SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oy, this sounds like 7 Brides for 7 Brothers. Are they secretly all related?

I'm sure others will relate to this one too - asking for your opinion on something, then being pissed when you give it.

Him: "Hey, do these shoes look ok with this outfit?"

Me: "No, I think loafers don't go with jeans, and a t-shirt, I would go with your Converse."

Him: "No, you're wrong! These look fine!"

Ummmmm, why in the hell did you ask if you already knew the answer?

And often it's all about semantics. It's fine to disagree with someone. I might ask him the quintessential question, "Does this dress make me look fat?" And he might say "No, not at all!" But if I ultimately decided that I didn't want to wear the dress, then my response wasn't "No you're wrong! I'm so fat! You're full of shit and just trying to make me feel better!" If I truly disagreed, I would just say "Yeah, I just don't like how this is digging at my waist right here, I'd rather not wear it." End of discussion, no animosity for the other person disagreeing with me.

Or he would show me some of his poetry and ask me to read and edit it for him. I would point out his misuse of a word, and tell him that's not what that means. He would then pull it up in the dictionary to prove his point. I would read the definition and go, see, that's not how you're using it. "No! I'm interpreting it," and then weave some magical story about how the way he is using it actually does jive with the definition somehow. I remember saying to him, "Um, dude, that's not how words work. That's the definition of a definition. You can't just decide it means something else."

I think that's the heart of waywardness - refusing to see things for what they are and rewriting all of the rules for themselves.

Geez Louise Hawke - get with the program. Don't you know you're supposed to do an interpretive dance that lovingly tells the story of all his accomplishments (like putting the dishes in the dishwasher)? You might could use a tambourine in selected parts to emphasize the ode. But don't limit yourself and overlook the praise art of gymnastics (standing on head and back bending are good) all while singing sweetly in the voice of an angel.

This reminds me of a meme I saved a long time ago because it's just too good.

[This message edited by HeHadADoubleLife at 11:41 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

I have always tried to be an honest, authentic person. It never occurred to me that someone would lie and pretend to be a completely different person in order to get married. I've known plenty of guys who lied to get sex. Marriage was the furthest thing from their minds.

Yeah, right?? It makes sense that we didn't see that coming because it is utterly nuts. I remember after DDay asking "Who the fuck ARE you?" and him responding "I don't know!" and I think that was one of his more honest moments. He really doesn't know. He builds false self after false self and when they collapse, there's not much left there and he's in a really bad way. I've come to the conclusion that he's just not that deep.

Yeah, right?? It makes sense that we didn't see that coming because it is utterly nuts. I remember after DDay asking "Who the fuck ARE you?" and him responding "I don't know!" and I think that was one of his more honest moments. He really doesn't know. He builds false self after false self and when they collapse, there's not much left there and he's in a really bad way. I've come to the conclusion that he's just not that deep.

I came to the same conclusion. It's actually really sad, as he doesn't seem to have a true authentic core and is just swept along with the tide.

Oy, this sounds like 7 Brides for 7 Brothers. Are they secretly all related?

Hahaha! Dance number! Maybe some tambourines!

I think it's just a function of broken people do fucked up things.

Bwwaaa - what a great pic HeHadA! So...lyrical and...interpretive.

Hey Ladies, you mind if I join this thread. seems like a great place to hang out. Hilarious pict!!!

All Betrayed Womenz are welcome here, Tallgirl. Come on in.

Love the squirrel and interpretive dance.

This is the best thread

Welcome, tallgirl.

remember after DDay asking "Who the fuck ARE you?

Yep. My entire relationship with my fch was a lie. I don't think he fully understands that. I don't think he realizes just how fake he was. I don't think he did on purpose to be malicious. I think it's something he learned from FOO. He was not allowed to be his own person.

I looked at my FWH with wide eyes and asked "Are you really that fucking shallow?" I can't even remember what kind of shit he was throwing out there, but I do know I was shocked that he was that shallow.

On DDay, I just sat and stared at him with my hand over my mouth. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I knew he had soured, I knew our marriage was not good, I simply never imagined he'd abandon all his morals because he thought I didn't love him. He was so so blind and so so needy for validation and adoration. He never talked to me, he avoided me every time I raised issues.

He put our family at real risk and he couldn't figure out how to get out of the situation, so he stayed in it(some bullshit here).

My reaction was, what the hell is wrong with you? It's simple. How can you be so stupid? Stop cheating.

He redefined his definition of cheating to make what he did before the prostitute ok. Still holds to that a bit.

I didn't realize how needy the man I married was. I'd say shallow too, but it's almost more hollow.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 12:51 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

I simply never imagined he'd abandon all his morals because he thought I didn't love him.

This hit me hard. I'm so sorry for all of us who had to hear that. He was so convinced that I didn't love him, that he orchestrated an exit.

The one thing I always asked him was, if you ever feel yourself getting to a point where you are feeling so badly about our relationship that you would feel the need to cheat, please, please, just leave me first. Do the right thing, sit me down, and have the conversation. He always insisted he would never, ever cheat. That it had happened to him, and he would never do that to me.

Apparently a text message saying "I'm so sorry, I want a divorce" in the morning before he met up with OW that night and brought her into our bed was sufficient notice in his mind. He "deserved to be happy" after all. And of course all of those texts and phone calls with her the months prior didn't count. His meet ups with her without my knowledge didn't count. He waited to bring her into our home until after he had asked for a divorce. A whole 12 hours! How kind of him.

He "told" me in so many ways. I can look back now and see all of the hints. But no direct conversation about how my baby focus/focus on our daughters was leading to divorce. Just a bunch of little indirect comments about feeling "pressure" followed by statements like "You are the woman of my dreams, you are special, you are amazing," "You are too good to be true," "I will do anything to get you pregnant," "We are the perfect balance, even when you tell me what I do wrong, it helps prevent me from making a mistake," "Come home and make a baby with me!" etc., etc., etc.

How on earth is someone supposed to understand that they are in a possibly irreparable situation when they are hearing statements like that? I've figured out that he was trying to convince himself of those statements. That, combined with perpetuating his martyrdom to justify his shitty behavior - see, I tried! Now I deserve to go stick my penis somewhere it doesn't belong because I just tried so damn hard! All of the needs I didn't directly communicate weren't met by my wife, she should have known!

He was also testing me, to see how I would respond. I've told my IC, I failed a test I didn't know I was taking, without any of the information I would actually need to take the test even if I did know I was taking it.

I didn't break out into the interpretive dance of all of his accomplishments. I didn't buy a tambourine and serenade him with how I would cater to all of his hopes and desires with no regard for real life and adult responsibilities. I have to assume the OW did all of these things. She probably has a bright, shiny tambourine with a bunch of ribbons on it. She obviously loves him very much, more than his wife ever could. No tambourine = no love, don't you know?

I read here a lot. This thread makes me laugh out loud some days.

For a funny DDay story - my WH gave the usual blameshifting stupid shit. My favorite was something along the lines of - I had to keep it up or she'd have told you or moved up here and tormented you - you don't want to come home and find your tires slashed or a cat being boiled do you?

I looked at him and said "Let me get this straight. You were fucking her to protect me?"

And the big doofus actually said [after many moments of stunned silence] YES - that's exactly it!

Shaking my damn head.

LOL, Chaos! My fch's AP was actually helping him improve his marriage.

I got the, "I thought you wouldn't care. I thought you didn't love me anymore."

Just fucking stupid! I lost all respect for him. That is the hardest thing to get back.

Can you just imagine the conversations in their heads?

Little Head - just tell them that it is for their own good

Big Head - they'll never believe that

Little Head - sure they will. It like when we were kids and hid under a blanket. They couldn't see through it then - they won't see through it now.

Big Head - Nah - they are smarter than toddlers.

Little Head - if you believe it they will believe it

Big Head - Nah - it like saying you were just holding the smokes for a friend or the dog ate your homework

Little Head - get with the program. My ego needs kibbling. If you don't sell it I won't get my kibbling.

Big Head - Hmmmmmmm

Little Head - Do it! Dooooo Iiiiittttt!

Big Head - Oh - I get it now. I'll fuck AP to protect BS. I get the best of both worlds and both my heads are happy. BS will never know because you, Little Head, are so damn clever.

Let the Kibbling begin!!!!!

Seems I wasn't the only one who was thinking "Oh please stop talking...stop saying dumb shit...you're killing my self-esteem...of all the men in the world I picked you and you're a complete idiot...

Seems I wasn't the only one who was thinking "Oh please stop talking...stop saying dumb shit...you're killing my self-esteem...of all the men in the world I picked you and you're a complete idiot...

Isn't that the kicker. You sit there thinking, "How did I have such poor judgment? And for so long?"

HeHadA: The dancing girl video = Perfect!

I got the, "I thought you wouldn't care. I thought you didn't love me anymore."

Word for word...

I did have the satisfaction post DDay3 of watching AP frantically message WH after I told OBS. She actually said “How could she do this to me?” You could bear the whining through the screen.

Why do the OW think they deserve anything? That you, as the betrayed, owe them - how can that be? Is there any brain cells?

In your case 4.5 years of being the OW - they know it is wrong, even if it becomes normal for them, they still know.

A horribly entitled and STUPID woman.

My WH's AP is horrible. She was upset on DD2 - she left a very angry message for WH, "It's clear that Tallgirl is calling the shots".

Yah bitch, I'm his wife.

Ok I still have a lot of anger.