Newest Member: HedgehogCat

hcsv

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

When one of three adult children break the silence

I have not spoken to Ex since fall of 2016. Three adult children have not had a relationship with him, for a variety of reasons, since he told them he was leaving and they found out he was having an affair. Ex was not invited to son's wedding, has never met his 2 year old grandchild, has no idea where his children are living or working or if they see each other.

I told him early on that his relationship with his children was his to destroy or repair but I was out. It was up to he and the kids.

My youngest (27) decided she did not want to be 40 and in therapy over this. She doesn't want to have regrets when it comes to a wedding or grandchildren. So, she contacted him.

I am so proud of her. She was very clear with boundaries. She said she had questions for him and if she got the wrong answer, it was over. She's not sure if this is the beginning of a relationship or closure. She said time will tell. At this time she has spoken to him a few times. She is respecting her siblings privacy, who are not ready to talk with their father, and not sharing information about them or me.

Anyone else have children who have broken the silence when Ex didn't seem capable of it?

7 comments posted: Thursday, November 17th, 2022

If you could ask them one question......

I have been NC since the divorce in January of 2017 after 35 years married and 40 years together. I know nothing of his life now, personally or professionally. After all these years, I would love to ask one question and get an honest answer.

Was it worth it?

He didn't get the girl ...she remains married.

He has lost the respect and any relationship with his three adult children.

He was fired from his job of 25 years and had to relocate to get another job.

He has lost the respect of most, if not all of his professional colleagues.

He was not invited to his son's wedding, and has not met his only grandchild.

So, my one question would be....was it worth it?

what would your one question be?

12 comments posted: Wednesday, August 17th, 2022

Tell the kids I say "Hello"

I havent spoken to ex since divorce in January 2017, three adult children havent spoken to him in 4-6 years.

I told him between Dday and divorce that his relationship with his kids is his to repair or lose, that I was done being the go between with excuses for everyone.

With the most recent alimony check he writes he would like me to tell them "Hello" from him. He has done this before and I have struggled with how to handle it. While I would like the kids to know their father is at least thinking about them, it also screams that he doesnt think of them enough to reach out and tell them himself. I also know that this small gesture, depending on which child, will either make them angry or sad, and could be a rabbit hole for one of them.

A simple "thinking of you, hope you are well" would go a long way. No response necessary, take it or leave it. After all these years, it is clear he is just not capable of this.

It does make me very sad that they dont have a relationship. He has missed a wedding, birth of a grandchild he has never met, a PhD graduation, first cars, first apartments and jobs....so much.

So, do I share this message with the kids? Or stay out of it as I declared many years ago.

20 comments posted: Monday, June 6th, 2022

does anyone have an experience with the covid antivirals?

After all this time working in healthcare, I tested positive this morning. I have an E-clinic appointment through CVS for "treatment options" which I hope will include the antivirals.

Does anyone have any experience with them?

4 comments posted: Sunday, May 15th, 2022

The covert passive agressive nacissist

The Covert passive aggressive narcissist. Recognizing the traits and finding healing after hidden emotional and psychological abuse.

by Debbie Mirza

I read an article online by this author and it haunted me,

google this for the article

25 signs of a passive aggressive covert narcissist. life lessons.

It is an incredible read when you have or think you have been manipulated and abused by this type of narcissist.

I'd love to have a conversation with others who have read the book or are in a similar situation.

8 comments posted: Wednesday, March 20th, 2019

Any BS read Not "just friends" and asked WS to read it?

As the title asks, has any BSs read Not "Just Friends" and requested that the WS read it?

WSs affair is a coworker, he is her boss AND her husbands boss. All sounds so incestuous, doesn't it?

I have just started this book tonight and I have a feeling I may be up all night reading it. I'd really like him to read it, even if we are in the process of D with little chance of R.

Just wondering what others experiences are with this book. Thanks.

45 comments posted: Sunday, April 3rd, 2016

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