Happy Fucking Friday!! Man, we are an active bunch so forgive me if I miss something...
Coco - So sorry about your friend. Prayers sent! I'm also glad to see that your WH turned his attitude around and hope those articles help. I will be googling for them. I have a podcast downloaded about being CoD v Considerate and need to give it a listen to see if it works for him.
Ellie - What the actual fuck? Work and wedding is a stupid theme and I swear the universe pokes us sometimes just to make sure we are listening. Maybe you can pie that groom? Or is that unprofessional?
HHADL - Big hug to you. Having to deal with the lonely on top of betrayal is just shitty.
GMC - Glad the bbq thing got resolved but goodness, I know the big stressor is DD. I hope you guys can help her help herself. Prayers being sent for her and you.
Hi Northern - long nites are no bueno, hope you at least got a break and laugh from all the ridiculousness we've been having here lately.
Heartbroken and DaisyAnne - bless you. I have worked with both age groups and even when there's not a full moon it's a rough scenario!
BBE - Tattoo! Can't wait to hear what it was!
I think my hormones are definitely leveling off as I woke up feeling okay and that stone in my chest is more like a pebble. I got my hair cut last night (y'all, it had been almost a year bc I'm panicking about all my hair falling out) and I got dressed (as in a dress!) this morning with all my makeup on (eyeliner included people!). So I am feeling ok, looking even better. Plus the lady who cut my hair gave me the name of a hormone doctor who works miracles with hair loss and all kinds of advice. Bonus.
Had my second session of neurofeedback yesterday. Still no difference that I can tell, but I'm hopeful. I did get back the results from the EEG/brain scan and it was pretty amazing to see what they can tell just by looking at our brain activity. It wasn't surprising - trauma/PTSD, depression, anxiety, OCD/rumination, underlying anger with outbursts, attention/focus problems, even a part that he said shows up with people who have cognitive processing problems like face - name recognition. Which is totally me since DDay 2. I will look at someone I have known for years and forget their name. Or their child's name. Embarrassing. GMC I know you are doing one soon, hope it helps shine some light for you. (And my stuff is entirely off insurance too - at the end of the treatment I will have spent $2500 on it out of pocket. Again, we could have gone to DisneyWorld for fuck's sake if my husband would have kept his penis out of someone else's skanky vagina.)
You know the hardest part of this for me? Is that I will go between thinking R is possible and thinking there is no fucking way I will ever be able to look my WH in the eye again AT LEAST 20 times a day. It's fucking exhausting. I just didn't have this feeling last time. I always knew I wanted the marriage, and though I was sad/had anger, I wasn't disgusted by the thought of touching him or looking at him. I actually WANTED him to look at me. Ugh. I was watching a webinar on shame last night and they mentioned the permission slips that Brene Brown talks about in one of her books. She actually prints out slips and writes out permission to do certain things for herself. Perhaps I need to try that. I've said from the beginning that I need someone (me) to give me permission to really try R again. But ugh. I just can't stand what he did and all of the lies, that little voice in my head is yelling at me and telling me how fucking stupid I would be to trust him again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me, you know?
And with that, I'm off to meet some friends for brunch, go to MC with my WH and if we don't get into a fight and ruin my makeup, we have a date for dinner tonight. I made the date when I had a moment of maybe R can work (which disappeared a minute later, but the text had already been sent!
) If nothing else, I get some good beer and a dinner at a new place!
Have a FABULOUS FUCKING FRIDAY the 13th!
[This message edited by TX1995 at 9:18 AM, September 13th (Friday)]