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Wayward Side :
Things that every WS needs to know


jjct ( member #17484) posted at 11:40 PM on Monday, January 10th, 2011

posts: 7269   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2007   ·   location: texas
id 5007082

poopylala ( member #30119) posted at 12:51 AM on Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

I sent this to WBF today and I hope now he will understand that everything I've been saying or have asked for is not unreasonable. I hope he can come out of the fog- he seems to have started but I wish so badly to just pull him completely out! We started MC today and things went okay and then at the end, I confronted him about his TT. I haven't decided if I want to stay to work towards R because he's STILL in the fog and didn't admit the truth on his own but at the same time I love him and I think if it wasn't for this damn fog we could be moving towards R much quicker... Anyways Thank you for bumping this- I meant to send it sooner but lost the page.

"To err is human;To forgive,divine"

<3 DS always

posts: 1035   ·   registered: Nov. 15th, 2010   ·   location: Houston, TX
id 5007241

BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 11:47 PM on Tuesday, January 11th, 2011


WH - 49
BW - gerrygirl

posts: 6125   ·   registered: Dec. 19th, 2009   ·   location: Tri-Cities
id 5009693

crossroads2010 ( member #30213) posted at 12:57 PM on Thursday, January 13th, 2011

This IS also what a BS needs to know....that this rollercoaster ride of emotions and strange behavior in formerly rational person is normal...that a 50 pound weiht loss, the inability to think, sleep and a common reaction to the situation. After 15 months in the BS role and almost a year of IC counseling, I think it is time for my H to see his own IC...I think we need MC or better communication to move on...I see his pain and his work to make US survive, but to expect him to help me when I am having a bad day is out of the question b/c it always rolls around to how this makes him feel and how he is trying to survive this....I don't know how to tell him that the reason I can't entirely trust is b/c I don't know what has changed...what is different...since he had an A with her 20 years ago and again 20 months can I be sure he won't do this can I know this...he says trust is up to me...I can make myself trust him...I need answers to questions I can't ask him b/c they hurt him too much.

posts: 729   ·   registered: Nov. 25th, 2010
id 5013048

iamsurviving ( member #23478) posted at 1:59 PM on Thursday, January 13th, 2011

Thank U so much for this post - 40+ years married and 3 years into R and I'm still struggling - I have printed and will read thorughly and give to my WS. Thank u again for this - hope it helps us to R faster. Very painful time. God bless all here.

Me: BS (68)
Him: WH (72)
Married: 48 years
Kids: 3, Grandkids - 6
EA/PA - 6 years -
DDay - 12/16/07
DDay - 10/20/11
DDay - 8/15/12

posts: 307   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2009
id 5013122

KickedintheGut ( member #30086) posted at 5:46 PM on Friday, January 14th, 2011


Me - BW (38) Him (calcitro) - SAWH (38)
2 Kids Working on R
DDay#1 - 11/9/10 - 2 year EA/PA
DDay #2 - 12/9/10
Disclosure - 4/8/11
Timeline - 5/9/11

posts: 505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2010
id 5015806

tsol25 ( member #29461) posted at 1:21 AM on Thursday, January 27th, 2011

Bump because I had troubles finding it

me - tsol, that's all for now

posts: 1208   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2010   ·   location: Canada
id 5041315

southsidecali ( member #22752) posted at 9:05 PM on Sunday, January 30th, 2011

wanna keep this in my to read often.

I am assuming this is for WS that want reconciliation right?

Does this help the Ws that doesn't want reconciliation but is willing to help with the healing?

[This message edited by southsidecali at 11:24 PM, January 30th (Sunday)]

posts: 989   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2009   ·   location: CA
id 5048436

DawGxl ( new member #31050) posted at 11:56 PM on Monday, January 31st, 2011

I am a betrayed husband and I was shocked at how accurate everything in this post is. Everything I have been thinking, feeling... its all here and I finally know that I'm not crazy. I sent this to my WS wife and I hope it helps her understand what I am going through. Thank you Hufi.

Me: BH: 42
Her: WS: 39
Together: 21 years total
Married: 15 years
D Day: 1/18/11
Kids: 18, 14, 12, 10

I am desperate for help. I don't know how long I'm going to make it.

posts: 20   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2011
id 5050781

2crazykids ( member #30515) posted at 12:45 AM on Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

this is so true and describes everything im feeling now

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife,
you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life

posts: 931   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2010   ·   location: missouri
id 5050854

tryingtosmile ( member #30979) posted at 1:29 AM on Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

Thank you! My WH just read this.

B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

posts: 273   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2011   ·   location: TX
id 5050976

WhatHaveIDone?? ( member #30054) posted at 10:18 PM on Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

Bump for Lostguy.

posts: 342   ·   registered: Nov. 8th, 2010
id 5055326

stilllovingher ( member #29959) posted at 4:25 AM on Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

This thread has helped change my FWW.

it was the beginning of her understanding.

Thank you.

The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

posts: 2427   ·   registered: Oct. 27th, 2010   ·   location: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
id 5056003

WhiistleSt0p ( member #29762) posted at 3:29 PM on Monday, February 7th, 2011

BUMP... this has been helpful to me understanding my past.. and is helping my WH now. Thank you!

I wish you peace, and calm moments, a perfect flower bloom or ray of sunshine. Allow pieces of joy to warm you on the inside, and put one foot in front of the other.

Me: BS 53/FWW 2001- in my prev M
Him: WH 65
OW: 64 (Phone calls for high sch

posts: 1782   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: OKC
id 5064226

SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 2:01 PM on Tuesday, February 8th, 2011


BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 5066312

HopingNPraying ( member #28030) posted at 1:35 AM on Wednesday, February 16th, 2011


BS 52, FWW 47 (me), M 21yrs,
DD 18
DDay#1 1/2/10: ONS #1 ('95) & EA (7/'09 - 1/'10); DDay#2 1/7/10: ONS #3 (2001); DDay#3 3/15/10: ONS #2 (1998); DDay#4 4/19/10: ONS while dating (1991); more DDays: EA while M & ONSs while dating

posts: 106   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2010   ·   location: Virginia
id 5081426

stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 12:28 PM on Thursday, February 17th, 2011

Bumpidy bump bump bump.....

One of the best things I ever read. Literally has helped change OUR lives for the better!

“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

posts: 1944   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010
id 5084205

fromthisdayfwd ( member #30634) posted at 4:16 PM on Friday, February 18th, 2011

Wow. That's all I can say, just Wow.

Married 8/20/1994
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.

Failure to attempt is failure.

posts: 444   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2011
id 5086514

sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 11:31 PM on Friday, February 18th, 2011

Another big THANK YOU! My wife of 40+ years told me 8 weeks ago that she had been having sex with a woman she worked with for the past 4 months.

I thought I was handling my feelings well, but the last 3 weeks have gotten more and more painful, and I've become more and more hopeless.

We want to reconcile, but I'm not about to stay if it means I'll be feeling worse and worse as time goes on.

This topic has given me enough insight into my own condition to keep going - especially since my wife is doing what is suggested.


fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30029   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 5087446

2crazykids ( member #30515) posted at 12:46 AM on Saturday, February 19th, 2011

is there a thread for a wh who has no remorse for what he did

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife,
you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life

posts: 931   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2010   ·   location: missouri
id 5087564
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