Newest Member: MissKitty

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
default

DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 12:40 AM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

What bothers me is that I can't live up to the fantasy. His first EA which lasted many years setup this illusion of a perfect life he could have with the perfect woman. Sex many times a day, a susie homemaker focused 100% on him at all times, no children, no pets, no household or financial responsibilities, etc., with a seemingly well adjusted, sex crazed woman who was over the moon for him.

Oh lord, what sane woman would want to live up to that fantasy in the first place? Sounds like he wanted a robot.

They're idiots.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4462   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8401534
default

landclark ( member #70659) posted at 1:40 AM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

DevastatedDee, I don’t truly want to live up to that fantasy. I have zero desire to be a Stepford wife. It still annoys and bothers me though. Lol

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 with TT through August
One child together, 3 stepchildren
Together 13.5 years, married 12.5 First EA was 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19.

posts: 1913   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8401543
default

Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:46 AM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

Good news for me today.

I have a diagnosis or a start of one for my mouth pain. Yeah. I hope it will go away with treatment very soon. Just have to make sure that I don’t have any physical issues via a bunch of tests.

Been six months of trying to get to the right people.

And it was a super smart woman doctor. I was most impressed.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8401546
default

Bestthing ( member #64028) posted at 4:36 AM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

Tallgirl,

That’s good news on the diagnosis. I wish you a quick recovery with the new treatment!

Landclark,

My H’s fantasy was basically women risking exposure and being caught for him (e.g., sex in a city park in broad daylight). I am not doing that kind of embarrassing behavior for him, and it still annoys me that they so easily provided that for him. Yeah I call them whores. The problem is that he liked them like that!

Bestthing
Happily reconciled








posts: 410   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2018
id 8401576
default

Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 1:07 PM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

Dear Lord - Fantasy Stepford Wife Syndrome [FSWS]. Sooooo cliche. It is always so sad yet satisfying to watch that bubble burst.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8401658
default

cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:48 PM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

I don’t need him to fight dragons and I don’t need him to enjoy my life.

Bam!

Yeah, I am definitely not the Stepford Wife type. I remember when the recruiter said that I would be crucial to his career as a military officer. My response? "Well, he's not going to go very far, then." 😂

I really like the 50 at 50 idea. I'll be 50 next year. I'm going to start planning now. A boxing class sounds fun. I've always wanted to know how to punch.

We stayed home for the 4th. Too close to D.C. to risk going out. My H had to work. His unit has to work any time there is a special event involving politicians or the government in D.C.

My 15 year old grilled hot dogs. t

The boys and I lit fireworks in the backyard, ate some cake, and went to bed.

My 12 year old had been hounding me for days to watch Stranger Things season 3 with him as soon as it came out. He didn't even get through the 2nd episode before getting bored and going off to do something else. 😄

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8401669
default

Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:29 PM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

And I will add since I just turned 50 - I LOVE the idea of 50 new things.

What a great way to occupy my mind and time other than obsession about the A or AP [well...I still may indulge in a dark fantasy or twelve]

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8401752
default

cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 5:02 PM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

How many of us are in middle age?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8401771
default

Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 9:48 PM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

What is middle age these days?

I'm 53. Feel older these days. thankfully, my pudge fills out my wrinkles and I pass for 49.5...

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8401932
default

Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 10:13 PM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

So I didn't share the exact truth today I told myself that I would no longer hide the fact I am in a trial separation.

I am going to a wedding tomorrow (will be drunk by the nuptials so I don't scream "run" during the nuptials. I pray I don't cry)

A girl from work asked me if my husband was going to the wedding. Silly me, I didn't expect it. I choked and said no. True but I found I couldn't face saying that I was separated.

Does this ever get easier? I hate admitting it and I hate hiding it. It comes with shame and sadness and I didn't want to cry.

sigh

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 4:19 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8401945
default

northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 10:31 PM on Friday, July 5th, 2019

I am past middle age.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8401964
default

cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 12:22 AM on Saturday, July 6th, 2019

What is middle age these days?

45 to 55? The average lifespan is somewhere in the mid 80s, right? Hm, that would make middle age younger. Am I past middle age?!

Ok, how many of our WHes' As were part of a mid-life crisis?

My H cheated when he 43-44 with a 27 or 28 year old woman.

ETA: Tallgirl, idk how to handle that. I understand how ypu feel. People can be judgy. I guess my thinking is that your personal business is private. Ypu are under no obligation to share it with anyone. It's not dishonest to keep your business private.

[This message edited by cocoplus5nuts at 6:25 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8402005
default

Hawke ( member #47517) posted at 12:28 AM on Saturday, July 6th, 2019

I’m turning 44 this weekend. The kids and I are going to have root beer floats to celebrate. It’s also my son’s 8th birthday party tomorrow, so a big weekend.

I sometimes had trouble telling people that ex and I were separated/separating. It’s usually easy now, but I sometimes feel awkward at kid events where other parents mention that they have met “my husband”. It seems easier to just let it ride, rather than explain and get some awkward response/apology.

Me: BS (b. '75)
Him: exWS (b. '76)
D-Day: April 2015
Together 10 years
2 kids: 2011 and 2014
Separated (no divorce required for common law couple in my jurisdiction)

posts: 2370   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2015   ·   location: Alberta, Canada
id 8402008
default

Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:23 AM on Saturday, July 6th, 2019

OMG,I just spent 5 minutes slapping myself - I actually hurt now... Ughhhhhhh my skin is crawling.

It was the fastest freaking gross spider I have ever seen. I think I left a hand print on my boob I hit myself so hard....

I got him.

yuck

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 7:23 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8402031
default

cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:10 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2019

🤣 Tallgirl!

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8402226
default

northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 5:25 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2019

Almost 5 years ago we were supposed to attend my godchild’s wedding. I found out he was still seeing the AP and simply told him that one of us was leaving. He chose to be the one. At that point I told the people closest to us that were were separated. And at that point I fully expected to proceed with divorcing. I went to that wedding and enjoyed it.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8402301
default

Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 6:53 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2019

How you doing Tallgirl? Between the wedding and the spider?

I'm starting to pack for vacation and trying to put my finger on why I'm so damned apprehensive.

The closet I got [after a sleepless night] is that this is our first vacation alone. Just the 2 of us for a week. Now...he's been on "vacation" alone with AP before [I just didn't know it - thought he was out of town visiting family, helping with home projects, hunting/fishing with buddies, etc.]. There is no way that a real husband/wife that's been together for decades can compete with the excitement of a couple engaged in a sordid affair. This isn't a self worth thing - I'm am better in every possible way than AP. This isn't insecurity. This isn't inferiority. I'm not sure what it is. OR if I'm just afraid to get my hopes up about a good time only to be disappointed when it isn't epic. If I'm afraid to hope for a magical re-connection only to have it fall short of expectation. Perhaps if I have no expectations I won't be disappointed?

I've been suffering from Happiness Hangovers recently. Every time we have a really good date, day, event, etc. I'm in a funk the next few. I had to actually look things up to put my finger on it. Happiness Hangovers - didn't know they were a thing. But they sure hit me like a run away bus.

Opinions welcome.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8402337
default

cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 11:20 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2019

No expectation is a good thing. Just go, relax, do things you want to and see what happens.

My fch and I were talking about expectations today. They only lead to disappointment because they make your happiness or contentment or enjoyment on something external. You can be happy and content and joyful regardless of what other people do.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8402418
default

Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 4:18 AM on Sunday, July 7th, 2019

Drinking G&Ts to good tunes.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8402509
default

Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:15 PM on Sunday, July 7th, 2019

The wedding was fun. The second song was our wedding song so i hid in the bathroom. Not as hard as the wedding last summer. I am a little hung over.

Chaos I think your apprehension is normal. This is a first. You are spending vacation time with someone you are rebuilding trust with - so intimidating.

In a way you are putting your new rebuilt relationship to a stress test. There are no daily activities to distract you. Nothing else to do but “you guys”.

I hope you can relax into it and enjoy. I also hope it meets your unvoiced desires and expectations.

Have a great time.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8402572
Topic is Sleeping.
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210924 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy