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Things that every WS needs to know

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jjct posted 1/10/2011 17:40 PM

poopylala posted 1/10/2011 18:51 PM

I sent this to WBF today and I hope now he will understand that everything I've been saying or have asked for is not unreasonable. I hope he can come out of the fog- he seems to have started but I wish so badly to just pull him completely out! We started MC today and things went okay and then at the end, I confronted him about his TT. I haven't decided if I want to stay to work towards R because he's STILL in the fog and didn't admit the truth on his own but at the same time I love him and I think if it wasn't for this damn fog we could be moving towards R much quicker... Anyways Thank you for bumping this- I meant to send it sooner but lost the page.

BaxtersBFF posted 1/11/2011 17:47 PM


crossroads2010 posted 1/13/2011 06:57 AM

This IS also what a BS needs to know....that this rollercoaster ride of emotions and strange behavior in formerly rational person is normal...that a 50 pound weiht loss, the inability to think, sleep and function...is a common reaction to the situation. After 15 months in the BS role and almost a year of IC counseling, I think it is time for my H to see his own IC...I think we need MC or better communication to move on...I see his pain and his work to make US survive, but to expect him to help me when I am having a bad day is out of the question b/c it always rolls around to how this makes him feel and how he is trying to survive this....I don't know how to tell him that the reason I can't entirely trust is b/c I don't know what has changed...what is different...since he had an A with her 20 years ago and again 20 months ago...how can I be sure he won't do this again...how can I know this...he says trust is up to me...I can make myself trust him...I need answers to questions I can't ask him b/c they hurt him too much.

iamsurviving posted 1/13/2011 07:59 AM

Thank U so much for this post - 40+ years married and 3 years into R and I'm still struggling - I have printed and will read thorughly and give to my WS. Thank u again for this - hope it helps us to R faster. Very painful time. God bless all here.

KickedintheGut posted 1/14/2011 11:46 AM


tsol25 posted 1/26/2011 19:21 PM

Bump because I had troubles finding it

southsidecali posted 1/30/2011 15:05 PM

wanna keep this in my to read often.

I am assuming this is for WS that want reconciliation right?

Does this help the Ws that doesn't want reconciliation but is willing to help with the healing?

[This message edited by southsidecali at 11:24 PM, January 30th (Sunday)]

DawGxl posted 1/31/2011 17:56 PM

I am a betrayed husband and I was shocked at how accurate everything in this post is. Everything I have been thinking, feeling... its all here and I finally know that I'm not crazy. I sent this to my WS wife and I hope it helps her understand what I am going through. Thank you Hufi.

2crazykids posted 1/31/2011 18:45 PM

this is so true and describes everything im feeling now

tryingtosmile posted 1/31/2011 19:29 PM

Thank you! My WH just read this.

WhatHaveIDone?? posted 2/2/2011 16:18 PM

Bump for Lostguy.

stilllovingher posted 2/2/2011 22:25 PM

This thread has helped change my FWW.
it was the beginning of her understanding.
Thank you.

WhiistleSt0p posted 2/7/2011 09:29 AM

BUMP... this has been helpful to me understanding my past.. and is helping my WH now. Thank you!

SisterMilkshake posted 2/8/2011 08:01 AM


HopingNPraying posted 2/15/2011 19:35 PM


stilllovinghim posted 2/17/2011 06:28 AM

Bumpidy bump bump bump.....

One of the best things I ever read. Literally has helped change OUR lives for the better!

fromthisdayfwd posted 2/18/2011 10:16 AM

Wow. That's all I can say, just Wow.

sisoon posted 2/18/2011 17:31 PM

Another big THANK YOU! My wife of 40+ years told me 8 weeks ago that she had been having sex with a woman she worked with for the past 4 months.

I thought I was handling my feelings well, but the last 3 weeks have gotten more and more painful, and I've become more and more hopeless.

We want to reconcile, but I'm not about to stay if it means I'll be feeling worse and worse as time goes on.

This topic has given me enough insight into my own condition to keep going - especially since my wife is doing what is suggested.


2crazykids posted 2/18/2011 18:46 PM

is there a thread for a wh who has no remorse for what he did

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