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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:03 PM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

There needs to be a Douchebags Anonymous group so I can get my chip! 7 months douchebag free!

🤣

I know this is going to sound very defeatist and pessimistic, but have come to the conclusion that, if it is male, it is a douchebag. I don't hate men. I just think they cannot provide what I need emotionally. I try to get myself emotional support and intellectual stimulation from other women these days.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8396315
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 11:01 PM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2019

I have an issue I wonder if any of you can relate to. Whenever I am PMSing, I can't stand my H. He becomes the stupidest person who has ever existed. I literally have to bite my tongue and cloister myself in the bedroom so that I don't just go off on him. As soon as I start my period, all is good again.

Does anyone else experience anything like that? I don't get angry or short with everyone, just my H.

Also, I've been going through perimenopause for about 6 or 7 years now. I don't have any symptoms anymore except weight gain and fatigue. The hot flashes, nightsweats, and excessive sweating have stopped. Anyway, wondering if anyone has experienced the extreme irritation during PMS and had it stop once hitting menopause. Anyone here old enough to have passed menopause?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8396478
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 3:18 AM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019

Ummm, yeah, I am plenty old. Been through menopause. No more PMS symptoms. I was irritated by everyone for a day or two before my period. Now, there is no cycle so no symptoms.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8396529
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 9:22 AM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019

Both threads are in the general forum. One is entitled something like, "Is he playing me again..." That one is locked, but you can still read the crazy. The other is about the narcissism spectrum. That is the one made in response to my comments on the first thread. It's still open. I think the OP is gone, though. She hasn't posted anything since her last rant on the locked thread.

Oh yeah, I read that craziness, LOL. Whew.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4468   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8396586
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:08 PM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019

Been through menopause. No more PMS symptoms.

Whew! So, then I'll know if it's just me or if my fch really is an idiot. 😄

Apparently, I'm quite good at feeding the trolls.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8396620
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ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 7:50 PM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019

Yeah, me too. Although my perimenopausal stage was when shit hit the fan with the EA, so maybe that added to it. I'm postmenopausal now and no problem with stupid people and pms. Just stupid people.

Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now

posts: 8408   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2009   ·   location: EU
id 8396718
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 9:43 PM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2019

I'm postmenopausal now and no problem with stupid people and pms. Just stupid people.

😂

I was perimenopausal when I found out about my fch's cheating. A big problem I have had to deal with is losing all respect for him when I found out. He was so stupid and weak to do what he did. Idk if I just get extra annoyed by him because of PMS, or if my true feelings of disrespect come out without a filter.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8396752
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 3:57 AM on Monday, June 24th, 2019

FWIW, I'm nowhere near menopause and I definitely have similar issues.

Idk if I just get extra annoyed by him because of PMS, or if my true feelings of disrespect come out without a filter.

^^ I think it's about this. It's not that I was making up annoying behavior in my head, or was all of a sudden annoyed with things that I wasn't annoyed with before. It's that my tolerance for idiotic behavior was lower.

Like when you drink on an empty stomach and all of a sudden you're wasted after 2 drinks. PMS is like taking in the stupid when you haven't eaten all day - what normally would just cause an upset stomach instead made me puke my brains out.

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8396855
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 1:31 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2019

I had just had a Hysterectomy weeks before DDay1. Holy Hormones Batman!

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8396929
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:33 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2019

It's that my tolerance for idiotic behavior was lower.

Yep.

I tell myself that everyone's definition of stupid is different. Sometimes it helps.

So, I've been having another issue. Trying to figure out the cause. For a long time before my H cheated, I had nightmares that he was cheating. In the nightmares, he was always cruel and always chose the OW over me. After his A, I figured the nightmares were because I was feeling neglected and knew something was off. He wasn't cheating, but he had left me emotionally.

In the past few weeks, the nightmares have returned. They are pretty much the same except that he is even more cruel to me. I have been feeling sort of neglected and ignored and taken for granted. It's little things. Nothing major. I don't think he's unhappy like he was before. I'm not worried about him cheating or being on the verge of cheating.

So, why these dreams now?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8396951
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 2:49 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2019

Coco - how do you feel upon waking?

Scared? Panicked? Curious?

Do they wake you up in the middle of the night or do you remember them upon waking in the morning?

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8396957
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Hawke ( member #47517) posted at 4:23 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2019

So, why these dreams now?

Maybe some of the current minor issues are ringing alarm bells in your subconscious, like "remember when this was happening last time..." Or you could be processing the past. Are you and your husband doing anything to address your current feelings of neglect and being taken for granted?

Me: BS (b. '75)
Him: exWS (b. '76)
D-Day: April 2015
Together 10 years
2 kids: 2011 and 2014
Separated (no divorce required for common law couple in my jurisdiction)

posts: 2370   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2015   ·   location: Alberta, Canada
id 8397000
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 6:43 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2019

I wake up sad. They do wake me up in the middle of the night. Last night, I woke up several times. Every time I went back to sleep, I went straight back to the same dream. I woke up so many times that I wondered if I had actually been asleep. I finally snuggled up to my H and didn't have any more.

I don't think it's about remembering what happened last time. They are nothing like what happened during his A. I do wonder if it's because I recently returned to this site. I took a break for a year or so. Came back last fall/winter.

We have been talking about my feelings. My H is trying to pay more attention to me. We're not good with follow through. We agreed to one day a week to sit and talk, but it didn't happen. We both got busy. I brought MC. He agreed. Problem is finding a counselor who can accommodate my H's schedule. He works too far away to take an hour for it during the day and gets home too late at night. I am trying to find someone who has weekend appointments.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8397068
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 6:55 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2019

I finally snuggled up to my H and didn't have any more.

That tells me a lot. In a good way.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8397074
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:26 AM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2019

Yesterday was our 19th anniversary. We didn't do anything big. Just went to dinner and drove all over creation looking for some good dessert. After 3 previous tries, we finally ended up at a fancy bakery that I said looked good, but was too far away. The desserts were very pretty, but they tasted like crap. 😄

My fch gave me a very nice card. I don't know where he finds them. I can't find good cards anywhere.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8397710
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:46 PM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2019

Snuggling up against your husband to chase away the bad dreams sounds good Coco.

You are doing well.

Chaos, you can bring us on your vacation if you want. We will hear you. While it is nice to spend dedicated time, it is intimidating.

Even spending a couple of hours is intimidating for me right now, known him for 27 years.

I wonder if he is wondering too.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 12:52 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8397807
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:59 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2019

We're quiet. Anything going on?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8400285
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 3:17 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2019

There's "mind-blowing Asian dating" going on in the ads and I haven't been looking up any sort of dating site or the like on this computer, lol.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4468   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8400304
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:11 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2019

I'm struggling from Happiness Hangovers.

Had a great time over the weekend. Got dressed up, went out. Had tons of compliments. People called me and WH the next day to say what a good time was had and how amazing we looked, etc. I was riding high. Feeling invincible. Then…BAM! All the sudden. Deep despair. Feelings of “oh God – no matter how much fun was had – no matter how good we looked – no matter how reconnected we feel – this STILL happened. To me. And I go to the dark place – down the Rabbit Hole.

It is like I danced all night and the Piper came a calling.

This is what I get stuck. I know I can’t avoid good times to avoid the pay back. But damn. This SUCKS!!!

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8400343
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 4:24 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2019

LOL, DD. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something.

Chaos, if you guys keep at it, you will eventually get to a place where the hangovers don't happen. I can truly have a good time with my fch now without a slap back.

I do think, "You have no idea," when I get compliments on my fch or us as a couple. But, it doesn't really bring me down. It's more of wondering if I should tell so people know this happens and you can get through it and be better afterward.

I'm just chugging along. Listening to my weight loss and money/prosperity affirmations. So, the first day after listening to the money affirmations, I had a refund from my mortgage company in my bank account and a refund check from a doctor in the mail. Coincidence? Idk. I'm a skeptic, but still...

My dad has finished his surgery and gotten his lupron shot. He was really worried about the side effects from it even though I assured him it was nbd. I've had several. He's fine. We're now coordinating moving him to my stepsister's for a while. He will probably have radiation while he's with her. If I didn't tell you all, he has been living with since just before Christmas last year. Diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months ago.

I may be participating in a local craft market this month. It's only 2 blocks from me. I knit and crochet. My H really wants me to get rid of some of the stuff I've made. It's piling up.

One last thing, I will be teaching a yoga class next month. I got certified a couple years ago, but didn't have any opportunities to teach. Trying to get back into practice.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8400353
Topic is Sleeping.
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