SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Air travel was a bit surreal. No squeezing into your seat, more room, only canned water and small snacks during flight.

Lots of hand sanitizer and Lysol wiping things down

Just weird without the crowds

20yrsago: glad you got where you were going!

LE:

Wouldn't a little tiny house commune somewhere in the middle of nowhere be amazing??

This is already in the works on my end. I think I'm up to 6 future communal chicks on the listy. It started with one of my oldest friends making me promise I would live with her again one day. I would mention that to other women and they kept inviting themselves. 5 of the 6 are married by the way but apparently this arrangement happens sometime in the future when their husbands magically disappear?

TG: bottlecap and bra. More info needed. Were you wearing said bra upon discovery? Was this a left side/right side/cleavage or bottom dweller finding? Do you recognize the bottle cap? Or is a completely foreign object? Are you crocheting yet? I'm thinking you're all good. Being snookered and crafting is an ambitious pursuit. Sometimes when that happens, bottlecaps go awry.

Great memes here today. Happy weekending all. I'm trying to find my way out of this heat dome thing. I keep going and going hoping to bump into the wall of the bubble and I'm not having any luck.

I am In for the commune. Or Bagsu house for the healing.

I expect to find a wine bottle opener in my bra soon. 😆

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 7:16 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

Chili, bottle cap was mine. Found its way to the bottom left, and I discovered it whilst wearing said brassiere, it had been in there a few hours. And, It was a big boring boob holder too. Seriously why do these things get so huge.

I think there was a few dog treat crumbs In there too.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 7:46 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

Oh my god, girls, I love this thread. It brings me so much laughter and light and insight.

20yrsagoBS: is it hemofilia? I see how you would want to stay om his insurance, sorry for that.

Chili, head-bashing and gagging are red flags for dating, yes thanks for sharing your musings during Covid, a lot of it resonates with me. Especially aloneness, connections, friendships and framing the future.

ETA: weekend plans involve a boat-trip around the ionian islands, with some snorkelling, caves, bbq on board, free ouzo and visiting the house of jackie O, apparently Onassis was a famous greek guy?

I'm starting to go way over my budget for this trip which has me worrying a little but then again, it wont leave me broke if I do.

Gmc94, im glad you got that moment of clarity/introspection from your WH, even if its just to be able to breathe a little. The thing he said, how he never trusted anyone ever, was something my wexbf also said, waaay back in the beginning of our relationship. I cried and asked him whether he thought he was able to form meaningful connections with people (i think trust is a key aspect of that). He said he thought so. I think I saw a glimpse of his brokenness then. He was never cheated on or abandoned, where the fuck do his trust issues come from?

[This message edited by Hedwig at 1:05 AM, July 18th (Saturday)]

Ladies just sharing.

I am wearing a different bra today, so far no storage items found BUT I have an errant underwire that insists on escaping to poke me in the eye.

I think I am going back to the storage bra.

Life with boobs. So complex.

Hedwig,

I have Antiphospholipid Antibodies. It caused many miscarries before we were blessed with our two children. Then, heavy menses and two strokes. My left side is weak from the first stroke, and it caused PBA.

I take daily Aspirin to thin it out a bit

It explained an adulthood full of heavy bleeding, anemia, medical complications, etc.

It made me think I was a hypochondriac until diagnosis.

So I didn’t seek help in a timely manner because I didn’t believe it.

There will likely be more strokes, but those can be dissolved if I get to an ER in time.

oh 20, that makes sense. You need the comfort and safety of a good health plan. Makes total sense.

I am so angry at WH right now. He is in the fucking house. Didn’t wait for a response to his text to see if I was OK with it. And now he’s getting upset and frustrated at how my son is finishing the deck. I am so goddamn fucking angry I can’t believe it. Unbelievable. The stress level in the houseHas increased by 10 times. Fuck fuck fuck. I think I will stab him with my bra underwire It must be foreshadowing that it is coming out on a regular basis. Now I know why. Yes I am kind of joking

Recovered from meltdown. It is a new day.

TG: I'm so glad to hear that today is a better day. I really hate for you that he still comes by to take a swipe at your emotions. What a jerk. And if you didn't stab him with your underwire, then this is cause for celebration. That's some serious restraint right there. Keep plugging forward (and wear that storage bra if you feel like it.)

In storage today. Had a great hike. Showered and snuggling into the couch for some quiet time.

Almost peaceful.

Ok. Peaceful evaporated as dog tried to eat my hair.

Sigh

Happy Sunday Womenz

TG - I'm so sorry you are still dealing with shit with your WH. I'm glad you are doing better though. One step at a time.

Hope everyone else is hanging in there.

Bit of a brain dump here. Had some spiraling thoughts today. I was Skyping with a friend this afternoon, and we have another mutual friend. When xWBF and I were here at Christmas, we went out for brunch with that mutual friend. At that brunch, xWBF brought a flask of whisky and put some in his coffee. I remember being a little embarrassed at the time as it was only around 11am, but didn't think too much of it as I put it down to the fact that we were on vacation, it was the holidays etc etc.

Anyways, when talking to my friend today, she said that when she spoke to our mutual friend not long after that brunch, our mutual friend commented that he thought things were 'off' with my xWBF and I, and he cited the whiskey incident. Now, I haven't spoken to that mutual friend since December. I mainly communicated with him through FB and now that I am no longer on there, I haven't really had recourse to reach out. That means he doesn't know what has happened. But I find it interesting that he said that. I wonder if any of my other friends thought that too?

Also, before I left the US on this trip, I found a diary in which I'd been noting things every day - weather, key activities, just a few lines as day etc - the idea being that if I looked back in a few years, I'd know what was going on as my memory is getting worse. The week before DDay, I was on a business trip, and I made the following comment: "Things feel off with xWBF. I wonder if he's noticed. Who knows?" I'd totally forgotten I felt that while I was there, I remember being in the auditorium and being annoyed that he was texting me, giving him short responses. It boggles my mind that now, with some distance, I remember that and remember how I was feeling, but I would have said up until recently that there weren't many issues in our relationship.

It's something I'm dwelling on a lot.

Anyways, otherwise, there is a HUGE amount of family drama going on here, following the death of my Nanna (my dad's mum). My own mum has been really upset today, so I cooked dinner for them which think they appreciated. I also managed to get sunburned while sitting in the garden this morning - d'oh! I'm usually really careful with sunscreen as both my dad and step-dad had skin cancer, but I guess I didn't think the UK sun could be that strong!

How's everyone else doing?

TallGirl. Can you change the locks? What an asshat. Hope you get that peace back? Maybe it will come after a cocktail. And when my cat eats my hair, I know it's because he loves me so much that he's trying to groom me.

OOL. So sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Sending good thoughts and comfort from across the pond. I'm sure your parents are comforted by your presence and care.

Yes, I think most people tend to forget the trying times after a breakup. But I like that these things are coming up. It's easier to heal after separating when we can see reality instead of looking at the past with rose colored glasses.

Feeling heavy today. Beyond the shittiness of our country's state right now, my poor son has an awful ear infection. He NEVER cries or complains and he woke up at 6 crying because of the pain. We have drops from the doc, but they haven't kicked in yet. Feel so bad that I can't do much but give him Advil and a warm rice pack. :(

Also down about A related crap. We had friends that came over last night and two conversations really got me down. 1st was the reveal that another couple who split up last Thanksgiving, was due to infidelity (by the wife and discovered by the daughter, who is 12 - dick pics and all). Their kids are exactly my kids' ages, they are all friends, we've played sports, hung out often socially, and the wife abruptly moved out last fall and NO ONE had a clue why and she was not talking to anyone. Sucks that this is why. :( I feel AWFUL for the kids. Bad for the husband. And I feel bad for my friend, the wife. I know she's probably deep in shame but it seems like she's just in a really bad place. The kids are not with her much anymore (like every other weekend and usually the older one stays with friends when he is supposed to be with her). Just a shitty situation all around.

Also during the evening with our friends, convo was all about sex talks with kids. Delved into sex education and unprotected sex. It made me sick to my stomach and kicked up my PTSD anxiety (heart racing and all the feels). My friend was talking about how stupid boys are that they don't use their head, trusting the girl to be "covered" and "clean" and don't use condoms. Enter my husband and his unprotected car sex with the COWhore. Didn't give one shit about pregnancy or passing a disease from the whore along to me (or himself). The same man who asked me if I was clean from disease before we had sex in college. I guess I was dangerous but a married woman willing to fuck a married colleague on a business trip is just automatically clean as a whistle. Gets me so fired up that I couldn't look at my WH for the rest of the night. Which I also feel a little bad about as in the moment, he did nothing wrong and even apologized preemptively for putting the affair in my life for these kinds of conversations to cause me ANY feelings. Ugh. Affairs fucking SUCK.

I hope the rest of you WOMENZ are out there enjoying yourselves. I'm about to start some mask sewing and might do it with a margarita. :)

OOL I firmly believe that our guts ALWAYS know. But our logic brain does a whole lot of fancy talk to shut it up. Something in your subconcious knew even then. So the trick is training your logic brain to stfu and let your gut tell you what you need to know. It's a process...

TG hope you're finding some peace today!

TX this is why I'm in awe of people who R... Cus I've had triggers like that too, but I get to just say "Wanna hear what my dickless exdouche did?" It's so much harder when you have to keep that peace. And you're way nicer than me about your ww friend. I've lost a few people from my life after all this cus if I find out they're a cheater I have nothing further to do with them. High fives girl, You're amazing.

Ellie,

I kick Cheaters out of my life too. WH suspects something Is up. He keeps telling me not to throw him away

Goddamnit... I had a whole post typed out replying to everyone, but that's gonna have to wait a bit. Just found out DD21 tested positive for Coronavirus. She got the results today, took the test on Friday.

I hadn't seen her in 3 weeks, but I just saw her on Thursday when she came to my place so I could walk her through taking care of the cats while I was out of town. Just my fucking luck! I only saw her for 10 minutes, so I'm hoping all is well. Oh, and she's staying at my house to take care of the cats. So it kind of works out that I'm gone through Saturday because she has a place to isolate. But now I'm going to be up all night doing research on how to disinfect my house when I get back. I was prepared for how to protect myself with travel, I wasn't prepared for this!

Doctor told her to isolate until Monday the 27th, unfortunately I fly back on Saturday the 25th, so we're going to play it by ear, but it's looking like I'm going to drive down and isolate at my parents' house because there is a room at the opposite end of the house from them that has its own bathroom and I can just stay in there with a mini fridge and be fine.

If I do end up testing positive there won't really be a good way of knowing if I was exposed through her or through these damn flights. I don't have a fever, and no symptoms other than my normal allergies which I've had throughout this whole time.

I don't want to expose my parents, but I also feel like flying back and staying in my 1 bedroom apartment where she has been isolating for a week will be like going into the belly of the beast. She's staying on the daybed in the living room, but still. Or maybe there is an airbnb I can stay at for a couple of days, I just don't really have the money for that extra expense to be honest. I already paid a lot of money out of pocket for sanitizing and safety gear for this trip.

Oh and LA is on the brink of going back to stay-at-home orders, so the other job I had lined up is about to get shut down again... This is going to get interesting!

DD is scared. She was crying on the phone. The doctor reassured her that at her age she should be fine, but I don't blame her for being nervous. How in the hell is the timing that I am out of town for this?? Not that I want to be exposed to it, but shit, I wish I could be there for her. I know her eating issues tend to spiral when she's stressed, so I made sure to emphasize how important it is for her to eat right now to keep her immune system functioning.

The boyfriend is staying with her... the doctor talked to them both over the phone because he was also showing symptoms even though he hadn't been tested, and he basically said that since they share a bed and he has symptoms, he should just treat it as if he has it too, even without the test. I'm not thrilled about the douchebag BF staying at my house, but in a way it works out that she has someone there with her. Even if he is a total tool.

Yet another reason I'm pissed at my XH for his shenanigans... if he hadn't blown everything up I guarantee we would all still be living together, she wouldn't be spending nearly as much time with this dipshit, and this would be a much different situation.

I intentionally didn't buy any groceries before I left because I knew I was going to be gone for a week and didn't want things to go bad. So now they're both infected and can't go to the store! I told her to go through the cupboards and make an inventory of what I have, then make a list of basics that they really need and we can place an Amazon Fresh order or something.

And I thought finding an infidelity book on my mom's desk at my parents' house this weekend was going to be the big news I needed to process ... I didn't even ask her about it, I didn't want to have such a potentially life-altering discussion about my Dad's infidelity right before I had to make my trip. I mean, I'm assuming it was my Dad cheating on her, but he has been so physically ill over the last 2 years I didn't think it would even be possible. He has to use a walker, a CPAP machine, sleeps in a hospital bed etc. My mom is basically his full time caretaker, getting him to and from all of his doctors' appointments and surgeries etc. I thought maybe she was buying a book to educate herself on how to help me with my stuff, but a) we're way too far out from my DDay for that, and b) the title doesn't really make sense for someone who is divorcing. It's "infidelity | The Best Worst Thing That Could Happen To Your Marriage - The Complete Guide on How To Heal From Affairs... sounds to me more like someone actively trying to reconcile. Also sounds apologist if I'm just going based off the title.

Uggggghhhhhh can 2020 be over yet?

Oh no! Sorry about your DD testing positive. Hopefully she has a very mild case and she hasn’t passed it on to you or anyone else.

I just had a panic/anxiety attack. My gynecologist called reminding me it’s time for my yearly exam. Normally I don’t worry but last year I found out I got the lovely gift of HPV thanks to the A. So it brought up all those memories and obviously worried for my health. My husband came up to see me and the sobbing came. I haven’t cried like that in months. He of course felt awful, as he should. He vowed he would come with me to my appointment next month, even though I’m sure he won’t be allowed due to COVID restrictions. He will be there with me every step of the way no matter what happens. That’s good to know but he also put me in this situation. So as he’s holding me and consoling me, it helps me calm down. Yet he is the reason why this is happening. Such a mindfuck.

Uggggghhhhhh can 2020 be over yet?

Seriously. FUCK THIS YEAR. So sorry hhadl - sending lots of good juju and healing thoughts to your daughter!

Daisy - Sorry about your triggers and sending you all the best health-wise... but just wanted to say that the last thing I would want an SO or H doing is going with me to the lady doctor