Damn, I missed you today bruh! I miss your laugh, your cuddles...but I miss the old you, my best friend...my person in this world...my beautiful wife. I wonder how you are doing. What have you been up to? What did you think of the GOT ending? I couldn’t watch that shit, reminded me so much of you. Have you finally realized the error of your ways or are you still blaming me for everything? When will you realize that you did all of this??? I never wanted any of this. All of this is a direct result of your dumb selfish fucked up choices!!!
I miss your Niece and Nephew, sometimes I want to call them and find out how they are doing and tell that I miss them, or explain to them why I am no longer around, but I know it won’t do any good. I hope that they are ok and that you are not filling their head with lies, but whatever, what does it matter right?
So your email the other day was quite something. Spewing fire as per usual. The one from your mom as well. I didn’t expect that from her, but I guess the lies you are telling everyone are very effective. One email and you are doing fucking jumping jacks inside my head, even had to stay home from work the next day. Damn...
But I miss you bruh. I miss you so much that it physically fucking hurts. I think back to the times when we were happy, our late night chats, our evening walks, seeing peter rabbit lol, discussing his imaginary lifestyle I miss making love to you...staying indoors the whole weekend, just getting up to eat planning our future together, names for our kids one day that one hits me hard, because you used that to manipulate me into staying, knowing I always wanted kids.
I can’t believe it’s been three months, my recollection of time is so fucked lol. Sometimes it just hits me like a pile of bricks that I might never see you again, the person I’ve seen everyday for the past 10 years of my life. Scary shit.
I reach out for you at night, I dream of you...but when I wake up, you’re not there. Fuck, it’s hard to get out of bed in the morning. But I do, most days. I’m strong, I’m surviving. Remember how you told me that I wouldn’t survive without you? well I’m doing it. Only now I see the full extent of the damage you did to me, how much of myself I have lost, but I’m slowly getting me back. I’m starting to be more present, no more mind fuckery for me. You couldn’t even recognize my voice on the phone the other day, you dodo hahaha, that was hella funny, I kept on saying that it’s me and you are like no it’s not...like wtf lol.
Fuck bruh, we could’ve been so great together, so happy...everything was finally happening for us...everything we always dreamed of. All I wanted to do was make you happy... I would’ve loved you until forever...taken care of you, given you the whole fucking world. All I wanted from you was for you to love me back...
WTF? Why couldn’t you just love me and be the woman that I fell in love with? Was any of it real to you? Did you ever love me? Where is that fun, caring, amazing girl I met so many years ago? Was she ever there or was it all a show? Now you are so bitter and cold...so cruel and heartless...like wtf bruh? I didn’t even recognize you anymore, it felt like I was sleeping next to stranger. My mind and my heart still can’t comprehend it...so evil..and the revelations just keep coming, all the skeletons are rearing their ugly heads... can’t believe this shit... our whole fucking relationship? Really??? I just fucking ate up all your lies. Was it fun??? Did you enjoy making me a fool? How could you do that shit to me bruh???
But I wish things didn’t turn out this way, I wish I could have us back, our life, our home, our future...even though it was lie, I still wish we could have us back.
I met a girl the other day and she reminded me so much of you...there was a point where I almost thought it was you. That was scary...When I’m at the gym or the market, I see you, I see your shadow, it’s like you are about to show up behind me, cover my eyes with your hands and say “guess who”, but you don’t...and you never will...this, I need to accept.
P.S, just fucking sign the divorce papers already...