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Newest Member: InkHulk

Just Found Out :
honey, they always affair down...

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changeneeded ( member #51851) posted at 4:49 AM on Friday, March 4th, 2016

This is awesome. Thank you for posting! Can I copy and paste it to save as a reminder?

posts: 614   ·   registered: Feb. 16th, 2016
id 7495070
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2hurtbyfar ( new member #32495) posted at 1:46 PM on Monday, March 7th, 2016

I have just posted in the Reconciliation forum as I suspect things are starting up again.

So now 'the thing' is going to get me in a big way!

Yes he has definitely affaired down - she is short and dumpy - makes no effort to look nice or keep herself presentable. No make up, hygiene seems to be minimal...woman use a nail brush to clean those finger and toe-nails!

She wears these awful shoes which make her feet look huge with spayed out toes, her clothes are always baggy and often with food stains on them.

She doesn't wear a bra, and its not a sight to see, when she is barrelling down the mall with her saggy boobs going in different directions... as for education.... barely finished school.

I am tall and blond, slim, fit and educated, and successfully running two businesses.

Hey, maybe I downgraded when I married him..

“Agree with everything, explain nothing, then do what is best for you.” Sherry Argov

posts: 38   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2011
id 7497478
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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 3:23 AM on Saturday, April 2nd, 2016

Bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8363   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7518953
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StrongerThan ( member #52086) posted at 2:50 AM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2016

I know this is an old post, but damn didn't that just help me a ton today.

Thank you so, so entirely

Not my circus, not my monkeys

posts: 126   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2016
id 7519553
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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 11:03 PM on Friday, June 3rd, 2016

Bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8363   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7573471
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kbella ( member #53268) posted at 3:34 PM on Saturday, June 4th, 2016

this post helped me so much today. thank you so very much

me BS (41)
him WS (46)
3 kids
married 6/18/2009
dday 5/9/2016

posts: 542   ·   registered: May. 17th, 2016
id 7573801
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 8:00 PM on Saturday, June 4th, 2016

I'm just now dipping my toe back into JFO...so THAT's what happened to this post - 50 pages of comments and bumps.

5+ years ago, when I just joined, this post helped me beyond words. I'm so glad it was continued so it helps folks joining SI now.

BTW, newbies, if you see a post from edie (who brought this back last year), read it. You'll learn something valuable.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 27292   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 7573957
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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 12:09 PM on Wednesday, July 13th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8363   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7606116
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animalscandy ( member #53457) posted at 1:01 PM on Wednesday, July 13th, 2016

WOW!! You must have been reading my mind today! I have been so down on myself. Thank you! This helped. I am so grateful for all of you and the advice you give.

Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality. Poe

posts: 166   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2016   ·   location: Georgia
id 7606138
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TS68 ( member #40211) posted at 5:10 PM on Wednesday, July 13th, 2016

My ex did. Way down. He worked so hard to convince her he was so amazing and told her what a bitch I was (not) and karma is alive and well because he got what he wanted... Her. Except he didn't really want her exclusively... Just as a side dish. But that's what happens... I want to tell him be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. And he did. Problem is he wanted her AND our house, I think that was why he suddenly started to do so many updates... But damn he lost me, and the house. Now OW is all geeked because 'she finally got him all to herself'. Lucky her... He's all hers! Actually I feel truly sorry for her, he sold her a bill of goods that was a lie... And now with the divorce he lost most of his ability to lead a flashy lifestyle, so he has nothing to offer her... It was $ she was after, looks on his part dont exist...

So tough cookies, ex. Yes, they affair down to their own level.

Me: 48
Him: 50
Married 22 years too many
DS19, DS17, DD10
Divorced

Know your worth.

posts: 1422   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Detroit, Michigan
id 7606368
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dass ( member #44328) posted at 8:15 PM on Wednesday, July 13th, 2016

This is so uplifting, I just want to say thank you for posting it. Like many here, I saved and printed this to keep in my top drawer, remind myself. God bless you.

posts: 59   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Honey Brook
id 7606547
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Amazingyetlost ( member #43745) posted at 8:33 AM on Thursday, July 14th, 2016

My WS exploded our life by falling in lust/love with an ugly 59 year old troll who made a sport of fucking married men.

Of course empty, broken, self centered excuses for men affair down -- its so easy, and the women they usually hook up with don't care one wit that they are so much less in every way than the wife -- in fact, with what I found out about the psycho slut that made herself available to my WS, *that* was the real hit for her, that she got my husband to do treacherous things with her, get him to tell her all about me and my accomplishments,demand to see our wedding photos ( my WS started his affair four months before our wedding, and kept it up for six months after wedding, until he got caught.) That piece of loathsome trash got a self-esteem rush and believed she must be better than me. Thats why thinking the OW is an actual threat is faulty thinking --- the OW is a soul sucking piece of scum who only lives for how she can get over on other women.

ME: 63 BW
HIM: 62 EA & PA, ten months (madboomer)
Married: December 24th, 2013; he started the A in the months before wedding
D/Day: June 3rd 2014 (karma bus ran them over on OW birthday); NC June 4th 2014
Just sad all of the time

posts: 420   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2014   ·   location: Aotearoa
id 7606890
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mccloud ( member #52604) posted at 8:46 PM on Thursday, July 14th, 2016

That is an awesome post. And very helpful for putting things in prospective. I kept wondering why he would do this to me? And I believe some of it has to do with his fear of getting old. He had just turned 40. Was kind of pudgy. His hair thinning. Midlife crisis set in. He's ALWAYS been attracted to older women. I'm ten years older than him. Then he cheats with this twenty something scank. And I mean he knew she was trashy. And told his brother to stay away from her, that she was a gold digger. She even stole money from his brother. Yet he had a two year A with that tramp!!! He Definitely A'ed down. Yeah she's younger than me. But she's not prettier. She's illiterate. Uneducated. She acts very childish and immature. And she even tried to pull the wool over my WBF'S eyes. Well, not tried, ahe did it. Fool him good. But, she is trash. She is beneath me. I have no idea if my WBF is still seeing her. I will find out though. And if he is, that will make it really easy for me to end this relationship and move on.

Together 8 years. Dday #1 3-18-16 Dday #2 3-21-16 It is almost 3 years since D-day. And I am Not better. I am not over it. I am not back the way I was. I am still So broken. So lost. So hurt. I still can't understand why he was so horrible

posts: 652   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2016   ·   location: Houston, Texas
id 7607362
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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 12:31 PM on Thursday, August 4th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8363   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7624797
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hisloss ( member #53973) posted at 1:12 PM on Thursday, August 4th, 2016

I am going to save this in my computer so that I can read it again on the low self esteem days to remind me that the OW is trash.

posts: 441   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2016
id 7624821
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PinkGrapefruit ( member #54418) posted at 2:16 PM on Thursday, August 4th, 2016

Oh this thread helps.

My ex gf definitely affaired down. OW is older, less attractive although thinner, has skanky drawn on thick black eyebrows and is oh so common. She's got 7 kids by at least 3 men, has never had a 'proper' job in her life and is living on benefits and bring a part time cleaner. She has no qualifications, can't add up, no travel experience. Wears second hand clothes and 90s sportswear.

My ex gf is a sucker for a sob story, and OWs first husband was done for sex with her 15yo neice, her second husband done for DV. OW is something of an inspiration to my ex, and she is one of those people who always needs to be needed.

I'm intelligent, articulate and care about my appearance. I've had several good jobs, am studying for a degree and have the potential to go far. I love travel and experiencing different cultures, and we had plans to travel the world together.

I do not think "why am I not enough?" or "why her?" - surprisingly my self esteem has not taken a battering and for that I'm grateful.

Me: 33f | ExWgf: 30f | Together 11 years.
D-day: 18 July 2016, EA for ~2 months
•Now you're just somebody that I used to know•

posts: 128   ·   registered: Jul. 31st, 2016   ·   location: UK
id 7624876
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smalltownssuck ( member #54423) posted at 2:43 PM on Thursday, August 4th, 2016

Thank you so much for reposting. I needed that today.

posts: 111   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2016
id 7624895
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Crazytrain101 ( member #48200) posted at 7:32 PM on Thursday, August 4th, 2016

I'll just add that my WH said this to me the other day after I sent him some pictures of his AP's..."I never screwed ugly women until I started cheating"! Hmmm...shouldn't that been a sign that it was a bad choice?

Remarkably he has had in his low- self esteemed mind that many were rather attractive and even led me to believe the same until I did my own research.

At one point I showed him a picture of one AP from about 12 years ago WAY before she gave him a blow job in her car, I asked him if this picture was her. He said "yes, that's her" almost with a slight grin and I said "no, that's a picture from 12 years ago here's what she looked like the same month as YOU met her. The picture was her looking haggard, aged, and completely unattractive. WH just said "oh" and his head hung low.

He had lightly bragged that another was a psychiatrist...no she was a nurse practitioner and when I showed him her picture he was beside himself again.

I really believe that the reality in his mind is that he did cheat with attractive women, so that really struck a chord with me as to his "perception" that he was wanted by attractive women BUT the reality is that he got his sexual thrills with women way older then me and ugly, likely why they gave him whatever he wanted. These AP's were happy to get anything from a man like him.

[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 3:56 PM, August 4th (Thursday)]

posts: 1669   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 7625176
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shareonhearts ( member #52869) posted at 8:10 PM on Thursday, August 4th, 2016

Thanks for this post! I really needed to wake myself up again. My husband affaired down in both looks and class. She is actually quite a crotch hound.

He believed he was "special" to her. He needed the ego kibbles she dished out. She is his friends wife....they both acted like pieces of trash. She is a serial cheater and so is her husband. The minute I found out about them he threw her under the bus so fast even my head was spinning.

Recovery is an interesting PROCESS. I hope we make it but if not I do realize I'm the one with the class and dignity.

Fool me once shame on me......Fool me twice shame on YOU!

posts: 187   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2016   ·   location: California
id 7625207
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mccloud ( member #52604) posted at 7:18 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2016

I need to bump this so I can reread it every so often. In my case the OW,(the main one-she wasn't even enough to keep him happy), was much younger but not prettier, not skinnier, definitely Not smarter. Just like the poster said, just an easy lay-target. He was going through his midlife crisis and needed a young stupid girl to boost his "old" ego. Lol!

Together 8 years. Dday #1 3-18-16 Dday #2 3-21-16 It is almost 3 years since D-day. And I am Not better. I am not over it. I am not back the way I was. I am still So broken. So lost. So hurt. I still can't understand why he was so horrible

posts: 652   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2016   ·   location: Houston, Texas
id 7626071
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