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Newest Member: May28

Just Found Out :
honey, they always affair down...


Cbysurprise ( member #49855) posted at 9:35 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2015

Never saw this before and I really needed to read this today. Perfect timing.

Me 40
Him 40 WH
D-Day 9/9/15 LTPA of 2 years with COW
D-Day #2 10/30/15 EA with second woman also COW. Both at the same time just found out later.
In limbo.

posts: 89   ·   registered: Oct. 6th, 2015
id 7400253

OneInTheSame ( member #49854) posted at 9:50 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2015

I have to add my "amen" . . . describes it to a "T"

I have a liberal arts degree, and worked in a high stress job with lots of responsibility until I became medically disabled. Then I became the artist I was always meant to be. She (OW) has been a head-achy, sickly, meth-snorting loser who is stuck living with her mother because she can't seem to keep a room-ate. But it is true . . . she was ever so willing to accept that their little relationship was going nowhere. My spouse kept telling her that it would go no where. She fantasized that she finally had her one true love back in her life (they had been in a very unhealthy, even toxic, 15 year relationship before we met.)

And we are working toward rebuilding an even better relationship from this. I am an alpha female and have invited my spouse to resume a place at the head of the pack with me. This post helped us so much . . .

[This message edited by OneInTheSame at 4:02 PM, November 18th (Wednesday)]

(I edit to correct typos)
I am the BS in a lesbian marriage. My WW's ex-girlfriend was the AP.
D-day of the 6 mo A was 10/04/15
We are doing okay, but by now I wanted it to be better

posts: 2533   ·   registered: Oct. 6th, 2015   ·   location: Pacific Northwest
id 7400264

 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 8:28 AM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6645   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7410121

WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 9:08 AM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015

I read this, in a triumphant tone mind you, to my WH while driving together on a long road trip this past weekend. His reaction: "Some things weren't totally correct...but some are so true it is scary.". Yup. I said, "No, it is all truth...just stated more harshly than a WS would like."

He met his OW in parking lots, seedy pubs, and pay-by-the-hour motels. They got the barest of scraps from him...and told him they dreamed of "dates" and "walks on the beach.". Pathetic losers!! It would be right after these declarations and demands that he would ditch them.

And guess who was a screaming, sobbing pile of snot, literally on his knees with his arms wrapped around my legs, begging for forgiveness from his "neglectful nagging wife?". Yup, my WH. Guess who is showing me every text, friend request, (even wrong numbers just in case) from past women on his phone. Yup my WH.

Guess who thanks me almost everyday for allowing him one more day in our house with our children? Yup, my WH.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 3:13 AM, December 2nd (Wednesday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4516   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7410128

Csocal ( member #50452) posted at 6:07 AM on Saturday, December 12th, 2015

This thread was just mentioned in another thread so I thought I'd take a peek and give a bump.

(Great story BTW, WhoTheBleep!! )

I would love to think my Wayward affaired down w/her numerous Craigslist "Playmates", but the oldest was ten years younger than me, at least one was less than as half my age (21), and all of them super fit and hung like donkeys.

One was an emotionally unavailable white collar MM w/small kids. She wanted more from him than kinky sex and he had to tell her "That's not what this is about." (I'm pretty sure he was the one affairing down.)

[This message edited by Csocal at 12:38 AM, December 12th (Saturday)]

Me - Betrayed 50
Her - Wayward 50
Them - Multiple OM PA's over 7mo
DDay - 3/3/14 w/TT 8/15
Struggling to R

posts: 77   ·   registered: Nov. 19th, 2015   ·   location: California
id 7419174

BtraydWife ( member #42581) posted at 4:33 PM on Monday, December 14th, 2015


Everyone who cheats, affairs down. Everyone.

DD-March 2010

posts: 5437   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 7420838

devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 4:39 PM on Friday, December 25th, 2015


Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.

posts: 5155   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2014   ·   location: Central USA
id 7430669

Ns72 ( member #50506) posted at 6:05 AM on Sunday, December 27th, 2015

So I contacted obs and they both affaired down. Me and her are talking ourselves through this and it's amazing. Other than being a crutch to complain about us they are going to end up hating eachother.

The om is a serial cheater. Don't make a good living. No sex drive. Not interested in his partners feelings. Doesn't bathe much. Breath stinks from a bad tooth. They used to go dancing and drinking and snowboarding together. All things my ww hates. The oms is 13 years younger than my ww blond, beautiful, fun, bubbly. The total opposite of my wife. We know these two idiots aren't going to last for too much longer.

posts: 102   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2015
id 7431663

Hanesa ( member #50737) posted at 8:59 AM on Sunday, December 27th, 2015

Thank you for this................has helped me sooo much xxx

posts: 224   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2015   ·   location: United Kingdom
id 7431725

Gloomyfish77 ( member #50540) posted at 9:11 AM on Sunday, December 27th, 2015

Wow.......that was a good read thanks. Problem has hit hard now that my WH didn't just affair down he affaired with a man too......not sure how I can relate this post to help me with that part but at least it helps with one half :-)

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too."

posts: 1040   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2015   ·   location: England
id 7431730

spiderwebb ( member #50827) posted at 8:32 AM on Thursday, January 14th, 2016

Mine was 28 she was way better then me at 45

posts: 213   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2015   ·   location: ind
id 7448417

foolnomore ( member #51272) posted at 10:42 AM on Thursday, January 14th, 2016

I'm afraid my circumstance is so peculiar that as much as I want to believe he "affaired down" He didn't. I certainly do not feel lesser than but I cannot tout myself as being more either. The thing is we are so new to even considering recovery that we agreed the driving force at this time is our family business which employs nearly 50 people, our mutual assets and of course most important the stable environment we provide for our two children. Right now until this crazy crazy crazy dust settles we are being pragmatic. My husband has had a mistress our entire marriage and I recently found out....married 20 some years...wild huh? I feel numb. In shock I accept that at this time.

posts: 183   ·   registered: Jan. 12th, 2016
id 7448440

 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 5:13 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2016


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6645   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7490048

TwoStepsForward ( member #51300) posted at 5:31 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2016

Wow. I love this.

Me BW 47, him WH 49
M 23, 2 teens
DDays 2011, 2014, 2016, TT extreme, SA?
Wouldn't know the truth without the poly.
** Get a polygraph done!! **

posts: 460   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2016   ·   location: Flyover Country USA
id 7490067

SadMom75 ( member #51609) posted at 5:58 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2016

So helpful.

"Betray a friend, and you'll often find
you have ruined yourself"

posts: 699   ·   registered: Feb. 2nd, 2016   ·   location: PA
id 7490096

Nora88 ( member #51908) posted at 8:00 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2016

I love this so much! Though I most definitely can't compete with a 20 year old girl's body after having OUR baby. I am definitely a better person all around than she ever will be. Beauty fades, people lose their youthful bodies, and all she'll be left with is a sad excuse for a human being. Not like my husband is much better...

together since 2005 married in 2011
BS(me): 27
SA?WH: 29
1 year old baby girl
DDay: 11/08/15
TT till 02/28/16
who knows if I have full disclosure
status: unknown

posts: 269   ·   registered: Feb. 20th, 2016
id 7490208

zero2016 ( member #51415) posted at 7:04 PM on Saturday, February 27th, 2016


You are brilliant! I am glad I found your post.

posts: 221   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2016
id 7490783

standinghere ( member #34689) posted at 11:04 AM on Sunday, February 28th, 2016

if she affaired down , my H is the sad desperate loser?

I haven't posted in a long while, but my 6th anniversary of my Dday is arriving.

The fact is, my wife was, internally, carefully hidden, a sad, desperate, loser, with major mental health issues that she hid and did not deal with until she confessed. This is true of many a WS, and because of this they wreck their families, and that brings it to the surface. That is what it took for her to get help.

She's much better now. We've probably spent 30k now on counseling, hundreds of hours in support group meetings, and thousands upon thousands of dollars on medication.

I'm glad she's better, but the personal cost to me I could have done without. The money I don't really give a rats ass over, but the true cost is the pain the BS endures.

Sad, desperate, people do sad, desperate things to those that love them.

FBH - Me - Betrayal in late 30's (now much older)
FWS - Her - Affair in late 30's (now much older )
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled BUT!

posts: 1631   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 7491056

imfinetillimnot ( new member #51871) posted at 10:45 PM on Thursday, March 3rd, 2016

Thank you for reposting this. All of the above is true in my case. He told her from day one he was married and had no intentions of ever leaving me. And show was ok with that. I have always been a confident woman and this has shattered my self esteem. Yes. He cheated down. Older than me and not a great looker. Your post was very helpful to me. Thank you.

Married 17 years, Dated 10
DDay 11/25/15 One year PA

posts: 4   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2016   ·   location: Miami
id 7494862

Notinterested ( member #51555) posted at 12:38 AM on Friday, March 4th, 2016

You speak nothing but truth. As much anger as I have towards WH for cheating, he did use her. She was his dirty secret, had sex with her twice in her own car, in a public parking lot. He spent no money, no quality time, just quck sex on the back seat and then called it off. he made out like a bandit. Girl was desperate she initiated everything by offering a BJ funny actually when I think about it. I always sit and think about the "whys" and even though the answer came from this post it makes me feel better about myself.

Pssst, I see you - Karma
I edit often for mispells

posts: 209   ·   registered: Jan. 28th, 2016
id 7494949
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