Better days

Haven’t posted in a while. Sorry, if it’s all over the place, just need to clear my head. It’s been a year and 6 months since dday, separated from stbxww11 months now. 3 months ago I moved across country for work. I was doing good, great actually, building a new life in the city of my dreams, my self confidence was amazing, stbxww had finally agreed to a uncontested divorce. But, a month and a half ago my younger brother died by suicide...can’t even describe the heartbreak and shock. We were very close and the guilt is eating me alive. I sometimes get angry that he left me and other times I understand his decision, I bounce between the two every moment. I think of what I could have done to save him, but nothing will bring him back. I think of him every day and miss him dearly. my soul longs for him. It feels like a part of me is missing. I am dealing with so much right now and have to be strong for my parents, at the same time dealing with a divorce and a stressful job. Stbxww made contact after 6 months of no contact to offer support, but now she is using this to try and reconnect, says we should take things slow, put off the divorce, but at the same time telling me how I’m messing up my life, how much I need her in my life and how our marriage failed because of me. Need to say, I will be going no contact again soon because she is just doing my head in. There are days when I fell like im going crazy, also days when I just don’t give a f#*k about anything...just on auto pilot ...waiting for better days

6 comments posted: Wednesday, February 12th, 2020