Major blow out need help
Had a major blow out with my WW tonight and things got ugly. I told her I was going to stay with my parents tomorrow.
My dday anniversary is in two weeks and my marriage anniversary is the following week. I have been upset the last few days and she hasn’t said a word to me about why I’m upset just stuff like why are you grouchy.
Today I texted to tell her and said I was going to run some errands and go to my parents and I be home later at night. Her response was "are you having some sort of issue with me this week" I responded " idk I’m just having a hard time this week just that time of year I guess" and then nothing. So a few hours later I texted her and said " based off of your response I guess you don’t care" her response " I’m just trying to finish my work so I can leave"
When I got home she completely ignored me until I was going to bed and she wanted to go down the street to her aunts.
Anyway we argued and she blamed me the whole time about how she’s been walking on egg shells for two years and I don’t want to heal and I’ve been hanging it over her head. So I told her how she’s not even sorry and doing any work. Idk It was ugly I told her I hated her and wished she died.
She gave me my rings back and went down to her aunts house and Never came home.
Funny thing about this whole argument is I knows this was going to happen it’s the same argument every time "you’re not sorry or doing any work" "her talking about her feelings and how I do t want to heal"
Idk what to do part of me is relieved I guess but I feel super sad that she wouldn’t work towards R.
I guess I’ll be heading towards D, there’s nothing else to be said she’ll never get it.
I’ve decided I’m not going to my parents she should be the one to leave we wouldn’t have that house if it weren’t for the money I saved before we met and she’s the one that destroyed us.
17 comments posted: Saturday, September 25th, 2021
So the other day my W mentioned that a nice local restaurant was offering a Valentine’s Day to go dinner package with a 4 course menu and a bottle of champagne. We got the a Similar meal for New Years and it was nice. She read the menu and although it sounded nice it was pricey. My immediate response without thinking was screw that I’ll cook up a real chef meal. So for a few days I thought of a cool tasting menu I could do. Then the A started to creep into my thoughts and really just ruined it.
I’m cooking weeknight meals now that I’m On furlough from the hotel but I’m not putting any effort in. Creating a thoughtful well planned out dinner is very personal to me and I’m not really sure I want to do that now.
I will admit that it’s been a sore spot for my W throughout our marriage that she was married to chef that was never interested in cooking for her, so I have been trying to be better at it.
I feel like I’m sending a message that I’m further along in my healing than I really am.
Or possibly I’m healing more than I want to admit and am having a hard time letting go of the hurt.
Anyway I’m really not sure what type advice I’m looking for but thanks for being there.
18 comments posted: Wednesday, January 27th, 2021
I’ve heard it said in many post that year two can be very difficult even more difficult than year one. Im 14 months out and was wondering if someone further out than I can elaborate on year two being worse.
31 comments posted: Sunday, November 29th, 2020
Am I the only one that envisions the AP in public. Every time I see a guy that resembles what I imagine the AP was like I ask myself is that the DB that fucked my W. Then I get hit with rage and want to peel his face off. It’s like I hate every guy in his 50’s that is short and in shape. It’s kinda funny becuase I saw some pics of AP so I know it’s not him.
33 comments posted: Wednesday, October 21st, 2020
What’s left to say?
I’ve been doing pretty good lately and haven’t talked about the A much. We just passed one year and even though I’m still sad and angry everyday the feeling has gone to a dull pain as opposed to a kick in the gut.
At some point what else is there to say? I’m kinda growing tired of saying I’m upset that you... or I’m mad that you.... I’m sure at this point at she gets it, she destroyed me, she sees it I’m my eyes hears it in my voice.
Things are improving and I can see that my W is trying. At some point do I just deal with the pain on my own? I even grow a little tired if posting here because I don’t feel like anything will help other than time. I know it takes 2-5 years to heal.
If I had a big trigger or some major issue I would talk about it.
24 comments posted: Thursday, October 15th, 2020
1 year update
My DDay anniversary is 10/4. The first post I ever read on this site was a one year update at that moment I felt like i was dying. I remember reading that positive post and wishing I could make it to one year.
Well I made it and I’m doing much better. There have been so many people here who have helped me so much. Thank you to all those that put up with my relentless PM’s whining about how I was struggling so much.
Someone here reminded me that the A was behind me and that it held no power over me that I was still the same person I was before the A. “I’m unfuckablewith”
I was in the shower 3 weeks ago and yelled out “he fucked my wife” and then I started to laugh and I felt like some big weight was removed from me. I remembered that I’m a badass man who lives his life with honor and respect. I’m a trained butcher and successful chef, I lift weights, take martial arts, save and make money. To hell with infidelity I don’t need it. I’m committed to R but weather I R or D I know I will thrive in life.
I thought the advice I received in the begging was complete horse shit, Eat and sleep and focus on my self and health and healing and all that. Well you were right I worked hard in healing and it’s finally starting to pay off.
I guess the point is thank you to all those that took the time to guide me to this point. I’m doing really well the last 4 weeks.
6 comments posted: Friday, October 2nd, 2020