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Newest Member: Hopeful318

Just Found Out :
honey, they always affair down...

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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 12:27 PM on Wednesday, October 18th, 2017

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8365   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8001849
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NoMercy ( member #54563) posted at 1:05 PM on Wednesday, October 18th, 2017

LOL...I was still 'friends' on FB with my second serial cheater and after I kicked him out, I posted this on his FB wall:

Don't cling to a mistake just because you took so long making it.

Some people aren't loyal to you - they are loyal to their NEED of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty...

posts: 3940   ·   registered: Aug. 9th, 2016   ·   location: Eastern USA
id 8001865
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HSsweethearts ( new member #61041) posted at 9:00 PM on Wednesday, October 18th, 2017

Thank you. This really helped me today ❤️

posts: 11   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017
id 8002241
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ohforanewme ( member #59230) posted at 3:22 PM on Monday, October 23rd, 2017

Bump for a friend

posts: 1249   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2017   ·   location: South Africa
id 8005951
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 2:07 AM on Tuesday, October 24th, 2017

I needed this!!! Thank you. Thank You. THANK YOU. I am printing this and keeping it many places so I can read it again and again as necessary.

Yup - he affaired down (best phrase ever). Way down. Subterranean. He couldn’t handle the whole package of freaking awesome that was before him. So he went dumpster diving like a mangy alley cat. And I shall rise above, spread my own damn wings and fly. My self esteem took a beating. Pretty much beat to a bloody pulp. But I’ll be damn if she has that power over me. I have bad days. I have bad moments. But OW f—

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades - Children (1 still at home) Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBS 2018 Cease & Desist sent spring 2021"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3575   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8006529
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 5:03 PM on Thursday, November 9th, 2017

bump

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6332   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8020088
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Monkidew ( new member #60724) posted at 4:00 AM on Friday, November 10th, 2017

I will keep reading this, over and over. I'm trying to end my obsession with this woman because he did downgrade. She spent two years in prison for dealing crack cocaine and was bar waitressing when they met. I asked him what the attraction was and he said she walked up to his table and told him that he was hot. She then showed him her tits. Real classy move, eh? She is, however, 15 years younger than me and skinnier( I have lost 35 lbs, so I think it's equal now) and spends a lot of time on hair and makeup. Basically, he told me he "picked" Her because she was a whore . I told him, well, that makes you a whoremonger. She is apparently stupid as a box since when she posted everything on my Facebook and in her correspondence with me, she has misspelled his first name.But he was her"soul mate"!How do you screw a man for two years and can't spell his name,wtf?!! I am getting better though. I blocked everything and haven't looked at her Facebook in 32 days. Progress.

No longer a doormat. I'm becoming the door.

posts: 17   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2017   ·   location: Michigan, USA
id 8020662
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Onlyjustgetingby ( new member #61255) posted at 10:14 AM on Friday, November 10th, 2017

My WW had an A with someone 16 years older than her. He had more money than me, better car, bald head. I know it was him that chased her but she gave in. Grrr I want to kill him

posts: 21   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2017   ·   location: North Wales, UK
id 8020735
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:36 PM on Sunday, November 19th, 2017

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 27886   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8027869
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JW123 ( member #21265) posted at 2:00 PM on Monday, November 20th, 2017

I so badly want to believe this, but in my case she is the ex wife. They got divorced and then a year later we met and then married. So yes, I do wonder why she is playing so hard for him now and wants back in his life. I keep trying to remind myself that only a dog returns to it's own vomit.

Me (BS) 47
3 beautiful children
D-Day October 2016 - found out about the ex wife!

posts: 533   ·   registered: Oct. 15th, 2008
id 8028444
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Justabranch ( member #54694) posted at 2:35 PM on Monday, November 20th, 2017

Thanks for reposting. This post is pregnant with wisdom. I think about it in this way: Decent people do not pursue another person's spouse. It takes a fairly flawed individual to engage in such despicable behavior. And in that regard, BS and AP usually deserve each other.

A question ain't really a question
If you know the answer too.

Me: BH, 62yo
Her: WW, 50yo
Married 21 years, together 25 years
DDay#1: 16 Aug 2017
DDay#2: 3 Feb 2018
DDay#3: Nov 2018
Son: 20yo

posts: 139   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2016   ·   location: Détente
id 8028489
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 10:42 PM on Saturday, November 25th, 2017

bumping

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8032620
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BSisRight ( member #61549) posted at 3:43 AM on Sunday, November 26th, 2017

Found this and it helps. I know it’s true.

But it makes me wonder what my WH (stbx) really thought of me. I mean, he’s into escorts of every race other than mine. And some new AP (or new to me discovering) who just truly appears to be a meth head.

I can’t imagine what our neighbours/friends/etc would be saying and thinking if they ever saw them together. It’s just so off the charts.

Who is this guy of 20 years?

Her/them being involved and these women being whores doesn’t make me feel any better. But I guess him and a beauty would feel worse? That feeling will likely come along soon once he’s completely divorced from me and wanting to remarry a new shiny thing.

[This message edited by BSisRight at 9:45 PM, November 25th (Saturday)]

posts: 131   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8032762
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Francisco ( new member #60745) posted at 2:52 AM on Monday, November 27th, 2017

Edie, I love this post. It rings so very true to me. Who would put up with having only the crumbs of a relationship when the cheating husbands tells the OW he has no intention of leaving his wife. And she still settles for that. I am the BS and this is helping me to see myself as the better person, the first in line, the strongest!

posts: 6   ·   registered: Sep. 23rd, 2017   ·   location: Canada
id 8033251
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Gablestitch ( member #60148) posted at 4:43 PM on Tuesday, November 28th, 2017

Thanks for continuing to bump this thread. I can honestly say my WH affaired down. She's older, needs bleach to keep her hair "blond" and talks like a 16 year old spoiled high school girl. And not one of the smart ones either. I mentioned this to a good friend of mine and she said I married down. She said the thing that WH told her why he loved me when he proposed was that I challenged him, that I was a strong person. I guess he got tired of being challenged because she is certainly a ditz.

Me: BW Him: WH

Dday sometime August 2017 after returning to work from maternity leave with third kid.
Separated shortly after.
Divorced 2021 after he ignored every court date and document sent to him.

posts: 213   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2017
id 8034447
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Gablestitch ( member #60148) posted at 4:43 PM on Tuesday, November 28th, 2017

Posted twice

[This message edited by Gablestitch at 10:44 AM, November 28th (Tuesday)]

Me: BW Him: WH

Dday sometime August 2017 after returning to work from maternity leave with third kid.
Separated shortly after.
Divorced 2021 after he ignored every court date and document sent to him.

posts: 213   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2017
id 8034448
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GoingCrazyNow ( member #59520) posted at 6:15 PM on Tuesday, November 28th, 2017

Gablestitch -

My family members said I married down and always wondered why I picked my WW! Love is blind is all I can say!

cheers

posts: 220   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Shit Sandwiches Inc.
id 8034564
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DarkHoleHeart ( member #58272) posted at 3:11 PM on Monday, December 11th, 2017

Bump for Mustang69

@DDay#1:
Me: BS, 40; Her: WW, 32
M: 10y, in relationship 15y, 3DD (8,8,6)
Dday#1: Oct, 2016, Dday#2: Jun, 2017
AP#1: COW PA, AP#2: EA/PA 3 months, AP#3: COW PA
Currently: Plain of the Lethal Flatness

posts: 1154   ·   registered: Apr. 14th, 2017   ·   location: Europe
id 8044603
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DarkHoleHeart ( member #58272) posted at 10:59 AM on Tuesday, January 9th, 2018

bump again

@DDay#1:
Me: BS, 40; Her: WW, 32
M: 10y, in relationship 15y, 3DD (8,8,6)
Dday#1: Oct, 2016, Dday#2: Jun, 2017
AP#1: COW PA, AP#2: EA/PA 3 months, AP#3: COW PA
Currently: Plain of the Lethal Flatness

posts: 1154   ·   registered: Apr. 14th, 2017   ·   location: Europe
id 8066838
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Justabranch ( member #54694) posted at 5:45 PM on Tuesday, January 9th, 2018

I've read this before and could read it a thousand more times and it wouldn't be too much.

This is probably the issue with which I have most grappled since DDay. "What's wrong with me? Why wasn't I enough?" When, in fact, the proper questions are, "What's wrong with my WW? Why can't she think more of herself than this?"

I've at least reached the point where I can say with all confidence that I am a better man than OM. I have the love & respect of my children because they know what kind of man their father is. And, perhaps most importantly, I would never pursue a married woman because it is simply not decent. That alone sets me higher by heads and shoulders.

[This message edited by Justabranch at 11:46 AM, January 9th (Tuesday)]

A question ain't really a question
If you know the answer too.

Me: BH, 62yo
Her: WW, 50yo
Married 21 years, together 25 years
DDay#1: 16 Aug 2017
DDay#2: 3 Feb 2018
DDay#3: Nov 2018
Son: 20yo

posts: 139   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2016   ·   location: Détente
id 8067093
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