He can't go out and get that undivided attention and affection he needs from me because we have kids. It hurts so bad.
And who helped you make these children??
Your WH is so emotionally immature. He just irks me. If I could be in your shoes just for one day, I would kick his ass to the curb for you so quickly he would not have seen it coming.
He helped you to create this family and now he changed his mind? Really? How is this working out for him? It must be nice how these people can just get up and walk away from their families.
Doesn't want to play husband anymore. Has changed his mind about wanting kids because they take up too much time. Doesn't want to play house anymore. Is argumentative about taking some responsibility for his kids. Bitches and complains about everything. He sounds wonderful! Haha Not.
He wants to go back to the way things were, freedom and fun. No responsibilities. So he found someone who he could go and be wild party animal with him. Toss everything to the wind. His newfound "friend" sounds like such a winner.
Please do me a favor. If you find you can't gain your inner strength for you, do it for your kids, do it for your future, do it for your mother. Heck, please do it for me! I didn't get to kick my WH ass to the curb, so kick your WH ass to the curb for me! Please!
I remember those day's when I was pregnant and was very sick throughout a good part of my pregnancy. Mine found a "friend" on the side too. Left me to go play "golf" while I was sick on the floor. Couldn't even barely get off of the floor. And yet he could so easily without an ounce of guilt step right over me so conveniently to go and play "golf" with his friend.
You CAN move past this and rise above but you gotta take those baby steps and quit becoming putty in his hands when he is around. Took me forever to understand when my daughter kept telling this to me. And finally one day I began to get it. Read that book Women Who Love Too Much too. That was another eye opener.
Look, I'm far from healed due to my deceased WH behaviors and then his death but I am on a much better path to healing. Still have lots of down days and to be expected but if you don't get on some sort of path moving forward, you are going to keep racking up more new hurts.
And please don't beat yourself up when you have a down day because down day's are to be expected. I set goals the night before and by mid morning, I can barely get out of bed at times and end up staying in bed a good part of the day. Absolutely completely normal behavior for what I am going through. It sucks but it is what it is and I'm not going to fight it. I just go along with it until it passes. That is pretty much all I can do.
Try and do like others keep telling you to do... even if you have to take baby steps. For instance, just put it in your mind that the next time you see him that YOU are going to take a different approach in dealing with him. Prepare yourself mentally that you are going to approach your situation differently before you even see him. Devise. A. Plan. or YOU are going to continually allow him to run the show and eat you alive.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. And I'm telling you that you can do this.
I don't know how old you are but I somehow get the feeling once you are past all of this, your life is going to blossom. You are just going through a VERY VERY tough time right now because of HIM! HIM! Your husband. He is the one who is causing you all of this pain. And the sooner you remove yourself from him the best you can, the sooner you begin your journey to healing.
Has the term codependency passed through your thoughts at all?