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OK, I got reply from OBS. It is kind of different from what I expected. I'll try to translate it here:

I'll keep it short: FUCK OFF! If my husband manages to fuck your wife, good for him!

And I would not be against you showing this letter to your wife. If bitch is willing to give, every dog will take advantage of her. And she would be lying that she didn't like it. Mmmmmmm....

Start writing novels, my dear - you will become famous not only in your family. I don't need your novels, you can dedicate them to your wife or whatever one can call her.

And do not share your truths with me any more, even though you work in IT, I will block you faster than you - me.

It looks like AP#1 and OBS really match.

What do you make of it?

AP 1 responded, NOT OBS.

she would be lying that she didn't like it. Mmmmmmm

That statement, to me, gives it away.

AP 1 responded, NOT OBS.

This is possible, but unlikely. It is her work e-mail, response was written during working hours. And if it is an attempt from AP1 to cease contact between us, then OBS still can contact me using the same e-mail (I'm not blocking anything) or my phone number which I provided for her.

It might be her initial defensive reaction. She's hurting and lashes out, trying to hurt everyone involved.

Or it might just be that's what she is. Her husband is her hero, no matter what he does.

Hmmm. OBS didn't seem very rational to begin with so perhaps this is her version of post dday crazy. No need to initiate any more contacts with that mess. You've done your due diligence, and if it was AP1 then as you said OBS can still contact you.

I think 5454 may be right, or she's just trying to find someone to direct her confused anger toward.

You did your duty, let her simmer in her own problems for awhile. She might figure it out,...or not.

To me that doesn't read like a normal response from a BS, but then I recall a story by fooled13yrs where the OBS did just similar to him, implying it was his fault for not keeping his WW in check otherwise her WH wouldn't have had the A with his wife. Now, I was the OBS in my past situation and my first reaction wasn't to blame the OM's wife. It was to give my WW at the time the full benefit of the doubt, let her state her case, explain what's going on. I got some of the best gas lighting any wayward could give. I didn't know what to believe. The OBS from AP#1 very likely got the same gas lighting and is reacting accordingly BUT, like 5454 mentioned this really sticks out at me odd -

And I would not be against you showing this letter to your wife. If bitch is willing to give, every dog will take advantage of her. And she would be lying that she didn't like it. Mmmmmmm....

As if daring you to show it to your WW, like the AP lashing out to her in a round about way.

I'm curious if the OBS has a work device, like a laptop, and is at home. A LOT of JFO's, like that OBS, call in sick a day or two, the rest of the week, after having been gut punched with news that their spouse/partner had an affair. She may have asked for the day off and told her boss she would take the work laptop home and stay in touch in case she was needed. A possibility but pure speculation.

In any case, not your monkeys and not your circus anymore. As a former OBS, I really apprecaite you for making the effort to give her a heads up on the situation. It's up to her to do what is necessary. If the response really was from the OBS there's a very good chance she will get back in touch with you later down the road for some clarity.

I did show her response to my WW. Her comment was - "quite unexpected" and "who knows how she really feels".

A bit later she said she was terrified of what I might make of it.

A little late to worry about your reaction.

Her comment was - "quite unexpected" and "who knows how she really feels"

WHAT? I know how OBS really feels - betrayed, hurt, angry, embarrassed, shall I go on?

DarkHoleHeart, I'm sorry you were the recipient of OBS's pain - her correspondence sounds all over the place....it is clear that at this point, she does not want any more hurt (hence the comment that she does not want any more proof from you).

Call her work phone again and see if she's back.

Reason? The OW who's married to my xh, somehow gets my xh's work emails!!! SHE answers them bc he can't spell! This is all hours of the day.

I would call her from a different number just to make sure it's really her with these responses.......

In my case, I did call the OBS 3-4 times and he didn't believe me bc they got to him first. In time, he did believe me afte having some time to think about it- and his W divorced him.

WHAT? I know how OBS really feels - betrayed, hurt, angry, embarrassed, shall I go on?

Lalagirl, her comment was about "If my husband manages to fuck your wife, good for him!".

homewrecked2011, I'm 100% positive, that at least my first e-mail got through to her. AP and WW had no advance warning that I'm contacting OBS. So my work in this area is done.

Of course, I'm a little disappointed at her reaction, but "good deeds do not go unpunished"

DHH, I am assuming that you reside in North Asia, as you mentioned in your initial thread that you offered to translate an English book to your wife in Chinese.

So, if that is the case, then the OBS probably wants to rug-sweep this, as it is shameful to their family name.

In Chinese culture, 'face-saving' is a huge thing, and if the family has very traditional values, then rug-sweeping is de rigueur. No airing of dirty laundry in public, don't rock the boat, and internalize everything, all to 'save face' and the family honour/name.

The OBS lashed out as she does not want to recognize the ugly reality. It cannot be the fault of her husband, because she could not have married to a person of such low morals, so it must be the fault of someone else. Your wife probably tempted him, and he is the innocent victim.

Don't expect immediate acceptance of what you say, but if OBS has a strong character, then she will come around. If not, then she would not want you to burst her bubble.

I have a feeling that your wife is remorseful, but I would not be too confident that the remorse will last, as she has not shown any indication that she can keep to her word, as all her actions indicate otherwise.

AP may have warned her ahead of time too. Wouldn't be the first time we have seen damage control done even though you didn't signal exposure.

RocketRaccoon, no, comment about translating something to Chinese was in the context of "I would do anything for you if I was in your place". As in translating from non-native and completely alien language that I don't speak.

I'm only tens of kilometers away from one of geometrical centers of Europe

And I agree that if she is remorseful then it is only valid if it continues for a long time.

Sharkman, I doubt that. AP1 was quite confident that he is out of the harm's way, since he is not in the recording I've got (so I have no evidence - HA HA HA, you wish...).

And he took sick leave after the day my e-mail reached OBS (WW found that out from his colleague who complained that "AP1 took a sick leave, now I have to do all the work").

Don't know how to call this update...

TMI, probably? Sorry for a lot of f-words, because this is what it is about and a vent too...

So, I was talking with WW, mentioned something along the lines "all you efforts don't matter shit if there's still something you are hiding from me". She was very subdued for the following hours and when we put the kids to bed, I asked her "have something to tell me?". She said "Yes. I'm very scared" she then remained silent for some time and when there were approx. 10s left to "You start talking or get the f..ck out of my life" she started talking.

That she and AP#2 were fucking like rabbits. That in 4 times in hotels at least on some occasions there were 2 fucks during the night. That there were at least additional 2 in her office. That there were at least 2 in his garage. Not counting 5 in the car. (previous version had 4 in hotels, 5 in the car - so almost twice as much).

That they fucked in multiple poses (only "traditional" and "girl on top" previously).

That she sucked him at least 4 times (this is included in total count above), sucking him off this way at least one time.

That they tried anal, but she felt pain upon entry, so broke it off.

That there was one unprotected encounter in the car just before her period.

Faked orgasm when he was trying to get her off orally (she got bored).

That she kissed one more guy during short period when she was fucking both AP1 and AP2 (she is almost sure that she broke off with AP#1 after she started fucking AP#2, but cannot recall how many fucks with AP1 after she started fucking with AP2).

Now, the things that didn't change. Quality of the sex. Several week earlier I asked her to give marks to each of Aps sex provess. That didn't change. So:

AP1 - 0. He lasted two minutes at most, pure mechanical pumping. Very short dick.

AP2 - 4. Because he's the only one who put at least minimal effort to satisfy her. Very short dick.

AP3 - 2. Loooong mechanical pumping. Thin short (a bit longer than AP1-2) dick (I even have her comment on recording from their second encounter "it would be good that in some areas you were bigger" that she didn't remember making). He couldn't finish, even whe she tried to suck him off (and she's good at it).

My comment - "so why so much fucking then?" Her answer - "IDK, really. Maybe because that's what people in A should do - have a lot of forbidden, wild affair sex and I was just going with the flow?"

She didn't have orgasm single time during A sex (confirmed by recording where she states that).

Me- "So why didn't you pleasure yourself?" (it is quite hard for her, actually). Her - "because sex was not what I was after in A" (It just came with the package - my words).

Other interesting tidbits of conversation:

Me - "Do you think you did good thing by telling me this?"

Her - "I was sure I did, but seeing how you feel now I'm not so sure anymore"

Me - "Hm, and how you expect I should feel after finding out that instead of lying peacefully with his dick inside you, you were turning on him like a windmill instead?"

...

Her - "We haven't had anal, really, when he got it inside me a bit I felt pain and he quit"

Me - "Hm, so you didn't. So basically what you are telling me is that there's no fuckable hole in your body that hasn't had other man's dick stuck in it at some time, right?"

Her - ".................................................... err, yes"

Have to go now.

How I'm feeling and how it affects me - maybe later, maybe tomorrow.

DarkHoleHeart

OUCH!

I don't really know what to say to you on that, other than, you know that I know, exactly what it is like to find that out about one's WW.

Not fun at all!

All I can do is wish you strength.

Reply from OBS:

Assuming is was actually her, OBS is angry, She looking for someone to blame other than her cheating husband. She may feel trapped in her marriage, so this is a self preservation at any cost. It is understandable when taken in context. She is lashing out. Sadly, I can only have empathy for her and hope she finds help she desperately needs. Maybe someday she will see her H for what he is. Dismiss it as delusional.

Her - "because sex was not what I was after in A"

Finally, through all the bitterness and anger, some honesty.

Sex is only a tool to her, to get what she wants. Whatever that is in her mind. You need to remember that.

Divorce.

Divorce.

Divorce.

Divorce.

Divorce.

Divorce.

Many people here have stated that women tend to give sex to get "love", and that men tend to give "love" to get sex. Seems to apply in your case.

Sorry. We feel for you, DHH.

DHH

it seems to me your original plan of divorce and then let her try and win you back was probably the best approach.

I'm not sure how you just restart trust with her after all she has done.

She really should be at best on a level playing field with any other potential love interest out there looking to win your heart.

TBH level with them is probably in a better position than she deserves.

What are your plans. Have you started that 6 month virtual clock yet?

DHH,

I know you have history and kids with this woman, but seriously, where do you think this is going? Is it going anywhere where you can ever conceivably be happy with her? And what would it take for you to feel happy and comfortable with what she has done, to the point where you settle back into anything like a 'normal' relationship with her?

We betrayed spouses can keep waiting and waiting and waiting for our waywards to somehow say or do or find that miraculous 'magic bullet' that will suddenly make their betrayal acceptable and palatable and comfortable. And some of us will wait for years.

I apologise for asking an awkward question of you, but really, it's one that is relevant for all BS's, and it is this: what does your wayward need to do to make their dishonesty, betrayal, and lack of integrity and commitment acceptable?

What do they say or do that will make you say, "Oh, okay, that's fine. Let's just get back to it as if you never did any of that stuff"?

This is only me, and please feel free to tell me where to go, but I have followed your thread since the beginning, and cannot quite 'get' where it is going. It seems like your wife suddenly decided to become public property, allowing full access to her life and body to pretty much anyone. There are some men who would be fine with that, some who would like to sit and watch, but that isn't you.

What I am wondering is whether you are considering finding a new woman who wants to be in a monogamous, faithful relationship of the kind you (and so many of us) want, and setting your wife free to have lots of meaningless, commitment-free sex, as she so clearly wants to have.

The fact is, she cannot undo what she has done, or who and what she has become, and while every man on SI will feel for you, you really need to decided whether or not you want her back after she has done all of the things that she is still confessing to. Or if starting a relationship with a different kind of woman might be better for you.

If you are okay with a woman who made herself public property, then stop asking questions and just accept her back into the marriage. I say that because the more she reveals, the worse it gets. On the other hand, if you want a woman with integrity and decency, worthy of your respect, then finish things and look elsewhere. The harsh fact is that you aren't ever going to get that with your wife, and you can wait for a thousand years and she is not going to provide you with anything that makes her actions acceptable. Why not liberate her and let her run to the group of guys she compromised her integrity for? And you can move onwards and upwards, and maybe even find happiness that is not tainted with stain of infidelity.

Again, I apologise for the bluntness of this message, but this is what I would be saying if you were my brother or my best friend.