SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My EXWH said all the typical things right after day. But here I am over 3 years since the divorce was final and the ex tells the kids he wishes that I wouldn’t have gotten remarried because he would be willing to date me again. Golly gee, thanks. I couldn’t help but laugh when my daughter told me this.

WH: "She never wanted to be the OW"
Me: "But she did it for 9 years!

"It’s not what you think".

@Bigger - yes your one takes the cake! I used to have nightmares about walking in on WH and various APs after DD2!

I also got the "It's not what you think" on DD2. Daughter was using WH's work mac laptop and I was on the cheap chrome. Daughter wanted to use the chrome one to use her google account so I swapped. As WH has his work email on google, I jumped into Firefox and behold was his secret email address that he had left open. His user name was Tom Jones! And in it were endless emails to EA, various prices from sex workers and it went on. Big mistake was I just should have kept looking, but i was virtually throwing up when I went in and confronted him (this was after four months of what I thought was honest reconciliation) and he saw it and jumped up and said in the weirdiest voice "It is not what you think" . He deleted it all before I had the chance to look at it again (if only I had known about this site and also not been such a trusting, respectful idiot).

No it wasn't what I initially thought. It was WAY, WAY (x infinity) MORE WORSE than I could have ever imagined by the time I finally got the full disclosures.

‘Well if you’re going to leave me make it quick’.

What, no apology!

[This message edited by straightup at 10:40 AM, Wednesday, July 20th]

Can't you see this is harder for me than it is for you.

Me: I can't share you with him.

WW: Well, you need to talk to him then.

My deceased WH told me that he wouldn't blame me if I had an affair. And to him it wasn't a big deal anyways that he had sexual relationships with other women.

Another thing that he said was that he loved loose women and if I were to get into a car accident and die that he would LOVE to have a loose girlfriend.

I remember I kept asking him questions about one of his AP and if he was seeing her. He told me that if I quit bringing her name up then he would (his words) get rid of her.

The one that really got me was when she tried to excuse herself by saying that the AP had ED a lot. In her words " he had a problem getting hard. When I told her that didn’t make me feel better. So she says, " Well not ALL the time". So. I said " That’s even worse!!!!!

Here is a quick list of a few stupid things my stupid Ex said:

But I never orgasmed.

The AP never came inside me because he felt it was disrespectful to you.

Aren't you happy because you won? I assume she thought she was the prize.

She fucked him two more times after they finally broke and he replaced her with a hotter model (there was some overlap there). I asked her why? She said that she wanted to show him that he was a bad person.

I'll never be the love of your life anymore! (Chortled that time!)

I can't be there for you because you make me feel too guilty.

At the MC waiting room, withing to go in: Have you ever thought of botox?

A blow job is not adultery!

And one of my favorites as I am completely broken and lying on the couch, unable to function... I think the dog's depressed.

That last one is now a private joke I'm my circle...

Yeah, ya just can't make this shit up.

Ouch, just some guy. ☹️

You are well rid of her.

Aren't you happy because you won?

I remember that one . We were traveling to a new project...about 3 months after Dday...when a text came through on my H's phone. It was from the adultery co-conspirator begging my H to just give her two minutes of his time to talk to her because she missed him sooooooo much .

I told him I was happy to see texts like that. Before I could tell him WHY...my H piped up with a grin on his face..."Because you WON!" NOOOOOO!!! What in the hell did I WIN???!!! A lifetime of KNOWING that I wasn't enough??? A CHEATER for a husband??? A possible STD????????? I shouldn't have even BEEN in ANY contest in the first place!!!

After I calmed down from that INSTANT RAGE...I explained as calmly as I could that seeing texts like that showed me that he hadn't been in contact with the adultery co-conspirator. I then assured him that there was NO ONE who WON anything from his A...especially ME.

The stupidest thing my STBXWH has said, and keeps saying, is "I'm sorry." It's stupid because it's been accompanied by no effort, no change, no introspection. He's sorry he got caught, he's sorry that he blew up his own life. He's sorry that he hurt me, but he's not sorry enough to have done anything about it in the past 2.5 years.

(Yesterday, I was talking about a couple we know in which the wife has MS and the husband has stayed to take care of her, and obviously really loves her and respects his own commitment to her. I said I respected the husband for that. My STBXWH said "If you got a debilitating disease, I would take care of you." That made me so ANGRY. Because he has already abandoned and betrayed me when I needed him. But he wants "points" for regarding himself as a really steady dude and savior type, which he absolutely is NOT in any way. In response to my anger about his betrayals and lack of fixing himself or the relationship, all he could say was "I'm sorry.")

Meh. A thread about "smart things waywards say" would be refreshingly short.

A thread about "smart things waywards say" would be refreshingly short.

For those who never get past their own selfishness that's probably true. However, there are many former waywards on this forum who have written some of the smartest, most insightful and inspiring words I've read regarding the journey towards restoration and wholeness. The value of their input is incalculable.

[This message edited by Vomitousmass at 6:28 PM, Monday, July 25th]

I agree VM. I have some FOI trauma with a few saving graces thrown in. It so happens that causes me to sometimes shut down, hide myself away, bide time, seethe and beaver away, rather than to lie or cheat. Reading many posts from inspired Waywards has caused me to look at myself and be more compassionate (to others) and both more stern and compassionate to myself.

I so hope that R is successful, but if not, I will be a wiser man regardless.

"We weren’t friends, we just had sex"

First time he said she looked like me. Ok I have the mentality of a 7 year old and buck teeth. 4th time said they are just friends. Ok I send messages to my friends that say I am the biggest bedhog and that I am looking forward to two weeks from now when my son leaves? Then he got caught and blamed it on me for not trying hard enough because he thinks she is disgusting. 🤣

[This message edited by heartbrokeninaz at 3:09 AM, Tuesday, July 26th]

"I was sure there was no way you would ever find out."

As we get farther from d-day this one continues to be troublesome. Why? Guess. I think it’s because I didn’t get all my questions answered.

Her -"I just wish that you could be happy for me..."

Me - "Wait, what?"

My WW waffled back and forth on wether or not she wanted to stay married to me or run off with AP. At one point a few days after d-day and during one of her days where she felt like running off with him, she sent me an email apologizing for not choosing me and including a "I hope we can stay friends." line.

Another one, in response to when I asked her why she did it, she said "I seriously thought you wouldn't care and would be glad to have an excuse to get rid of me".