SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I wanted to see the ap go through what I went through.

So far almost 2 years out it seems like she is getting everything she wanted. She just got engaged and with a decent man it seems (poor him) he has children so she’s got the family she wanted.

Haven’t seen the karma bus. Soo ummmm is it coming?

Anyway I’ve wanted to have revenge but I don’t hurt people, I don’t destroy lives. So I won’t. I’m not like her.

I want so much for them to finally be with one another. There would be no finer justice.

Well..I didn't care about her at all. Until she messaged my child, sent her screenshots and PICTURES of the two of them together. This bitch has stalked me for nearly 13 years. Sends stupid shit to my home. Stalked me here. Whatever. It just shows me how ridiculous she is,with her need to be relevant. But involving my child? Game over.

I have info on her that will affect her in multiple ways. Devastating ways. I'm waiting to reveal it. All legal, I've made sure of that.

I will dance to her tears.

If she hadn't been pregnant when I found out, I would have knocked her teeth out.

Now, 7 months later I get the last laugh really because my WH was the one who ended it telling her she would never compare and to never touch him again and her husband, who met with me to compare notes, pretty much realizes how shitty and boring she really is.

I would say I fantasized about a back-hand across her face should she ever approach me in a situation where we were sharing space. I spent more time/energy imagining ways I could make her life more miserable; however I never acted on any of my schemes. I also hoped more than I should admit I wanted her to suffer. My hope was that karma payback would be in the form of having to face having played the homewrecker and lost.

Thanks for starting this topic Dorothy.

I am writing this for myself firstly, but also for both newbies and oldies who may, like me, feel at times that how they feel is in some way "wrong". I stopped trying to feel the "right" way years ago.

I discovered SI 13 years ago and still lurk occasionally. I found incredible solace in the LTA thread and for that I am so very grateful.

I would like to say that the rage has abated. After so much time. Sadly, it has not.

To answer simply, my desire to hurt them (and my FWH) is 10/10.

I had a heart attack after Dday, I did EMDR and worked so hard on myself. I tried to rebuild a relationship with my WH. I tried to forgive his APs. Didn't work.

He's a liar and a rugsweeper. Sometimes, I think I hate him. I hate the APs (who knew everything about us and our children). I always will. I hope the bitches burn in hell.

I have stayed for my own reasons. We generally live together amicably.

As for hurting APs, I have always yearned to do something to make them hurt as much as I did - and still do. Not physically - emotionally!!! Physical hurt is too kind. Emotional pain is so much worse. I am pleased to say they have suffered and I didn't have to do much.

I should be ashamed to say this - but I'm not. While OW3 (or 4?) was screwing my WH, her 30 yr old son was in a crisis. She was busy with my WH and obviously didn't notice. He took his own life a few months after dday. Am I rejoicing? No, of course not. Do I feel any sympathy for her. Definitely not. I hope she is in agony.

A week before Dday I sat with my mother in the hospital while she was dying. At this time, I had no idea my husband had been cheating for 25+ years. I called him and asked him to come and be with me. He made a weak excuse about why he couldn't come. He was actually with her. Later, I found out that he laughed with OW3/4 that I wanted him with me while my "motheerrrr was dying". They actually laughed about it!! Dday was 2 days after my mother's funeral. (I just read this before posting and thought this sounds like B..sh..t. How could someone do that? He did. He really did!!!)

OW3/4?'s mother died about 8 months ago. (Yes, after 13 years I still stalk her on FB). She posts pictures of her and her mother almost daily on FB and laments her passing. I rejoice knowing she is in pain. I also phoned her after DDay and told her about another OW he was screwing at the same time as her and that I had an STD. I didn't, but she was horrified (She actually knew this OW from their workplace!). I LOVED thinking about her embarrassment getting tested for an STD. I LOVED thinking about her pain from the betrayal of knowing he was screwing someone else.

OW2 (or 3?) who f..ing knows, lost her job. In a rare moment of honesty, WH told me she had psychological problems. Bastard clearly took advantage of her for 8 or 9 years. I often wonder - unemotionally - if she has topped herself. I don't care much. When I called her - to confront her and tell her about his other OW - she was quite drunk. I pretended to sympathise about her betrayal and the skank tried to tell me about what kind of panties he liked!!! I also told her about the STD and she cried!

I never used to be this person. Discovering he was cheating for most of our marriage changed me. It is what it is. I am who I am now. Now I'm a vindictive bitch. I don't care.

I'm writing to support anyone who feels that the way they feel is somehow wrong. Believe it or not, I used to be a nice, kind person. I was also trusting and probably a little naive. (It NEVER occurred to me he might be cheating). How you feel is a product of your experience. Don't feel guilty for how you feel. It is not your fault. You are a victim. Just try to take care of yourself. If hating or hurting them helps you - go for it! (Just keep it legal for your own sake).

Hugs

I think its normal to want to hurt someone that causes you physical and emotional pain through an affair. Heartbreak bloody hurts on the inside and out but the ap didn't betray you (unless you knew them in which case hell yes i would hate them for eternity). Your spouse or partner did. The anger is misdirected and in all honesty I pity anyone who was an AP. Some may act confident and as if they know what they are doing and just don't care but you have to have some real low self esteem to be one. My husbands AP bounces from married man to married man and it is her kid I feel sorry for. She herself was cheated on and it's just so sad that her way of dealing with her demons is this. She is looking for the thrill and the grand gesture or leaving the wife for her but it doesn't heal her pain from the father of her child cheating on her. Sadly she hasn't figured that out yet but it was clear to me when she called me that she is suffering and whilst I think its disgusting she called me to get me to empathise with her that she had an affair with my husband I feel utter pity that she is so pathetic. I don't need a man anymore thanks to my therapist I just have to decide whether to keep mine in my life. She is still desperately bouncing from man to man needing to feel loved

[This message edited by DayDreamBeliever at 11:30 AM, Monday, March 20th]

.

Thanks for starting this topic Dorothy.

You're very welcomed.

Hugs to you.

.

.

.

ETA. After three pages and this thread being on page one for six days this thread is still free of harsh

judgement, shaming and no one who responded got lectured!

It's a miracle !

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 2:52 PM, Monday, March 20th]

Does it count that as a WW during my recovery I wanted to do my best to get AP fired?

I wasn't the first A. I highly suspect I'm not the last. This was his MO- look for pretty women (of a type) at work, insecure and lonely, and then conspire for the A. Went to HR with that, and the fact he got physically aggressive with me at work after my BH told his BW. He didn't get fired. Even got promoted. Fucking piece of shit. Wish I never met him.

UGH.

It oscillates. Sometimes I see them for the pathetic, sad bottom feeders they are and think just tossing water in their faces will suffice. Sometimes I remember their one track mind toward destroying my family... 1,111,111/10.

But my main reason for responding to this post is once again feeling triggered when I see AP-apologists say, don't blame the AP, blah blah blah. If you have been this significantly harmed by a stranger, or worse, a trusted friend, feel whatever you want to feel.

And while the WS does deserve the brunt of your rage, the main reason BSes focus anger and blame toward APs is because they never get their day in court with them. The BS (usually) has the opportunity to rake their WS over the coals a thousand times over and gets to see some sort of feeling of guilt or shame, or at least be able to see the consequences they experience, be it the loss of BS, intact family unit, money, reputation, etc. But the AP usually walks away scot-free. So it goes: They drop a bomb / You hold them accountable / They are your victim. The inequity of the A simply extends itself into post DDay territory.

The things I've done to my WH since DDay, I would be put in prison for if I did even one of them to any of the APs. Yet somehow if I direct any wrath toward an AP and imagine scenarios that can never come into fruition then I'm letting my WH off the hook? I guarantee you, my WH has never felt like he's off the hook. I won't go into detail about things that I've done to him, but two words: dog poop.

[This message edited by Revenger at 3:45 PM, Wednesday, March 22nd]

I have to admit to enjoying the fact that my husband’s AP got fired from her job twice for the same dumb A. It was twice because she was given severance the first time she was let go with the understanding she would never return. Then she joined a company that had a service agreement with my WH’s company. When they merged them into the main company she would have become a full time employee but my husband went in front of his board to get her dismissed and kicked out of the company again. It was satisfying. Maybe next time she won’t kiss her boss.

Another happy karma event happened when my friend was cheated on by her husband, an arrogant surgeon. My friend, a doctor, found out her husband was cheating with her best friend. She punched the AP and broke her jaw. That was probably a bit much although this so called friend was truly evil. She would have my friend help her pick outfits for weekends away with her cheating husband that she didn’t know about. Anyway that AP is fully healed with no permanent damage. Then my friend and her husband divorced so my friend had to go back to work (she had taken some time off to be stay at home mom). She ended up joking a biotech company that went public making her a millionaire many times over. Her now ex-husband is soooo jealous which is really pleasant to watch. My friend has a great boyfriend and is living happily ever after without that jerk.

How much did I want to hurt him? Not enough to overcome all the reasons not to, so not enough in the end.

I did want karma to deliver some suffering in general, and I got to watch him (from afar) die a slow miserable death from cancer.

Eventually Karma arrived, with her " have retribution, will travel " way of dealing with things, as the AP' s wife discovered his infidelity from letters my WW had written him and my WW's AP died alone from cancer.

I would have said 10 after dday for probably a year. Now, I don’t feel anything for him, but I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire in front of me.

He never made me any promises or vows, so he didn’t really owe me anything. As a fellow man, he owned me some level of respect, but respect is totally lacking these days and is just getting worse.

Jameson1977

He never made me any promises or vows, so he didn’t really owe me anything.

We see this line of thought all the time in these forums. But how is that logical? If a man broke into a couple's home and took the wife's wedding ring, would you say that he didn't owe the husband anything? How about if he kidnapped a man's wife, wouuld he still not owe anything? Or carjacked an automobile with the wife inside? Still no debt?

Assuming the AP is aware that the woman is either married or committed/engaged to someone, I just don't believe that he does not owe anything to the husband/boy friend. There is, or at least should be, a concept in society that one person does not attempt to "take" what is not rightly theirs. Another mans's wife is not theirs..

Maybe this is best explored in it's own thread.

Like many of you, I would like to see the AP get what she deserves. Pain. Suffering. Agony. Grief. Devastation. I don’t wish anything good for her.
I really like what Adolfo said!! Humans should have decency to not touch or take something that belongs to someone else.

If a man broke into a couple's home and took the wife's wedding ring, would you say that he didn't owe the husband anything? How about if he kidnapped a man's wife, wouuld he still not owe anything? Or carjacked an automobile with the wife inside? Still no debt?

I love reading all the karma stories! Made my day. Thank you

Revenger said:

But my main reason for responding to this post is once again feeling triggered when I see AP-apologists say, don't blame the AP, blah blah blah. If you have been this significantly harmed by a stranger, or worse, a trusted friend, feel whatever you want to feel.

^^^^THIS^^^!!!

I already posted my response, but I've been reading all the other responses. Revenger's post really hit home for me. I didn't want to direct my anger at the AP - I maintained that the ire of my anger was reserved for my WH. HE was the one who made the decision to cheat not the AP. BUT did she encourage the deception, facilitate the lying? Of course she did - and until I read Revenger's post, I never felt "ok" with being "mad" at the AP. I WAS harmed - significantly. My family was harmed - significantly. My kids - especially my son (who was 10 at the time) was harmed significantly. My WH's A was back in 2012 and while I didn't know the OW, I knew of her. They went to HS together, graduated together. This was some stupid reconnection through FB - it started off as an EA, and I was so oblivious to it all I missed all the red flags. I had white hot rage for the AP back then - more so because when WH and I made the decision to call off the divorce and reconcile, he went NC and she flipped out. Apparently he had promised her that they were going to get married after both of their D's were final - and the fact that we were reconciling set her off. She did all sorts of things - stalked us, followed us, parked across the street from our house, would "coincidentally" be at the same store or restaurant as us. Just really insane stalker behavior - scary shit. One weekend we were in Nashville and we got a call from our neighbor who said a white SUV kept driving past our house and had pulled into the driveway several times. At one point he observed her go around to the back of the house - until another neighbor hollered out and asked if she needed help. She got spooked and drove off. It was crazy stupid shit like this that made us put the house up for sale and move out of state - 2500 miles across the country. I didn't want to hurt her physically - I did want her to suffer though. And I think - if I'm being totally honest with myself - almost 11 years later, I think I feel the same way - if she suffered I'm quite sure I wouldn't care. However that makes me look I don't care. Now - here we are 11 years past that affair, and my WH messed up again. In December I found about a week to 10 days worth of text messages he was exchanging between a family friend. Now this OW I'm fully pissed off at - I thought she was a friend to us, a friend to our marriage. They grew up together - I've known her the entire time I've been married to Mr. Blackbird (27 years). I'm royally pissed off at her. This isn't some case of an AP not knowing that the person they're messing around w/ is married or not - this woman KNEW US personally. It's like double betrayal - the fact that she could look me in the face, smile and pretend we were friends ALL THE WHILE knowing what they were doing behind my back. Oh he's feeling the pain - we're back in IC and I have nixed MC for now until he makes some radical changes and figures his shit out. It's a work in progress and I'm confident we'll get to the other side of this. I think we took our foot off the gas pedal in IC and MC after his 2012 A and we got lazy and complacent and stopped trying to improve on us. But for AP 2022, she's in the hot seat - and if we were in the same room, yea I'd probably want to pull her hair out. I mean that is real, raw rage that I felt - and I'm still feeling that. I make no apologies - I figure this is a safe place of anonymity to express myself. I won't resort to violence - but have I daydreamed about it? Sure I have. Does that make me a bad person - no, that makes me human. A human capable of feeling all that pain and trying to process it. I won't act on it - but if she got hit by a bus, well I don't think I'd shed a tear. But 2022 AP is suffering anyway - she is divorced and her ex was a serial cheater, narcissist, abuser - she's a BS how ironic right? AND she was around in 2012 for WH's A so she knows our history - and yet, she STILL engaged. That's the thing - she was a very close friend of the family - someone he has known for over 40 years. I think that's what makes me so angry - someone who knew us, knew what we went through, who comforted me back then - just all those things. Currently she's not allowed to contact ANY one in our family - no one wants to speak to her. She's the one who I had to ask not to come to my BIL's funeral earlier this month. I mean how sad is that to get "uninvited' to a funeral? The BIL who passed - he was a serial cheater - and we found out recently that this AP had been involved w/ my deceased BIL in some capacity - EA, PA? We're not sure - but his exW (my SIL) found texts between this AP and the BIL several years ago - she told me then but I had forgotten about it. And when I brought it up recently to my SIL in light of her ex passing away and we connected the dots - SAME FAMILY FRIEND!! So she may appear to be innocent to the family - but clearly she's not; she had an agenda and wanted to bed one of these brothers. And when they said that they always affair down - YES 100% truth to that statement.

This topic seems therapeutic.

The AP was just a weak individual. I wish nothing but for him to continue living with himself.

Violence is a bad thing. I am against it.

I, being the man of integrity, would save the AP’s life, inadvertently.

I live in a swampy part of the world. Snakes, alligator snapping turtles, leeches, and even worse when the sun settles for hot, muggy nights.

If I came across the AP, mysteriously staked out spread-eagled on a muddy shoreline with his head under green stagnant water with a snorkel in his mouth breathing irregularly.

Also, even more strangely, him wearing insulated coveralls with his feet and hands unclothed, on a hot August day, go figure.

Even more confusing, trails of honey covered by all sorts of insects and other things leading from his feet and hands.

Looking closer I see the eyes of cottonmouths that have bedded down in his coveralls(since he likes things to bed down with him), so they can avoid the turtles nipping on his hands, feet, and his face under the surface.

Another unusual thing is the Macarena song loop playing on his earbuds.

Just image that….the whole scene, the smells, the heat, the water crawling, the music.

I would slowly back away and leave the scene, so not to disturb him. I would wait a while, because that’s just what one does, then I would call emergency teams, anonymously of course, I don’t want any credit, I'm not a hero.

I mean, shoot, no need for the snakes to get hurt if they accidentally bite him, someone has to set them free. I guess the responders would save him in the process.

He, and others, could look at his hands, feet and face, for the rest of his sorry life. Think of the stories he could tell when asked about the missing digits and scars. And if he ever sleeps again, dreams he could share.

My integrity is intact.

This topic seems therapeutic.

Glad you found this thread helpful.

.

.

.
ETA : So glad I started this thread.

I know the subject of violence is triggering and very sensitive subject.

But if people here are to heal, they must be allowed to share their truths !

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 2:06 AM, Saturday, March 25th]

Dorothy:

Hugs to you too!!

Hellfire

I will dance to her tears. Good for you.

Adolfo:

Thank you for expressing what so many of us feel but could not verbalise. Your analogy is spot on!!

hollowhurt

Thank you so much for the story. Made me laugh. BS's need to be able to laugh. Often it is just too hard.