Newest Member: Serenity7

Divorce/Separation :
Stay No Contact - Post It Here 2

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hopefullife ( Member #71881) posted at 12:39 PM on Monday, December 2nd, 2019

We haven't talked in weeks. I even refuse to speak to your side of the family. It aches but I feel it's the way to go. I wish I could go NC all the way, but I know you. You'll forget what you owe without my follow through. I'm stuck with paying the debts I incurred helping you. I wish you were decent enough to let me know you can't pay me yet. But I know you. Now I'm just like one your business partners, or worse. You treat me as if you have no responsibility. It's not about money, it's about you intentionally putting more burden to an already burdened soul. How crueler can you be? You do treat me worse than you treat your enemies.

I'm crying. I'm hurting. You left and no longer bothered. I loved you deeply, I still love you deeply. I wish it was as easy to me as it is to you. You have moved on, I wish I can move on quickly too.

10 yrs together. 2 yrs married. No kids.
2 Ddays. H living with OW and their child.
Focusing on self.

posts: 401   ·   registered: Oct. 20th, 2019
id 8475841
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Incarnate ( Member #46085) posted at 4:20 PM on Monday, December 2nd, 2019

You've been telling everyone for years that you're basically a single mother and I do nothing. You do it all. You even take credit for the things I do when it's blatantly obvious that I did them, because 1) they're actually done and 2) they were done while you were off on one of your gallivanting playtime trips.

So yeah. Yeah. When I hear you pissing and moaning on the phone or see you making your shitty, passive-aggressive woe-is-me facebook posts about how hard being a single mother is, I hope you DO feel overwhelmed, like you can't hack it or keep up with it. I hope it feels like it's too much. You chose this. You claimed it. You decided this is the life you wanted to lead, seeking a long distance relationship with two other fuckin' people.

They won't support you like I did. They won't help you like I did. They won't help parent our kids or help maintain our home And ya know what? I'll still parent our children, but the home? Yeah. That's on you.

You've been claiming that you do everything for years now. I swear to every god that I'll make an honest woman out of you yet. Do everything yourself. Fuck you.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8475917
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Bleu ( Member #14243) posted at 2:02 AM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2019

You pick, pick, pick until you get a rise.

Guess what?

You are not an equal parent. Ostensibly, you could be but you refuse to parent. You don't consider the kids and their needs. Only your own thoughts. Not what the doctor says, not what the research says. Only what you say. And you are woefully misinformed.

That makes you a child who is not fit to parent children.

Wake up if you want to be an equal. If not, you will continually have your ass handed to you.

Over and over again for the rest of time.

Oh, and read things for yourself. Your woman needs to grasp apostrophes before she will understand anything that I write.

Maybe you two can do enough research together to understand that what I write in an agreement does matter. Once the court signs it, it is a real life legal document that is enforceable.

What, exactly, do you think I am? It's foolish for a novice to play with a master.

BS (Me) - 42
WS (It) - 42

Coupled in 1998
DD#1 - 2002
DD#2 - 2003
Married in 2010
DD#3 - 2012
And many more . . .

Divorcing

Two gorgeous, funny and fun little kids

posts: 293   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2007
id 8476201
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ashesofkali ( Member #56327) posted at 6:54 PM on Saturday, December 7th, 2019

Oh, it's you again. Hello, fuckface.

You and I have said to each other many times that we can't help people who don't want to be helped. Why, then, would you expect me to forgive someone who is clearly not sorry?

Oh, I've accepted it. I've accepted what you did to me. But that doesn't mean you're off the hook. What you did to me was absolute SHIT, and you're not one bit sorry for it.

So, fuck you, pal. To hell with you. If you spend the rest of your life in suffering, it's no concern of mine. You say you have diabetes now? Guess what? I don't give a fuck if you die from it.

So long, you damn narcissist. Don't EVER show your pathetic face around here again.

I'm a fBW, 51, no kids. My xWH had a LTA. I chose D because he was never sorry. Life is way better on this side of infidelity.

posts: 123   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2016   ·   location: WA
id 8478950
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heisasadcliche ( Member #71662) posted at 12:45 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2019

What sort of low life is unfaithful, lies and uses family cash to pay for hotels? Why do I miss you, when you have become someone who did that to me? Why am I still hoping you will be ok, encouraging the kids to communicate with you? When did you turn into this horror and when will I stop wishing this wasn't my life right now? I don't care what you think about the car I bought our son, and will decide when I sell my van or not. I am furious with you and your moving on for 'happy'. Your needs have trumped our kids hopes and family future, my love , my dreams, everything- for what? I hope it was worth it.

[This message edited by heisasadcliche at 12:24 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Working hard on indifference. It is much less painful.

posts: 86   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: UK
id 8479594
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WhoTheBleep ( Member #49504) posted at 11:36 PM on Sunday, December 15th, 2019

You are disgusting. You wouldn't know how to tell the truth if your life depended on it. I actually laughed reading your book of lies today.

Severely under-reporting your income. Severely over reporting your expenses. My forensic accountant will be worth every penny. And since our rental properties are such a financial drain, you will have no problem handing them over to me in the divorce, right? Thanks, I will gladly take them.

Can't have it both ways, asshole!

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4360   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8482984
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UneedToSmile ( Member #72111) posted at 8:38 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2019

It’s the night before I move out. Thank you for proving you’re not worth staying. Enjoy your beers with the other loser-dad in your man cave. Get used to it! You want to pretend you’re 25, go right the fuck ahead. Your kids see how they’re not important enough. You’ll never really change your behavior. It’s only a matter of time before you’ll have that drunken whore here. I guess I should go to bed since it’s almost 3am and I have to work tomorrow. Some parents have to be responsible and take care of their kids. Fuck you, you fucking lying fuck! You’ve become such a disgusting goddamn loser. Go to hell!!!!

Me: BS 42 years old
Him: Lying cheating narcissistic prick 43 years old
Married for 18 yrs, together for 20 total
Dday: August 19 2019
Divorced: June 12 2020

posts: 196   ·   registered: Nov. 18th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8485531
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skeetermooch ( Member #72169) posted at 4:22 AM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

I hate that I miss the fake you. I know he's not real but I somehow miss him. Instead all that's left is you, a sociopathic pos asshole cheating whoremonger who thinks he's a bmoc because he can pay women to have sex with him.

You are a gross cliche: 50lbs overweight, bloated, a greedy, selfish pig.

I loved you and stood by you and listened to you and it was all a gigantic manipulation.

I see now how you exaggerated or made up work drama to distract me from your shady behavior and then it was instantly fine when one of your fuck buddies reached out - you would drop me mid-conversation.

I see now the little clues you were dropping - when you insisted your buddy N was certainly going to cheat on his new wife, when you defended your buddy C, a serial cheater, when you told me you knew that my friend's bf was using her for her money and would dump her - you were projecting.

N never cheated, and my friend's bf treats her like gold and hasn't dumped her or done anything shady. You on the other hand, are a lying using asshole.

And I can't reach out to you because as soon as you think you have a glimmer of hope you stop trying and start making demands on me as if I'm the one who needs to atone for something.

This separation is just freaking you out because I don't think you've ever lived alone in your entire adult life - you've gone from roommates to girlfriends to roommates. You've never had a lease or utilities in your name I'll bet - how pathetic. You're almost 50.

That's what's really bothering you - the prospect of being self-sufficient. You are panicking. That's why you want to come home. Not for me.

If I make the mistake of having any hope you'll string me along and in the end realize how great it is living alone - no one to catch you with the hookers or you will have found a new lower maintenance mark to con.

I can't do anything but get over you because there's no hope of us ever being together.

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1165   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8485923
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hcsv ( Member #51813) posted at 8:28 PM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

Kids are very resourceful. They have recently found out that you are still involved with your married girlfriend.

I was hoping that by now you would have found a mature woman to share your life with.

But it seems you are still involved and pining away for an unavailable "woman".

I saw an obsession, an addiction during the affair and it seems you still are and waiting for her marriage to fall apart.

You have made it financially impossible for her not be your "friend". You have bought the relationship. What does that make her? She has you right where she wants you.

Such a sad existence for a 60 year old man. You've lost your family, your three kids havent spoken to you in years. Look at all the relationships that you have destroyed. family, professional and friends.

Your kids and I have spent the last three years growing, finding who we are without you, becoming stronger and stronger, making the very best lives. what have you been spending the last three years doing for personal growth? as one poster says "An erection doesnt count as personal growth".

How does it feel to be you right now?

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

posts: 648   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016
id 8486069
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BearlyBreathing ( Member #55075) posted at 8:14 AM on Sunday, December 22nd, 2019

YOu have been the model XWH. you may have even tapped in to your empathy and remorse. But it has been 3 years. And for the first 2 after D-Day you were “conflicted” and unsure. Until after 1 year I helped you off that fucking fence and started my recovery.

So I saw you when my beloved kitty, our cat, died. It was truly good for me to share stories of our little cat and all her wonderful qualities. But I felt nothing for you romantically. We would, in a parallel universe, be friends as we are so well aligned in other ways. But you’ve not yet done the minimum I asked of you: IC, apologies, cut the whore out of your life, do the $#U$#* work. And so I know if MTW called you, you would answer her siren call.

But even now I cannot forgive nor forget all the things you said and did to me. And that you did not apologize to my father before he died. The mind movies are strong and still bring me to my knees. So even though it brings me some weird satisfaction that you miss me, I know you are not for real. Keep being kind and let me go. I miss you- the you I thought I knew- but I will never go back to the you that you became.

I am on the 4-5 year plan but I will get through this. This is not what I wanted but I will play the fuck out of this hand and have an amazing life. Just watch.

[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 12:48 PM, December 25th, 2019 (Wednesday)]

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTAKinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4211   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8486221
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skeetermooch ( Member #72169) posted at 11:31 PM on Sunday, December 22nd, 2019

It's just abuse and lies from you. When am I going to stop getting sucked back into your bs.

You fucking cry about missing my son and then when he reaches out to you, you ignore him. And I know you know he's reached out because you are always glued to your damn phone.

This is the pattern - you say something conciliatory, even stoop to apologize, which we all know is beneath you, and then you have a backlash where you do something shitty to me - usually it's exactly this blowing off some plan we made. Only now you're doing it to my son. I'm blocking you from his phone and his life. I will not have you hurt him anymore or hurt me through him.

You are a pos and I'm a fucking moron for ever trusting you to even show up with basic decency. You are too self-centered to ever do that.

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1165   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8486397
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Trust55 ( Member #60672) posted at 1:26 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2019

This is the 3rd Christmas he has upset our families lives. I am still living in the same home with this POS. He is still dragging this out. I am trying to stay calm while writing this. Thank God for my counselor and my new job outside the home which I have had for the last year. I am getting better, but and there always seems to be a but, he just keeps acting like nothing will ever change.

Thank God for SI, I read here often for support and help. I don't post often. This place has helped me climb out of this mess, looking forward to reaching the top.

Me - BS 65 yr
Him - WH 65 yr
D Day 03.19.2017 ( 2 days before our 31 wedding anniversary)
False R Divorce in progress
I will NEVER accept how CRUEL he is
I AM MOVING FORWARD

posts: 100   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2017   ·   location: Oklahoma
id 8487221
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hcsv ( Member #51813) posted at 11:31 PM on Wednesday, January 1st, 2020

The kids saw a recent picture of you last week and commented on your appearance. I realized that they havent seen you in 2 1/2 years. YEARS!!!!!

You should probably stop listening to people who dont give a shit about your kids and actually benefit from you not having a relationship with them.

You need to find a therapist who can help you find your way back to yoru kids lives.

Own your own shit, You are the parent. Quit blaming the kids and I and take ownership for your choices and the consequences.

How can you live with yourself day after day blaming others and not have a relationship with yoru kids? How many more life events are you going to miss because you are too proud to do everything you possibly can to have a relationship them?

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

posts: 648   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016
id 8490303
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sassylee ( Member #45766) posted at 7:29 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2020

Bumped for a member trying to maintain his 180.

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8494841
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UneedToSmile ( Member #72111) posted at 5:14 AM on Wednesday, January 15th, 2020

Oh look! Daddy of the year showed up! Do you know why? Not because he REALLY wants to spend time with his kids....what a silly thought! He’s here to show he should have 50/50 custody. Because 3 weeks of acting like you care is TOTALLY enough. I am going to fight your fucking zitty ass so hard in court! I have so much documentation that they might question if these beautiful girls are even your daughters. Buckle up fuck-stomper.....I’m not letting you win!

[This message edited by UneedToSmile at 11:16 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]

Me: BS 42 years old
Him: Lying cheating narcissistic prick 43 years old
Married for 18 yrs, together for 20 total
Dday: August 19 2019
Divorced: June 12 2020

posts: 196   ·   registered: Nov. 18th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8496516
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hcsv ( Member #51813) posted at 9:15 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020

Aren't public records wonderful? And idiots who post too much on facebook?

I've gotten good at this research stuff. I know shit that is going to be useful and you are totally oblivious.

Keep running and hiding because everything is eventually transparent. You should know this by now.

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

posts: 648   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016
id 8497309
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3greatkids ( Member #69847) posted at 2:02 PM on Saturday, January 25th, 2020

Aaaaauuugh. The other night he sends a sappy message and a picture of his new fire pit, all about missing me and sitting around the fire with me. (Never mind the latest affair partner was his Cub Scout camping co parent so that’s just cruel to me but yeah he rolls like that). Blah blah blah he wants me back so bad he cannot even cooperate to get a schedule in place to get work done on the house that needs to be sold ASAP. How does arguing with me for hours and days on end about a work schedule equal “my entire life’s goal is to end up with you?”

I could’ve tried to reconcile with a remorseful cheater. No chance on earth I’d stay with an arguing asshole!

You can’t get blood from a turnip...or remorse from a narcissist.

A lifetime of betrayals, not “just” 5.

I know my worth.

posts: 134   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2019
id 8501269
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Newbeginnings24 ( Member #71510) posted at 8:33 PM on Sunday, January 26th, 2020

Threaten me with court because I don’t comply with your rules. Bullying tactics and swearing at me in front of our 3 year old DD! Well aren’t you a clever cookie?! You’re a fucking manchild with an ego the size of America.

Ok I will agree to your financial settlement because my sanity, mental health and health is far more valuable and important to me and our DD. I will sleep at night knowing that I am a stable parent and will show our DD what love, morals and values really are. And that you don’t trample on people to gain you’re own happiness.

Think I will want to be around you in the future? Think I will want you to attend our DD’s birthday party? Think I will ever want to look in your direction? NO.....NO.....NO! You are following in your dads footsteps. He walked out on his family to make yours. Look where that got him, one child he doesn’t see and three children all divorced and entitled, egotistical bastards.

I take comfort in my family and their normal, happy lives. All faithful and married to their first true loves. It’s a shame I picked the wrong one and had to be dealt this hand for a life lesson. I lost myself whilst with you and I am getting stronger each day. My DD will benefit from this life I have to rebuild with her in the audience, standing up and looking at her mummy who walked away from a toxic person and his family.

Rot in hell!

NB x

DDay....it doesn’t matter, it’s in the past!

Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness - Katherine Henson.

Walk out of that door and don’t look back!

posts: 197   ·   registered: Sep. 8th, 2019   ·   location: England
id 8501582
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BearlyBreathing ( Member #55075) posted at 4:02 AM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020

I let you in just a hair... and that was a mistake. The door is sealed back up and I have learned my lesson for the umpteenth time. You could change. But you won’t. There are worse WS out there— but there’s no medal for only being “less shitty”.

Damn.

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTAKinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4211   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8505634
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Sickandafraid ( Member #72338) posted at 10:55 AM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020

Where do I start?? You have completely broken me and our kids with what you have done. What kind of “husband” and “father” purposely seeks out affairs over and over again, until one finally appears to be the “one”?! What kind of father leaves his wife and family of 14 years for someone he’s been “dating” for two months?! At Christmas?! What kind of husband and father chooses a divorced mom with two kids by another man over his own wife with HIS three kids?!

I made you and our family my world for 14 years. Everything I did, every goal I had, every effort I made, was always with our family in mind. Meanwhile, everything for you was selfishly motivated. You did nothing unless it benefitted you.

Now you’ve left us all alone, and you pretend to want to be involved still. But I know that you treat the kids the way you treated me- which is you only use them for some personal motivation and gain of your own.

You had them ONE day this weekend, and you took them to APs CHURCH!!! our divorce isn’t even final and you’re parading around town like you have found a replacement wife and mom already. And I guess you have.

You went to the hockey game with her last night and sent pics to our kids telling them you miss them. You don’t fucking miss them!!! You’re just trying to look like a “good” dad in her eyes. Did you tell her how you rarely ever call or text our kids? No, I bet you left that part out because it doesn’t fit your stupid fucking show you’re putting on. A little newsflash for you - a good dad doesn’t walk away from his family with so much as a glance back over his shoulder. You’re *that* guy!!!

I’m disgusted at how you use the kids, disgusted that you are trying to insert her into all of our lives before the d papers are even signed. She is not our kids mom. We do not pick a church based on where the home wrecking slut goes.

I absolutely despise you and have no idea how I’m going to be able to copayment with you for 16 more years. Our lives would all be better if you just disappeared with you AP forever, and we never had to speak with or deal with you again.

posts: 85   ·   registered: Dec. 18th, 2019   ·   location: St Louis
id 8505677
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