Blackheart, there is only one USPTO and it's on Alexandria, VA. You could always move there. I assume you probably don't want to do that. I was using it as an example of thinking outside the box with your degree. From the name, it wouldn't occur to me that they would hire scientists and other techies, but they are in high demand because most patents are for technical and scientific inventions. I worked in bioaffecting chemical compositions.
Ellie, my fch has never claimed that I abuse him. I have since dday. I attacked him physically once while he was sleeping. Just started hitting him. He woke up and laid there and just took it. I didn't hurt him. He's very solid. The physical only happened once, but the screaming and cussing and name calling had gone on for years. I can be vicious when I'm angry.
I don't scream or namecall anymore. I do mumble under my breath, calling him stupid and an idiot a lot. I guess my boys sometimes hear that. And, I criticize my fch a lot. It's so hard for me because a lot of what he does doesn't make sense to me. It seems so stupid. Knowing how stupid he was in cheating makes it easy for me to think of him as stupid and view him with contempt. Even the most mundane things he says get my eyes rolling. This morning, as I'm in front of the stove with eggs, bacon, and grits, he asks,"What are you making?" Really? Isn't it obvious? I don't understand the point in that question.
My therapist has told me to drop the word, "stupid," from my vocabulary. She says I can still be direct, just soften what I say a little with a lead in and a softer facial expression. Just yesterday, I said something my fch did was stupid. He has a Master's degree. He can't be all that stupid, right?
GMC, OMG! My fch's mom was the same way, and my fch picked up that it was normal and ok. He does the cliche, "I've had this forever," when I ask about something he bought that he hid somewhere for a few months. Monday night, it was a pair of jeans. I like, "You know it's ok for you to buy yourself something you need, right?"
And, the minimizing language! My fch used to say, "the affair." First, to me it wasn't an affair. An affair is something nice and pleasant and wholesome like a tea party. He cheated. Second, he has removed himself from the equation with that statement. It was the affair, not his affair. I told him to stop that. Call it what it was and own it.
He's also prickly about being called out on lying. He can't stand it when I call him a liar. He has tried to deny it in the past. Um, you lied about cheating, right? You were dishonest about so many things. That's pretty much the definition of a liar. He says he doesn't see the things he does as lying or dishonest. I have to explain to him that he didn't tell the truth, whether by omission or minimizing or flat out denying/lying. Sometimes, he tries to pull the old, "I was answering a different question." Bullshit! That's just another way of being dishonest, deflecting so he doesn't have to admit to something.
Geez! He's so fucked up. I don't want to deal with this stupid shit! There's that word again. For the life of me, I can't figure how I became the healthy one in my M, as fucked up as I am.
The thread on cheating and mental illness triggered me. I feel like everyone is misunderstanding depression. I can't stand that people are trying to use depression as a reason or factor in their CPs cheating. I had a panic attack after posting on there yesterday. I want to go back and read responses, but I'm too scared.
Everyone who cheats has serious issues. Everyone who cheats is in some sort of crisis. I don't give a fuck! Unless someone is in a complete psychotic break where they don't know reality, don't know they're married, mental illness is not a reason. I've been depressed almost my entire fucking life! I have never cheated on anyone. It's not fucking depression or ADHD or anxiety. It's weakness, fear, selfishness, self-centeredness, entitlement, lack of empathy and conscience. Those are character flaws, not mental illness.
[This message edited by cocoplus5nuts at 9:04 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)]