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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread - Part 34

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WearingTheHorns ( member #37916) posted at 5:45 AM on Tuesday, March 2nd, 2021

I don't know what the point of too old for kids would be. My ex dated aguy for several years that was about the same age as me. He never had kids but really wanted to be a father to my son. I could even tell at times he'd have been perfectly happy to see me get hit by a bus so he could be the main father figure. That's pretty much what it would have taken too. My son and I have always been extremely close. At any rate, he and my ex split up around 12 years ago, and just a couple of years ago he got back in contact with my son. Turns out he had wanted a son so badly after having gotten to be a sort of father to my so he had adopted a young teenage boy. Now he's getting the fulfillment of fatherhood, although IMO he missed out on some of the best years of fatherhood. Something to consider I guess.

tbjkcn that's an awesome photo! I was a big astronomy geek when I was a kid and several years ago got a telescope intending to get back into the hobby but didn't. I recently dug my scope out for the Jupiter - Saturn conjunction in December and reignited the spark. It's just a Tasco reflector but I'm trying to squeeze everything I can out of it. Got a couple of new eyepieces Friday but haven't had a chance to use them yet. Hopefully soon though.

Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months
Hoped I'd never have to add this: Dday #2 11/22/2015 Not sure how far it went yet but have a pretty good idea.

2 Cor. 12:9-10

posts: 1027   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2012
id 8638400
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 3:41 PM on Tuesday, March 2nd, 2021

I was a big astronomy geek when I was a kid

I'm still an big astronomy geek. I can spend hours binge watching "How the Universe Works" and all the other shows like it and I've read just about everything Neil DeGrasse Tyson's ever written.

My interest in astronomy began when I picked up a copy of "A Brief History of Time," by Stephen Hawking. I was in my early 20s, recently out of the Navy, working at a book store part-time while attending junior college. The book might as well have been written in Klingon for all I understood of it. So, being me, I decided to take Astronomy 101 the next semester. Since then, I've been hooked.

Heading towards divorce
D-Day April, 2015

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."
-Brene Brown

posts: 6361   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8638448
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 1:46 AM on Wednesday, March 3rd, 2021

ut haven't had a chance to use them yet. Hopefully soon though.

Nothing brings out the clouds like the UPS man dropping off new astronomy stuff...

Wow, there's a fair number of astronomy geeks here apparently. Maybe someday when such things are allowed again, we should have a star-party G2G....

I went out again last night and and froze my ass off to add another two hours to the image. Unfortunately I got distracted chatting to a couple other guys there while I was setting up and didn't pay close enough attention to the rotation of my camera. So I ended up with about 25 degrees of rotation between the two sessions and had to crop quite a bit to get rid of the non-overlapping bits. Probably not a totally bad thing as it brings the horse's head out a bit more, but I lost some of the wispy-ness at the top of the nebula.

At any rate, I am calling this one done. Until I decide it isn't done and go back to try and make it better.

Tomorrow I start improving this image of the Orion Nebula that I got just the beginnings of back in November.

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 7:46 PM, March 2nd (Tuesday)]

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8638631
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 3:23 AM on Thursday, March 11th, 2021

Pics didn't seem to post right.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8640969
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 3:34 AM on Thursday, March 11th, 2021

Pics didn't seem to post right.

They worked for me when I right clicked and choose open in new tab. Or press and hold on phone

[This message edited by grubs at 9:34 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]

posts: 748   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8640971
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WearingTheHorns ( member #37916) posted at 11:58 PM on Saturday, March 13th, 2021

So I have something I can't really put my finger on how I feel about. WW and I painted and redid the floors of our bedroom. We've been going through things as we get the room back together and the other night as she was going through her nightstand I saw she was taking things out of the drawer the couple of books on infidelity we read and the timeline she'd made at my insistence. Of course the timeline ended up in the trashbag. I know what it says of course since it's seared into my brain, maybe not every detail but enough of it. Now I'm going back and forth between wanting to dig it out and keep and just letting it go. I can't come up with one good reason to keep it, but getting rid of it kind of seems like pretending it never happened or that it's minimizes what I'm still going through. I just don't know

Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months
Hoped I'd never have to add this: Dday #2 11/22/2015 Not sure how far it went yet but have a pretty good idea.

2 Cor. 12:9-10

posts: 1027   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2012
id 8641666
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 5:20 PM on Sunday, March 14th, 2021

Talk with your W about digging out the timeline?

Mine is on my computer and in backups. Every so often I see it and think about deleting old stuff, and ... I can't/won't do it. I guess I'm with you - I'd be afraid that throwing it out would mean pretending the A never happened.

*****

Thanks for sharing the photos, tbkjcn.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26040   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8641754
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 7:06 PM on Sunday, March 14th, 2021

Now I'm going back and forth between wanting to dig it out and keep and just letting it go.

It's not quite the same for me, being divorced, as my xWW doesn't get to decide to throw things out or not, but from my standpoint, I still have everything I uncovered during the post-DDay investigations. I have all the emails I printed out (several hundred pages), the thumb drive I discovered, all of it. I don't plan to get rid of any of it. It's all in file folders in a box. It's not like I take it out and spend my nights obsessing over it, but it's part of who I am now. As you said, "getting rid of it kind of seems like pretending it never happened". Maybe someday I will come across the box and think "Why am I keeping all this crap?" but I doubt it -- I still have my HS yearbooks, and I didn't enjoy those years much either.....

Thanks for sharing the photos, tbkjcn.

Thanks, I've been resisting posting more cuz it's prolly just cluttering things up, and I'm not sure anyone is really interested anyway

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8641771
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Wiseoldfool ( member #78413) posted at 9:37 PM on Sunday, March 14th, 2021

I think you’ll know when it’s time to release the tangible proof of her confession.

Until then, if there is any doubt, there is no doubt.

posts: 92   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2021
id 8641796
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WearingTheHorns ( member #37916) posted at 4:28 AM on Tuesday, March 16th, 2021

Well it's a moot point now. It apparently went out in this mornings trash and I did it. There were a few bags of crap we were throwing out and that bag must've been added to them. There was one that I thought seemed like it was the one the timeline was in but she must've put a bunch more trash in it. So out it went to the curb this morning as I was leaving. I guess the infidelity books were in there too unless she's put them somewhere else or gotten rid of them herself. I guess apart from copies of some texts I sent to a friend back then for safe keeping (which I'm sure are long gone) all the evidence of her adulteries are gone. Now if she could just scrub it from my memory her victory would be complete.

Maybe every now and then I should just bust out with, "Hey, remember back when you were fucking a bunch of other guys behind my back?" just to make sure she doesn't get too far from forgetting.

Oh, and for what it's worth tbjkcn, I say keep posting the pics. I'll never be able to afford the gear you have so I have to live vicariously through you astronomy-wise lol

[This message edited by WearingTheHorns at 6:39 AM, March 16th (Tuesday)]

Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months
Hoped I'd never have to add this: Dday #2 11/22/2015 Not sure how far it went yet but have a pretty good idea.

2 Cor. 12:9-10

posts: 1027   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2012
id 8642085
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Camel ( member #77378) posted at 12:20 AM on Thursday, March 18th, 2021

I am taking my time and trying to see if wife changes enough to make reconciling worth while. I'm having a tough time on commiting to work on myself especially with covid going on. I've been on leave for the last couple of months and next week I go back to work. Then the real challenge begins. I will have to contain myself and focus on work but I just don't know that it's possible. Maybe time is what I still need but I feel like that's the answer to everything right now. Any thoughts are welcome.

posts: 77   ·   registered: Feb. 23rd, 2021
id 8642681
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dogcopter ( member #77390) posted at 3:05 AM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Maybe every now and then I should just bust out with, "Hey, remember back when you were fucking a bunch of other guys behind my back?" just to make sure she doesn't get too far from forgetting.

Wearingthehorns, Something like this almost falls out of my mouth every time I open it. I understand the need to remember.

1st D-Day: Nov 2015
Many more D-Days.
nth D-Day: Jan 2021

posts: 283   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2021   ·   location: OH
id 8643090
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 11:46 PM on Monday, March 22nd, 2021

WTH, excluding the camera, I've not really got that much invested. I allocated the price of one vacation that I didn't get to go on in 2020. About $2,500. Again, excluding the camera (which was a totally optional purchase, I could have stuck with my DSLR, but it hurt my heart to watch the shutter count go up by over 5,000 in three months, astro cameras don't have shutters ) I am in that ballpark.

Here's a new technique I've been working on the last couple weeks. It's a modified "Hubble palette." Modified because right now I am only imagining in Hydrogen alpha and Oxygen III The serious photogs add sulfur as well, but I couldn't bring myself to add enough money to get a Tri-band filter, so HOO it is....

I isolate the Hydrogen and Oxygen signals into separate monochrome images instead of letting the normal color process take place and assigning the images to the different color channels. Since I have three images (H, O and luminance), I assign hydrogen to red, oxygen to blue, and create a synthetic green channel by mixing those two. that's the HOO part.

The Roestte. Ignore the blue stars, this was my first attempt at this technique and they didn't come out right. I fixed it later but I'm too lazy to go fetch my SSD to get a new copy.

The Orion Nebula. I let the core get blown out and the trapezium is totally gone, but I haven't been able to get back and shoot some lower exposures to make an HDR image, and Orion is fast disappearing...

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 5:47 PM, March 22nd (Monday)]

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8644167
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 7:41 AM on Friday, March 26th, 2021

Anyone else do stock trading?

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8645319
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DanielJK ( member #75654) posted at 4:40 PM on Friday, March 26th, 2021

NTV

I do. Market has been very good.

I'm getting nervous though. Moved some assets to cash.

BH 51
STBXWW 53
2 daughters, 14 and 16
Filed for divorce 12/23/2020

After a year of hell I finally moved out (5/26/2021).
Divorce still pending.

posts: 455   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2020   ·   location: CT
id 8645529
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 5:54 PM on Friday, March 26th, 2021

I hope for another jump around August for when lift from covid restrictions start really happening, though i suspect the businesses that benefited the most from folks staying home are likely gonna take a hit.

I'm more looking for some advice on selling options. My plan so far has been to buy some stock and then put in a limit sell order for when it reaches the price I want.

Which has worked pretty good for me so far, turning 4.5k into 23k, but I'm really a newbie in this. So someone mentioned doing a covered call would be in effect the same thing except i might get someone to pay me money for doing it, I started looking into that. It's just being unfamiliar with the terms and how makes me unsure. Was hoping one of you fine gents might be able to guide me through it.

[This message edited by Notthevictem at 11:55 AM, March 26th (Friday)]

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8645555
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 6:14 PM on Friday, April 16th, 2021

A lot of companies are going to adopt a more permanent work from home model. I think commercial real estate will suffer great losses.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 723   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8651340
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Brew3x ( member #72052) posted at 12:41 AM on Thursday, April 29th, 2021

I was curious if any of you guys have successfully pulled off a mid life career change? I’ve been a chef my whole career and have recently realized how unhappy it really makes me. I think the A has really forced me to look In the mirror and try to improve myself and now that I’ve had all this time off due to the pandemic I really have little interest in doing this work anymore. This is something I’ve contemplated in the past but never pulled the trigger. Being a chef really takes its tole on the mind and body.

I guess my issue is I make pretty decent money now and can’t just transition into something that doesn’t pay.

Anyway...

thanks

[This message edited by Brew3x at 6:42 PM, April 28th (Wednesday)]

posts: 236   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2019   ·   location: MA
id 8654900
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 5:40 PM on Thursday, April 29th, 2021

What do you want to do? Transitioning away from something isn't all that exciting. Going towards a desired goal can get the juices flowing.

BTW, you probably have lots of transferable skills. For example, if you've had sous-chefs under you, you know something about supervision and, possibly, mentoring (but kitchens on TV don't show a lot of that). You also know more than a little about customer service, etc., etc., etc.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26040   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8655082
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UnlovedAndBroked ( member #47870) posted at 3:54 AM on Saturday, May 1st, 2021

What's up, fellas? Figured I'd check in and see what's new. Haven't dropped by the boards in a good while.

[This message edited by UnlovedAndBroked at 9:56 PM, April 30th (Friday)]

"There are a million things in this universe you can have and there are a million things you can’t have. It’s no fun facing that, but that’s the way things are." - James T. Kirk

posts: 764   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2015   ·   location: Fort Worth, TX
id 8655768
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