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Newest Member: NightFury

Just Found Out :
honey, they always affair down...

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burn ( member #57119) posted at 12:05 AM on Sunday, February 12th, 2017

I have been struggling with this issue very much today. The 3 OW were all a lot older, and at least two are very overweight and not attractive at all (I havent found a photo of one of them). I couldnt figure out why he would want them over me. I did find in one of his emails where he told a guy that he didnt want attractive because they were picky and he wanted easy. He was trolling craigslist for women and I think these desperate women were the only ones who would let him treat them like he wanted to.

Me- BW (45) Him- fWH (46)
Married 23 years, 2 kids
DDay 12/15/16
8 years of emotionless affairs

posts: 270   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Nor Cal
id 7783234
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 5:17 PM on Friday, February 17th, 2017

Bump

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7788425
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Lpngal ( new member #57310) posted at 6:59 PM on Friday, February 17th, 2017

This post is amazing, it's exactly what I needed today, and will probably need for many days to come. It's like it was written specifically for me about WH OW. As hard as it is, when I catch myself wondering 'why her, what does she have that I don't' and 'there must be something wrong with me, she must be better somehow' I am able to stop that train because my deep down logical mind KNOWS she is trash and I am better than her in EVERY WAY!

posts: 14   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2017
id 7788560
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Hgqlove ( member #56533) posted at 5:43 AM on Saturday, February 18th, 2017

Exactly what every BS needs to hear on a daily.. Well hourly basis. Sometimes more. When I get really down sometimes I just think about the negatives things I know about her and it does make me feel better. Looks aside (if you call living in a tan bed a good look she has me beat) (don't worry not only will I have my pride when I'm eighty I'll have my nice skin too) I know I'm a better person. 100% I've got a lot going for me including the fact that I'm a loyal spouse who even after being betrayed would never dare put my husband, my kids or our families through the hell of an A. A hell of a lot is wrong with her. I don't know her personally but in my opinion she every bit as guilty in the A as my BH. And honey he definitely affaired down.

[This message edited by Hgqlove at 11:44 PM, February 17th (Friday)]

Me: BS 27
WH 27
Two perfect babies 8m and 3
Beginning trickiling of dday info starting late Sept 2016

posts: 92   ·   registered: Dec. 23rd, 2016
id 7789110
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Mindmelted ( new member #56961) posted at 3:09 PM on Saturday, February 18th, 2017

I know that for most people this would be true. It was the reality of his previous AP's. The problem this time is that AP didn't know he was married. He lied to her about it. When she called his phone and I answered she confronted him. He told her that he was married but leaving me and she broke it off with him. She is young, educated, and has strength of character. The one thing I can say is that I don't blame her. She only saw the face that he wanted her to see. In some ways that is harder.

posts: 48   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2017
id 7789276
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oddone ( new member #57312) posted at 11:47 AM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2017

I have to say,

this post has helped my self esteem to no end.

its completely true.

my wife of 15 yrs was always on me about smoking, so she had an affair with a man who smokes roll your own cigarettes lol.

She downgraded to a guy who picks fresh packed salad everyday for a living and has been to prison because he is so fucking stupid he left a receipt of his at the crime scene.

this is also no joke, the man has a condition called XXY syndrome so he has half man balls and will never be able to have a child. I had 5 to her. so fuck him and fuck her.

she says she wants me, I say go to the salad man.

posts: 9   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2017
id 7799350
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Londoner ( new member #56227) posted at 1:40 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2017

Hi everyone, don't often post here much, haven't got the courage to post my issue yet; however I was reading this post with interest and had a thought. Not wishing to put a downer on any of you, but.....I there are two marriages/ relationships in these affairs it must naturally follow that there are two BSs', therefore one of the WS's by definition must have betrayed up.

posts: 5   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2016   ·   location: UK
id 7799413
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 2:00 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2017

I there are two marriages/ relationships in these affairs it must naturally follow that there are two BSs', therefore one of the WS's by definition must have betrayed up.

That logic only follows if you're trying to balance a math equation.

Any married person willing to break their vows to fool around with another married person has - at the very least - become morally bankrupt, be it a one night stand or a long term affair. I'm not sure anyone can affair up by temporarily lowering their personal self worth.

Married 34+ years, together 40+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived
Restoration takes time.
"Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." ― Epictetus

posts: 4408   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: PNW. The adventure continues.
id 7799427
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BFos ( member #56868) posted at 2:57 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2017

Any married person willing to break their vows to fool around with another married person has - at the very least - become morally bankrupt

They have zero morals when they both betrayed their best friends and spouses. Double betrayal is a special kind of moral corruption. I am confident neither will ever be happy with the destruction they have caused to two families.

I can walk with my head held high on the other hand. I live in a relatively small town and every time I go out some one tells me how sorry they are and that they know everything. So embarrassing.

ME:BH 49
XWW : 46
MARRIED:25 YRS
DIVORCED
1 SON, 18
DDAY #1: SEPT 17, 2016
DDAY #2: NOV 14,2016 (our 25th anniversary)

posts: 264   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2017   ·   location: Corpus Christi, Texas
id 7799475
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Gettingoveritall ( member #46722) posted at 4:48 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2017

there are two marriages/ relationships in these affairs it must naturally follow that there are two BSs', therefore one of the WS's by definition must have betrayed up.

You are comparing the wrong thing here. Both waywards affair down from their faithful BS.

Me: BH
Her: WW

posts: 701   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2015   ·   location: United States
id 7799584
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Iwantmyglasses ( member #57205) posted at 4:55 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2017

there are two marriages/ relationships in these affairs it must naturally follow that there are two BSs', therefore one of the WS's by definition must have betrayed up.

No. My WH affaired down. And so did she. He had nothing to offer her. I spoke to her husband. He was kind. I am a very good judge of character. It is how I knew my husband was cheating so quickly.

I heard conversations of husband and AP. I know what she was willing to accept. He sounded nothing like my husband. And my husband is not as handsome as her husband. I also know my husband took another man's wife. It is disgusting. So yes they both did Affair down.

[This message edited by Iwantmyglasses at 9:16 PM, April 3rd (Monday)]

posts: 3053   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2017   ·   location: USA
id 7799593
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Marie2792 ( member #44958) posted at 2:48 AM on Monday, March 13th, 2017

I remember reading this post my first day on SI. It was not so easy to believe after what I was facing with those early days. I had discovered the A with a photo...of OW sitting in my seat in our car and my husband next to her shielding his face from her camera. It is a moment frozen in time for me that I will never forget.

For months I stalked her online presence. Until finally 7 months after dday I decided to knock on her door. Dressed in my best, looking like a million dollars I showed up on her doorstep. I wasn't prepared for what I saw. There were no perfectly manicured nails and long eyelashes. No beautiful long ebony curls. OW was 5'8 at least making her 4 inches taller than me and three inches taller then my husband. Her nails were bitten below the fingertips and her eyebrows needed a waxing badly. And the hair - straight, straggly and dead at the ends. Also three colors.

She wasn't Facebook ready that's for sure.

But here's the lesson I learned that day. All of my SI friends had been right. Nail tips and wigs can change your outside appearance and garner you attention. But morals, class and human decency cannot be bought. She had no education and no job skills. She was 14 years younger than me but no where near the woman I was at her age, when I had been married for 6 years already.

And she accepted from week one of the A, that she wouldn't be going to dinners or meeting his family. There would be no overnight dates or special gifts. Yet she continued in that physical only relationship for three weeks.

So she was an idiot too.

I'm posting in this thread tonight for all of you obsessed with photos of AP. Things aren't what they appear and appearance does not define a persons worth.

Me: BS,48 (41 at dday)Him: WS, 56 (49 at dday)
Married 27 years, together 30
Dday : 9/9/14 3 week PA

posts: 4841   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2014   ·   location: NYC
id 7807446
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notfeelingloved ( member #57754) posted at 3:54 AM on Monday, March 13th, 2017

I was obsessed with the OW. Stalked her like crazy. I thought she was beautiful. I was so jealous. Turns out it was all filters. Once I started seeing photos she was in with friends, she is kind of average. It's been two years and I now know she is nowhere near as good as me and it has nothing to do with appearance. Her character is flawed. What she looks like is irrelevant (took me a very long time to figure that out).

Me BW: 40
WH: 41
3 kids
EA from March 2014 to July 2015
DDay 13 July 2015
TT and False R until December 2015
Working on R

posts: 146   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2017
id 7807483
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 8:09 PM on Monday, April 3rd, 2017

Bump

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7826602
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Heart ( member #56144) posted at 8:13 PM on Monday, April 3rd, 2017

This is one of my favorite posts.

Happily Free Now
Me.... former betrayed wife


posts: 1264   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2016   ·   location: USA
id 7826608
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Oldfart ( new member #58126) posted at 8:22 PM on Monday, April 3rd, 2017

I am a WS who "affaired down". AP was 6 years older than my BW, overweight and not nearly as pretty.

It has nothing to do with looks. It's all about who would make themselves available to a broken individual like me.

posts: 14   ·   registered: Apr. 3rd, 2017   ·   location: Houston, Texas, USA
id 7826614
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 8:26 PM on Wednesday, April 19th, 2017

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7840885
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countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 8:31 PM on Wednesday, April 19th, 2017

In no way would the overweight person my wife chose be considered an upgrade to this svelte, balding guy.

3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 440   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 7840894
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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 12:06 PM on Thursday, May 25th, 2017

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8365   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7873833
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AAAA ( member #58444) posted at 6:55 PM on Thursday, May 25th, 2017

Love this.

"ONS": 4/7/17
D-Day: 4/22/17
1 young child
Me: BW 26 him: WH 27

posts: 78   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2017
id 7874198
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