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General :
My wife cheated on me with her coworker. What now 2

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LegsWideShut ( member #80302) posted at 10:19 PM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

You did what was best for you, and no one should try and make that sound like a bad thing. It isn't their life, their feelings, their heart. Those are all yours.
Personally I am glad you seem to be doing well.

posts: 134   ·   registered: May. 9th, 2022   ·   location: New England
id 8766623
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Dude67 ( member #75700) posted at 3:28 AM on Friday, November 25th, 2022

Mr F. Your thread is extremely important and valuable. So many BHs post in JFO and swear up snd down that they now have the entire truth, so a poly is not necessary. It took a lot of convincing, but you eventually did the poly, and I think you would agree that this turned out to be critical.

posts: 785   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2020
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Lalala12 ( new member #79196) posted at 8:22 PM on Friday, November 25th, 2022

For me, good advice is the one that challenges you a bit, even when it’s uncomfortable to hear. And that encourages you to find nuances and complexity in yourself and others where one is more used (or find it easier) to always hold your ground. I’m not sure you are a guy who likes to be challenged much? smile

But really, it's your life, no one else has to live it and no one here can really know you or know the real people in your life, apart the things you decide to share. Sometimes decisions are not even right or wrong but certainly letting go of the anger is a powerful healer.

All I can say from my own journey is that there are things (about yourself, others or a relashionship) that you process and understand only with time, even years down the line when other choices are not an option anymore. And the tricky thing is that they can look often different with distance.

I do wish you both well.

[This message edited by Lalala12 at 8:28 PM, Friday, November 25th]

posts: 30   ·   registered: Jul. 29th, 2021
id 8766726
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:07 PM on Tuesday, March 28th, 2023

Bump per request.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3470   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8784526
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 11:48 AM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

I just wanted to let you know that we are trying again. It's all very new and nothing is certain, but I have decided to give it a try. I suspect it's not that shocking to some of you, but I needed time and space to know for sure. Thanks to everyone who was my guide here, you are simply amazing.

BS

posts: 321   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8784795
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RoundandRound68 ( new member #82936) posted at 12:04 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

I wish you all the best and happiness. You have travelled a hard road and I hope this next journey is filled with joy for you both.

Stay in touch Mr.F.

Does the merry-go-round ever stop

Me : BH 46 at the time.WW 40 at the time.

posts: 24   ·   registered: Feb. 24th, 2023   ·   location: U.K.
id 8784796
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 12:21 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

Best wishes to you and your family Mr.Fibble.

posts: 1591   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
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WonderingGhost ( member #81060) posted at 12:57 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

Please just be careful MrFlibble. Some of the most heartbreaking stories I read on here are from BS who come back with a new dday years down the line after giving their "remorseful" WS who was "doing the work" another chance. I'm one of them. Your happiness and time are precious.

Best of luck!

posts: 110   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2022
id 8784800
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whatIknowNow ( member #69015) posted at 1:16 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

I just wanted to let you know that we are trying again.

I don't post much but I read here regularly. I remember your situation and I just wanted to say that of all the scenarios that appear on this forum I always felt that with yours reconciliation was very possible.


I'm wishing the both of you the best going forward.

posts: 109   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2018   ·   location: Texoma
id 8784802
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straightup ( member #78778) posted at 1:50 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

I hope it goes well Mr Fibble.

Best wishes to you both.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
Mother Teresa

posts: 359   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2021   ·   location: Australia
id 8784807
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Sufi22 ( new member #75842) posted at 2:36 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

Mr Fibble, I'm happy to hear you have reached the point where you can consider reconciliation. It sounds like your wife has done the kind of hard work over time you needed to see. Wishing you well on the next path of your journey. Please check in again and let us know how it's going.

BH-60s WW-50s M 23 years DD 20D-day: Aug 3 2018WW had 2 year EA(maybe PA) and 1 year ongoing contactUpdate 3/22 Found her breakup diary. Full 2 year PA only ended because he cheated on her and broke up.

posts: 25   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2020
id 8784814
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Dude67 ( member #75700) posted at 3:04 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

Mr F - that’s great to hear. You needed time and distance to heal properly, which has given you the space to make a decision based upon what you want.

Good luck and keep posting updates. You can also be an immense resource to those that newly post in JFO, as you did way back when. I realize that it may have been too painful to do so at the time, however perhaps now it’s a possibility.

posts: 785   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2020
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Unsure2019 ( member #71350) posted at 7:17 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

Great news. You guys are one of the few couples that I was pulling for all along. I’m really happy that you were able to put enough distance between yourself and your WW so that you could heal enough to make this decision, I think it would be helpful for a lot of us if you could share the steps you’ve taken since last posting and how you both got to the point of wanting to give R a shot. I really hope this works out well for both of you!!!!!!!

posts: 278   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2019   ·   location: California
id 8784876
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drtyrttnscndrl ( new member #75623) posted at 7:22 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

Great news MrFlibble. Wishing you all the best.

posts: 3   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2020
id 8784880
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Txquail ( member #62946) posted at 7:36 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

Mr. F,

I personally would never take her back or try. Women seem to lose all respect to guys who are weak. A guy who takes a woman back after she cheats on him is viewed as weak. A woman can never love a man unless she respects him.

Once a cheater always a cheater is a very accurate statment. You will always have mind movies of her cheating on you and you will never fully trust her. If you can not trust her, theres no point in trying. You will always wonder if shes telling the truth and doing what she said she is doing.

Also note. She got caught originally snd when she cheats again, she will be a lot more careful on hiding her tracks.

I advise you to stay away from her and find someone else. If you take her back she will know if she cheats on you, youll eventually cave and take her back.

posts: 296   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018
id 8784886
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 7:41 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

What work has she done on herself?

I will be everywhere you look,but nowhere to be found. And that will be my revenge.

posts: 6705   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8784888
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 8:15 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

As a guy that has changed his mind multiple times, I wish you the best of luck. If I had divorced, I don't know if R would be off the table for me either (just like D not being off the table to this day). You know what to do if things go sideways. Good luck.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2656   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
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1994 ( member #82615) posted at 9:04 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

I'll echo the general sentiment here that it seems like you and your wife are a good candidate for R. I applaud your decision to hold onto hope and give her another chance. Please keep everyone here updated on your progress.

posts: 158   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2022   ·   location: USA
id 8784902
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Tron ( member #50936) posted at 10:27 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

I always thought this one had some potential for R. Best for the kids. And probably best for you guys.

I hope she has learned some valuable lessons from all this. And at least the boundaries discussion will be short and sweet.

Best of luck to you!

[This message edited by Tron at 10:28 PM, Thursday, March 30th]

posts: 170   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2015   ·   location: Texas
id 8784923
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FindingaWayHome ( member #78829) posted at 11:52 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

Hi MrF,

Just another poster wishing you and your exWW all the best in the journey ahead.

Did you want to discuss any of the steps you might be taking?
We are here to support and encourage you, although you might be advised to open a new thread in the reconciliation forum,

Kind regards,
FAWH

posts: 131   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2021
id 8784932
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