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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:37 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

Tallgirl ...yes ma’am I do . I checked the App Store and found out I already had it on my phone . I don’t know how it got there...but I have it!!! Thanks for your help !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5571   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8427596
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:35 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

Scooby, let us know how you are. It’s Tuesday.

Hope you and the kids are ok and had a healing family weekend.

Big Hugs.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8427725
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:36 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

Hugs to Scooby!

Fuck Tuesday's!

Coffee Rules.

ETA: chocolate too

[This message edited by Chaos at 6:36 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8427727
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 2:37 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

I work in an office and have to deal with the office patter and chitchat. I am getting so tired of people asking "How are you?" instead of just saying hello....

I always just say "hangin in there" or something similar, but I really feel like saying "I'm shit-tastic!"

I know nothing is meant by it, but every time I get that question it just makes me cringe inside.

I have been largely sticking to my office and not venturing out too far since all of this.

Coffee, chocolate, breakfast.... check check check.

Fuck Tuesdays - I second this.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8427782
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 2:38 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

I've been known to say FanFuckingTabulous...

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8427783
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:47 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

Hugs Ellie

I get that.

I choke when people ask me about my husband. I don’t want to be the topic of the gossip network. So I avoid it, change topic or talk work only and zoom away. People are just being kind or truly care, but it doesn’t make it easier.

It will get better with every day passed, every week, every month.

Promise.

Ps bring baileys to work for your coffee. Helps.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8427821
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:21 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

Tallgirl - Baileys and Coffee is an excellent combo.

This one holiday family dinner......let's just say between me and my SIL the bottle started full, ended empty and WH had to drive

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8427846
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 11:31 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019

I always just say "hanging in there". I also have to explain to a lot of people that "I'm not sleeping well" because I'm so slow, out of it and general non-conversational. The A turned my social life to shit!

And when they go on about my husband? Makes me want to scream...

I want off this damn roller coaster. Was doing ok and then had a lunchtime conversation with WH that somehow turned to how he told me after DDay 1 that he'd been unhappy for 15 years (our entire marriage). Made me wonder WTF am I doing here. He says that we aren't fighting for history, we are fighting for our future, but FUCK. Would I be better off starting a future with someone who hadn't betrayed and disrespected me? Sure, he's all fabulous now, but he was a fucking horrible human being for a really long fucking time. And lied and lied and lied. And then fucked someone else. And then lied some more. Ugh.

It's 5:30 and I'm having a Diet Coke spiked with some vanilla vodka. Fuck Tuesdays.

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8428099
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 12:41 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

He is not making a great case for himself, is he? Geez. Yeah. Future can be anything you want. If he's taking this stance, he would have a hard time arguing against you finding someone who hasn't been a lying cheater to build a future marriage with.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4468   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8428124
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 12:52 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

TX - Mine said that too!!! That he'd been unhappy for at least 6 years... soooo right before we got engaged?? Then why the fuck did you ask me to marry you you unbelievable fucktarded a-hole?

Fuck Tuesdays, fuck dumbass men that are too stupid to live, fuck work. Blargh.

But, on a positive note - Asked douche deluxe to turn on the sprinklers before he left and of course he didn't. My grass is looking like hell, so I was gonna figure it out. And guess what? I figured out how to turn on and program my sprinklers all by myself

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8428129
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:59 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

Hey Ellie

My wh was unhappy for at least 1/2 of our 25 year marriage. Yep and now wants to build a future together- he thinks it can be great if we want it to be. Are these guys clones?

Cheating or unhappiness for 50% or more of your marriage is horrible. Then the adulterer turns and says, hey, I love you now, let's be happy.

My wh did not have the balls to talk through any marriage stuff - was miserable for over 12 years. So my question is - can WHs grow balls, because I am not the sweet wife I was, and baby, if mine are bigger than yours, you are in so so much trouble.

Particularly when they have been utter assholes wearing asshats for years, it's hard to swallow what could be a load of ass output.

And then there is the but, what if, it could, IT IS here is where I go FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK! because some reconcile and some reconcile for a while and then fail years later...

I'm starting to wonder if I'm R material... not right now that I know....

So where does that put you, on the coach with a bottle of beer or a glass of wine.

On a FUCKING Tuesday.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8428151
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 2:07 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

TG you're awesome

Yeah, is funny how cheaters all sound so boringly predictable. The more I'm on here, the more I see it.

I'm still abstaining from alcohol - had a couple glasses of wine on Saturday and ended up crying and sad. But cheers to you and have one for me!!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8428154
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:44 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

My fch said he had been unhappy for 6 years, I think, so almost half our M. Interesting considering I kept asking him what was wrong, doing everything I could to get him to talke to me, and he always said he was fine. Everything I was fine. WTF?!

Now that he has had his fun, he's happy.

I read something today that said something like, sometimes you become collateral damage in a war someone else is fighting with themself. Yep, that's how I feel about all of this shit.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8428171
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 3:23 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

The dumbass I was married to who started cheating less than a year into the marriage had the gall to say that we had "grown apart". The fuck. Nah, he was fucking around and withdrew from me. The thrill of me was gone and he went looking for new thrills like the addict that he is.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4468   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8428188
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 3:26 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

That collateral damage thing, Coco...that shit is why I was never going to be R material. I took such umbrage at being anyone's collateral damage. My pride would not stand for it. I mean, did he not know who the fuck I am?!?! You don't get to do that to me. NO ONE gets to do that to me. I recognize that my pride could use some work, lol, but I had rage tantrums every time that term came up. Unacceptable, the very idea that I would be collateral damage, as if I were incidental.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4468   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8428190
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 4:37 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

Hey, my CH says our M was great and it was perfectly normal for people to cheat in happy marriages. He then sent me to read some Esther Perel

Tall girl- for YEARS I’ve said that we ladies have balls too. The difference is that we don’t need to hide them. We wear them right out front - on our chests. And so far, EVERY pair of lady balks I’ve seen have been- far and away - bigger than any man’s.

[This message edited by gmc94 at 10:47 PM, August 27th, 2019 (Tuesday)]

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3369   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8428221
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emergent8 ( member #58189) posted at 5:34 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

Dee- MY WH started cheating within a few months of our wedding. On D-Day he had the gall to tell tell me it was because we weren’t having enough sex. During the majority of that time however we were trying to get pregnant and so I was physically tracking the days we had sex in an fertility app( yay technology!) Spoiler alert, it was actually a fuck of a lot. When I showed him the app on my phone where I was tracking it, his mind was blown. He had truly convinced himself of a different reality because he was feeling shitty about himself and wanted to justify the boxer tingles his co-worker was giving him. 🤮

Waywards tell themselves whatever they need to in order to justify their shitty behaviour. It’s as simple as that. I don’t believe for a second that your husbands had been unhappy for years. If they had, what does it say about them that they never mentioned it before.

ETA: I love podcasts (great for commuting by foot, by bike, or by car). Mating in captivity is the only infidelity-adjacent podcast I ever listened to. I know Esther Perel is controversial but I found it interesting to listen in on other peoples’ marital counselling. Like so many things it’s so much easier to identify the problems when you’re not in the middle of it, plus regardless of the issues the couples were grappling with, it was still possible to pick up communication advice from other people. My husband really liked listening to the advice others were given as he was much less defensive of a problem when he first identified it in another person.

I also regularly listen to:

- Money Sense

- Pod Save America

- 2 Dope Queens (it’s ended but it’s hysterical)

- Radiolab

- Hysteria

[This message edited by emergent8 at 11:49 PM, August 27th, 2019 (Tuesday)]

Me: BS, Him: WS. Mid-late 30s.
Together 15 years, married 5 (11 m at D-Day).
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Currently 4 years (and two kids) into R and optimistic.

posts: 616   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8428248
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 1:10 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

Happy Fucking Wednesdays.

My balls are so fucking big they had to put them on my fucking chest.

Now - the best thing about today is I have a hair appointment.

Otherwise - fuck fuckedy fuck

I never got the "grown apart" or "fell out of love" or "ILYBNILWY" crap. Although post DDay1 he did try to rewrite marital history - and looking back knew that he remained frustrated with my retorts of calling that bullshit because he indeed recognized it as bullshit.

I'm certain WH wants a future with me. Who the fuck wouldn't? I'm a BASGU and wear a choker bra on my big ass boobs. I walk with confidence. All his friends tell him how lucky he is and he'd better not "fuck up" or there would be a line. Oh the irony...

I'll end with FUCK!

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8428333
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:32 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

Chaos I got my hair cut a couple weeks ago - I wear it short but did a cool half-buzzed mohawky type do (mostly just cus my stbx did not like me buzzing my hair). Liking it so far!

Yeah, are any of us surprised that we all have more balls than any guy in the history of ever? I don't underestimate women's courage. I was raised by a single mom, so I saw first-hand what women's ballsiness looks like.

[This message edited by EllieKMAS at 9:33 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8428406
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:36 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019

Rock that style EllieKMAS

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8428464
Topic is Sleeping.
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