Hello my beautiful womenz.
It was a tough week all round. Funny how it hits us all in the same week.
Ellie, I think I missed this. Did you resign from work? I hope all is good.
Chaos, so happy you had a great vacation. How happy do you feel about that?
OOL, you are awesome. And strong. Glad you are able to see it. Keep up the good work girl.
gmc, I love your wisdom, and self insight. Always learning from you.
Daisyann, hope the test results are all good. Paps. Not a favourite.
LadyG, I hope you are ok. Be kind to yourself.
Northern, thank you. I like my new bitch boots. I am so so sorry about your dad. You are such an amazing caring person. I can’t believe how your dad exploded. I would have thrown up, but you do what you gotta. I am sorry for you both. Totally shitty week. As for reading on here. Yes, sometimes it reactivates my anger. It is simply a reminder that we have more healing to do, and it is little wonder when we’ve been betrayed to the core of our beliefs.
About boobs and bras. I have to wear a bra. Mine are big and have a hell of a swing. I do not tshirt only in public. Ever.
I had a hard week too but there were good parts.
I think I will do an old dating post, this was this weeks adventure.
I had a date on Friday and to be honest after it I had to do a lot of reflecting. I was stood up on Saturday. That didn’t bother me much. His loss. I looked great.
So On Friday I met Ron. We have been trying to get together for 3 weeks. His photo was kinda goofy, so I didn’t really expect the handsome man I met. We started our walk, and I quite liked him. Nice chat, an entertaining person. We walked for two hours. And Within say 20 minutes he put his hand on my lower Back. Hmm. Then he put an arm around me and held my waist. I thought. Shit. My roll. And I felt it was a bit presumptuous, and moved away. We chatted about something and I said. Let me check on my phone. He kissed my cheek. I didn’t see it coming. All I could think of was wtf. But he was nice. I didn’t say anything other than oh. 10 minutes later I dodged a kiss attempt on the lips. I literally turned my head away I haven’t kissed another man other than asshat in 30 years. I want it to be my choice. I was freaked.
After this date, I sat and thought. Here is what I realized:
- I am not ready to touch Or be touched By another man. I withdrew from his attempts like an abused animal. Because I was abused .......in the betrayal and hurt for years by asshat. Recovery takes a long time. I have plenty more.
- When I am ready, it will be my choice and my timing . And he may be a younger guy. Plenty of opportunity.
- The next date will have clear boundaries, I never imagined this scenario this man saw me as a vagina,not a real woman with bitch boots.
- I need to know the last name of a man I kiss.
- I will be respected, fuck that shit. I am so much more than a vagina. If all these men are is walking dicks, they can buy a sock. It ain’t me.
- I need to practice using my voice. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
I am worth more than this. I will chose who has the privilege to kiss me.
And girls, I am attractive. I have been shocked at the response from a recent Current picture. It has taken a lot of time for me to realize this. Asshat lost a great woman. Me.
I deserve me. He doesn’t, he lost an amazing women.
So. I am not going to date me for a while. My old pictures are down. I am enjoying myself, and loving the new friends I am making.
So the next little while is for me, I am kinda excited.
[This message edited by Tallgirl at 12:34 PM, August 16th (Sunday)]