What are the Reasons a ws Can't be Friends w/fAP even Emotional APs?

I'm simply out of breath trying to explain to WH that he can't send birthday cards and flowers to a woman who is begging him to leave me. Myself, I'm the frog in the boiling pot. I no longer know what's right, what's unreasonable and what are the proper consequences for certain behaviors.

How do I explain that a married person does not have the freedom to have friends of the opposite sex who are not friends of the marriage? That meeting someone without my knowledge is still cheating even though they may not have sex on that occasion?

I don't know anymore. I don't know how to explain what the rules are. I don't want my WS to pick up women anymore to the point they chase him, call him, ask him out, drive past our house, etc. and he says he's not doing anything wrong.

It's as if as long as he isn't having sex (or I can't prove he's having sex) it's OK. How do I get through to him? I'm so tired.

29 comments posted: Sunday, February 11th, 2024

What Is This Behavior Called?

My husband, Jerry, and I had new neighbors, a 50ish woman and her 30 some year old convicted child-molesting, just-out-of-prison son move in next door.

They had to move because the old house faced a child's area.

She also is a new widow.

I met her for the first time the week before they moved in. I did not know their history when I met her because the police had not yet informed the neighborhood of the sex offender to be moving in. I had never seen her before and did not know my husband had BRIEFLY spoken to her over our fence in the back yard. I only knew the house was sold and she was our new neighbor.

This meeting did not go as I expected it would or should. I thought she'd ask how long we lived in the neighborhood, what the neighborhood was like, things like that.

I was in back on our deck and she came to our wrought iron fence on her side and introduced herself.She said she had to put up a fence because she had a small dog. She was quite gleeful when she said, "What a beautiful fence, pity I have to ruin it. Pity!" (with a smirk).

Then she said Jerry is so happy I'm putting up a fence. I knew this was a lie. I was also surprised because I did not know my husband had talked to her. She saw the look on my face, which was all astonishment. I knew how badly my husband did not want a wooden fence like that next door. (Although we understand it's perfectly her right to do what she wants on her property.)

She looked my right in the eyes and said, Jerry is so happy I'm moving in. Jerry and I talked and talked and talked. Jerry is going to help me... Jerry wants to do this other thing... Jerry and I plan to... Jerry and I are going to decide to do... Jerry and I... Jerry and I... Jerry and I... Jerry thinks I have GOOD ideas. All with a smirk and really in my face.

I knew at the time none of this was true. All Jerry, my husband, said to her was some generic welcome to the neighborhood, good to meet you and if there's anything we can do, don't hesitate to ask.

So what do you call this kind of behavior and what on earth did she hope to accomplish?

edited for identifying info.

16 comments posted: Friday, November 10th, 2023

Ashley Madison List and Spoofing Phone Numbers

Does anyone know if names from the Ashley Madison 2015 hack are available to search somewhere? They say once it's on the web it's here forever, but I can't find anything.

Also, could anyone give me a timeframe, like a year or couple of years, when spoofing phone numbers became something the average Joe could do, not just the boiler rooms.

Thank you in advance.

5 comments posted: Wednesday, March 15th, 2023