Me: BH: 42
Her: WS: 39
Together: 21 years total
Married: 15 years
D Day: 1/18/11
Kids: 18, 14, 12, 10
I am desperate for help. I don't know how long I'm going to make it.
I have always been a very confidant person… my whole life. I’m not especially good looking or anything and I have always had very much a dad bod… but still I have always had a confidence ever since I was young. With my wife cheating on me… my confidence was destroyed and has really never returned.
I have never thought of myself as ugly or had negative thoughts of how I look. But… my wife cheated on me with someone who was very fit and athletic.. and I don’t know, every mean thing anyone ever said to me from middle school to that moment that I had always easily brushed off suddenly became true.
Also… and for whatever reason I feel especially shameful admitting this… I have found that my mental state almost seems completely tied to my wife wanting to sleep with me. If there is ever a day that she is unable to.. even perfectly legit reasons like she’s preparing for work tomorrow, it’s been a long day, that time of the month…. I fall into an awful deep deep depression. Almost like all of my self worth stems on if she wants me physically or not. I was NEVER like this before the affair.
Their time together… there was never a day that he called her out of the blue to meet at a hotel and she say no or say she’s busy or she has too much to do. She always dropped everything and went. Even one time leaving me with 3 small kids while I had food poisoning to go spend the day with him. Even us planning a date night (before I knew of the affair) and she stopped by his place to sleep with him on the way to our outing. She never had a reason to tell him no… and I think that’s why when I hear no it just burns and tears me apart even more.
I don’t know… we’ve done the couples counseling and that’s been real positive… but I may just need some counseling for myself. I feel like such a shadow of who I was.
10 comments posted: Tuesday, June 21st, 2022
What helps with the mental movies?
It has been years at this point since my wife’s affair. I’ve moved past it… never thought I’d be at a point where I didn’t think about this 24/7.
What I need help with though is idle time… when my brain is not occupied (long car rides, up late and everyone else is sleep, etc.). That’s when the mental movies of them together will play in my mind. That is very hard to deal with. Anyone have any tips for what to do when this happens?
9 comments posted: Wednesday, June 8th, 2022