It’s been about 10 days since my last post. And sometimes I feel like I take two steps forward and five steps backward in this whole healing process. After my WHs emails about the ring password, things escalated just like many of you said they would.
Saturday was my birthday and my WH brought me flowers, chocolates and a card that said the following: “I know things aren’t that great between us right now, but you should know that you have inspired and touched so many people’s lives, including mine. I hope you have a good birthday and focus on happy times. I love you.” First nice thing he’s done or said since D-day, but didn’t read too much into it.
On Sunday, my WH called to talk about some “finance stuff”. He asked to split our car insurance bill and cell phone bill up, as he felt it would save us money. I figured it was the perfect opportunity to ask if he wanted to delete his phone number on the joint account since he already has a new phone (I essentially called him out about his burner phone). My WH had the gall to say that I gave him “no choice” for getting a new phone number because I was spying on him and who he was talking to. That he got it because he didn’t want me to know he was still talking to his gf. Are you kidding me!? So disgusting! He proceeded to then ask me for a divorce! The day before ‘I love you’, and Sunday a nice screw you.
Yesterday I spent time splitting the joint Verizon bill, getting my own insurance, changing the Netflix password, etc. Even replaced the locks on the house! I sent my WH an email confirming that I did, and he not only called me within two min of sending it, but when I didn’t pick up the phone, he showed up at the house. Pounding on the door and ringing the doorbell. My folks were here for dinner, so I answered the door.
Oh he was pissed off! My WH went off the rails about how he's done with me, how he just wants to move out of state because I’m so horrible, etc. I told him that I refused to let him hold me hostage anymore, so if he wants to move he should and that I wasn’t going to put up with it anymore. I also told him that him showing up unannounced is not respecting my boundaries and that he needed to leave. My WH said something like “you really hate me don’t you”. And I was like “I don’t hate you but I don’t like who you are right now, I don’t respect your behavior and decisions, and you are acting completely unhinged”. That while I asked him for space and to not talk for a few weeks so that I can heal a little, here he was showing up at my doorstep wanting answers because something wasn’t going his way. My WH proceeded to say he's been checked out of our marriage since Jan 2020 and so he just wants to sell the house and be done with it. That divorce is the only option.
You guys were right … exit affair! ☹ No question about it now!
My folks said I was calm, held my ground, and that my WH didn’t listen to a word I said, was condescending and cruel. I was glad (and sad at the same time) that they witnessed it (from the other room where they could hear), because after my WH left I broke into tears! I felt like I took so many steps back. I knew it would get worse before getting better but some days I still feel so weak and overwhelmed sometimes! But, they were there to remind me how strong I am.
The truth is that my WH doesn't like that I'm not complying with how he thinks this should go. He doesn’t like that I’m standing up for myself and setting hard boundaries. He doesn’t like that I’m not sitting at home, wallowing and so overwhelmed with sadness that I want to take him back. He has this victim "poor me" attitude, blames and deflects onto me instead of doing anything constructive. I just don’t understand how he thinks lately or what he expects. I don’t recognize him. I think he may just want this to go away or to just be easy (rug sweeping), but you can’t have that when you are being a total jerk the past 10 weeks, have no remorse for having an affair, and couldn't care less about me and how I'm doing right now!
One thing I didn't appreciate is how tired grief makes you! Is it normal to be tired ALL THE TIME!? Even when I sleep well I am exhausted. And my WH has this impression that I am doing a-okay, but he can't even comprehend what I'm going through. Why are cheaters so clueless!?
[This message edited by Venus1 at 10:47 PM, March 9th (Tuesday)]