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Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 3

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TX1995 posted 4/29/2020 11:31 AM

LadyG, welcome! I'm sorry you are here, but glad you found us. I'm also glad that you seem to have gained some control in your situation and are getting yourself out of infidelity. My sister actually went through a very spiritual period after her DDay as well. Got certified as a yoga instructor and started doing a lot of introspection and study of Buddhism. She's doing AWESOME now and is happy. Have you read Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart? I found that to be very. enlightening.

20years I'm not a fancy wine drinker, so I won't be much help. I tend to like Sauvignon Blancs from New Zealand so not much red. When I do drink red, it's usually something fairly dry and not too sweet. I enjoy a good Malbec or Pinot Noir. And I like buying my wine from Costco. (Kirkland brand Malbec and Sauv Blanc are really good for $6.99). A friend of mine who is a wine snob brought over some Stag's Leap Cab and I really dug that. But I'd guess it's more expensive.

Tallgirl posted 5/4/2020 11:11 AM

Gurlz, where did you all go? Hugs to you all during this crazy times.

EllieKMAS posted 5/4/2020 13:47 PM

Hey TG, I'm still here. Been kinda on and off with SI lately.

And not sure about anyone else, but I am having a hell of a time with focus lately. I will say to self "Ellie, you need to do this". And then will get distracted, and then will remember 2 days later that I need to do that.

Hugs to everyone!!

20yrsagoBS posted 5/5/2020 20:41 PM

Iím here too. I have been distracted by a sweet friend who is enduring a Dday#2.

I am trying to support her, but it makes me feel extra shabby.

Tallgirl posted 5/6/2020 05:30 AM

Hi gals.

I am sorry 20. I remember that. Good of you to be a Great friend and support. Use your anger to power your energy to support her.

Dday2 was awful. All of them hurt in different ways. All crushing.

Two years ago today was DDay 1, when a very small window to the truth was opened. I am here with wedding bands off- Took them off last night . Now Wearing nothing of him.

Except I have grooves in my fingers. An imprint of another life. They are only outward signs of the scars on my heart, my confidence, my happiness. Plus maybe my slow smile. Soon they will be my life badges. Saying I survived. See. then it will be, oh those, yah that was a long time ago. They are just who I am now.

So ladies. What is next? Who knows. Time to find out. As freaked out as I am. I am going forward.

Hugs all. Less bs in my life soon.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 5:33 AM, May 6th (Wednesday)]

20yrsagoBS posted 5/6/2020 09:17 AM

(((Hugs)) TG

I have a feeling you will soar to great heights without the dead weight of a cheater hanging around.

I sincerely hope you are doing good thing for you!

TX1995 posted 5/6/2020 14:20 PM

((TG)) I know it hurts. I think it always will. However, can I just say that I am proud of your strength and resilience? You've moved forward with humor and determination. I think this last symbol of your life with him is a good thing to let go of today. Now it's all in your hands how to move forward. In the words of Thoreau "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined." I see many good things ahead for you TG.

20yrs - Ugh. That is hard. Thanks for being a good friend when one is needed. You have a unique perspective that will undoubtedly be a great comfort.

Ellie - Hi!! I hear you on the focus thing. I have two final projects due on Sunday and CANNOT focus. I'm making masks, cleaning house, playing Fortnite with my kid and cannot find the push to focus. Anxiety is bad for focus and this pandemic is not a helper for anxiety!

I'm still here. On a bad turn lately. Had a breakdown day yesterday where I could not stop crying. Like full body, hysterical crying. Feeling pretty hopeless about the situation but am grateful for my kids (who keep me from going completely off the edge) and actually also thankful for WH, who is taking care of me and us while I have my nervous breakdown. I'm not sure WHY I'm so on edge right now. The only thing I can figure is that while I am out of affair season, the anniversary of DDay 2 is coming up in a few weeks. (I don't actually know what the date is, just know it's after Memorial Day and don't want to ever know the date.) Perhaps my body is just remembering. As last year during this time I was also having crazy nightmares about them having sex and was asking him more and more if he was telling the truth.

I really am starting to wonder if this is just it. If I will never again feel "good" about my marriage. If maybe that is just my lot in life, you know? There's no reason to leave. My kids are happy and cared for. My WH loves me today and tries to be better for all of us every day. I am supported in any goals and dreams I have. I have opportunities for great experiences if I stay (financial reasons).If I leave, the only bright spot would be the *chance* of starting over with someone who hasn't cheated on me (yet). That's it. No other pluses I can think of and a whole lot of negatives. AND WH would probably remarry and she'd get the good husband who is vulnerable and honest, plus all of the financial stuff that I would be divorcing. I just wonder if I will always feel broken and that's just the way it will be and I need to suck it up and stop being a victim to his affair and detach from the idea that I can be in love with him again in the way I used to be.

Hope you guys are well. Texas is opening things up pretty much all the way this week, but we are cautious and staying in for the most part. I do need to start moving again though because all of that weight I lost from the DDays is coming back STRONG and makes me feel crappy. Had a dream last night that my hair was almost all gone on the top of my head. At least it wasn't a nightmare about the cOWhore!

CallingSpades posted 5/6/2020 15:06 PM

Happy for your strength in letting those rings go, TG.

Mine have been off going on a year. That finger is maybe a little thinner than the others, but nothing anyone would notice. Time heals some things!

Tallgirl posted 5/7/2020 06:12 AM

Thanks all

My indents still look like rings. Weird.

20, you will be ok. It is just time and processing. A friend of mine said she really did take 5 years to recover. A couple of friends had the same experience. Wrap yourself with kindness , you have been through so much. Big hugs.

Things opened up here a bit Monday . We will open up more soon if the case numbers continue to drop. Lots of cases in retirement homes. The numbers are quite the surprise.

Lots of empty shelves in the grocery store. I didnít realize how fragile things were. Rather frightening


The am life like going I really love.... on Facebook there was a fun thing. Type your name, for each letter use the word that pops up. Kind of cute. And yes that odd sentence is Tallgirl

Great day all

northeasternarea posted 5/7/2020 15:28 PM

I really am starting to wonder if this is just it. If I will never again feel "good" about my marriage. If maybe that is just my lot in life, you know?

TX1995, I had to allow myself to feel good about my marriage. It's different than the way I felt prior to infidelity. I have found that the cheating anniversaries have less impact with each passing year.

gmc94 posted 5/7/2020 20:00 PM

Took my rings off 24 months ago - still have the indents. I wore them for more than 2 decades - I may have taken them off for a day (messy work or surgery) or two once a year. At this point, I dunno if the indents will ever leave.

northeasternarea posted 5/7/2020 21:23 PM

I don't wear rings at home.

Tallgirl posted 5/8/2020 21:32 PM

You still have indents after 24 months??? Crap. I wore mine for 26 years, never taking them off for more than a day here or there.

They donít deserve that visual memory

HeHadADoubleLife posted 5/9/2020 00:46 AM

Hi ladies,

I know I have been MIA, and I have a million things to respond to, but I just had to come here and say this because I don't think there is another group of people in the world who will get how HUGE this is:


It's a long story of how it happened, complete surprise, I'll get to more details later when I am in a place to actually respond and engage.

I literally cannot stop crying, but I just had to let all of you know. I know so many of you have been cheering me on through all of this, and I know I haven't been around much lately, but I honestly think of you ladies every day and I appreciate each and every one of you so much.

It says a lot about the camaraderie and support a place like SI cultivates that you all were the first people I thought of - well, besides my mom.

I hope you all have a wonderful Mother's Day Weekend! Hug your kids tight!

Love to you all!

Tallgirl posted 5/9/2020 03:58 AM

HHADL how wonderful!!

What a perfect gift for Mothers Day!

Although short, 18 minutes of hugs and heart ❤️ connection is so much better than none. I am so happy for you!!!

Tallgirl posted 5/10/2020 05:38 AM

Happy Motherís Day!

I hope you can enjoy the day

HeHadADoubleLife posted 5/10/2020 08:58 AM

Happy Mother's Day!

And to all of those this day is triggering for, I send ((((HUGS))))

20yrsagoBS posted 5/11/2020 21:48 PM

HHADL!!! Great news!!!

Happy Motherís Day Womenz. I hope your day went great

LadyG posted 5/15/2020 19:42 PM

It has been a little over 2 weeks since joining and posting here. But more importantly, Reading other posts and relating.

It seems that asking my WS a question always leads to HIM escalating it to a fight and then he flees, blaming me for him getting angry.

I have asked for a simple Timeline From him, but I have given up on this, so I just matched his to my own.

If I put anything in writing, he will never honestly respond and changes the subject.

We caught up last night and he off loaded about the difficulties he is having with our DS, who still resides with him. The difficulties are not new but ever increasing. My poor child is suffering from the adulterous behaviour of his Father.

Why canít WH see that involving our DS has damaged him. DS trusts no one. Respect for self and others around him has been eroded.

I am trying to help DS. He has stated that he is nothing like his Father and never will be. But he is hurting. He is depressed and has withdrawn.

WH keeps on at him about going back to work. Now I can barely muster the strength to focus on work, DS is depleted. He needs time to rest and heal. Does WH not see this?

NeverTwice posted 5/16/2020 12:33 PM

Hi Tallgirl,

I am so sorry :-(

Except I have grooves in my fingers. An imprint of another life. They are only outward signs of the scars on my heart, my confidence, my happiness. Plus maybe my slow smile. Soon they will be my life badges. Saying I survived. See. then it will be, oh those, yah that was a long time ago. They are just who I am now.

You DID survive and I am proof positive that the future can be very bright. After the worst betrayal of my life I met the love of my life. And my late husband was everything that my girlfriend was not.

Yup - you have the scars - the scars of a survivor. Hang strong - you've got this.

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