ll let things go and you’ll get accustomed to your new life. you’ll have different goals and they’ll be more personal goals that won’t be so collective. by “collective”, i mean you’ll pursue things that you want personally instead of putting off things that YOU wish YOU could have to feed a bottomless checking account monster. you’ll have more fun and buy cool stuff and she’ll still want you. you’ll just grow numb, and u won’t care if you even speak to her. it’ll come in good time, and you’ll get your confidence back. things are gonna get way better for you. hang in there, the grass is way greener where you’re headed ✌🏻

[This message edited by reborn07 at 10:13 PM, November 15th (Sunday)]

He is being held on home invasion 1st degree with attempted assult.... and priors...

Does he have a history of any prior sex offenses?

I don't see an issue with dating as long as it doen't affect your divorce case. Just remember to not pick any women who are similar to your STBX. We have a habit of picking the same type of partners; try to break that habit and pick someone who's different; and hopefully who's also a decent person. You are the prize. You bring the value to relationships. Don't forget it.

Westway,

Yes he does. Here they are. He did a total of 3 years in the pen, 1 year in CJ.

CSC - Assault With Intent to Commit Sexual Penetration - Attempt

Criminal Sexual Conduct, 4th Deg (Person 13 -16)(2 of these charges)

Sex Offender - Failure to Register

And now this home invasion 1st degree with assault. Like I said, he has his prelim exam on Aug 31st. And now his next date is Nov 2nd. He is currently incarcerated. Not sure what his next date is for??? I should find out if its going to circuit court trial...

Anyways, thanks again for the kind words Dismay and Reborn. They literally make my day.

I took one of my old friends out last night for a few beers, he knows the whole story. He cannot beleive the shit she has pulled and said, and got pretty upset with me when I said I stayed the night there one night That's what good buddies are for. To put you in check when u know you're wrong. And I know its wrong. His advice to me, was "just ghost the F*** out of her dude" "women hate that S**T". "Just completely ignore her. She knows she lost the best man that she will ever find."

But...points for me. I have turned her down 2 days in a row and today is a new day. Lets make it a hat trick....I picked the kiddos up from school and dropped them off without even batting an eye at her as she helplessly followed me around the house like a lost puppy dog. Only to text me later telling me how rude I am to her (I am, i basically treat her like a dog) And also tell me that she is sick without me whatever. be sick bitch. I got my third date Thursday with a very cool/hot women that I really dig. We have the same sense of humor. She has never been married but has been in a long term (8year) relationship with 1 child. She lives an hour away so when we can see each other it makes it better. No sex yet and I don't want it. I want to take it slow with this one....

[This message edited by subverted at 5:58 AM, September 2nd (Wednesday)]

I couldn’t find it. Has she been served D papers? Where are you in the D process?

If it were me I would not be dating until the D is final. Actually if it were me I probably would not be dating for at least a year after the D, but that’s just me.

Subverted

Don’t fall into the trap of replacing one dysfunctional relationship with another dysfunctional relationship.

Either you work towards reconciling or you work towards divorce.

I have filed for D, waiting on the court to get the docs back to my lawyer so he can serve her. Today maybe?

She is no where near reconciliation. Even tho she says she wants it...

I understand the relationship thing, and so does this other person. Playing with fire. I know.

[This message edited by subverted at 8:19 AM, September 2nd (Wednesday)]

Yes he does. Here they are. He did a total of 3 years in the pen, 1 year in CJ.

CSC - Assault With Intent to Commit Sexual Penetration - Attempt

Criminal Sexual Conduct, 4th Deg (Person 13 -16)(2 of these charges)

Sex Offender - Failure to Register

And now this home invasion 1st degree with assault. Like I said, he has his prelim exam on Aug 31st. And now his next date is Nov 2nd. He is currently incarcerated. Not sure what his next date is for??? I should find out if its going to circuit court trial...

Wow, your WW has great taste doesn't she? This is a violent offender... a violent sex offender. Make sure your lawyer is working this angle hard, so that you get, at least, controlling custody over the kids.

If on the off-chance he doesn't get prison, he will be on probation and his probation terms will most likely restrict him from contact with minors who are not his children, whether he is a child predator or not. If WW hooks up with him, she can't take the kids with her, or he goes back to prison. He could petition the court to let him live with her, but you would be there to thwart it and do everything you can to keep your kids away from him.

[This message edited by Westway at 8:31 AM, September 2nd (Wednesday)]