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Betrayed Womenz Thread

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northeasternarea posted 10/20/2019 22:19 PM

That yarn is gorgeous!

HeHadADoubleLife posted 10/21/2019 00:12 AM

I am really annoyed by this. Disproportionately so.
I have a t-shirt that says Born Annoyed. But I think I want one that says this on it instead!

This feels like something Daria would say in her trademark monotone. And I love it.

[This message edited by HeHadADoubleLife at 12:16 AM, October 21st (Monday)]

20yrsagoBS posted 10/21/2019 04:36 AM

WH’s first attempt at cheating was propositioning his female supervisor to “hook up”. She declined ( something he lied about for 25 years!) He actually doesn’t think that constitutes Sexual Harassment!

What do you think?

BigBlueEyes posted 10/21/2019 06:02 AM

Hey Womenz,

I'm back from hospital now, physically I am sore but bones will mend, bruises, & scars will fade,
mentally I'm not so sure that'll be as easy.

His air tight alibi held up!
I don't know how much more I can take,
He's sent flowers to my home, chocolates to the ward, messages over the hospital radio, ringing the ward constantly, sending messages through friends, wants to take care of me, playing the dutiful caring loving husband,
He says he just wants to come back home to start a fresh.

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so god damn fucking tired of it all!!

FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK i want a life...any life where I'm not scared, any life where I can find some peace in it,

any ideas wise womenz? I'll take anything over this fuckedupness that is currently my life

Chaos posted 10/21/2019 07:01 AM

Hey BBE!!!!!

Happy Fucking Monday.

Shame on the hospital - if they knew your history and allowed those messages, delivery, etc. Shame on them. You think they'd have had ample training. on this.

Home - just because he delivers them doesn't mean you have to accept them. Tell whatever vendor attempts that you have a restraining order against him, he's tried to fucking shoot you in front of you children and to take that lame ass gift back or they can drop it off at a local shelter - THEIR choice.

Let whatever authorities helping you know what he's doing. And anyone else quasi involved. Neighbors - family - friends - etc.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

And FUCK SCOOBY DUM. Sharpening my sewing pins and going in search of a VooDoo Doll. Also, polishing my Rosary beads so I can then ask for forgiveness. I'm going to need it.

cocoplus5nuts posted 10/21/2019 07:11 AM

((BBE))! I'm so glad you are ok!

I agree with Chaos about not accepting anything he sends. Do document it, thoguh. Could any of that be considered a violation of the RO?

If you're up to it, file a complaint with the hospital for letting the gifts and calls from him through. They should've known better.

Does anyone know who hit you?

20years, I would consider that sexual harassment. It's anything sexual or gender related (I think) that makes for an uncomfortable or hostile environment. Maybe he thinks since he was the subordinate and she was the supervisor it doesn't count? Yep, it counts.

DaisyAnne posted 10/21/2019 07:38 AM

BBE, I am so glad that you are ok! Please take care of yourself mentally. I agree with Chaos and Coco, document everything and don't accept anything from him. ((((hugs))))

We had a really nice weekend. Lots of family time, laughs, good food and drinks and love. I am trying to take this positive, good feeling into this new week.

Happy Fucking Monday womenz!

[This message edited by DaisyAnne at 12:12 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

HeHadADoubleLife posted 10/21/2019 08:10 AM

All the other wonderful womenz hit all of the topics I would have:
-file a complaint with the hospital
-document absolutely everything, and report it to the police. Even if it's not in violation of your RO, an excessive amount of this over time could possibly add up to a harassment charge I would assume

Another thing I thought of was this - what friends are passing messages for him? Can you tell them that you do not want to hear from him? I mean obviously if he makes any threats then your friends should notify you so you can report it to the police, but if it's just these professions of love and devotion, you really don't need to hear that.

To this point:

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so god damn fucking tired of it all!!

FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK i want a life...any life where I'm not scared, any life where I can find some peace in it,

I hear you. You absolutely deserve a life free of fear. What are some action steps you and your kids can take to achieve that?

I know you've mentioned having a panic button installed at the house, that is great! Are all of the weapons out of the house/shed?

Could you take some self defense classes? Of course it's always best to let the police handle it if you can, but just in case a situation arises where you can't contact them, or it's taking them a while to get there, or whatever. I know it probably seems like small potatoes when you're facing a loaded crossbow, or up against a vehicle. But just the act of taking classes might be empowering for you.

I wouldn't make any drastic decisions now, like selling your house etc., until after his hearing re: his attempt at your life. If he goes to jail, you might not need to move. I would hope that attempted murder gets him a decent amount of jail time. I don't have a ton of faith in the American judicial system when it comes to domestic violence, but I hope that yours is better across the pond.

But can you start looking at other places to live? Maybe get an assessment done on the house so you can see how much you might get if you sell it, that way you know what kind of $$ you would be working with. It would help eliminate some of the "unknown" of what might need to happen, and that might alleviate some stress, just knowing what your options are.

Also remember that while the hyper vigilance you're living in is absolutely normal given your circumstances - your mind is just trying to protect you after all - it is also fucking exhausting. Do your best to eat well, drink water, and get really restful sleep. I know that's a lot easier said than done, especially when you're probably sleeping with one eye open, but try your best.

Is there somewhere you could go for a bit in order to get away from it all? Somewhere where he would have absolutely no clue where you are? I know when my X was making threats, even though he technically didn't have my address, I was scared just being in the same city as him, so I went and stayed with my parents for a week or so. I'm sure he knows where all of your kids live, but maybe you have some extended relatives, or friends of friends, or even just a cheap motel in the middle of nowhere?

I know it didn't feel very empowering to run away from it, and I was PISSED that in a sense he was forcing me out of my own home, but it sure did make me feel a hell of a lot safer. I didn't have to be as vigilant, so I was able to get out of flight response mode which helped immensely with sleep and just my overall stress levels.

So many hugs to you, and Fuck. That. Guy.

EllieKMAS posted 10/21/2019 11:49 AM

Oh BBE I am so sorry

I agree with maybe thinking it might be time to move. Doesn't seem like he has gotten the fucking point that HE DOESN'T HAVE A WIFE ANYMORE. SMDH.

And just cus he had an alibi doesn't mean he didn't pay someone to do that. Seems like something his crazy ass would do - paying someone to hurt you 'just enough' so that you felt like having him come 'take care of you'... Have the police started examining that angle?

And just in case you are thinking of giving him another chance, remember that he has not changed on bit. This love-bombing BS is just that - BULL SHIT. You know that, but it bears repeating, loudly and often.

Sending you and your wonderful kids all the hugs!


HeHadADoubleLife posted 10/21/2019 12:44 PM

I've always loved Daria! I feel like that's just my general mood lol.

Daria and Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You (I know, I know, it's really Taming of the Shrew) were my favorite characters as a teen.

No wonder I'm a little fucked up haha.

Kat has so many good quotes:

Just found out that all seasons of Daria are on Hulu... I guess we know what I'll be binging now

Chaos posted 10/21/2019 13:01 PM

All you bad ass Womenz discussing characters I have no clue about and here I am sharpening my sewing pins and dipping them in battery acid for my Scooby Dum Voodoo Doll. Wanna guess where the 1st one goes???

EllieKMAS posted 10/21/2019 13:03 PM

Chaos you have to watch Daria... she is my spirit animal LOL

And hazarding a guess on the voodoo doll... PITD?

HeHadADoubleLife posted 10/21/2019 13:23 PM


Chaos posted 10/21/2019 13:30 PM

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

PITD for the win!

TX1995 posted 10/21/2019 14:07 PM

BBE - So glad to hear from you, but worried that there isn't more protection for you. Will be thinking of you.

Chaos - PITD for sure.

I wasn't ever super into Daria but that's probably bc she was on in high school when I didn't have cable tv. I do love the sarcasm and dry humor though. My fave is Juno. I could watch that movie over and over.

I cannot possibly catch up after a few days away, but I did read and am sending both goo vibes to the womenz and virtual KITD to every cheating asshole in our lives.

One thing I have to say is GMC, WTAF was your CH thinking? I do not like his cancelling the date. You should be cancelling things and having him begging to see you. Asshole.

Had a good weekend at the TX house. WH planned a date for us on Friday night. Took me somewhere new. Combined nostalgic video games and beer (I'm talking PacMan and Donkey Kong) and then a nice dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. It was a good night. Then he asked if he could kiss me. I let him, and it was good for a little while. Until the cOWhore came back into my head. Then I cried. We spent the next day together at an all day workshop on one of my favorite topics (the Enneagram) and our kids wound up with plans, so we ended up on date night #2. This time I kissed him and it took cOWhore longer to show up. By Sunday night, I was back on the "this will never work, he slept with someone else train". Not sure which train I will be happier on - that one or the current WH train, but at least most of the weekend was good and I was able to be present for a small time.

I really really need to go see a doctor about my PMS mood swings. The ONLY time I think of suicide is 1-2 weeks pre-period. The depression and anxiety are awful. And I was googling (obviously) and apparently PTSD goes hand in hand with PMDD (which basically means PMS from hell). Having him cheat at this age is like a bigger slap in the face. Pre-menopausal, more wrinkles, hair loss. What a fucking asshole. He's going bald now too but men are allowed to be bald and still look good. Women have to buy wigs!

Anyways, BBE, take care of you. Find some good resources to help you. And I hope everyone has a GFD!

[This message edited by TX1995 at 2:08 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 10/21/2019 21:19 PM

All you bad ass Womenz discussing characters I have no clue about

I'm clueless, too.

BigBlueEyes posted 10/22/2019 03:06 AM

Thank you womenz,

Friends are no longer passing messages through, he was playing the victim rather well, however they just needed reminding HE ISNT INNOCENT in this fuckedupness!!!

I have 2 *lodgers* that moved in a little while ago, 1 with me at all times, he was getting in the opposite side of the car at the same time as me, he feels bad but there really wasn’t anything he could of done, it happened far to fast.
He would definitely recognise the driver if he seen him again it’s a case of waiting for the police to finish there investigation so someone hopefully can be charged.

Flowers are being turned away, post offices local to us have been visited with warnings (small community) all post being redirected to my dads atm.

Police documented everything while in the hospital, took statements & pictures of everything so hopefully if he carries on with his BS they can at least charge him with something that will stick.
Frustrating to say the least but I can’t worry over something I have no control over. I’m sick of doing that!!

All I seem to do is cry 😢 cry some more, then sleep WTAF!!!!

I know it sounds stupid...honestly I KNOW but hell if I had a crystal ball I would of never told him it was over, I would never of started this whole chain of events!!
I should of just left everything as it was.
It wasn’t so bad, I could’ve just turned a blind eye like I had for many many years.

Happy fucking Tuesday ladies, Fuck all cheating douchbags!!!!

20yrsagoBS posted 10/22/2019 06:52 AM


Fuck his offer!

You’re living life without a husband anyway. What do you even need him for?

He can only bring you pain and bull shit

Chaos posted 10/22/2019 07:03 AM


Be gentle with yourself.

He's brought you nothing but pain and misery. The longer you keep him in your life he will continue to bring you pain and misery.

He's an evil man. He hurts you for his own amusement.

I'm sure he's played the victim. Probably his whole life. A master manipulator. And now you've exposed him.

He uses his abuse as a form of control.

He's toxic. He's evil.

Your pain wouldn't be "better" had you not done this. Your pain would be different but still there.

You have given yourself freedom and your children the gift of honesty. You have given your friends and neighbors insight.

Not all superheros wear capes. Some just have big blue eyes. It is OK of those eyes cry. It is OK if superheros get tired. It is OK to not feel OK.

I'm sure he's trying to convince you that this is all your fault. That everything would have been fine if you hadn't done this [well...except for the violence, abuse and cheating].

He's put himself in a box. The more people are on to him, the smaller his box becomes.

Rest, dear one. Then get up with your bad ass self.

Scooby Dum can fuck the fuck off. He has no more power over you than what you allow him to have.

20yrsagoBS posted 10/22/2019 08:33 AM

A bit off topic, but I want to encourage each of you to go to the Fun and Games Forum and sign up for the Christmas card exchange.

I think I mailed out, maybe, 50 cards last year?

I received hundreds!

Do it! Really! The Dollar Tree sells boxes of cards for $1!

[This message edited by 20yrsagoBS at 8:35 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]

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