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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 2:36 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2019

Flaming darts - torpedoes - I'm in. I'll bring the rocket launcher.

SOS - If you are getting fucked sideways I hope you have warming lube and a big sparkly vibrator on full charge.

Now - cry and purge your system. Then do something nice for yourself. I don't care if it is a chocolate bar, cup of coffee or a long hot shower.

And I'm only 1/2 kidding about the big sparkly vibrator. Give it a kick ass name. Like Conan.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8459726
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 2:37 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2019

Daisy - I feel jealous that you H is even willing to step up to the plate. I wish I had been given that opportunity. I think you’re lucky.

I think a big part of it is because it was mostly a midlife crisis. We have been together for over 23 years. I was just 18, he was 24. The first serious relationship for both of us. Not excusing the choices he made and we definitely had/have problems to work on, for sure. But I think that has a lot to do with why it happened and why he is remorseful and doing the work now. And thank you. Feels weird to say I am lucky, but I am thankful that he is stepping up to the plate and doing all he is doing.

For now, I am kind of in a state of denial about everything. Just ignoring feelings and doing what needs to be done. Not good for the long run, but surviving.

TX, I think that is ok sometimes. I am like that at times too. It is not healthy for us to always think about it. If we always look back, how can we move on in our future?

SOS, I am so sorry you have to live like this. (((hugs)))

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8459727
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sickofsurviving ( member #52308) posted at 2:42 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2019

Thanks ladies. I need those torpedoes today.

It's cold and rainy here. Being cooped up doesnt help. I need the outside!

BS-me 54
WH 56
Married 2004

4 DDs 35,30,26,25
Sexting affair with his 1st cousin 2007-2008 maybe
D-Day 8-8-15
Married

posts: 859   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2016
id 8459729
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 3:20 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2019

Daisy - not to say H doesn’t deserve a dart or two, but I’ll give him credit for trying. Big hugs to you both. Two courageous people making it work.

SOS - sending you my thoughts and hope for a better day. I have abandonment issues too. The nightmares have finally stopped after finding out about A. But I had them for weeks, exbf taking me some place I know nothing about and leaving me there. Feeling so lost, scared and overwhelmed. It’s my worst fear being abandoned.

It will get better.

What I learned this time around, I’m not abandoned because first I’ve got myself. I’ll never leave me behind. Me and myself will always figure out unknown areas. So fuck you douchebag I can find my way. Second, I’ve got my flaming throwing ladies here. Just know we are here for you. Your feelings are shared with and by us.

I’m sending you all my strength and a couple of flaming torpedos.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8459747
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 5:33 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2019

SOS flip that thought honey. YOU are abandoning HIM because YOU are worth and deserving of SO much better than he has to offer.

I am trying a lot lately to consciously flip the script of negative talk in my head. Some days are better than others... I put my sassy pants on today so am ON it!!

Well it looks like Antarctica outside my office window right now. 18 degrees with 20-30 mph wind. Trying to just get through what I have to and then start the long slog back to my puppies, jammies, and fireplace.

Happy fuckin Tuesday dearies!!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8459840
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 6:49 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2019

((SOS))

You have not been abandoned by the people who matter. First, yourself, then your daughters. The only true partner we ever have during our entire lives is ourselves, anyway.

I was really sad last night. Idk why, probably pms. I've been very irritable lately, too.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8459889
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:08 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2019

(((SOS))) It is crazy how much the M that we are in is tied to our FOO. I have abandonment issues as well. This separation is bringing it all to the surface. I just keep sifting through it piece by piece. My IC has helped me put many of the pieces together.

I am trying a lot lately to consciously flip the script of negative talk in my head.

^^^This helps me a lot especially when struggling with the cognitive dissonance. When my mind tries to go back and remember the 'good times' I have to remind myself that it was a very looooong time ago and that man has neither been seen or heard from again. The person I see today is the REAL version. It's the one I've seen consistently through the pain.

fBS/fWS (me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:50 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 24 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8038   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8460014
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 12:20 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

Absolutely agree that FOO issues have brought me this crap.

I was molested as a young girl, by my Dad.

I tried telling my Mom. He denied it, made me out to be a liar.

My mother was angry at me for years until he confessed.

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8460048
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sickofsurviving ( member #52308) posted at 12:29 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

Thank you ladies. I hate it that y'all know what this crap is like. But I sure am grateful y'all are here.

I have really stayed off here since this morning. When I found myself having a hard time keeping my fingers quiet, I figured I had better clean something before I got banned.

Today, I took down all pictures of us together. I love candid shots, and have them all over. I switched them all out for my kids. Or my dogs. I packed up all his stuff and moved it to the guest room. Busy shit. I'm used to working. Hard physical labor. So I had to move.

It kept my fingers from being a bitch. Lol.

I also got a bath bomb. I have never tried one! Lol. Hard to do in a truck stop shower! I have a huge soakers tub I'm gonna try out. I even bought some candles!

Ellie, how is your weather? I keep getting snow updates on my phone. Lol.

BS-me 54
WH 56
Married 2004

4 DDs 35,30,26,25
Sexting affair with his 1st cousin 2007-2008 maybe
D-Day 8-8-15
Married

posts: 859   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2016
id 8460054
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sickofsurviving ( member #52308) posted at 12:33 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

Oh 20 years. I am so very sorry.

My x molested my girls. Even tho I believed them immediately. Started therapy within days of finding out, they all still struggle.

I hope your EMDR helps with the PTSD I'm sure you have from that.

BS-me 54
WH 56
Married 2004

4 DDs 35,30,26,25
Sexting affair with his 1st cousin 2007-2008 maybe
D-Day 8-8-15
Married

posts: 859   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2016
id 8460056
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 1:33 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

SOS

Thank you. I’m sorry your girls had to experience it too

My IC told me the trauma from my molestation was probably in check, that Cheater’s crap likely dug the old trauma up, then added to it

I am really intrigued at the very notion that this ruminating, hyper vigilance, nightmare crap could be treated!

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8460086
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 3:31 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

I can join the molested group. It fucks with your brain badly. Took 10 years of therapy to work out the damage.

Had a horrible day yesterday. I did a whole bunch of crying. Followed by being so pissed off.

You know what makes it worse, my mother who tells me get over by now. Stop shedding tears for a man that’s not worth it.

Well, mom thanks for the sympathy. That is absolutely no help. And I’m fucking crying for myself not douchebag.

Feeling a bit of relief today.

Taking of one your ladies advice .... blocked MOW IG account. I need to stop torturing myself. It serves no point.

Ellie ...you’re so right about changing thoughts. I need to remind myself of that.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8460332
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sickofsurviving ( member #52308) posted at 4:37 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

I am so very sorry for you ladies that have had to endure CSA.

I have watched my girls struggle for years. In and out of therapy for over 20 years now. My youngest is a therapist specializing in CSA. My oldest works in transit. She has traveled the country helping mass transit set up human trafficking divisions.

They have really used their abuse for motivation in their careers. However, they struggle badly in their personal lives. As long as they are single they are better. It's when they try relationships. Holy moly.

I'm so sorry so many of us are struggling the last few days. Think maybe it's the season? Fall into winter? I hate feeling like I'm sinking in this crap.

I'm taking Ellie's advice today. I will make sure to divert my thoughts. I cant do too many more in a row like the last few. Hell, if I wanted to feel like shit, I would have stayed in the truck!

BS-me 54
WH 56
Married 2004

4 DDs 35,30,26,25
Sexting affair with his 1st cousin 2007-2008 maybe
D-Day 8-8-15
Married

posts: 859   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2016
id 8460373
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 6:11 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

Changing the negative self talk is easier said than done, but worth it when it works.

I don't miss the shitbag. I really don't. But today the driveway needs shoveling and I have to go do it. He wasn't good for much, but would have done the shoveling if I asked. Sigh.

Happy fackin Wednesday!

CSA is horrible and has such long-reaching effects. The more I learn about you gals, the more impressed I am at how far all of you have come!

[This message edited by EllieKMAS at 12:12 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8460442
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 8:12 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

big hugs Ellie. A snowblower is worth the investment. Best boyfriend I’ve got. Very dedicated. Always found in the garage. Never roams.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8460503
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 8:23 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

LH - LMAO!! Sounds like my kinda guy!

I have thought of getting a snowblower, but honestly we don't tend to get enough snow during the winters to justify the cost.

I got the shoveling done. Man... that is boy work. And I also think I need a taller shovel.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8460508
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 8:55 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2019

Uffda.... why are boundaries so difficult?

I have a friend of mine who is a fellow BS - her DDay is pretty close to mine. Well a few months ago, I offered to rent her and her two kids my extra bedrooms if she needed it. She had other arrangements together already.

Well in the meantime, she has "fallen in love" with her "other half". I thought it was jealousy initially, but have since soul-searched and just NO to dating that soon. NO NO NO. I am nowhere near ready to even go get coffee with a dude yet, much less jump right back into a long term 'other half' kind of thing. Trying not to be judgy but I kinda am. Oh and they are truly barf-worthy on SM. I never bought the shit when people post back and forth 57 times a day about their special love. Especially right now, I just try to ignore it cus it makes me feel like setting things on fire. Plus as an aside, I don't know the guy, but I don't trust him the slightest. She has refused any sort of therapy, SI, anything, was suicidal 6 months ago, has moved states and is trying to re-establish herself and her two kids here... I dunno, just seems to me like this dude is a predator picking up a woman who still has no idea which way is up. Maybe oversensitive, but I am telling myself that this 'relationship' is gonna blow up inside a year.

Welp, she just asked me if she and BF and her kids could rent my rooms. Man, the money would be nice, not gonna lie. But I have nyet desire to live with barf-inducing new in-love people, especially with a guy who i think is not a good human. I told her I am not emotionally ready to live with a happy couple. Thankfully she understood and wasn't mad, but still saying no is hard for me.

She is a great gal, and it pains me to see someone so awesome that believes in her own worth so little

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8460523
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 1:33 AM on Thursday, October 31st, 2019

Ellie- avoid that hot turd of relationship. Once limerance wears off...the shit will hit the fan. That’s is completely chemistry. She’s fogged in. At least she’s single and not cheating.

I’m with you. You don’t need to post about your love nor text up to a million times a day.

I’m with you. I don’t believe in soul mate nor better half. Hell I think both sides of me are better so no guys needs to complete me.

I can’t believe you got snow. I live in New England, not a snowflake anywhere in the air.

Oh joy, I go to OB to get tested for STDs tomorrow. Happy happy joy joy.

Had a decent day today. Asshole is at convention and frankly I’m relieved not to have watch, worry or ponder. Hope he gets a good hump while away.

Can’t help myself - fucking douchebag.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8460636
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 1:59 AM on Thursday, October 31st, 2019

Oh I am avoiding. I didn't waffle about saying no thank you to that.

Just very triggery for me I guess. My mom couldn't be without a guy when I was younger and she had some real treats Suffice it to say, I have had trust issues with men for a reaaaaaallllly long time.

Proud of myself for saying no, and very happy that she isn't mad at me for it. Can't tell you how many times in my life I have said no and gotten blasted for it.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8460643
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 2:26 AM on Thursday, October 31st, 2019

Ellie - kudos to you for handling it so well.

I don’t get woman who have to have a man at their side. Baffles me.

I can see how you would get triggered.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8460652
Topic is Sleeping.
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