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Betrayed Womenz Thread

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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 1:01 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Tallgal you might be my new BFF

They are entitled and stupid to say the least.

I was also called a bitch many times. Because it all my fault ya know?

I have anger too. Lots of it.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3297   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8395600
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:23 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

I wish I could have exposed, but she was not married (only my husband was - and she really really wanted him - she shoulda just asked me).

She has a public facebook profile but I do nothing, she is a viper and likes people to think she is a good caring animal lover and supporter of the environment. Only a few of her friends know that my husband/ her boyfriend was married. If I exposed on FB, she would be vicious to everyone I know and love, and I don't need that crap on top of my WH.

Wait, she's already been there... lol

Yah I don't need any more garbage.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8395607
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 1:37 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

The audacity of the OW's entitlement.

Somehow, OW concluded It was the victim in the LTA.

Can I dish a little? My FWH first met OW at work. He was management, It was an employee. OW was married to first husband at the time. However, It was working on getting something going with my FWH. I had cancer and OW was "here for you whenever you need, MisterSister". Meanwhile...OW is fucking a friend of Its husband. A MM with three children (OW didn't have any). So, OW and MM get busted. OW gets kicked to the curb by first BH. MM either leaves or gets kicked to the curb. OW and MM start living together.

Now, OW and my FWH start kicking their LTA into high gear. They start fucking. They both "talked" about the ground rules. They agree they are going to have a FWB's NSA affair. So, they start fucking for years. Now, for some reason, OW thinks it has the golden va jay jay. It does not. Plus, It can not compete against my platinum va jay jay or anything about me. OW thinks Its stanky va jay jay is going to lure FWH away from, what It calls me, "The Love of Your Life". OW isn't allowed to mention my name or speak of me. FWH doesn't speak of me.

OW and FWH hook up every 4-6 weeks. Speak every week day but not after 5:00, never on weekends. One day, FWH notices a wedding band on OW's finger. He asks about the ring. Yeah, OW married the MM It was living with about 3 weeks prior. So FWH fucked OW about 3 weeks prior to Its wedding and about 3 weeks after Its wedding. How romantic. Now It has BH #2. OW told FWH that It thought It might as well marry MM as MisterSister was the "Love of Its Life" and he wasn't going to marry It.

Yet, somehow in its pathetic letter to me exposing the affair (But, pretending It was Its dead BH #2, so It was pretending to be a zombie. ) It manages to imply that somehow the OW was a victim in all of this. That it must have meant something that they fucked and sneaked around for so long, it must be lurrrvvvveeee, mustn't it? And how dare my FWH dump It and try to ghost It. He obviously let It believe that because he was sticking his dick in Its stanky thing, that he must luuurrvvveee It.

I really am indifferent about the OW at this point. I don't feel sorry for It. It still is a traitor to the sisterhood and doesn't deserve a feminine pronoun. However, I can get back in touch with my anger and outrage from that time pretty easily. As you can see from this post.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8395614
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 2:55 AM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Wow Sister IT was truly pure skank. OMG.

Sounds like that golden va jay jay got around. a lot.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8395642
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:57 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Damn Sister - I do love when you dish.

I'll add - its "golden" va jay jay was like Predator blood - nothing but cracked glow stick juice mixed with some KY. It glows but it poison.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3297   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8395735
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:15 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

You guys are cracking me up! Who has the golden va jay jay?

of all the men in the world I picked you and you're a complete idiot...

Right? I knew I had a bad picker before I met my H. I always ended up with bad boys bum losers who never really cared about me. H was the complete opposite. He was responsible

He had a professional job. He presented himself as honest, loyal, trustworthy, all the good things. I didn't like him at first. I just thought, "Meh, free lunch." (Boy, was my brother pissed when I told him that. How dare I use him like that!)

I honestly don't know what happened. He is still all those things in every other aspect of his life. But, he cheated on me.

So, apparently, I started some more shit. Another thread started in response to something I said. It's completely insane. I don't know how to respond. *sigh*

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8395743
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 2:08 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Girl, are you starting drama again and I missed it?!?

Yeah, I thought I was choosing wisely with my WH too. He had good credit, a good job, paid his bills on time or early, seemed kind and sweet, loved animals, shared so many of my interests...well, I somehow wound up with a crackhead who frequented prostitutes and at some point tried to hook up with one of his best friend's young adult daughter. To say that this about-face was shocking is putting it very mildly. Particularly considering that the cheating pre-dated the drugs. I had no fucking idea whatsoever.

So it's dogs for love, loyalty and affection and I just need to find a good FWB for the rest. CLEARLY this is a better plan than any I've had so far in life, lol.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4540   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8395759
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 7:41 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

credit, a good job, paid his bills on time or early, seemed kind and sweet, loved animals, shared so many of my interests...well, I somehow wound up with a crackhead who frequented prostitutes

You can't make this shit up!

Girl, are you starting drama again and I missed it?!?

Seriously! I'm beginning to wonder what is wrong with me. I seem to bring out the crazy in people. The first thread has been locked. You can still read the crazy there, though. The 2nd thread is still open. No response to my question on there. I think the person may have left.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8395937
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 8:29 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

I know the feeling so well, coco. Some seem to think I am implying things that are not there or meant. And seemingly over react.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8395977
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 8:48 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Damn coco, did you engage in imaginary fisticuffs again?

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 831   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8395994
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 8:51 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Damn coco, did you engage in imaginary fisticuffs again?

Not this time. I just sent someone over the deep end.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8395996
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 9:45 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Not this time. I just sent someone over the deep end.

Here let me reframe this for you:

I said something that struck a nerve in someone, and that someone chose to respond by launching themselves off of the deep end.

See, I fixed it

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 831   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8396053
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 10:03 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Ooh, I need a hint...what forum?

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4540   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8396068
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 10:37 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Thank you, HHADL.

The audacity of the OW's entitlement.

I keep forgetting to address this. The MOW in my sitch had the audacity to ask that I wait until after Christmas to tell her BH so that her daughter's holiday wouldn't be ruined. I was like, "You didn't think of my children while you were fucking their dad, did you?"

Both threads are in the general forum. One is entitled something like, "Is he playing me again..." That one is locked, but you can still read the crazy. The other is about the narcissism spectrum. That is the one made in response to my comments on the first thread. It's still open. I think the OP is gone, though. She hasn't posted anything since her last rant on the locked thread.

[This message edited by cocoplus5nuts at 7:53 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8396083
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emergent8 ( member #58189) posted at 10:44 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

The audacity of the OW's entitlement.

OW in my situation was mad at me that I went ahead and tell OBS that they f*cked in her house. The woman who f*cked MY husband was mad that I told him where it occurred.

Me: BS, Him: WS. Mid-late 30s.
Together 15 years, married 5 (11 m at D-Day).
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Currently 4 years (and two kids) into R and optimistic.

posts: 636   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8396088
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emergent8 ( member #58189) posted at 11:00 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

BTW, hi everyone.

Me: BS, Him: WS. Mid-late 30s.
Together 15 years, married 5 (11 m at D-Day).
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Currently 4 years (and two kids) into R and optimistic.

posts: 636   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8396095
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 11:12 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2019

Yep, many OW have Zero brain cells, probably thinking with their well used va jay jays.

I have no energy to be upset at anyone else other than my WH these days. Too much going on. And if we all agreed on this site, how would we learn.

I thought I married my dream. Strong, smart, committed, moral, enthusiastic who would love me forever. I felt lucky.

What I have is a weak short man, who went for rub and tugs (because that is a massage!), trolled online for women, and then decided a prostitute was better than his wife. I had no idea he thought buying sex was an alternative to a life with your wife.

Not feeling quite so lucky now.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8396103
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 1:00 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

@HeHadADoubleLife I was reading one of your threads. It was an epic thread, too. A lot of what you shared really resonated with me, but your situation was also very different. You were getting a lot of feedback and I felt anything I had to share would be redundant.

But, there was one thing I was thinking of and I think you were sharing kind of like how come you didn't see it, or couldn't see it or refused to see it. I was like "Surfer dude." I wanted to share that, didn't know if it was appropriate as I feel like maybe this is more a "girlfriend, they suck, but..." kind of thing. I get why you fell for him. Why you ignored the red flags, couldn't see them or whatever. Two words. Surfer dude. Back in the day, and honestly almost 50 years ago (holy effen shit!), I was a "beach bunny". Do they even call them that anymore? (Afraid to google as you don't know what will come up.) So, totally get the surfer dude attraction. Also, don't beat yourself up about it. It seems it is very common for the BS's to wear the rose colored glasses, we are in love, we are in lust, everyone is still putting in effort OR keeping the mask in place.

Now if you consistently seem to be picking the same choice in men (I swear my dear sister married the same man four times, although there was actually three different men, she married the third twice, and divorced him twice ) yeah, maybe some introspection and IC might help with seeing why and how to stop picking the same man.

Hey, emergent, welcome to the thread. And, really, who thinks like that? I can't even. You are right.

Like they have a fucking claim to fucking anything the fuckity fucking fucks. <Getting in touch with my newbie SisterMilkshake!

@Tallgirl I think it is awesome that you don't have any anger for the OW's. I also totally get why some of us do, too. I don't feel it has much to do with disagreeing but more about who we are, how we are wired, how we process and how we heal. I feel there are many different paths to healing that are healthy. And, then there are the paths that aren't so great for healing, that aren't healthy. But, having anger for the AP's doesn't seem to be an obstacle for most to heal, for what I can see here at SI. And, I have seen most all of us, even the ones who where the most vehement with their hatred of the AP's usually (not all) come to a place of "meh!" for the AP.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8396160
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:31 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

I don't have anger toward the MOW anymore. She is nothing. But, boy, in the beginning did I! I threatened to kill her in public and got kicked out of the gym we all went to because of that threat. 😂 I still had plenty of anger for my fch.

I don't appreciate it when people preach about not wasting time on the AP. SMS, I like what you said about the OW breaking the sisterhood code or whatever. That's exactly what it is. She did betray me as a fellow married woman. Now, I don't think it's worthwhile for BSes to spend lots of time and energy trying to get the AP, but there's certainly nothing wrong with sending a little angry energy their way.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8396164
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 3:14 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

Thanks Sister!

I actually really love that thread. I see how many others have kept their JFO thread going and it helps to be able to see their path from when they first got here until now. My JFO thread is locked, so I can't go back to it. I think I'm going to keep going back to that new thread to update. I just haven't been back yet this week, as I wanted to properly digest a few things before responding. Also have had two IC sessions since then that were pretty eye opening, partially due to some stuff I was able to bring up from that thread. I think the back and forth will be helpful.

Anyway, yeah, I totally get you re: the surfer dude thing. Funny thing is, I had slotted him as a fuck buddy. He lived 3 doors down from me, was super busy with two young kids, so I didn't feel like I had to put in a lot of time or effort, but it was easy to call him up and hook up when I wanted to. So yes, the surfer dude thing was the main reason I wanted to have sex with him in the first place. I had the perfect set up where I got to fuck the hot surfer guy, no strings attached. But it's definitely not what kept me around. The surfer bro-ness made him a great lay, but not a great relationship. The facade of his dedicated dad-ness and ability to adult at a high level is what sucked me in.

Kinda like what Dee said:

He had good credit, a good job, paid his bills on time or early, seemed kind and sweet, loved animals, shared so many of my interests...well, I somehow wound up with a crackhead who frequented prostitutes and at some point tried to hook up with one of his best friend's young adult daughter.

He held down a six figure job as the director of his own department of an international company. He was a single dad to two kids who despite his demanding job still found time to dedicate to his daughters, and would let them do his hair, paint his nails etc. while also paying all of the bills because his XW didn't pay child support. Even with all of that he still found time to maintain his own hobbies like listening to music and writing poetry. Then on top of all of that, he also squeezed in time to spend with me, including making me dinner, all nighters of talking and mind blowing sex after the kids went to bed, plus including me in all of their activities too. He had his temper about shit yeah, but I've got a temper too, so I made exceptions for that.

I felt like damn, this guy is so balanced and has his shit together, how the hell does he do it all? Wellllll it turns out you can accomplish a lot when you're not sleeping because you're snorting meth... like spending 7 hours in the shower masturbating with your GF's underwear that you insisted to her that you didn't take even though she knows you did. But I was already in it, the decision to move in was so monumental because of how it affected the girls, that I honestly considered us married from the moment we picked up those keys. The rest was just paperwork.

And yeah you're right, the patterns matter. I have a history of dating douchebags, for sure, and life gives you lessons until you learn them. Life kept throwing me the douchebags, but I wasn't learning. So it threw me the douchiest guy that ever bagged. And I'm planning to be off the douchebaggery for good now. There needs to be a Douchebags Anonymous group so I can get my chip! 7 months douchebag free!

Re: OWs. I honestly barely think about her anymore, except in relation to how my younger daughter now has to deal with living with her. I've got my daughters to worry about, and my own trauma to process, I don't need to waste time on her trifling ass But on DDay I ripped my comforter off of her naked ass and screamed at her to get the fuck out of my bed, then told her I hoped she liked baby oil, cock rings, dildos and limp dick because that was what she just signed up for. If DDs weren't in the house, I would have beaten her up, but bruises and broken bones heal. My XH on the other hand, well, my family is super tight, and he used to joke about how he was glad my fam was on his side, because if we were ever in trouble and made the call, they would have helped bury the body and hide the shovel. He'd better thank his lucky stars that I love his daughters so damn much.

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 831   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8396195
Topic is Sleeping.
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