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Bonetired - what does your attorney say about all of this?

Most (but not all) of the judges in my neck of the woods would not force a 14yo to see the other parent, esp after a suicide attempt. They may order counseling to try and reunite the child and the estranged parent, but would not force the kid to go at that age and with that history.

Now, if there was a history of parental alienation, that may alter things, but if the kid's IC was not saying it was important for the kid/patient to see the other parent, I think most judges would be hard pressed to force it.

There is no way a judge in my area would order it after age 16 - with or w/o a history of alienation (again, they may order reunification counseling).

So - what does your attorney say about how things work in your area?

I dont understand why there is a problem with video recording her episode to better explain what she is going through instead of just verbally?

Isnt her DD still a minor? Its up to Bonetired to do whatever she must to protect and care for her child.

I fully agree it's up to Bonetired to do whatever she must to protect and care for her child.

Her daughter is 14. She might view being secretly filmed as a violation of her trust and privacy in what she considers a safe place around a safe person. I could sympathize with her if she did. That's all I'm pointing out.

My attorney is a very calming force. He has drawn up the paperwork and basically indicated if the child is refusing to go and the other parent is attempting to force her then call 911. He stated at least there would be a police report of her saying no to the police and not just my word. That and they would tell him the same . That she is refusing and they can't and won't force her. I think one of my husband's relatives reported this to cps. I have been keeping careful track of her behaviors and what is happening in a note book. The added benefit to this is the caseworker can read this. The counseling is exactly what we are requesting. To prevent further trauma. My lawyer has included this in the paperwork. We are not being unreasonable and it's not me keeping her from him. That's the issue. He keeps going over and over that I am keeping her from him and violating a court order like it was the reality. My lawyer said that is why we have the court date to resolve the issue. The thing I find disturbing is since my daughter has been home her dad has been trying anything and everything to get to her short of breaking the law. We have reiterated time and time again we want him in her life but this is where we need to start. He is refusing to listen and continues to bully and force the issue. It's really suspect.

Has a court date been set yet? Because you really need an emergency hearing by the sound of it. The bio dad is absolutely trying to build a case against you. This is worrisome.

He has no actual care about his daughter. He goes camping when notified about her suicide attempt back in June. Shows up unannounced and tries to enforce his will on her and no regard to her mental health at all. I'm just flabbergasted.

I feel so bad for you and your daughter. I hope that soon healing can be done without the interference of bio dad.

We attended my daughter's second therapy session. All of it is slowly coming to the surface. I agree . He is attempting to build a case against me and I am attempting to be extremely cautious moving forward. She said to her therapist that her stepmom threw something at her violently when she was angry. My daughter has been coached not to talk about things happening at the other house. I let her know without revealing the truth we can't heal.

I figured there was an issue with the step mom. She's also probably prodding or at least winding up your WH. Hopefully this works itself out without further damage to your daughter.

Did the therapist give any suggestions for how to help her during one of those episodes? I really hope she opens up more.

The therapist had me in the room during this session. She asked my daughter if there was a way to tell when she was in danger again of attempting suicide. During her episodes my husband and I have been following the plan of action from the facility where she stayed. She doesn't have these unless her dad makes the attempt to pick her up. This session she was at a 3 out of 10 when it came to these thoughts. It's frustrating because it seems to elevate when my ex says something stupid and inconsiderate to her or comes over to 'Exercise his rights to parenting time.' As far as the episodes go. We have to dig deeper. She has been suppressing so many of her emotions because she wasn't allowed to feel the way she felt. She basically said that she had to behave the opposite of how she felt in order to be approved of over there. Consequences for self expression seemed to induce fear . It's going to take awhile I suspect before she opens up some more. She shared with me several years back when one of her siblings over there a step brother was physically hurting and threatening her and she tried to tell her dad and stepmom but they kind of brushed it off. When I called to have a conversation about it I found out later my daughter had been told she wasn't allowed to talk about what happens over there. It's been drilled into her head and who knows what step mom did to her when she went back after our conversation. When ever anyone asks her about her other family my daughter says "I am not allowed to all about it." I get so angry when I think about what happened to her but I am using every ounce of my energy to stay calm.

The Sorry repeat

[This message edited by Bonetired at 5:19 AM, July 30th (Friday)]

((((BoneTired and DD)))

You're doing great bonetired.

Your poor DD.

I can't imagine how hard this must be for both of you. She is lucky to have you.

This goes without saying, but don’t make the mistake I did by sharing the info learned in counseling to try to reason with your xh. Let her counseling be her private safe space. ❤️

Definitely agree homewrecker. I am grey rocking him right now. There has been pressure for me to tell him what is being said in therapy and all. I tell him I don't attend the session so I don't know. I also threw out the acronym HIPAA out to him. That seemed to work. I know he has tried to contact the therapist himself but she has not responded back.

My fear is they are going to accuse me of parental alienation. Even though what my daughter is experiencing is very real and I haven't denied him his right to see her and she is refusing and reacting in a extreme way I keep being accused of refusing to let him see her. It's a frightening position to be put in and am afraid I will lose her in the end.

My fear is they are going to accuse me of parental alienation.

He may try this but this is where your documentation will come in handy. I'm sure you know the drill, saved texts messages, emails, etc.

Surely if needed, the doctors, therapists/counselors would speak or write letters on her behalf.

He is trying so hard to get to her. It makes me wonder if he is scared of what she may say. He is not wanting to see her, he wants to find out what she's been saying.

Y'know that is so true. He doesn't even want to start with therapy or supervised visitation's. He isn't thinking about the impact he is having coming to the door or texting making demands that she go with him. No 'How us she doing ? Is she ok today? 'Just the demand to take her and it's his right to do so.

Duplicate post

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 10:40 PM, August 1st (Sunday)]

He’s coming to your front door? Yeah, def email your atty and make sure he know this. I wonder if a restraining order would help or hurt your case?

Yes, I think you are reading this correctly.. they want to cover their asses and (in my children’s situation) tried to get them out of counseling bc they had no control over what was being said.

Hang in there, or maybe I should say, :keep on holding firm to your boundaries. You got this.

Another thing that has occurred to me is he trying to goad me ? It has occurred to me that with all the comments and threats made maybe it's the reaction he is looking for. Cooler heads will prevail I suppose.

I doubt that he's trying to goad yo. He looks pretty narcissistic - he just demands what he wants when he wants it, regardless of what other people may want.