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Newest Member: NightFury

Just Found Out :
honey, they always affair down...

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jamie2015 ( member #48086) posted at 5:29 PM on Tuesday, July 14th, 2015

I really never laugh anymore but I did post a while ago about some of the photos of my sex-addict husband's prostitutes he hired (especially the ones off of Craigslist)...they are absolutely hideous...I really do not ever want to be the person who makes fun of someone's looks - but good grief...my WH is NOT a bad-looking guy - that's his problem...if he pays $100 they tell him (at age 54) he's a god...Pleeeez...let's leave it at not bad looking but no movie star. Anyway, then I see these women he chose - truly digusting fat, huge soggy/sagging boobs, wrinkles, nasty faces and bizarre teeth (I made him take me to one and I rang the doorbell - dear gosh - what a shock)...I am in shock from the entire nightmare but to add to my shock, I now have this to deal with...I know, I know, I know I have to leave this idiot...I'm working on it slowly during my few lucid moments of the day.

I know it's mean but I so wish there was a website where one could post Craigslist/Backpage freely advertising 'masseuses' and write OUR reviews of them. These are people who publicly choose to invite guys in their homes for sex. Yep, I know - I got it out of my system but I know it matters not to anyone...It's just the shock of some of these people...

"If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors."
BS(me) 51
WS 56 (sex, massage parlor, Craig's list hookups, affairs, and porn addict)
M: March 2005
D-Day: May 27 2015

posts: 107   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Northeast USA
id 7282963
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Frosty123 ( member #48528) posted at 5:40 PM on Tuesday, July 14th, 2015

It's weird for me to read that because while I don't think the OW is prettier than me and we are the same age, she seems to be all the things he complained that I'm not

And since she was also married that means that if she affaired down , my H is the sad desperate loser? Really makes me wonder about this topic .

posts: 57   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2015
id 7282978
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RideorDie ( new member #48505) posted at 6:15 PM on Tuesday, July 14th, 2015

THANKS!!! I so needed to read this. I am feeling beyond rejected. I have spent my days wondering why her? What does she have that I don't. I am trying so hard to get out of this funk. I am going to re-read this everyday!

Me = BS 40
WH = 41
Married = 19 years, I truly thought I was his Ride or Die.
Two kids = 16 & 11
Dday = 6/26/15
AP = 20something (gorgeous) tramp I found blowing him in a parking lot in the backseat of our truck!

posts: 27   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2015
id 7283016
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FormerOW ( new member #42202) posted at 7:40 PM on Friday, July 17th, 2015

BS responses only.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:30 PM, July 20th (Monday)]

posts: 3   ·   registered: Jan. 25th, 2014   ·   location: UK
id 7286531
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mimi2015 ( new member #48541) posted at 8:07 PM on Friday, July 17th, 2015

I like the idea of this post, but it's not always true. They don't always affair down, externally at least. My WS likes to make it clear how sexy, attractive, in shape, thin and adventurous his AP is. I've seen her, she is cute and younger. I guess she teaches yoga, and all men want that. "I love her with all my heart, I've never felt that way about you. I just went through the motions for 14 years." That's what I get. He's still with her and so far up her a$$ it's hard to tell who's speaking. She has him taking herbs and remedies to help his ailments and I think is totally influencing him in every aspect of his life. She is not educated, so that's a plus for me. And he's admitted he's totally needy and jealous with her. That doesn't really make me feel better. Just lets me see what a sad sack he is that she's now taken him. She seems to want to "save" an "heal" him. So I guess there's comfort to me there - she got my very sick H and will nurse him back to health for herself. He has no remorse, he walked away and has not looked back. Left me and our 7 y/o with a house to take care of 4 pets and a huge mess. He has no responsibilities and is just living his fantasy life with his fantasy partner. I'll re-read this and try to find the parts that help me. Anyone who starts a relationship with a cheater is a loser. But she may end up with my life partner as hers.

Me:47

WS: 44

AP: 35

DD: 6/23/15

Married 13 years.

[This message edited by mimi2015 at 2:09 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

posts: 9   ·   registered: Jul. 9th, 2015
id 7286568
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 9:48 PM on Saturday, July 18th, 2015

So what about when they DO affair up?

I can't help but think this thread is just a reassurance thread and not a reality thread.

Waywards will always play down the OW/OM once caught... Is that what BS's grasp at as comfort?

False comfort I think.

Your nomenclature says it all...

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7287436
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shell389 ( new member #48328) posted at 11:29 PM on Saturday, July 18th, 2015

This post is so awesome. Makes me see things more clearly. But my fear is that WH is actually serious about a relationship with OW and is not going to snap out of it and come back. I am going to file for divorce. Meeting with the lawyer Monday but I don't even think this will snap him out of it. He seems too far gone. 6 weeks since he moved out and I haven't called him since July 1st and he makes no contact with me whatsoever. When I did text him to ask for a good time to meet a divorce mediator he never responded. It's like he buried our 23 years together somewhere down deep.

BS 46
WH 46
1 daughter 19
Married 20 years, together 23 years Separated

posts: 32   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2015
id 7287495
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h8rtbrkn ( new member #48290) posted at 5:10 AM on Sunday, July 19th, 2015

Thank you for this...never thought about that! In my eyes she was prettier, more educated, just the perfect package!

Me - 38
WS - 36
Together for 18yrs, married for 10, two kids 7 & 4
D-day 6/12/15
Moved out 7/6/16

posts: 32   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2015   ·   location: NY
id 7287640
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 12:48 PM on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2015

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7290797
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Husburned ( member #46422) posted at 6:42 PM on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2015

Yes, excellent post Edie!

I managed to keep my self-esteem intact upon discovery, thanks in no small part to the bald, short, little dicked, pain pill addicted, bankrupt (morally and financially), unintellectual, courthouse frequent visiting, phony Christian, scared-when-confronted, lying, estranged from his children, puddle of paramecium diarrhea that was my WW's AP (aka "The Junkie").

Still amazes me to this day how low she sunk. Half of the litany above was discovered by me after D-Day. I admit to some delight when I would say to her "Oh, look, I found his court records! Wanna see?" I enjoy the revenge of rubbing her nose in his complete loserness.

"Everyone has a plan... Until they get punched in the mouth."

-Mike Tyson
---------------------------
Married in '94, She cheated. D-Day Jan '15. Tried R for a year, but we didn't have the tools for it. Now mercifully divorced.

posts: 3123   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2015   ·   location: South of Canada, North of Mexico
id 7291225
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TS68 ( member #40211) posted at 2:54 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2015

Well if I were to ever have an affair anyone would be up.

Me: 48
Him: 50
Married 22 years too many
DS19, DS17, DD10
Divorced

Know your worth.

posts: 1422   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Detroit, Michigan
id 7292102
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cookiegrl ( member #38647) posted at 4:43 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2015

When I saw pics of the latest OW I almost gagged... it just solidified the fact that it's just all a big fantasy/emotional for him and I guess he didn't really care about looks. Because ewww!!

Me 36
WH 40
Married 10 years, 2 great kids
R

posts: 65   ·   registered: Mar. 6th, 2013   ·   location: Florida
id 7292232
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Rain1177 ( member #47669) posted at 4:56 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2015

U said it all, very well said :):(

posts: 223   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2015   ·   location: Far away
id 7292255
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Sybo ( member #46689) posted at 6:05 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2015

I always considered a 23 year old who does nails and lives w/ his mom was a step down. But when I finally heard them talking on VAR it looks a hell of a lot further DOWN than I could have even thought. He's a fucking moron, dullard, weak, whipped, CHILD.

Good luck w/ that honey...maybe you can ride the unicorn to the welfare office.

DDAY Feb 2015
Divorce finalized 4/4/16
Update: EX gave Nail Boy the boot 3/18 - Fairy tales don't last apparantly
My new zipcode is ZERO FUCKS GIVEN. It's a great town.

posts: 852   ·   registered: Feb. 6th, 2015
id 7292312
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UKgirl ( member #17062) posted at 7:23 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2015

MOW was WH's ex-fiancee. She's intelligent, attractive, got a lovely home, is reasonably weathy, has a great job and career that she loves, a decent man as her husband, three university educated children - one married with a little girl, has plenty of friends, has great holidays.

But. Something inside of her was and still is unhappy. Something inside of her said it was just fine to have an affair with her ex-fiancee when they were both married and had been for over 20yrs. And the same goes for fWH. And THAT is why I say they affaired down. They lost their personal values, their self respect, the respect of others, their integrity, their credibility and their sense of decency, of right and wrong.

The AP may have been all that and more, but anyone who has an affair, affairs down.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 1:24 PM, July 23rd (Thursday)]

Affair1: Dday 30/07/06 LTA: 5yrs ex-fiancee Affair2: Dday 04/09/20 9mths another XHSgf.
Me/BS, still young. Him/WS, old. 4 grown boys
Having an affair because you are unhappy is like eating Ex-lax because you are hungry - unfound's mom

posts: 4038   ·   registered: Nov. 17th, 2007   ·   location: UK
id 7292402
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 9:25 PM on Thursday, August 6th, 2015

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7306516
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 3:42 PM on Friday, August 21st, 2015

Bump

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7322015
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wantthistostop ( member #48922) posted at 7:16 PM on Friday, August 21st, 2015

OMG, I am so happy to have found this thread and post. Thanks Edie for putting it back up there!

We B's have a need to try and pinpoint who, what, where, when, how and WHY! Part of processing

So many of us (if not all of us) are so hurt by the betrayal we question ourselves, what we did, didn't do, should have done, could have done. THAT MUST STOP!

Who gives flying "f#@$" who, why, when or how, if the W can't see the value in US, leave them to their AP, because as we all know from hanging in for the long haul, the honeymoon phase ends and the complacency and mundane begins...the fog lifts!

We are not villains, we are fucking saints! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Whatever happens in a M (or relationship) that should be dealt with in the M, not outside of it!

If they can't see our inherent value and the beauty that we exude, its NOT OUR PROBLEM!! Its theirs, and unfortunately, our self esteem, respect and worth becomes a casualty.

I am not sure I want to fight to keep the relationship or R. That is doing the "pick me" dance and while I agree that the BP (taking up the suggestion to make it gender neutral) should fight, if the W has already left (like in my case)....let them go as they will most assuredly learn not too far down the road, their horrible mistake (and those consequences are KARMA being a retributive BEATCH!)

For all the B's out there suffering, keep coming back and keep your self respect, esteem and worth even if you can't keep your W. They are worth way more in the long term!

May all of you find peace, happiness and the nearest exit from Hell.

(((((()))))))

Want this to stop!

BGF: Me 51 D 2002 DS 21 and DD 20
XWBF: 50
D day: August 9, 2015

Taking it one day at a time!

posts: 212   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2015   ·   location: Toronto, Canada
id 7322293
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Michelle79 ( member #44524) posted at 10:19 PM on Friday, August 21st, 2015

I love this thread.

Me:BW
Him: WH
Married 13 years, 3 kids

posts: 52   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2014
id 7322545
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 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 4:09 PM on Tuesday, August 25th, 2015

bump

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6398   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7326138
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