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(((IDE))) stay strong, the expedited timescales for the evaluations have to be a good thing if they save you stress and worry ... and if you found it difficult and invasive just imagine how your WH is going to perform under the same pressure

I'm pretty certain he isn't going to be able to resist showing his true colours and telling the guy how to do his job !!!

It sounds like you weathered the eval just fine. I bet the WH drops his drawers and shows his butt.

Evaluators (like attorney's when they have you on the stand) will deliberately ask for the same information in various different ways. They do it because sometimes the answers will change. Mostly they do it to see if it makes your temper rise. It is valid for an evaluator to see how you handle the situation because we all know how kids can test our tempers in a similar fashion.

This is where your WH will show his colors.

Hi IDE, I have been following your story, and I see it has been the road from hell for you. I used to do family assessments for court. Evaluators have excellent training and someone who oversees the evaluations. Your xwh's cracks will definitely show. Sounds like you did an excellent job showing your love and care for your children. It is fairly easy to tell who is a true caregiver and who is "putting it on" for the court. My heart is with you, hang in there.

My girls came home from their weekend visit this morning. They learned on Friday that xWH has a new house. On Sunday they met with the psychologist/evaluator at daddy's new house. DD8 was aflutter as we walked to the bus stop this morning.

Do you know daddy has a new house? She asked.

I have two beds, one just for my stuffed animals. She said.

I met with "that nice man" again (the evaluator). She said.

He asked me how much time I spend with daddy, and I told him I mostly spend almost all my time with OW3. She said.

Then this . . .

I told him I spend more time with OW3 than you too. I told him daddy is always working and you are always working, and OW3 spends the most time with me out of everyone.

You guys.

My feet kept walking to the bus stop, but I felt like I couldn't breathe. I said nothing. I squeezed my eyes hard to keep from weeping. The moment I got in my car to drive to work I cried a flood of tears. I pulled the car over and wailed a song of grief, sacrifice, and love.

I didn't know I was in a race with OW3 for my children's hearts. And I certainly didn't know she was winning. Today I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. This. This is hard. This is impossibly hard.

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 4:23 PM, April 24th (Monday)]

That sounds to me like an even more ammunition to have the psych eval on OW3 and more ammunition why your ex h shouldn't have as much visitation.

(((IDE))))

Your daughter might spend more time with her classroom teacher than waking hours with you. The teacher isn't going to be around by summer, isn't going to get custody either- even if your daughter really, really likes her.

OW3 is love-bombing your girls. It won't last. The evaluator knows how these things work.

It is going to work out - it will be ok!!!

((((IDE))))

((IDE))

And I certainly didn't know she was winning.

My eyes watered up at this update. I can completely understand why this cut you to the core.

I'm not going to comfort you with the whole "she doesn't know what she's really saying" because she doesn't, and you know that. You know that there is no way OW3 can ever love your child like you do and that your DD couldn't possibly understand the complexities of this situation and oh my God, I would have wept at this too.

Hon. We are here for you. We all totally get it. And you're doing a great job in what is the worst parental nightmare short of a death of a child. Hang in there.

The evaluator knows how these things work.

And hang on to this^^^^

I'm so sorry those words hurt.

Just remember, you're looking to win the marathon, not the sprint. Over time your daughter will understand things better. It's also great that she felt comfortable enough to tell you this. You did the right thing by not reacting, as hard as that must have been. And you can open up a conversation with her about this later if you want to.

((((IDE))))

I'm so sorry, IDE. As was said just above, at least your daughter told you all of this. You didn't react negatively and cause her to shut down in the future. You kept the communication channels open. I don't know anything about these evaluations, Thank God. Also, as others have said, if the evaluator has any experience they've seen and heard everything. If you get another chance at the evaluator perhaps in an off hand way you might indicate how you wished you could spend more time with your girls but need to work to support them, too.

Again, I'm so sorry. Strength.

((IDE))) sending you strength.

The OW3 doesn't count. She is not a parent. The evaluator knows this. During my D from XWH#1 we had to do everything known to man. Psych evaluation, home studies, GAL, drug testing, child counseling, etc... In the end even though I was a nurse and did 12hr shifts and XWH#1 was disabled and not working, I still got primary custody with him having one afternoon a week and every other weekend. These people know what they are doing. They have seen it before. Do not stress yourself or the girls with this. It will be OK in the end.

Remember::: this OW was a party to flying your children home from freaking HAWAII alone! Without her inhaler.

And didn't they again fly your kids out there without any warning?

I know you are broken hearted about what your child said, but this OW is a piece of work. Keep pressing forward.

(((IDE))))

(((hugs))) There's spending time, and there's parenting. YOU are the one parenting. Never forget that.

(((((IDE))))))

I remember wondering if I should just cave so my kids weren't in the middle of a horrible situation. I remember ugly crying a few times. I remember being so emotionally drained I couldn't function.

Try to focus on the end goal. This process sucks, and you will feel your heart ripped out more than once...but it IS a process. The process has to happen.

YOU are the Mom. You are in competition with no one. You can put lipstick on a pig...but it's still a pig.

Hang in there.

((((IDE))))

I so feel for you..... xwh and mow have deliberately tried to get between myself and my kids since before the D was filed, and they are still trying today....and the way they have been doing it is to depict the situation as that the kids like mow better, and even that they hate me..... (I now know the reality is they hate mow and love me....)

It hurts so badly to feel like the kids maybe like mow more....but you are mom, and no one else is. That didn't mean a lot to me when I heard it back then, but it is true, very true.... Hang in there, as it gets better - and I'm saying that when I am still on this crazy roller coaster ride....

This could back fire on him. The evaluator could see this as parental alienation. Does this bitch even work? Is that why she is able to spend so much time with your child?

Look, you have to work to provide for your child. So, of course, you don't get endless time with your child.

During our divorce there was a GAL assigned to the kids. There was times I thought for sure I was going to lose custody of my kids or afraid of losing time with them. The GAL seen right through all the bullshit.

You having to work and spending less time with your child is nothing compared to what your XH and the OW have done.

I'm praying for you to have strength and your evaluator to have true discernment.