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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 3

Topic is Sleeping.
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 9:06 PM on Tuesday, July 21st, 2020

Oh, don’t you worry. If he does come, he’s staying in the car or waiting room if allowed. The only time he was in the room with me for something like that was when I was pregnant. That’s not happening!! Hahahaha

[This message edited by DaisyAnne at 3:07 PM, July 21st (Tuesday)]

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8564892
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 11:18 PM on Tuesday, July 21st, 2020

Or let him come as you have a conversation about his 2019 gift in front of your doctor.

A teaching moment.

Today I told my oldest friend that asshat cheated and I am getting a divorce.

My comment, that even slapped me in the face, was that he fell in love with a prostitute, that shows how much he valued me and his family.

Realizations hurt.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8564961
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 12:39 AM on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2020

(((TG)))

Realizations hurt. But they also free you to live your own authentic life. Is one of those 'growth' things.

Just breathe. You're gonna be okay.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8564988
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 10:47 AM on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2020

Thank you Ellie.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8565094
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 1:07 PM on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2020

Or let him come as you have a conversation about his 2019 gift in front of your doctor.

A teaching moment

.

If he was allowed in, it is tempting. I doubt he is due to COVID rules. But I still might take him on his offer to even just sit in the car while I’m there.

Realizations hurt.

I am so very sorry. You deserve so much more. (((Hugs)))

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8565116
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Outoflove2020 ( member #72682) posted at 4:22 PM on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2020

Realizations hurt

They really do, I'm in the same boat as you at the moment. With distance, I'm having several realizations and I'm just a bit.....numb. Which worries me. Had a call with my doc just now, she upped my AD a couple of weeks ago but now I'm worried that it's blunting my emotions. As bad as those emotions are, I think I dislike the numbness more. Apparently, after our last appointment, she was so worried about the pain that she saw me in, that she consulted with colleagues to see if there was anything else that could be done to "mend my broken heart".

She wants me to stay at the higher dosage for a few more months, especially with all the family shit going on now I'm in the UK. She also wants to see me in 3 weeks. She's clearly worried about me.

I just feel like I'm gliding through the days, not really feeling anything. Like a zombie. Nanna's funeral is tomorrow. Not sure I'm going to even be able to cry. xWBF doesn't even know that she's passed. Over 2 weeks of complete NC.

Tallgirl - I hope you are finding moments of peace each day

Daisyanne - so sorry you have to deal with that. I got an STD from a former partner, that I will have for life, didn't find out until years after we'd broken up (I'd been celibate for a long time after that relationship). It sucks.

DDay 1/15/2020.
Separated 3/1/2020

Still healing but in a better place

posts: 375   ·   registered: Jan. 28th, 2020   ·   location: DC Area
id 8565191
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 12:07 AM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2020

How does someone Fall in Lurve with a hooker?

The hooker fucks for money, not love?

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8565436
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 12:15 AM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2020

I had to come tell you

My stocks hit $11,000 today. Mind you, this is AFTER I withdraw $1,200 over the past month.

WS still keeps suggesting we return to joint banking accounts.

Nope! I should have separated our money decades ago!

So now my goal is to let it grow. Once it hits $12,000, I'll withdraw $2,000 and pay off my car. Do it again to $15,000 and pay off my AmEx bill from the vet bill for our late dog.

Then just let it grow huge!

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8565437
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 2:22 AM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2020

How does someone Fall in Lurve with a hooker?

My STBXWH did. He was in Europe with my eldest son, then 8 and bumped into the younger sister of an old friend.

She was with her Pimp, who she claimed to be her boyfriend. WH believed her, even when a mutual friend told WH the truth about what she did for a living, he was even keener on her.

It was the first week of his 4 week holiday he couldn’t hook up with her as her ‘Pimp boyfriend’ was hanging around and would have wanted cash up front.

Asshole WH dumped my 8 year old DS with His relatives While he went partying.

He arranged to hook up with The Hooker when the Pimp wasn’t around. WH wanted a freebie and she wanted a rich sugar daddy to take care of her and her daughter and somehow get her out of Eastern Europe. He bought her a Ring of all things after two freebies.

There were Texts back and forth for month after he returned from Europe and in 2003 lots of long winded love letters, which I still have somewhere.

He claims that she was in Lurve with him but he was planning to leave me with 3 young children and return to Europe to be with her.

WH hates it when I tell people this story. They laugh at him. Buying her a Ring!

He tried buying me a ring as a make up gift. I made him return it.

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 939   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8565491
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 3:12 AM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2020

OMG LadyG! Your WH is a prize too!

Our WHs must be related

Mine was offended that OW#3 was trying to get a baby out of their relationship, since her husband couldn’t father children and didn’t want to adopt

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8565511
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:19 AM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2020

Thank you Ladies. I appreciate the words of support. I still have lots of ups and downs.

I really don’t know how anyone falls in love with a hooker.. .mind boggling. And many more things.

OOL, I am sorry you are having a hard time. I haven’t been on AD before, probably should have, doesn’t it take about 6 weeks to stabilize? I hope it starts to feel better and less zombie like.

20, way to go! Great stuff.

Hugs ladies.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8565516
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 10:48 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2020

I thought this belonged here... I put it on my sass wall of stuff and the more I read it, the more I like it!

Hope all you lovelies are having a good day!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8565785
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:06 AM on Friday, July 24th, 2020

LOVE IT Ellie

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8565835
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 3:39 AM on Friday, July 24th, 2020

I'm so fucking sick & tired of the bullshit gender stereotypes on this site. I know the mods do an excellent job and I'm grateful it exists. But DAMN!!!!!

I can't stand all the snide remarks about women. My WH fucked up. And I do mean ROYALLY fucked up. But I don't hate men. I don't think ALL men are cheaters. I don't think ALL men are assholes, etc.

Damn. It really gets my goat to see sooooooo many men on this site that constantly use the gender thing in all of their posts. I try to use the "S" (vs the "H" or "W" ) after wayward. And sometimes I slip and sometimes I post directly to a BW and refer to their "WH". But some of the folks will ONLY use the gender.

There are some dudes here that I empathize with sooooo much. They are, despite having penises, in the EXACT SAME PLACE as I was. With the EXACT same fears and hurt.

I honestly don't see how it fucking matters one bit if the wayward was a "wife" or a "husband"... they are wayward and they have betrayed spouses.

Ok. Rant over. Thanks for listening.

ETA - is it hypocritical to think Ellie's meme is awesome?

[This message edited by gmc94 at 9:40 PM, July 23rd, 2020 (Thursday)]

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3369   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8565851
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 11:46 AM on Friday, July 24th, 2020

Gmc, a good rant, and a good reminder. Thank you.

Pain skews one’s view of the world and brings Judgement and generalizations with it. As well as the urge to lash out.

Your posts are respectful, and you deserve that in return as a woman, as a betrayed, and as a person. We all do.

And Ellie’s is awesome.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8565948
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 1:02 PM on Friday, July 24th, 2020

That meme is pretty awesome.

gmc - I hear you. Many times I come here I have to remind myself to read with a grain of salt. Some of us write/things out and then review/edit before we post. Some just post directly from their pain. And there have been a few times [if the reading is too heavy] I click off.

Sometimes I try hard myself not to overgeneralize or stereotype. That's why I review/edit. I've been known to sleep on a post. In the beginning though, I posted from raw pain and emotion - just so damn thankful I found this place.

On the flip side, I've also had to wrestle the 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire away from myself on a few occasions

But that meme!!!

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8565963
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 2:27 PM on Friday, July 24th, 2020

gmc pretty sure I know EXACTLY who you're steamed at and I agree. But apparently the male ego is a much more delicate thing than the female one

Right now I am in the boat of just disliking men in general though, so might not be the best person to rant at the moment...

I bought some black index cards and some metallic paint markers and when I come across a cool saying like this I make a little artwork out of it. I have 16 slots on my pantry door in my kitchen that I display them on. I call it my 'wall of sass'

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8566007
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 3:30 AM on Saturday, July 25th, 2020

Do you wonder how we amazing women picked the losers we did?

I honestly thought WH was a good person

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8566329
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 5:17 AM on Saturday, July 25th, 2020

Ellie, love the meme.

My W and I played chess. He loved beating me in the short game.

It’s quite fitting as we get far too much crap about the British Royals on TV here lately. What a bunch of inbreeds, adulterous, paedophiles. No wonder HR Elizabeth won’t relinquish the throne.

I do like the tradition that Philip must walk behind The Queen. Suppose it’s in case someone tried to shoot her in the back, he’d take the bullet. Enough gender bashing now.

I try to have empathy for all the BS. Women are just far over represented in that category unfortunately.

I will try to stay gender neutral on other topics. I steer clear of the Wayward threads...

Enjoy your weekends Ladies 🙏🏼

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 939   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8566351
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 12:18 AM on Sunday, July 26th, 2020

Would you mind if we had discussions on topics related to our spouses cheating?

WH thinks viewing porn is harmless, that I am some frigid conservative square trying to control him

No, I think it dehumanizes something that’s supposed to be a beautiful, intimate act of bonding for a monogamous couple.

I had wonderful sex partners before I married. My WH is awful in bed. His 1996 OW complained about his horrible technique. Um, yeah! But practicing with whores didn’t improve his performance.

Neither has watching porn OR beating off in the shower.

I don’t let him touch me now. Celibacy feels great actually!

I don’t look at porn. I would be sad if my children had to work in porn to support themselves. If a friend sends me a funny video that has porn in it, I will watch it, laugh, then move on

Thoughts?

No, I wasn’t like this pre many DDays. I DO think the serial cheating contributed to this though

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8566544
Topic is Sleeping.
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