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Newest Member: NightFury

Just Found Out :
honey, they always affair down...

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26years ( new member #66410) posted at 10:00 AM on Wednesday, April 17th, 2019

Thank you for this fabulous reminder.

My WH traded way down as well and he is trying to reconcile but the betrayal is too much for my pride. His OW is insignificant trash not even worth a comparision.

Married for 26 years, college sweethearts, three great kids. I am a physician, financially independent, too sexy and fun. I know I can find a partner that will appreciate and treasure me. Life is too short to work on a completely shattered marriage.

TT

posts: 6   ·   registered: Oct. 5th, 2018   ·   location: San Diego
id 8364159
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 10:26 AM on Thursday, April 25th, 2019

Bump 😊

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 8368116
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dancin-gal ( member #6814) posted at 2:13 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2019

As I am trying to get timelines and WS has opened up and finally truthful.. I cannot believe an OW would settle for scraps.. I asked WS questions about his time line.. she would fly to meet him on a few of our vacations.. she saw him from 7am till noon.. he might have taken her out for lunch.. .. this woman.. lacked self worth , self esteem .. but she knew how to play my WS.. during their A if WS was annoyed at me and told her she defended me.. and then it was poor baby ..wish I could be closer to give you a hug..she knew the the words to keep WS hooked ..

BS me 75
WS..H. 78
3 D days . 1980, 2002 2019

posts: 320   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2005
id 8369273
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 2:59 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2019

Bump 😊

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 8385896
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sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 1:41 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

Bumped for PH!

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8396169
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PurpleHaze ( member #63505) posted at 2:16 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

Thanks sassylee for bumping. Everyone, man or woman needs to read this and breathe it in! I asked sassylee to bump it for me as I couldn't bump it. For those that just found out, read the healing library and post everything you need to as often as you need to. There is a lot of support here. Take what you need and leave the rest. Sassylee is one of the amazing people that watch over this site. There are others you will see, thank them.

Try to stay out of the rabbit hole!

posts: 426   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2018   ·   location: sPOKANE
id 8396177
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PurpleHaze ( member #63505) posted at 2:20 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

Thank you sassylee, you rock!!!

Try to stay out of the rabbit hole!

posts: 426   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2018   ·   location: sPOKANE
id 8396179
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sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 2:21 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8396181
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Chicklette ( member #70303) posted at 8:50 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

This is so true! My WH pursued a sexting relationship. In MC he was asked why he chose her and replied “because she was single” I then saw a photo of her and although I’ve never been big headed about my looks, I’m Julia Roberts to her Shrek! I’m sure he chose her because he knew she was desperate and would do anything for his attention. When I said something about her looks one of my DDs said “Mum, no one better looking would have an affair with him!”

And of course he dumped her like a shot when he realised he could have me back 🤷‍♀️

Me: BS 59 at DDay
WH: 61 at DDay
Married: 27 years at DDay
Dday: 22 March 2019
In R since 11 April 2019
I love him and have forgiven him. He’s very contrite.

posts: 157   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Essex UK
id 8396265
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Scoobydoo ( member #70007) posted at 1:51 PM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

OMG,

I needed this today,

I'm not sure how many others 'he' has been with in total,

However out of the many I am sure of, 2 were 'EX BFF's, were both very ugly, very big, very butch looking, very 2 faced & married to friends of his.

3rd one was a ONS 30yrs younger than 'him' super skinny, super ugly, & very much a tramp that all the young guys on my sons stag weekend avoided her like the plague as she tried it on with the majority of them

Guess my WH didn't get the memo she was such a skank!!!

Thank you again for bumping this thread

Toooo many Dday's over 27 yrs,
Separated from Scooby 'Dum' 19/08/2019

Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self esteem,
First make sure you are not surrounded by an Asshole/s.

posts: 269   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019
id 8396311
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:02 PM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019

Thank you PurpleHaze for having this bumped

This is one to print out and file away and read often.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades - Children (1 still at home) Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBS 2018 Cease & Desist sent spring 2021"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3575   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8396656
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Niceguy25 ( member #70801) posted at 3:34 AM on Thursday, June 27th, 2019

Canoe VA...thank you. I thought from first kiss and introduction to two months later had to be some kind of record since it took me two years to accomplish what he did in 60 days. The lived across the U>S>A form one another so rendezvous to fuck were separated by 3 month increments, but fuck they did on a regular 3 month basis for a year, one week on, 11 weeks off to cool off before it heated up again. I will never believe she was taking care of her sick sister again. I can't say if he was a step up or down, but when she found out about his other side pieces the sex ended immediately, but the emotional link lasted 2 1/2 more years. When she finally broke the tie that binds, I think she found out what a low life scum he was in spite of a military career as a Colonel 15 years her senior. Now instead of being fit, athletic, and handsome, it seems he was short, fat and not very good looking. I don't know as I have never been able to find a picture. He lives in Spokane if anyone out there can search locally for me for a pic. PM me if you are willing to look...anyone.

[This message edited by Niceguy25 at 9:31 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]

Her: WS, 35 at the time of the A
Me: BS, 40 at the time if the A, 2 kids 7&9.
Him: OM, 50, colonel in the AF, married, two grown kids, and a compulsive cheat
Now, WS 65, Me 70, Him 79
WS attempted to contact him and I found the card after 25 ye

posts: 275   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2019   ·   location: Midwest
id 8398152
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Niceguy25 ( member #70801) posted at 3:08 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2019

So according to this weeks version, though they spent several weekends out of town together, they only fucked one time, each weekend. Yeah, right! Fortunately, according to my WW, he always only brought ONE condon to their fuckfest. Think this might be a case of “affairing down?”

Her: WS, 35 at the time of the A
Me: BS, 40 at the time if the A, 2 kids 7&9.
Him: OM, 50, colonel in the AF, married, two grown kids, and a compulsive cheat
Now, WS 65, Me 70, Him 79
WS attempted to contact him and I found the card after 25 ye

posts: 275   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2019   ·   location: Midwest
id 8403962
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sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 3:54 AM on Thursday, July 25th, 2019

Bumping for PH and any other BS’s needing this message today! ♥️

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8410451
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Ptstlucie ( new member #71043) posted at 11:07 AM on Thursday, July 25th, 2019

wow thank you for this. I just printed it out so I can read it when I need a boost. This is so true yet not how you feel when you are blindsided

posts: 25   ·   registered: Jul. 19th, 2019
id 8410499
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TRae519 ( new member #71085) posted at 1:09 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2019

I actually don’t think my WS affaired down. The girl he had an EA with was actually very pretty. I’d say she was more attractive than me.

That said, maybe he affaired down in other senses? She had a low skill level job and according to him was not a super classy girl nor intelligent. I’m a senior level exec, outearn my husband by a long shot, and can hold my own in conversation.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Jul. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Chicago
id 8410524
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:20 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2019

Well, there you go right there, TR. Class vs trash. Sounds like an affair down to me.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4705   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8410531
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sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 5:22 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2019

Trae,

OW was quite a looker too - and with a fake boob job and being 10 years younger - I know my H thought she was a prize.

But imagine you have two presents in front of you. One has glittery wrapping paper, a gorgeous ribbon with a beautiful bow. The other is wrapped in newspaper and the wrapping is held together with duct tape. Which one would you want? Most people would be immediately drawn to that gorgeous gift. But inside is a fresh, steaming pile of dog shit. However - if you had chosen that horrible looking gift - once you get past the old newsprint and duct tape - there’s valuable jewels that sparkle and take your breath away.

Now I’m not saying we BS’s necessarily look like old newspaper and duct tape lol! But we are definitely filled with gems simply for the fact we are loyal.

OW is better looking than me - no doubt. But she is a big piece of poo rolled in glitter. And once you stop oooohing and awwing and how sparkly she is - you start to notice the smell of shit and all those flies buzzing about

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8410654
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adriverswife ( member #62769) posted at 6:19 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2019

TRae519,

I thought the same thing at first. The women he cheated with were really, really pretty in different ways. My confidence was shattered.

Wasn't until I really thought about it and dug deep that I realized he had affaired down in other ways, mainly, these women were needy and codependent. One he had to help pay rent for, she was constantly needing someone to help her through something. Another he connected with through their relationship woes and she went on and on about feeling neglected.

And then there's me. Full time mom, full time great paying job (the breadwinner), musician, able to support myself and able to handle my life on my own without needing someone to hold my hand every day.

I nicknamed his captain save a hoe. Guess I just didn't need enough saving to keep him interested.

posts: 68   ·   registered: Feb. 19th, 2018
id 8410922
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puffstuff ( member #70814) posted at 3:00 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2019

my ww:

intelligent to degree level

has taught at all levels of academia

feminist

left leaning

exceptionally well read

beautiful

sexy

the OM:

fat

illiterate

chain smoking

heavy drinking

womanising

has porn on his facebook page

right wing

screams "domestic abuse type"

"bad boy"

now i get the sex angle, a "bit of rough" as they say in the UK, but can someone please explain to me why the fuck that she has thrown everythign away, a good solid life, and has taken the father of her two small children away, for this piece of trash?

we had a good life FFS. even she admitted it a few weeks before DDay!

posts: 246   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2019
id 8411082
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