SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am glad your both recovering.

I don’t know if it is helpful to share. My DD had a similar experience over finding out she wouldn’t be able to go to Europe on a summer trip due to her serious illness. She ended up with her feet and legs scratched up. She was in a daze and doesn’t even remember doing it. It was the panic and depression hitting in a very intense way.

I am sorry Mrs Wallop felt that crushing feelings. I know it is a struggle. She and you can get through this together.

(((MrsWalloped & Walloped)))

Oh my goodness. My heart is racing reading this thread.

Prayers to you both and your families.

I know I’m a WW and this is not the Wayward section.

Unlike many sites this one doesn’t brand the wayward spouse with a big letter A. We prefer to look at what you do rather than what you did. Some of our most respected members are former wayward spouses, including the much-missed founder of this site.

You don’t need our acceptance or forgiveness. You need that from two people and only from two people: Walloped and YOURSELF.

I don’t think anything forbids you from posting in General.

Welcome back. Your friends are so happy to hear from you.

By the way, this is NOT an abnormal or wacky, anomalous thing in people.

I don't mean to paint Mrs. Walloped in the superhero category per se here, but the contrast of how incredibly crippling and unexpected an anxiety attack can come was really portrayed rather effectively when Marvel showed the confident, self-assured (albeit fictional) character of billionaire playboy Tony Stark/Iron Man being triggered by his OWN traumatic history while simply interacting with a friend and some admirer children that wanted his autograph on a visual reminder of what he'd recently been through in a fight for his life and the lives of those he loved as well.

The idea of such a strong person being so caught off guard and so completely disabled and disturbed by the experience...well...ya'll just kinda reminded me of the clip and so I thought I'd send it along since that's kinda what I do...

Iron Man 3 (2013) - Restaurant Scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd7jTv-aY6s

(The rest of this post might not be as positive and encouraging-sounding as might be most helpful at this time, so proceed with caution/discretion for the rest of this.)

My own fWW had anxiety attacks years ago as well, I might add, and they were sometimes in public and somewhat without warning, although there were definite triggers involved. In fact, it was largely this anxiety she was suffering from that led her to believe that exiting the marriage was the thing to do...I'm not meaning to suggest for an instant that Mrs. Walloped is similarly deceived or inclined, but I just wanted to point out that you aren't alone in suffering not only from such attacks and triggers, but also as a BS, I have suffered INCREDIBLY for such issues not being handled or addressed in so constructive or supportive a way as ya'll are receiving at this time.

For her, it went hand-in-hand with her desire to escape and have an exit affair and abandon me altogether for the second time in our marriage, but she didn't have anyone talking to her or for her to really talk about with (besides me, that is) about all of what was going on inside her heart and mind at the time...well...I guess her AP counted as a theoretical option, but that just killed the fantasy for both of them for her to do so, so she just didn't go there with him really.

Anyway, just know that you're not alone, and that ya'll are handling this a LOT better than some of us out here have in times past, that's all.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 12:10 PM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

I'm so glad that the "Wallopeds" are on the mend. You scared us all! Shows how vulnerable we can all be.

I wish that MrsWalloped didn't feel like she is the villain on this site. I sincerely hold no I'll will to waywards on here, and I doubt that I am alone in that. Yeah, we may project some of the hurt your way, but I like to believe that we are all searching for healing. Whether you are the WAS or BS, I think we can each learn from each other. I know that I scout the wayward forums quite a bit searching for answers.

We all have to learn empathy and compassion to everyone's unique situations. Without the waywards participation, this place wouldn't be as healing and therapeutic as it is.

Please, find peace, MrsWalloped. The most important member here, your husband, loves you, ad you love him. Through all of this, you two have inspired so many. We hope we can return the favor.

Walloped, thank you for letting us share your pain and concerns. We stand beside you!

Walloped I have been away for a while and just saw this post! I am so very sorry for you and MrsW pain. I am so happy to know MrsW is ok and is home. The stress and fallout just seems never ending sometimes.

Both you and MrsW have written powerful stuff here that has opened my eyes so that I can see all sides of the coin.

All my prayers are with you both and I wish you both some much needed peace!

I want to echo Bigger's comments.

1) It was the fWWs here who gave me hope that R was possible.

2) We've been to several g2gs. My sense is that remorseful WSes get treated the same way BSes do.

At the first g2g we attended, there were 5 BSes who had D'ed or were in the D process, and we were the only people in R. They started to bash WSes. I reminded everybody that my W was an fWS, and the bashing stopped. As we got to know each other a little, my W felt welcomed. She went from being terrified by g2gs to looking forward to the next one.

Dont' worry about wetting yourself, or being incontinent of urine, or pissing your britches. It happened, and it's done and over with, and anyone here who has lived a full life can probably tell you at least one time in their adult life they messed themselves for one reason or another. Please do not get hung up on the shame or embarrassment of that. That would just be silly.

Focus on you and Mr W's healing. Being together, learning a new normal, and finding a new happiness that completes you both as a couple and as individuals.

Sending you tons of healing and strength.

MrsWalloped...

I'm not as familiar as some regarding y'all's experience with infidelity, but I want to tell you that I feel so touched reading this whole thread.

The intense experience you had.

Your H's devastation and concern for you.

And now you are sitting on the couch together...facing this hard road together.

I don't know you, and I hope it doesn't sound condescending, but I'm so proud of you both. I am trying to imaging the possibilities for this relationship.

I'm actually jealous. Certainly not for your pain and this extreme experience. But because you are on the other side of this part. And you both obviously have so much concern / compassion for each other.

Please don't limit your chances for total happiness just because you messed up. I can't even express how my life would be different if my H could express his bitter shame for his betrayal. He is so withdrawn that he completely dismisses it.

Forgiveness exists. From God. From your H and children. And most importantly, from yourself.

My dearest wishes for you and your family. 💕

And try not to beat yourself up for "wetting yourself". It happens to me every time I sneeze!

Prayers for the walloped family!

Prayers and fart jokes.

Q: what kinda fart leaves your bum a little crusty?

A: all farts are good, don't start discriminating now.

So sorry, Walloped and Ms W.

This stuff is so hard on everyone involved.

Here's to healing...

I’m thrilled you are home and those pancakes sound pretty yummy btw.

You aren’t alone on the setting yourself. I was having a horrible day full or triggers and I started drinking. Heavily. By the time my wh came home I was already drunk but was trying to act sober. So I had more. And some more. And was so drunk that I started vomiting in the sink and then wet myself all over the nice new wood flooring. My wh got me to bed and took my clothes off, wiped the urine off me, got me in bed and then went out and cleaned up my mess

You are not alone and we all care about how you both are doing.

You have both been through so much.

So generous with sharing your hurts, your support and wise contributions to SI.

I wanted to sincerely thank you BOTH,

and wish you and your girls all the very best for peaceful healing together.

Much love,

MOB x

You both are so loved. Well as much as you can be on an anonymous website.

I'm not sure what your life is like now, but I sense a strong faith.

My wife and I have used our trials as a witnessing tool to help other couples struggling with infidelity.

We have a unique opportunity that you may have as well. My wife can tell you the WW mindset and I truly understand what a bs goes through.

You would be surprised or maybe not at all the screwed up thinking out there about affairs.

You guys have a unique chance. God bless you both.

I know I’m a WW and this is not the Wayward section. I know how WS’s are looked upon.

I can only speak for ME...but I WELCOME your comments at ANY time . WS's may not realize how VALUABLE they are to the BS's on here...and you BOTH are very much appreciated by me and MANY others .

I would especially LOVE to see a post written by BOTH of y'all in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" at the top of the Reconciliation Forum !!! That would REALLY be COOL !!

Y'all don't have to oblige me NOW ...but I am sure that when y'all are up to it...y'all can come up with a story...or ten...to put in there for the rest of us to admire .

I am so HAPPY you are back and better!!!

Great to hear from both of you and it shows the quality of character you both have.

Now that you have hit bottom you have no where to go but up.

Mrs W,

I can not post in the wayward section so I will address here.

I know walloped is a special guy. However most men do file due to an A. When men do not is when they think that their WW is special enough to go through this pain.

What you need to do is look in the mirror and tell yourself that your are special because you are loved.

You have a great man and family. You are a part of the reason they are great.

You all deserve to be happy. Do not let three months cost everyone for the rest of their lives.

Hey Wallopeds,

So glad you are both okay. There is no shame in a breakdown. DaddyDom had one prior to his A and it was nothing short of horrible. I knew he was "gone" but he kept trying to hide it.

The good news is you are sitting together writing on SI and feeling okay. I hope Mrs. Walloped you know that you are worthy of compassion, love, affection and empathy. We all do things that we cannot carry with pride at the time, but we can and should take a whole lot of pride in our ability to learn from the times we falter. You have pride in spades.

I'm sorry the pain of BS's is so difficult. I can imagine as a WS you feel guilt and shame but please don't carry it for anybody else for your own sake. I'm not sure what happened in your past but I can imagine it may have contributed to your present. I know that DaddyDom has mentioned many times that he no longer needs to carry the pain of his abusers because they are not around to hurt him any longer.

You are healing, Mr. Walloped is healing and we all benefit from the generosity of all of your posts. You have opened up to tens of thousands of people who gain strength with each admission, each piece of introspection, each revelation of shame and sorrow that makes everyone else feel like they are not alone. I hope you know neither are you.

Be well both of you!

Hi Mrs W.

Please know that you are loved so much. You have a great life ahead of you, just be gentle with yourself and enjoy the beauty of flowers or music or anything that gives you joy. We're all lucky to be alive on this wonderful planet. Life can be so hard but when you have people who really love you then it's a blessing to have them near.

It makes me very glad to see so many people here wishing you both well.

[This message edited by pureheartkit at 11:00 PM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

So wow.

I thought it would be good if W let you read his threads, although I envisioned maybe like a month of reading with talking about it interspersed between reads.

Since it seems the lemons have all been pulverized, maybe you guys can make the lemonade now. Sure hope so.

You have value not because you're loved by other people, but because you're loved by God. He made you. Because He chose to make you.

You're a Child of God.