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This is terrible. Just a precaution but my WW has had 2 suicide attempts before DD and several threats since then. It's extremely scary and it really just makes the entire situation even more complicated to figure out. My WW was on zoloft during those attempts so please monitor that. I also had a GF in college who tried committing suicide in front of me (also on zoloft) so those medications can change your brain chemistry and increase suicidal thoughts.

I hope her Dr and therapist will be monitoring her behavior and any changes that the medication causes. I've seen my WW have a few mental breakdowns too. Her emotions become uncontrollable. The only way for her to calm down in those situations is with xanax.

You hate to see her hit rock bottom but in all honesty I think that's what it takes for a WW to become remorseful and to make the internal changes to become a safe and reformed partner in the future.

Thank God she is home and I pray that she will be alright. But with your support I am sure she will be. I pray that you also find the strength to help her get through this as well. Make sure she eats and takes care of herself. You too. Make sure you eat and take care of yourself. I know you will get through this storm.

Thanks for the update. I'm so glad MrsW is home, and I'm happy to read of her doc's diagnosis. I'm glad you're able to be at home to support her.

I agree that your kids don't need the details.

I hope your W rapidly reconnects with her strength, self-respect, and optimism.

*****************************

T/J - I have a hard time seeing how a BS can fail at R. I can see a BS believing an A is a deal breaker. I can see a BS deciding on or after d-day that he doesn't want to live the rest of his life with his WS. I can see a BS deciding to D because the WS isn't remorseful. I just can't see any of those as the BS's failure.

Walloped, glad to hear your wife is home. Sending you strength brother. I know you have it.

There are days when all of this ...stuff, this infidelity stuff... feels so overwhelming that we feel like nothing will ever impact us in that way again. And then there are days when we see that there are some beautiful, troubled souls out there who are hurting, and who have hurt others, and then are hurting because of that, too.

When you first came to SI, in the first page or two of your thread, I remember some of the usual ...angry voices speaking out so harshly against your wife, and I remember you writing something like, "Now hold on just a minute. That's my wife you're talking about." And I knew. I knew that somewhere inside all of the pain swirling around in the Walloped home were two lovely, good adults who were hurting - deeply traumatized, yes, but even with all of the awfulness of everything, your light somehow showed that her light was not to be doubted. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but ...well, it does in my head.

I'm so sorry and so sad to hear about this difficult weekend, although I'm glad she's home and resting. You each have a whole community here of folks who care for you both, and I send my own thoughts and wishes for healing and peace to you and your lovely lady.

Hi Walloped.

I’m hoping today was a calm day for you and Mrs W. You both deserve a lot of rest.

Also hopefully she is starting to come out of the fog from this weekends events and realize she has a loving family surrounding her and she is safe.

I just wanted to briefly mention your daughters, simply because it seemed a major part of what your W was focused on during the breakdown. I’m sure that most of the pain there is the guilt she feels from how her actions affected them so much 2-3 years ago when her A was exposed.

I remember the heartbreaking scene when you all sat together and you wanted to protect your W from any naturally negative emotions from your daughters and your W wanted to protect you from what they thought was wrongdoing on your part.

It’s one of the most memorable moments I have read here on SI.

What I wanted to ask by bringing this up was how have your daughters been able to work thru their pain with their mother? How has their relationship with her been? Are they able to see the remorse she clearly feels and love her again in a parent/child relationship way?

You’re a smart guy, and have a great handle on what to say and do for all your family members. So none of us here have to tell you much. And your daughters have the right to their own emotions and feelings. But I was hoping that they could see what a great example of your wife is of atoning for her poorly decided actions.

I hope they know that if they ever made a really bad choice that you would still love them unconditionally and your wife deserves the same chance at redemption in their eyes. I’m sure they do, but only ask because of the mantra about them that your wife was reciting when you found her.

I hope your daughters have been able to find their way to forgiveness. Sometimes it’s difficult for young people to see and understand the nuances in life, and can be very black and white in their thinking about relationships. Guidance is always helpful from an alexperienced adult such as yourself.

Anyway I wish you all strong healing over the next days and weeks and look forward when you can find happy times together again.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 10:26 PM, March 12th (Monday)]

So, so sorry... you are as lucky to have her in your life as she is to have you, and I am really glad you can be there for her now.

Best wishes for you both...

Thank you for the update. You and your family continue in my prayers.

(((MrsWalloped & Walloped)))

I'm a big fan of the both of you. It takes extreme courage for her to come on here like she does.

I don't usually look at this place during the weekends much, so I'm just now seeing this, but you all are in my prayers.

Walloped and Mrs., so sorry that you had this experience. I had an anxiety attack that was similar in nature after dday, and was so embarrassed in the aftermath. Like Mrs walloped, I thought I was stronger than that. It is deeply rattling to lose control like that. Both BS & WS experience such pain and trauma from infidelity. Hindsight is 20/20 right? I pray that you both find healing and peace. You’ve both walked through enough pain.

I'm new here, but already the posts by Walloped and MrsWalloped have really helped me move forward. I with you both the best, along with your family.

So very sorry.

I don't think I ever read your thread, but I occasionally thumbed through your wife's. You two seemed successful in R, and it was devastating to hear of her setback.

My prayers.

I'm so sorry this has happened, Walloped. All the best to you and Mrs. Walloped.

Firstly than goodness that Mrs W is home and healing. This whole process is so hard.

As a BW I had a breakdown after months of TT and finding out some very crushing news.

I had a completely mental breakdown but it was anxiety based. I couldn’t handle the devastation and I needed to stop the pain. It didn’t help that I was self medicating with alcohol.

But I just wanted the pain to stop. I was crying all night had told my husband to leave and never come back. He did the next morning and found me in the kitchen naked full of cuts all over my body. Especially my abdomen, breasts and neck. Honestly I don’t remember doing it. It’s a complete blank. He had.said something about the ow physical attributes and how I didn’t have them because I was overweight. I wasn’t trying t kill myself. I had never cut myself in my entire like. With all the trauma as a csa víctim I typically turned to food. But I couldn’t eat after Dday. I had lost 50 and no appetite. In my mind this was a way to remove the affair pain.

I wasn’t admitted to the hospital because I told him

They would put me away and I was the only one working. We couldn’t risk it. I was never treated for fear of losing my job.

I have severe trauma still to date but don’t drink so I manage it. I just can’t work or be around people.

I wish I would have gotten treatment if my situation had been different. I hope she continues to get better. The guilt can be overwhelming. You might want to get a second opinion about suicide vs anxiety. Just to be safe.

Oh and one more thing. Be aware of your needs. When my husband became deathly ill I became the caretaker. my role shifted and I was not able to continue my healing because all my focus was on himand getting him healthy. Be careful. we do it because we love them but I paused our recovery.

Wishing y’all well

[This message edited by Hurtbeyondtime at 12:13 AM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

Just to say, I've followed both your threads simply because you are both so open and articulate about what you feel and how you are handling things.

I am praying for both of you, for strength, healing, and comfort. I have little doubt you will make it through this challenge, too!

God bless you both!

I have been thinking about your situation quite a bit recently and it makes me very very sad. I wish that none of this ever happened to you, your wife and your family.

MidnightRunsays sorry for MrsWalloped's setback. It sure seems like a massive setback. I hope and pray it turns out to be more than that.

MrsWalloped didn't tiptoe into SI. When she came in she jumped right into the pool and fully submerged. She was asked a lot of questions, some of which were very blunt, and answered all of them as best she could. It really was a bombardment of questions. Probably one reason it was so because she seemingly answered the questions authentically. Top that off with the full immersion into your threads, Walloped, full immersion and I think the enormity of it, the full weight of it, overwhelmed. There was so much in such a short time. We know that our minds shut down when overwhelmed with more than we can bear to protect us.

Why do I hope and pray this turns out to be more than a setback? How often have we heard that one has to really hit bottom before healing can happen? We hear it about alcoholics and addicts a lot. MrsWalloped sure appeared to be the fully remorseful, open and honest wayward who had earned an F in front of WW. I know and told her that I was jealous. I don't mean to minimize the effect of her adultery on you Walloped. I was jealous of her efforts towards R even if it didn't work.

Perhaps she hadn't really got to the bottom, though, and was motivated by wanting to maintain the life she had. I don't know. I hope and pray that she has hit the bottom. I hope and pray she shows the strength and resilience I believe she has to get back up and really get after it.

She needs to feel safe, IMO, to do so. My suggestion would be that she step back from posting on SI for a while. I hope for not too long. I think she's done enough on the Q & A type thread solely about her. There's a rural saying that you can kill a willing horse with work. I hope she comes back to SI and contributes on threads as an FWW. The formers are very valuable, IMO. I won't list the group she would join because I would surely miss some names.

I'm hoping and praying, Walloped and MrsWalloped, that this "setback" is short lived, that healing is rapid and that even bigger and better things are in store for both of you.

Mrs. Walloped,

I'm so glad to see you are doing ok. I just saw the post and was worried for all of you.

I want to say that yes, we do hurt and we do feel what we feel about waywards based on that hurt. But to see someone changing and working and caring? Well, that gives us hope for marriage, for humanity...

I guess I am simply saying that many of us saw the beauty in you that Walloped clearly does, too. Please do not forget to focus on the most important things now--your health and your family.

Walloped, friend, you will always be supported here, as you know. I will continue praying for healing.

Dem

Wallops:

I am thankful that you are both feeling a little better. We are all hoping for a good outcome here. You both love each other and need each other.

I just hope to hear about your healing. You both deserve it.