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But he's not stepped up, and I think my respect has actually gotten worse since dday (hard to believe that's even possible).

And therein lies the rub. if they don't step up and do the work to fix their monumental fuckup, then they are not even remotely deserving of respect. Even if they DO the work, respect for them will still always be diminished.

Cheaters suck. I just wanna line them all up and slap the shit out of 'em. AP's too. Fuckers.

SOS, I to schedule a check up with my doctor. I will bring it up with her. She knows about my mom, but I don't think she knows about my grandad.

He has a MBA, works in the IT field with very smart people, but seems dumb around me.

My fch has a Master's. He came home once exhausted and said something about how he solves problems all day. I could not believe it! He has never once even tried to solve a problem in our family. If he doesn't get his way, he just throws his hands up and does nothing. Dude, wtf?!

So fucking stupid the other day. On the way to my dad's, which is 3 hours away, I asked my fch if he had jumper cables. He said he did not. That was it. Next thing I know, he's stopping at a Target because the kids had to pee and he figured he'd buy some jumper cables. I told him to wait while I called my dad to see if they had any. My stepsister, her husband, and my dad were meeting at his house. They brought 2 cars. Likelihood is that someone has some jumper cables.

I was so annoyed. Why the fuck would you waste the time finding a target when the boys can pee at a gas station right off the highway,and waste money buying something we do not? SMH! I told him all of that could've been avoided if he had mentioned to me that he was going to stop to buy jumper cables. I could've called my dad before he stopped. His response was to ask why I didn't mention that my dad might have some.

Um, fucking common sense?! Most people have jumper cables. Even if he didn't, there are stores near his house. Either way, we might've had to go to the store. Get there. See what's what. Then, figure out what, if anything, we need to buy.

He's always wasting time and money like that. Drives me batty!

And therein lies the rub. if they don't step up and do the work to fix their monumental fuckup, then they are not even remotely deserving of respect. Even if they DO the work, respect for them will still always be diminished.

Yep. My fch has done lots of work. I don't think I will ever respect him again like I did pre-A. There's nothing he can do about that. It's just the way it is now.

Just like I doubt I'll ever feel the same way about him again. I love him, sure. He's my husband and the father of my children and a fellow human. But, I don't think I'll ever get that special spark back.

We are reconciled and it's ok. However, I am not pro-R, especially if it's just for love. If a BP can leave, I think that's probably what's best. You can't ever go back.

Catching up on the thread....

Sometimes I read and think, I’m lucky not to be in R with Xbf. I can see myself thinking exactly what you ladies are typing. How do you not think someone’s an idiot? Actions say it all. It amazes me how WS think everything should go back to normal.

Bad day today. I need to rant and it’s dirty. Sorry ladies.

Having horrible anxiety. Though not w Ex, this week MOW flies into NY (local to douchebag) and then they go to convention. Have no idea if traveling together but they will be 4 days together.

What a fucking mixed bag of emotions. Partly relieved I’m out of it. Partly so sad at their bullshit. Partially so mad ..fuckers fuck, fuck, fuck.

Had a nice date with peter. We had a good three hour conversation that had more depth than all the conversations I had with my ex. I’m realizing our relationship lack certain qualities, that I needed.

You know what fucking pisses me off? My ex swore that the MOW gave him a depth he couldn’t find with me. How the fuck can I have depth with almost a stranger but couldn’t get it out of EX? I swear that guy didn’t want us to win. He wanted us to fail. I hope your dick stays soft. That’s not a joy to hump. Hope the MOW props it up for ya. Helps your fragile ego feel better that the old dick is just that ..old. Douchebag.

Fuck you WW. Bunch of cowards. The damage you do is horrible. And fuck OW. You’re just as classless.

SOS I need your flaming darts.

Oh joy it’s Monday.

LH - HAHAHAHAHA!! The OW has depth?? Yeah right. That twattermelon is about as deep as a pie dish. Let him go have his 'deep' relationship with that horrid cow - you roll your eyes and put on your sparkle BBs and keep movin on down the road.

Sending you a big squeeze - you got this. You'll have some shit days here and there unfortunately but they do get better eventually.

WARNING FULL POTTY MOUTHED RANT

Well I just got off the phone with cousin fucker. So I'm in about the same boat. I am furious and shaking.

LH8 I'm afraid I would quite literally shove a flaming dart right up his cousin fucking ass!!!!

And by depth, I'm sure he meant the skanks vagina is a huge gaping hole you could drive a semi into.

And therein lies the rub. if they don't step up and do the work to fix their monumental fuckup, then they are not even remotely deserving of respect. Even if they DO the work, respect for them will still always be diminished.

My WH is doing the work and has some of my respect. Respect for taking full blame, for doing what needs to be done to help gain my trust and work on our relationship. I will never fully have the same respect I had for him before the A. Simply because I truly thought that man would never, ever be the type of man to be unfaithful.

SOS?

Wait! Per your Cheater’s logic, all of us are supposed to want to pork our cousins? Mine are so creepy though

Cant be any creepier than his...or him for that matter.

SOS a flaming torpedo?

Well, girl ... you and I need to get together and rant. It’s such a roller coaster ride.

Thanks Ellie ♥️

Daisy - I feel jealous that you H is even willing to step up to the plate. I wish I had been given that opportunity. I think you’re lucky.

Flaming torpedo sounds amazing!

Well my damn house is sparkling clean. Even the baseboards. I had a ton of mad to burn off.

Does anyone else wonder what you ever loved about them? I know I was absolutely madly in love with him before dday. I look back at pictures, and I looked so happy.

I honestly dont remember what that felt like. Now I cringe when his face pops up on my phone. What a complete mind fuck!

SOS, 180!

Oh I am there!!! I was supposed to be in the truck. He left last week. Everything was loaded when he started screaming at me. I didnt say anything more than I'm not going.

Since then, I respond as minimally as possible when he texts me. If I respond at all. I only respond to the things I have to.

Saturday morning I finally had enough of the almost 2 month battle with my cable company. I left him a message to call me, as I changed to satellite.

Supposedly he just got the message and called me. When I wasnt oh so happy to hear from him, he started in on me again. Whatever.

Now I'm sitting here, in my sparkling house, crocheting. I just want him to leave me alone. I cant divorce him. I'm stuck. But he can stay in the damn truck. There is absolutely no reason for us to ever see each other again. We can communicate by text or whatever if we need to.

Big hugs SOS.

I’m with ya. I looked back at a pic of me and ex .. taken only days after “they” hooked up. I was so happy. He took me to a concert. It was an amazing time. Little did I know.....

How the fuck did we love these guys? More flaming darts please. 🔥

Congrats putting that anger to a good place. A nice clean home. ❤️

Thanks LH! Definitely more flaming darts!

Or maybe those torpedoes! 🔥🔥🔥

I hope your dick stays soft. That’s not a joy to hump. Hope the MOW props it up for ya. Helps your fragile ego feel better that the old dick is just that ..old. Douchebag.

Bwahahahahaha this made me laugh so hard. I wonder what these young girls see in my STBX, probably the money

He's got a belly that makes him look pregnant and I always think there is no way I could have touched him with a 10-foot pole in my 20's money or not

He thinks he's a rockstar though

Ladies, it's been too long, so I actually went back and took notes so I could properly respond!

Coco - Love the dress. Bummer about the initial class being cancelled but awesome about the possibility of a regular gig! As to your CH and his thinking you talk to him like an idiot? HE IS ONE! But I get you on the respect. TBH, no respect for a partner is not good. And I understand why you have lost it for your CH. Not sure what he can do to earn it back.

GMC - Sorry you had to miss out on girl time. BUT I don't think it was a CoD mom thing. You had told her you would give her a ride. It's not like she knew she'd get cut, and to be honest, you are supporting her in the best way. Driving her to work is NOT driving her to a friend's house or something not super important. That's loving mom stuff right there. I love the homemade booze idea! No one in my family drinks and I don't feel like making anything for my in-laws. Maybe my friends will get some of that this Christmas!

Ellie - Douche said no to a bedazzler? WTF? I'd send you mine if you really want one. I used to work for a craft company and have those hot fixx crystals. I haven't touched the thing in at least 6 years. Your potato soup good? Sometimes the best thing about living alone I think would be that I could make soup and no one would complain. I would think it was a lovely dinner. Potato sounds tasty. Your friends sound like AMAZING ones. Love the social media burn for both your douche ex and his AP. I'm in CO about twice a year. Love the cool nights in the summer but I hate the cold winter and snow. My in-laws live there so we usually visit them. Maybe next time I'll sneak away and come see you! We can bedazzle shit together!

20Years - Ugh on the tire. Glad you maneuvered out safely. That's scary! Good luck with EMDR. I didn't have great luck, but some people really do well with it. Perhaps it can make Halloween less scary for you...

HHADL - Thanks for sharing, I now know all kinds of things about bra tape. Wish we'd been friends years ago when my boobs were nice. After 2 kids they weren't great, but the infidelity diet TWICE with 20 and 15 lb weight losses did them in. They are squishy deflated balloons now. No bandaids will help. I need surgery to inflate the tops again.

WHAT'S RIGHT - Hi! Thanks for popping in, come back anytime. We say ridiculous things and laugh a lot.

Iwasyoung - Amen to that disclaimer. I need a sign around my neck that says leave me the FUCK alone. Proper for the PTA meetings or church service?

Lostheart - Well, bonus on Peter not being crude. Glad he is a nice distraction. Just go slow and enjoy making that friend. I am jealous that you can have a Met membership. I can spend days in NY museums. And on the "depth" BS? I HATE that. YOU were capable of depth. "Depth" with an AP is entirely fictitious. Authenticity means NOT LYING and that's all an affair is. Stupid fucker.

SOS - You are an amazing fighter. After pancreatic cancer, you lived in limbo for so long. I love that your girls are so loving and supportive. Making friends is hard. Definitely look into phone groups (I did a SAnon phone meeting). It helps to know you aren't alone and that REAL people with voices and everything have issues too.

CHAOS - I LOVE that you passed DDay 3 anniversary and didn't even give it a second fucking thought. OR A FIRST ONE! Amazing. I purposefully don't know DDay 2's date. I know it was the end of the month of May, but don't know the day. Same for the days WH fucked his AP. I don't want to clog my memory with his BULLSHIT. Maybe all of the dates be forgotten and when remembered brushed away like dust.

DaisyAnne - Sounds like a lovely time this weekend. Beer and nachos sound like a perfect time to me. Funny enough, we did breweries this weekend too - sans nachos and kids though. Trying to continue the "dates". As for remembering what they did, it's totally normal. I do it all the time. Have a good time and the voice in my head yells "THIS IS THE SAME FUCKER WHO FUCKED SOMEONE ELSE! HE IS AN ASSHOLE!" Makes for a confusing time, but eh, if he didn't want to deal with it, he shouldn't have done it, or he can leave. I make sure to tell him when I think it. Can't suffer alone!

As for Texans and their sissiness in the snow? Yes, that is very true. We shut down when it's kinda cold and ice will bring us to our knees.But with global warming, we haven't had to deal with a good snow in quite a few years here in North Texas. :)

I'm on my downward swing again. This weekend both of our kids are gone, and WH and I are planning to go through the timeline again and the "fishbowl" of questions that I have. I'm also going to start CPT with a therapist in November. We'll see how that all goes. For now, I am kind of in a state of denial about everything. Just ignoring feelings and doing what needs to be done. Not good for the long run, but surviving.

Happy Fucking Monday!

[This message edited by TX1995 at 5:06 PM, October 28th (Monday)]

TX you’re back!

You’ve missed flaming torpedos .... and flaming body parts.

Thanks for the kind words. I find douchebag words have really hit me hard. I need to toughen up and remember the context.

I see why you’re on a downward swing. God bless ya. Takes a lot of courage. ♥️

Chaos, awesome that antiversary came and went without any drama. That's healing!

I am not ok today. Yesterday was a big ole shit show that even a surprise visit and dinner with my baby girl didn't help.

Wow this just bites. I think I was still smoking the hopium pipe. Stupid much? I have such screwed up FOO shit. My biggest struggle is, and has been abandonment. Surprising, considering my stupid parents.

Last night, it just hit me so hard. Again. I honestly had no idea he was anything like this. None. He was sweet, and kind. He made me feel beautiful, and confident.

I haven't slept. I'm barely functional. Again. I feel like that scared 14 year old little girl, looking at all my belongings in my parents front yard. Again.

I need therapy. I dont want therapy. I dont want to heal. Been there, done that. It just makes the hurt that much bigger.

Fuck me sideways. I'm so over sitting here crying. I hate him. I hate what he did to me. And somebody hacked his debit card and managed to get about $1500.