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Wayward Side :
Things that every WS needs to know

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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 1:34 AM on Friday, August 16th, 2019

Bumped for MIgander

Me: WS (62)Him: Shards (57)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2566   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8421185
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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 2:30 AM on Saturday, August 17th, 2019

Bumped for Short05.

Me: WS (62)Him: Shards (57)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2566   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8421924
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Ashvika ( new member #63633) posted at 1:08 PM on Sunday, August 18th, 2019

This is my first post.

I had and affair for 1 year, 8 months.

D-day was July 8. 41 days ago.

Why isnt my wife exhibiting any of these things the BS is supposed to do?

Even my counselor is puzzled.

posts: 1   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2018
id 8422550
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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 4:47 AM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

Bumped for ashamed7broken.

Me: WS (62)Him: Shards (57)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2566   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8439260
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NotSureAboutIt ( member #69836) posted at 8:45 PM on Thursday, September 19th, 2019

Literally 30 years since DDay. I have been reading SI daily for months. I find it very helpful. There are many triggers, but there are many things that I never dealt with. My guilt and shame are with me daily. This site is helping me come to grips with what I did - still trying to fully understand why. It did get me to regularly thank my wife for giving me a second chance. That triggered her a bit since we don’t normally talk about my A. But it has proven helpful. We are getting closer every day. R is not easy and it is not quick. It is worth it. Do you ever truly forgive yourself? I’ll let you know if it happens.

[This message edited by NotSureAboutIt at 2:46 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

posts: 79   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2019
id 8440024
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 1:52 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2019

(bumped)

Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown

posts: 6704   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8445960
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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 4:56 AM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

Bumped for Frankly.

Me: WS (62)Him: Shards (57)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2566   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8452321
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wantstorepair ( member #32598) posted at 6:44 PM on Sunday, October 20th, 2019

Thank you so much for reposting this. It is so important to not just read this, but to live it every day for them and their recovery...something I have not done. I am going to read this daily and listen and act. Thank you!!

posts: 175   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2011
id 8455052
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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 2:36 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

Bumped for fallleaves.

Me: WS (62)Him: Shards (57)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2566   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8460121
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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 3:29 AM on Thursday, November 21st, 2019

Bumped for ARTexan04.

Me: WS (62)Him: Shards (57)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2566   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8470968
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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 1:23 AM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2019

Another bump. This is a thread that should never die.

Me: WS (62)Him: Shards (57)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2566   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8484258
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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 2:20 AM on Thursday, December 19th, 2019

Holy cow I just realized this thread has at long last been pinned to the top! Thank you SI admin!

Me: WS (62)Him: Shards (57)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2566   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8484819
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Triples ( member #72068) posted at 4:11 PM on Friday, December 20th, 2019

I sent to my WW. I'm not sure what I intended, but it described me so very accurately. I guess I just wanted her to read something that is so eloquently put and dead on the money!

posts: 91   ·   registered: Nov. 13th, 2019   ·   location: OHIO
id 8485675
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ShatteredImage ( new member #79477) posted at 12:07 AM on Thursday, November 4th, 2021

Great post, lots to unpack and I've reread it a few times - sums up a lot of other resources. Hope I can make it to R one day.

D-Day 9/11/21 - 9/19/21WS(me 40sM)Status: IC, reading and forums

posts: 28   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2021
id 8696690
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RaceTheDream ( new member #41402) posted at 6:29 PM on Friday, January 21st, 2022

This is great! Very accurate in describing what a betrayed spouse goes through… it’s made me feel really thankful about how my wayward spouse has handled things even though it’s been years.

~RaceTheDreamMe(BS). Him(WS). Together Since Jan.04, 2008 (met when we were 16)Got Engaged Aug. 13, 2012D-Day July 2013 (He confessed 3 years later)Married Jan. 04, 2014Now have 3 children (born 2015, 2017, and 2021)

"And s

posts: 28   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Oklahoma
id 8711192
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Copec ( new member #79885) posted at 5:05 PM on Tuesday, February 15th, 2022

WW and mad hatter here and I think it’s fantastic. Something I will read over and over and use your help with reconciliation. Thank you for posting this gem!

WS/mad hatter-2+ years post DDay.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2022
id 8716358
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doublerainbow ( member #82239) posted at 4:53 PM on Friday, October 28th, 2022

This post made me cry. Thank you.

Me: BS (38) Him: WS (45) D-Day (Jan 2022), going through D. 1 DD age 4. Just want to know there’s light at the end of this mess.

posts: 67   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2022   ·   location: West Coast
id 8762659
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Meridiana ( new member #82885) posted at 4:21 PM on Monday, February 20th, 2023

Hello, BS here. I have not shared my story yet, but I have found some comfort reading around the forum and this post which I have shared with my H whom is currently trying hard to mend to what he did (ONS) and feels powerless when I have my moments.

Thanks for sharing!

posts: 11   ·   registered: Feb. 16th, 2023
id 8778608
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Lauralei39 ( new member #83743) posted at 5:37 AM on Thursday, August 17th, 2023

I appreciate this lost about how a WS can best help his/her BS through the devastation his/her infidelity caused.

From my point of view as a BS, it is spot on. My WH has done an excellent job of hitting most things on this post. He has never asked me when I'm going to get over it. That would be a huge mistake! I'm just starting to feel safe with him again, so I know the trust is being rebuilt. It's been 5 yrs since he told be about his ONS. It wasn't even a night..more like an hour. I still get triggered, out of the blue, by random things.

There is no time limit on these trauma triggers. I know they'll always be there. But I hope, as the years go by and our love remains stead and strong, those triggers will happen a lot less often. Time. It really does heal. Time, patience, love, compassion and communication. And lots of affection! 😊

posts: 1   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2023   ·   location: WI
id 8804662
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DeidreE ( new member #83912) posted at 1:38 AM on Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

I appreciate this so much! I actually shared this with my H. I asked him to read it a second time. I think he understands a lot more now. I told him this is everything I have been feeling and thinking wrapped with a little bow.
He said I skipped steps but I reminded him that the last time I was more ___ and ___.
It depends on what happens how I react.
If you are here, this is such a great read! You are not crazy or any other words you may be telling yourself or that you SO is telling you.
Stay strong!

I'm gonna put him in his place
With charm and grace
Elegance and style. -The Films

posts: 8   ·   registered: Sep. 25th, 2023   ·   location: Maryland
id 8809400
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