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Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 3

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Tallgirl posted 12/28/2019 21:03 PM

20 me too. One of the biggest shocks of my life. Your poor friend. I hope that is all of it.

Chaos posted 12/29/2019 12:02 PM

Oh 20yrs - your poor friend. Hugs to her. Big ones.

Sadly, you know the drill. If she finds herself to SI I hope she finds her way to us Womenz.

ISurvivedSoFar posted 12/29/2019 13:08 PM

Ladies - let's make 2020 the year of us! Let the BS chimes ring - we're taking our lives back and we're living them to the fullest. Here are some thoughts:
* I will not feel guilty for staying or for leaving. I will embrace my decision for the moment.
* I will be proud of my ability to heal and unapologetic for needing time to process
* I will hold my boundaries in every part of my life as the best gift I can give myself
* I don't need anyone else to make me whole or to validate me. I AM ENOUGH forever and always

I think we deserve a self-love fest!!!

gmc94 posted 12/29/2019 13:26 PM

AMEN, ISSF! A-Friggin-Men.

Chaos posted 12/29/2019 14:05 PM

Standing. 👏🏻 Slow 👏🏻 Clap. 👏🏻

A bit toast to you ISSF 🥂

ISurvivedSoFar posted 12/29/2019 16:43 PM

Yes ladies, we deserve to put ourselves first. Many of us have put ourselves way down the list as mothers and as wives. I can say that I thought I was helping my WS by giving in and by doing what he said he wanted or needed even if it was not good for me.

I'm not inclined to do that any longer. I'm not embarrassed to say what I want even if it is not what he wants (or anyone else for that matter). I don't acquiesce if I don't want to and I do if it suits me in the moment.

I'm learning that putting me first isn't necessarily selfish. I have a ways to go but it is time for me to not feel badly about my needs or desires.

What are some of your resolutions?

Chaos posted 12/29/2019 17:46 PM

In 2020 I will do the following:

Drink more water

Continue being the fabulousness that is Chaos

Maintain my 3x/week workout routine

Take myself on regular dates

Arm crochet a big bulky blanket

Schedule the damn colonoscopy I put off in 2019

To be continued ..:

cocoplus5nuts posted 12/29/2019 18:40 PM

Ugh, Chaos! I have to schedule a colonoscopy, too. At least I have 3 more months.

I have never made a new year's resolution in my life. I can't think of anything. I'm pretty good at taking care of myself and sticking to or completing things I want to do.

Fch and I listened to the betrayal podcasts yesterday that someone posted in the forums. We talked about them a little. I asked him if he understood that his cheating caused me to question everything about him and us from the very beginning of our relationship. He said he understands that.

I told him that I need him to be impeccably honest with me, no more sort of answering my questions because that feels dishonest to me. He got a little worked up about that one. He absolutely abhors being called dishonest or a liar. He doesn't see how he is dishonest in minor things. I used an example of an exchange we had. I told him that he knew he was being dishonest because the way he answered me changed. That's how I could tell he was lying. He has a tell and I know it.

He got all worked up that I was saying he deliberately lied to me. After a bit of working to calm him down, I explained that I don't think he consciously and deliberately lied to me. I think he's so used to lying that he isn't conscious of doing it. However, somewhere in his psyche he knows he's being dishonest. That's why his tell shows up. He settled down and accepted that.

I reminded him again that I am precise with my words. I mean exactly what I say. He needs to be conscious of what he's doing and answer precisely what I ask. Anyway, I hope that will all sink in.

Tallgirl posted 12/29/2019 19:15 PM

ISurvived, I love that. You are so right.

Here are a few of my 2020 focuses

-Plan weekly. One part is a just for me thing once a week.

-Cull the crap in my house

- save eating junk to once a week.

- celebrate all wins without calories being consumed

-stretch 3x a week

- find a hobby.

- smile consciously for 5 mins every day. I think I look like a grump.

- figure out how to do make up

- have good sex (yep, this would be a Fucking miracle) at least once.

- throw away all fucking Epsom salts

- daily kisses from my new puppy 😃.

- find a muscle and learn to throw a hard punch. In case I bump into the AP.

- try meditation maybe these anger surges will disappear. (Just had a pissy convo with WH) fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

- make my bedroom a zen spot, rather than a lonely one.

- help my kids launch

- let people own their own crap

Be the kind of person I want to spend time with. I guess that is the main one.

Newbeginnings24 posted 12/29/2019 22:10 PM

People say donít make new yers resolutions, have them all year round and stick to them. But I think thatís rubbish and its a great idea to have them for a new year....mine are:

- prioritise me
- exercise daily
- continue to be a stable parent to my DD
- keep practicing NC and see the mindfucks for what they are
- stop worrying about others and what they think
- enjoy time with the people I love
- move house
- finalise D
- become more confident in my skin

NB x

ISurvivedSoFar posted 12/29/2019 22:38 PM

I love this! Me too - exercise and healthy eating is a must in 2020. I had a cardiac scare that turned out to be nothing but it was enough to jolt me.

And me time weekly - I have to make a note of that. To do something for me.

I will remember to smile too!

And colonoscopy is already going on the calendar for 2020. Chaos - GO GET YOURS PLEASE!

Oya1 posted 12/30/2019 07:03 AM

New to the site - not sure if this is even the right spot for this, but here goes.

I caught my WH and the OW last February. We are both in IC and MC.

We are trying to work things out, but thereís this part of me that isnít willing to be all in. Iím holding something back. I donít want to be vulnerable again because I canít. Itís a real intimacy blocker for sure. For months, all we talked about was what had happened. Now we donít. Heís my best friend and we have fun together - we really enjoy each otherís company, but something is definitely missing. Sex has always been great, but my desire is nonexistent right now.

Every now and then, it feels like Iím standing on a precipice and all I would have to do is jump. Jump back into my life. But thereís a voice that says ďdonít you dare.Ē And I keep listening to it.

Heís trying hard to be supportive, tries to say all the right things, but I just canít. So - how long does this last? Has anyone felt this? Made it through the curtain? How did you do it?

Chaos posted 12/30/2019 07:16 AM

Welcome Oyal. Sorry you had to find us but you've come to the right place.

One breath at a time my dear. One breath at a time. Then one moment at a time. Then one minute at a time. Eventually you get to one hour at a time, one day at a time and one week at a time. Don't pressure yourself. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I'll come back for more later.

We have an awesome dictionary around here if you read a few pages back. And we say FUCK a lot. Because we can. This is our place. NO subject is taboo. We are an awesome eclectic mix of fabulous here.

Until I get back to you and others come along - hold your head high, walk proudly and always leave a trail of glitter in your wake.

DaisyAnne posted 12/30/2019 09:38 AM

Welcome Oya1. Sorry you have to be here but these womenz certainly do help with advice, support and a good laugh.

We had a big dip in the rollercoaster this weekend. Mostly due to a misunderstanding. We both said some hurtful things. We then calmly talked it out for a good hour in the evening, fell asleep climbing back up that rollercoaster and both apologized the next morning. Then had the best day just hanging out at home together. ďRollercoasterĒ is truly the most appropriate word for it.

I am so ready for 2020!!! My list:

Continue focusing on my health: Intermittent fasting, drink more water and get back into exercising

Take myself on regular dates. (Love this so Iím stealing it).

Stop worrying so much about what others think of me

Reach out to friends. Iíve closed myself off this year.

Moving on and focusing on the future. Not forgetting the past, but also not dwelling on it

Tallgirl posted 12/30/2019 20:13 PM

Hi Oyal, sorry you are here. I am not all in either.

Why? We hurt, and donít trust that they wonít hurt us again. It is fucking scary. Donít be harsh on yourself. None of this is easy.

Itís been 19 months and I am still trying to figure out if I want to even try ru R

Take your time. Donít force anything on yourself. You will figure it out one way or another when you are ready.


cocoplus5nuts posted 12/30/2019 20:54 PM

Oya1, what you're feeling is so normal. You are protecting yourself, as you should. It's too soon for you to trust your CH. Minimum 2-5 years to heal.

I was guarded until year 4. Finally, 5 years out and reconciled, I feel safe again. I've let my guard down.

Give yourself however much time you need. Are you in IC? This kind of betrayal can cause PTSD. A friend of mine pointed out to me that I was exhibiting the symptoms. I didn't realize it. A therapist experienced in trauma can help with that.

Take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty for not being ready. It's ok.

20yrsagoBS posted 12/30/2019 21:06 PM


Iím still bitter decades later.

Donít be like me

[This message edited by 20yrsagoBS at 9:06 PM, December 30th (Monday)]

BigBlueEyes posted 12/31/2019 11:38 AM

ALL of you Wonderful Womenz,

Just a quick stop in to say Happy new Year to you all, I hope 2020 is Filled to the brim with Love & Happiness,

Here's a little something to take from 2019 into 2020 for ALL of us
Never Forget how far you have come,
Everything you have gotten through,
All the times you have pushed on even when you felt you couldn't,
All the mornings you got out of bed no matter how hard it was,
All the times you wanted to give up but you got through another day,
Never forget how much strength you have learned and developed on this rollercoaster,
Never ever forget just how strong you really are!!!

P.S ISSF...I bloody love IT..ALL of IT

womenz you seriously rock

Tallgirl posted 12/31/2019 23:04 PM

Happy New Year!!!!

Good fucking bye 2019

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 11:08 PM, December 31st (Tuesday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 1/1/2020 09:01 AM

SOS messaged me. She's ok, thank goodness. She said she just needed a break from SI.

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