Hellfire - I am the only one who knows. So if OBS finds out, even anonymously, it is clearly me who told her and then it comes back.
My wife had some tests recently and got checked for STDs. All clear. So that reason isn't needed if that helps.
Other than the reason of her deserving to know there isn't any other reason. And as the affair has ended I struggle with that reason. I can 100% blow up their marriage or let them sort it out.
Let's break this down.
If your wife is NC,and has blocked him,how would she find out you told? Unless,of course she is still messaging him,and in contact with him.
If that's the case, the affair continues, emotionally. She can't have any contact at all, if she chooses the marriage.
Also, you are completely dismissing the fact that its extremely possible OM told his buddies. Cheating husbands often like to brag to their friends. They also like to show any sexy pics they got from their OW. One of his buddies could tell his wife. Or one of their girlfriend's will tell.
It's also extremely possible he didn't delete everything. Any idea how many WS here were caught, because they didn't delete
everything, and their BS found it?
It's also possible she will decide to look at the phone bill,and see your wife's number hundreds of times. Or she could find the charges for the hotel room.
If any of that happens, you should prepare yourself for the fallout. When BW find out everyone else knew,and the BH gave his permission (not an unusual thing, we've seen it here before), she tends to get very upset. She could post your wife on a homewrecker site. And you can not ask her to leave your family alone..because you lost that right.
Ok. No stds. That doesn't mean his wife hasn't gotten BV, which isn't necessarily an std, but often occurs because your partner has been with someone new,and exposed you,so it throws your ph off balance. If she believes her husband is faithful, she won't get tested during a pap smear,and the BV, which often has no symptoms, can develop into pelvic inflammatory disease. So saying that telling his wife doesn't matter because your wife has no stds, means nothing.
You've been given dozens of reasons as to why she should be told. You ignore them all.
I'd still like to know how your kids lives will blow up,if your wife has said she doesn't want a divorce, and doesn't want to lose time with the kids. Because you changed an agreement that you were coerced into,and now that you no better,you should act better? Didn't she agree to NC, yet broke that agreement? She's the only one who can change the agreement?
To end, there is no sorting out their marriage. There is a woman who has been abused,and betrayed,by a man who she doesn't even know,who claims to be her husband. The lie will continue. Until she eventually finds out. Good luck when that happens.
It's clear you aren't listening to 99% of the advice you're getting. There are people here who want the help, so I can't continue to try and help you. It's a waste of my time here.
[This message edited by HellFire at 5:37 PM, Monday, April 24th]