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Newest Member: Nbbb

Just Found Out :
honey, they always affair down...


SCORNED ( member #6301) posted at 7:06 AM on Saturday, April 25th, 2015


AMAZING POST !!!!! Standing ovation !!! Thank you !

"The cruelest lies are often told in silence."

Robert Louis Stevenson

posts: 12361   ·   registered: Jan. 23rd, 2005   ·   location: southwest
id 7200034

SCORNED ( member #6301) posted at 7:11 AM on Saturday, April 25th, 2015


They almost always make the BS out to be the villain .....then they can get their ego stroked ....oh poor you having to be married to that psycho bitch of a wife ....when you're sooooooo wonderful !

In the WS minds it also gives them justification to cheat ....they rewrite martial history . Of course they're certain to leave out ANYTHING that may make THEM look bad.

"The cruelest lies are often told in silence."

Robert Louis Stevenson

posts: 12361   ·   registered: Jan. 23rd, 2005   ·   location: southwest
id 7200039

 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 2:37 PM on Sunday, June 21st, 2015


(Just to stress, this post was by death by Betrayal, I am merely trying to keep it bumped )

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6639   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7260199

Whyme70 ( new member #48293) posted at 2:45 PM on Sunday, June 21st, 2015

Thank u!!! Good for me to see today. So the truth n helps me realize I am the better woman. She is younger, skinnier, surgically altered....but that's it. Most in the community know the true her, he doesn't want to see it.

posts: 5   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2015
id 7260211

deepdarkocean ( new member #48239) posted at 3:05 PM on Sunday, June 21st, 2015

I needed this today. Thank you.

Me:BW 40's
Him:WH 40's
DDay #1 12/2000 OEA became a 3month pa (rugswept everything)
DDay#2 3/25/15 pa with MUCH younger cow
DDay#3 3/28/15 discovered 3year long oea (over before discovery)
DDay#4 6/22/15 confessed to 2"sexchat only&

posts: 43   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2015   ·   location: Northeast
id 7260230

lizgwvet ( member #15967) posted at 5:52 PM on Sunday, June 21st, 2015

So true! OW payrollclerk, age 34 WH 59 years old.

she might have a GED!

I have a masters plus education, retired as a LTC in the military...really she is so alluring?

I am not obese, but I will be 60 soon.

When someone reveals their true self the first time believe it!

Maya Angelou

posts: 453   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2007   ·   location: Washington state
id 7260317

lmr1025 ( member #47918) posted at 6:21 PM on Sunday, June 21st, 2015

Thank you SO much for this amazing post/re-post. Its just what I needed today. I am working hard on forgiveness but the self esteem issue is killing me as well. She's most likely thinner but I have a butt and DD's that I wouldn't trade so she can go to hell! Also, she doesn't even speak English so um yeah...

Anyway, all of us that are BS's are awesome and I love us! Keep fighting everyone <3

BW: Me, 28
WH: 32, bipolar (infidelity occurred during manic episode)
Married: April 12, 2014
D-Day: May 10, 2015
Limbo Again.

"To err is human. To forgive, divine." Alexander Pope

posts: 263   ·   registered: May. 17th, 2015   ·   location: Philadelphia
id 7260329

KF233 ( new member #48358) posted at 7:01 PM on Tuesday, June 23rd, 2015

Thank you for posting this! It puts things in a better perspective for me

posts: 1   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2015   ·   location: Kitchener
id 7262545

HurtnAlone ( member #47711) posted at 7:29 PM on Tuesday, June 23rd, 2015

Simply awesome post! Just read it for first time, and it put me in a much better mood. I agree with the other guys that the same applies to WW as well as WH. My own WW is with a guy in his late 40's (slightly older than me) making just over $10/hour. No college degree, no financial earning power, ever. He's not much in the looks department, average but not great. Long hippy hair, and full facial hair, two things which WW always claimed were turnoffs to her. And he's sort of a control freak, wanting to watch every dollar she spends, know where she's at and who she's with most of the time, etc. But she claims to be in love with him.

In contrast, I'm college educated, have a good career with tons of upward potential on responsibility and pay scale, clean shaven, gave her complete freedom to do what she wanted. Talk about a trade down. Yet, that is the guy she bailed on 18 years of M and 4 kids to be with. Moved in with him couple of months ago and now headed towards D. It certainly is a giant kick in the ego, but realizing that it's all part of the fog and mental illness helps me to cope. Sooo looking forward to the inevitable karma and regret in her life. Virtual hugs to all the other BS out there, both men and women. Stay strong brothers and sisters.

posts: 225   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2015   ·   location: Midwest
id 7262586

bw900 ( member #47732) posted at 9:37 PM on Tuesday, June 23rd, 2015

Great post, great perspective. Thanks!

Me: BW 68 (59 at dday) WH: 69 (60 at dday)D-day 1/2015 EA/PA 1.25 year w/COW M 31 yrs, 4 grown kids Reconciling, which is not easy! Still Grieving what I thought our M was and who I thought he was

posts: 265   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7262725

lostcoast ( member #48170) posted at 12:21 AM on Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

Excellent post, and yes it applies to both genders. Even ignoring education, income, "performance", etc., what it comes down to is that the AP is morally bankrupt. The A is always fundamentally based on lies and deception, and the AP is willing to go along with that.

posts: 71   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2015
id 7262896

Soon2BMiss ( new member #48147) posted at 12:46 AM on Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

I wish I read this yesterday,I was having such a low. But I'm glad I saw this now! My dday isn't even a month old yet and i have been obsessing on what the OW looked like. I finally found her on Facebook and boy, did he affair down. Seeing her actually boost my self esteem up. She wasn't ugly, she was just average. Once you remove the wig and makeup, I don't see any dude that would give her a second glance. Here at home, he has beauty, brains, a lover, a supporter, and most of all the mother of his child. How could you risk having everything you need for a 21 year old freak (he said he liked how she used sex toys and master bated in front of him). I'm only 28, he's 30 so I still have as much energy as a 21 year old does.

posts: 29   ·   registered: Jun. 6th, 2015   ·   location: United States
id 7262927

cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:03 AM on Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

Awesome! The only thing I would change here is "wayward husbands" to "wayward partners". Partnered women trade down, too.

Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is … they always trade down.

Traded down from us BPs, not from themselves. The really sad part of this is that the MAP most likely traded down, too, which makes our WPs just as much trash as their APs. I guess the only time this might not be the case is for a single AP. But, then, they've settled fora cheater, so...

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6900   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 7262952

rosie437 ( member #48313) posted at 1:16 AM on Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

Thank you for posting this- I really needed to hear this!!

My H's OW is very average looking and 9 years OLDER than me, divorced single mom who works at a fast food joint. Seriously??? It was a major ego blow to think that he would prefer that over me....

BW: Me (36)
WH: 43
Married 10 years, together 12.5
Dday - 6/12/15
Status: LS on 9/15/16, FINALLY happily divorced on 5/12/17! :)

If you can't show your honest self, you will never really be loved for you.

posts: 840   ·   registered: Jun. 19th, 2015   ·   location: United States
id 7262970

psychmom ( member #47498) posted at 1:52 AM on Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

One of my favorites, thanks for bringing it back since it's always in season

I've come to understand that anyone who knowingly cheats with someone who is married (or in an exclusive relationship) has some serious character flaws of their own. I've hinted around this often enough that my fWH on his own one day recently questioned OW2's character . . . I, of course, looked at him with all sincerity and said, "gee, you're right. She really must have had some issues if she wasn't able to find any single guys who wanted to date her."

BS (me); fWH (both 50+; married 20 yr at the time; 2 DD DDay 1- 9/13/2014 (EA)- 3+ yrsDDay 2- 10/24/2014(PA2)-July'14-Sept'14DDay 3- 11/12/2014(PA1)-Oct-Feb '14Reconciled

posts: 4271   ·   registered: Apr. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Land of Renewed Peace of Mind
id 7263005

 Edie (original poster member #26133) posted at 9:12 AM on Monday, July 13th, 2015


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 kids 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) R'd.

posts: 6639   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 7281360

carriemcsky ( member #48473) posted at 2:08 PM on Monday, July 13th, 2015

I, too, wish that this were included in the Healing Library.

My WH most certainly affaired down. Has admitted to it. Reading this made my day a little easier to face.

Me: BW, 51 (on DDay)
Him: WH, 55 (on DDay)
DDay: June 2015
DDay2: July 7,2015 Found out he was still in contact with OW.

Status: Trying to R

posts: 385   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2015
id 7281477

Aade ( member #48439) posted at 6:16 PM on Monday, July 13th, 2015

Yes mine absolutely affaired down but I didn't see that until you mentioned it. And here I am, a whole , strong women of 37 who has kept the family afloat all these years despite his mentally checking out from us. The second poor women had a handicapped son and was probably overwhelmed and was desperate for financial support that her husband wasn't giving her. WS was attracted to her neediness but as soon as he found out about her situation he felt trapped. The first one was a grandmother a few years older than me and heavier. unhappy in her marriage to a cold husband, I believe that my husband wasn't her only SA.

Married 17 years
2 children 15 and 17 year old boys
DDay1 EA 6/2007
DDAY2 6/25/15
D finalized 12/16

posts: 58   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2015
id 7281804

4everfaithful83 ( member #41761) posted at 7:26 PM on Monday, July 13th, 2015

One of my all time favorite posts. I read it often!

I think it should be added to the healing library! Maybe with a little editing so that it applies to both WH and WW.

Well written!!

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 36
1 doggie
DDay: June 24th, 2013
DDay 2 : August 22nd,2017

Left him August 26th, 2017

posts: 818   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 7281906

reddawn212 ( member #48371) posted at 4:39 AM on Tuesday, July 14th, 2015

Mine went with an old ONS from 30 years ago who insisted she had a love child with him, and told him she was in love with him since she was 12. She became his most trusted friend and confident when we were having the worst of our relationship problems, she performed reki on him to take out bad energy, doctored him to remove bad karma, and provided counseling to him and reassured him I was no good for him, I was toxic and unhealthy for him, telling him she will always be there for him. Then comes to town, rents a hotel room and has sex with him. YUCK. After he rolls off of her he says 'i cant do that again' and she lays back and replies, 'thats ok at least now i know i can have sex.'

The first time I saw her photo MY MOUTH DROPPED. She has a big man face ... her eyes are very small and closely knit together on a wide face with bad skin. She is missing a tooth. Her proudest physical attribute are the big cow bells hanging on top of a third roll that holds them up. I was shocked. I did not know whether to laugh my face off or just be offended.

Me - 44BGF
Him - 50 XWBF
DDAY1 - December 19, 2014 (EA and PA)
DDAY 2 Feb 2015 - another OW online sex
DDay 3 June 9, 2015 (caught him on craigslist)
TT and False R revealed, April 2017.
"We repeat what what we don't repair"

posts: 864   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2015
id 7282470
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