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Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 3

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TX1995 posted 3/2/2020 09:54 AM

Ellie - Ha ha on the crabby gif. Way to go on quitting smoking! That's a hard thing to do, proud of you. And WTG on your accounting prowess. Going to school for something is great, but it doesn't negate experience or mean someone is brilliant at what they do. Glad you got the win on that one.

20YrsBS - Wait, what? Your cheater says he cheated with her and he didn't? I don't get it. Why? By the way, I've seen the last couple of posts. Your cheater is acting like a complete douche. It is not controlling to expect fidelity. Jerk!

GMC - Good to see you! I'm the same way about the past. My entire personality is based around being nostalgic and sentimental and romantic. Now I can't even look at pictures of my kids as little ones without triggering into the abyss. Stupid fuckers took away our past, present and future all in one swoop. I picked this CSAT bc she was close and SAID she takes insurance, but she doesn't. I called a few other in the past, same deal. Seems like the ones around here that actually specialize in infidelity (and don't just list it in their Psych Today profiles) are off insurance and run $150 a pop. Ugh. You are lucky to have a variety on your insurance. I'm sure I could find more out of the way, but I know WH won't drive an hour to go to a therapist, and to be honest, I wouldn't want to either. How are YOU?

On the good side, WH and my IC spoke. They made peace, she explained what her goals were (basically my WH to see this CSAT a couple of times to get his opinion on some things that stood out to her on his inventory) and then she'll make a plan for us to work together (and a plan for me personally. Phew. I saw her Friday, and we came to the realization that my underlying BIGGEST issue is not being vulnerable, or being able to forgive the affair. It's the lying and disrespect that are blocking me from moving forward. We are going to look more into that and the possibility of healing that. It's true. Respect is huge for me. He didn't respect me in our marriage enough to talk to me, enough to not start a new relationship, have sex with someone else, and didn't even respect me AFTER DDay 1 - when he proclaimed to love me like he never had before - to make my own choices about my body and life by telling me the truth. That pisses me off to no end and makes me feel like a huge idiot for being in the marriage. We'll see.

He told me last night that he is worried about me. That I am so sad, and he wants to help me to heal and find happiness. All I could think was "Where was all this concern for me and my happiness when you were sticking your dick in some whore at work?" That's not love. That's not even like. That's I don't give one teeny tiny fuck about you.

[This message edited by TX1995 at 9:54 AM, March 2nd (Monday)]

TX1995 posted 3/2/2020 09:54 AM

Also, wondering about Chaos. Anyone heard or seen her lately?

CallingSpades posted 3/2/2020 21:51 PM

TX, I hear you. I was already tired of hearing my WH say I was "disrespectful," then to find out exactly how much respect he has for me? Just yuck. Same issues with never talking to me about what his actual problems were. I also refuse to get over it. Glad you're resolving the issues with your therapist.

On another note, thank you for recommending the "Beyond Bitchy" boundaries podcast. It's so insightful! I'm passing the recommendation on to anyone that's interested in the topic.

[This message edited by CallingSpades at 9:53 PM, March 2nd, 2020 (Monday)]

gmc94 posted 3/3/2020 00:11 AM

Hey TX- I found my CSAT via whatever the org is that certifies (ie NOT via psych today). Sounds like youíve crossed the bridge, but just in case you are back in the market, by going to whatever the doggone name is of that organization, I got every CSAT w/in a 100 mile (give or take) radius pretty easily, then looked them up on my insurance one by one.

I am holding a shit ton (technical term 😀) of resentment from the bullshite WH has put me thru since dday (and as Iím typing this, I realize that I have really never addressed the suicide in a deep and meaningful wayÖ Itís there, it hurts, Iím angry, but itís still not fully processed like I know it needs to be). Iím 100% in the camp if of the A didnít cause the BS to D immediately, itís the crap (eg lack of respect) AFTER dday that will. I honestly donít think they realize how much more harm occurs, how much more hurt there is to heal, and how much more work they have to do, because of that post dday bullshit. Hang in, Iím rooting for YOU (with or W/O your WH)

20yrsagoBS posted 3/4/2020 17:46 PM

gmc,


I have so admired your strength in moving forward despite your WHís suicide attempt.


It demonstrates an especially heinous cowardice on his part that he would choose to die rather than fox his shit


(((Hugs)))

If I ever meet you in person, I am hugging you SO hard!

20yrsagoBS posted 3/4/2020 17:56 PM

Todayís Hope Now email is addressing why marriages fail after infidelity.


Lack on empathy is the biggie


I think I knew this, but was uncertain how to verbalize it.


Yeah, Cheater is NOT sincerely empathetic. Instead heís kind of too sweet apologetic. Iím certain you know what I mean. Kind of obvious, overboard apologies.

Ick

gmc94 posted 3/4/2020 21:00 PM

ah.... the lovebombing apologies. Been there. Done that.

Hugs to you too 20yrs!

I'm just this moment realizing I'm in a "mood". I think I need to find my inner chaos and maybe put on a pair of sparkly panties!

20yrsagoBS posted 3/5/2020 05:16 AM

GMC,


Donít forget the matching bitch boots! Those go perfectly with sparkly panties

20yrsagoBS posted 3/9/2020 19:59 PM

Yes, our first time around the infidelity track came in 1991when he asked his military supervisor to ďhook upĒ. He told me she told him she wanted to also. He stuck to this story until 2016 when I asked her for clarification, via Facebook.

That was the beginning of tearing down some walls of shit. Not only did she decline, she told him she thought of him like a younger brother. This detail he denies. Sorry dude, she wasnít curious about your bedroom skills! Bah ahaha!

20yrsagoBS posted 3/9/2020 20:25 PM

We went to Disney last weekend for my birthday. WS is telling our timeshare sales lady that certain demographics are more likely to wear masks to ward off the coronavirus. They laugh. A few hours later, weíre in line for an attraction. He points out a young lady wearing a half face covering. He refers to ďthat demographicĒ again.

His OW from 1996 was half Korean. He told me she didnít look Korean. When I saw her, she had distinctive Asian eye shapes.


So, while in line, I asked him how he knows someone is of the demographic he keeps referring to. He mentions certain facial features.


I bring up his impression that his 1996 skank didnít ďlook KoreanĒ to him back then. So how would he know now?

He said that I was being mean.

I think I was calling him on his bs

Tallgirl posted 3/10/2020 18:27 PM

WH is upset that we are still separated. It was meant to be 3 months, we are closing in on 11. He didnít remember what initiated the separation. Thought I needed a break.

I reminded him that he hid the truth from me for nearly a year about his 5 yrs practice cheating (regular user of online dating sites and erotic massage providers.) all after he swore I knew everything. The only reason I found out is because I found recordings of his convos with his girlfriend where she talked about it. It was more lying and hiding the truth.

I feel as if I remember every second of this. I had to retell him tonight. It was the second time he forgot what happened.

No idea.

What the fuck.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 10:07 PM, March 10th (Tuesday)]

Tallgirl posted 3/10/2020 18:40 PM

Sunday after hours of shopping, not finding toilet paper in any of my local stores, I was in the grocery store looking at dried cranberries for about 20 seconds. It was dead quiet in the store. I was tired. Grumpy. Store was mostly empty.

A male fool tapped me on the shoulder and said excuse me. I looked at him wondering what do you want. I am not blocking any one. Maybe you are lost. Nope. Just stupid.

He told me he needed to get in the exact spot where I was. Not, could you hand me something please. Not, do you mind if I just get something. No pardon my reach. Nope. Could you move. It was just us in the aisle.

I lost it. I became that dangerous crazy lady.

I asked him what the fuck was wrong with him that he could not wait one fucking minute? I grabbed my cranberries and walked away loudly asking anyone that could hear. What the fuck was wrong with people. For fucks sakes.

Wasnít even in Walmart.

20yrsagoBS posted 3/10/2020 20:30 PM

TallGirl!


You acted like me!


This Coronavirus bullshit!


As a nurse, I donít give a fuck about it. People should wash their hands

Wash hands for hygiene.

Wash hands because people are dirty fuckers (possibly dirtier than SI WSs)


If one more person asks me for masks, I will go postal

[This message edited by 20yrsagoBS at 8:31 PM, March 10th (Tuesday)]

CallingSpades posted 3/11/2020 15:00 PM

TG, IMO, unless he has a serious mental health problem, WH remembers. His memory is fine and it's his empathy that's broken, hoping you'll eventually rugsweep if he just waits you out. He can't say what he's actually thinking ("Why aren't you over this yet?" because he'd have to acknowledge his wrongdoing. My WH? He supposedly can't ever remember what happened, or context, or why I might have said something. Just that his ego was injured. Epic empathy fail, pretty consistently. Unless a detail can be used against me - then he has dates and times. Assholes.

Wasnít even in Walmart.

Hahaha... this cracks me up I feel like there should be a term for road rage in grocery stores. I don't have road rage when driving, but entitled behavior in a grocery store is beyond a pet peeve. Just let me get my food!!

EllieKMAS posted 3/12/2020 09:29 AM

I feel like there should be a term for road rage in grocery stores.
Lawdy I am so glad it isn't just me!! I haaaaaaate grocery shopping for just that reason. I usually like to try to go during off hours - early on a weekend morning or like 8:30 at night.

Hope all of you have a marvelous day!

HeHadADoubleLife posted 3/12/2020 19:42 PM

Soooo I've been gone a while ladies, what's up??

GMC, I know it's been a minute since you posted about this, but I am so deeply sorry for everything you are going through with your daughter and her addictions. We went through very similar things with my oldest brother and his alcoholism. For years longer than anyone wanted to. He relapsed many times.

But there is hope! Once he hit his rock bottom he got very serious, and he is now 2 yrs and 4.5 months sober! It can be done.

I know that is very hard to hear in the midst of it though, while you wait to see what their bottom will end up being. We had a lot of "what the hell are you thinking!!" moments before anything got better.

Also yes, I hear everyone on the grocery store and rudeness. I am a person who very much values my personal space, and there are some people who just don't get that at all! Anyone else ever watch Emperor's New Groove? I'm Kuzco.

I swear any time I'm at the store during peak hours there is someone who just has to come right up next to me and grab something from the shelf I'm looking at. It's like those people who park right next to you in the parking lot even when there are dozens of open spots all around.

Ellie, I agree, there are days when I just can't people anymore!!

How's everyone doing with all the coronavirus panic? I laugh at all these people stocking up on toilet paper, because a few weeks ago I cleared out my grocery store of my favorite brand because it was on sale and I figured it would save me from having to keep replenishing. I found an annoyingly hard-to-get-to cabinet that I wouldn't want to put anything I use that often in anyway, so I just filled it up. That was just me trying to outsmart my future, lazy self. Had nothing to do with coronavirus panic, haha.

It also helps that I just wrapped up one gig and have a couple of weeks until I have to get going on the next one.

One problem though is that in our industry a lot of events are being cancelled due to all of this panic, so there is a possibility my next gig could be cancelled. Sooooooo some of my staying in my bubble at home is me trying not to spend money because if this falls through I'm shit out of luck for rent. Anyone have any stay at home job recommendations? I got approved for transcription a couple of years ago (you have to take a test for your grammar and what not) but would have to go back and look at it again.

Saw the Beyond Bitchy podcast recommendation... haven't listened yet, but have added it to my list! Boundaries are my jam!

Also, fun little tidbit (note the sarcasm on the word fun... we need a sarcasm font). Been researching a lot about certain topics my IC has brought up like "low frustration tolerance," my "tactile defensiveness" (for those who don't know, it has to do with my hypersensitivity to textures of things on my body), my executive function issues, etc.

Basically had an epiphany when I came across some women talking about their ADHD, and how it had masked itself as anxiety until they were diagnosed in adulthood. Ding, ding, ding! Brought this up in a tearful conversation with my dad about how all of these lightbulbs just went off, and his response? "Well yeah, who do you think you get that from?" with a laugh, implying that it's from him. I asked if he had been diagnosed or had any treatment and he said no, but that he's known he has it for a long time, he just deals with it.

And my head is spinning like what???? So when I was a little kid freaking out about the way tags felt on my skin and wouldn't leave the house unless my clothes were on just right, and would throw a tantrum over my socks not feeling right, and was twirling my hair to the point where it created knots and my hair was falling out, you guys didn't think that maybe you should look into that????

I'm planning to go get evaluated once my health insurance gets reinstated. Not really interested in taking medication or anything, but would nice to have a confirmed diagnosis. Though it would have been nicer to have one 30 years ago! So that maybe all of these life lessons that I had to teach myself about prioritization, self-motivation, how to deal with anxiety and my sensory processing issues etc. would have been less hard-won. Would've been nice to have some tools handed to me, you know? Instead of having to forge them in my own dysfunctional mind!

I love my parents. And I know they were just doing the best with their own shitty tool boxes handed down from their own dysfunctional families. But man, kinda feeling cheated out of a childhood lol.

gmc94 posted 3/13/2020 18:59 PM

Hey HHADL, glad to see you back, but super sorry about the work situation. I believe it will get much worse before it gets better. My DS is in film/media and cancellation of SXSW in TX has me really worried about his financial situation - every job they were doing was cancelled as well as all the jobs in the hopper, so he has ZERO work on the horizon right now, and who knows when folks will want to do some media marketing again? Who is shooting anything?

Doesn't help that WH and I spent down a large part of savings to live S for 7 months and now his work could be iffy for awhile. I get travel $ for my job and it pays for my 2nd apt in my work city and it looks like that may wind down for a month or so, so there's more $ out the window from the Covid-19. So, I'm worried about my DS and now my own financial situation. The health stuff is scary, but in a weird way, the financial stuff has me more anxious!

I work in a building with probably 800-1200 visitors per day, on top of the 300-500 people that work there. I believe all the visiting will stop now, but today I got super concerned about going out as it would probably be pretty odd that no one in that bldg over the last 2 weeks was infected. So I'm trying to stay inside unless it's something necessary (I did go to my IC today - thank God she's back on my insurance!).

I'm also super interested in hearing about an ADHD Dx. 12+ yrs ago my IC wondered if I may have that & referred me to a psychiatrist for Dx. He just gave me the meds and said if they helped I had it. So I took the meds, felt like my skin was crawling. Took a lower dose and felt like I'd had about 10 cups of coffee (I'm very caffeine sensitive and RARELY drink anything other than decaf). So, $350 later, he said I didn't have ADD/ADHD. Both of my kids have ADD/ADHD Dx, but DS is inattention and DD (addict) has impulsive "strains" (for lack of a better term). DS seemed to outgrow most of the harsh parts during college (he hasn't medicated for it for a decade). DD refuses to follow any of the suggestions given by her plethora of mental health professionals and says none of the meds help at all, but she's not real reliable so who knows?

I still think I have some form of ADD/ADHD... most of us on my mom's side of the family relate all too well to the "squirrel!" lines from the film UP :)

I'm no expert, but something about the tactile stuff reminds me of folks on the spectrum and not ADD/ADHD....

Tallgirl - WHAT THE FUCK? indeed.

EllieK - I'm with ya on the too much peopling!

Life chugs on. Don't know if Covid will preclude all of my job opportunities. I don't feel comfortable making any future plans right now, which sucks and is fucking with my confidence, but I'm doing what I can to keep the faith that the right door will open eventually. Just feels like my life since Jan 18 has been one fucking beat down after another. Dday, WH suicide, DD's addiction, and now this. I am sooooooooo in the mood for a good 6-12 month period without significant drama or trauma.

cheers!

HeHadADoubleLife posted 3/13/2020 21:18 PM

Sorry to hear about SXSW for your DS! I too am worried it's going to get worse before it gets better. I hope he is able to book something soon! I got some encouraging news today that the event was relocated, there just won't be a live audience, so sounds like we're a go, but still not holding my breath. The only reason I'm not more scared financially is because this is a client we've been working with for years, and she consistently goes to the same events every year, but still, can't help it if the events themselves are cancelled.

You're right about the spectrum, I just realized I mentioned almost all of the sensory processing issues and not any of the inattentive/impulse issues. I think because those were the most particularly distressing to me as a young kid, and probably the most "abnormal" things that it seems obvious to me you would want to consult a physician about.

But yeah, basically I saw an infographic about how many women go undiagnosed because their symptoms are masked as anxiety. Apparently girls are more likely to react inwardly to punishment, meaning they shut down rather than act out. So for example, impulsiveness might manifest by talking out of turn a lot. But then when you get yelled at for doing that enough, you stop talking at all, and just hold everything in. I have a very distinct memory of my dad yelling at me that he always felt like I was just waiting to chime in with whatever I wanted to say and wasn't actually listening to him, and that interrupting was bad and I needed to learn to listen better. I learned not to interrupt, because I didn't want to be yelled at, but it's not like my thoughts weren't still all over the place. I still have to talk to myself in my head and get myself to focus on what people are saying. It's part of why I prefer written communication, because there is a back and forth and I can go back and re-read it later if I forget something.

We kids also used to bump into people and things a lot, just because we were so focused on what was going on with whatever we were doing that we weren't paying attention to if someone else was coming down the sidewalk or whatever. I distinctly remember my dad yelling, "situational awareness!" as he yanked us out of the way of someone or something. We kids now yell that at each other as a joke when we do something clumsy, just to fuck with each other. Again, I learned to always be paying attention to every little thing, but to anyone from the outside looking in, that looks like anxiety, right?

Fidgeting too. I am always shaking a foot, biting the inside of my cheek, twirling my hair. Honestly most of the time I don't notice I'm even doing it until someone points it out. I've gotten better at paying attention to it, so I don't do it as much in social situations, or if I'm in an important meeting for work or something.

I also excelled at school, which I'm sure is one of the reasons why they never looked into it. I feel like most kids get diagnosed because they are having trouble in school and the teachers point out that they should be tested. But I excelled because my mom was always on top of me to get stuff done, even when I was in one of my unfocused modes, and then I learned to use my hyperfocus to my advantage. Mom is also OCD and needs things just so, which meant we learned quickly to do things the "right" way. It translates to my work life, I'm very good at getting things done when there are deadlines, but I procrastinate until I absolutely have to do it, then use my hyperfocus to make it all happen very quickly. I'm actually really good at being a self-starter when it is for someone or something else. Like if one of the girls asked for help on a project, I'm there in a second and will help them get it done. Same with work, I'll make it happen very efficiently. I'm basically a living example of the product of the How to Make Your Child Codependent manual.

Oh and my little piles of stuff everywhere. I'll start to clean/organize, make things into piles and then not actually put it away. As a kid that was not allowed, my mom would have had a conniption fit if anything wasn't exactly where it needed to be. But as an adult, I can either stay up for 3 days straight organizing my whole apartment, or I'll go for weeks where my place looks like a bomb went off and I just have no motivation to do anything about it, and yet I still know where everything is. I actually got really good at creating systems of organization simply because I knew that this aspect of myself - the messy person - was not appealing to other people living with me, and if everything doesn't have a place, I won't put it back. When I live with people I am insane about making sure the common areas are spic and span, but my personal space is a shit show.

You mentioned your low caffeine tolerance. I have an insanely high caffeine tolerance. Like, I feel most normal after I've had caffeine. For years I have joked that I could drink an energy drink and go straight to sleep. That's another one of the reasons I started looking into ADHD. I saw someone make a joke about a similar thing, basically that they drink espresso to sleep, and someone responded, yeah, that's called ADHD you weirdo.

Apparently a lot of ADHD kids have sensory processing issues too, but they have more to do with their not paying attention and then all of a sudden being "surprised" by this new texture or smell or whatever because they weren't paying attention before.

The tactile defensiveness is definitely more indicative of sensory processing disorder. That I can pretty much guarantee I have. If the thread count of sheets is off, I will toss and turn all night. A few months ago I bought a new comforter that I loved in the store, that had all of these cute little stitches on it. Very small, not even out of itchy material, just little cotton thread x's about every 4 inches in a quilt like pattern. I couldn't figure out why I was constantly feeling itchy and uncomfortable and could not stay asleep. Changed comforters, no problem anymore. I'm almost 33 and still cut the tags out of most of my clothes. And I pretty much buy exclusively natural fibers, almost entirely cotton, because everything else makes my skin crawl. I remember XH bought me a fishnet body stocking once, I put it on for him and almost had a panic attack, it felt like there were little spiders crawling all over me. I could literally feel every little cross in the net as it moved when I moved. I said take a good look because you've got 3 minutes of me in this thing before I rip it off! And don't even get me started on the textures of different foods. Oh, and before weighted blankets were a thing, I used to sleep with like 3 or 4 blankets because I liked the weight of it.

I'm also insanely sensitive to sound and smell. I used to be able to hear when something was off with XH's fish tank filter in the living room while I was sleeping in our room. One of our fans made this very faint ticking sound if it was on too high of a setting or if it was twisted too far in one direction, that would wake me up too. Even now, I've been woken up by the very faint sound of my downstairs neighbor snoring. I'm always that person who is like "do you hear that?" and everyone else looks at me like WTF are you talking about? Just last night, I woke up around 4 am, had a dream that someone was breaking into my car. When I woke up nothing was happening, but something just felt off, almost like this pulsating feeling in my head. I was walking around my apartment, everything was fine, just the cats sleeping. Then I opened my front door, and I could hear the sound of a car alarm going off on the other side of my street. I'm at the very back of my apartment complex, and my room is in the back of my apartment, so as far away from the sound as anyone in my complex could be. I shop for a living, and stores can be really loud and overwhelming, especially when there are sales, so I always have headphones on me so I can listen to music or a podcast to drown it out. Smell is nuts for me too. Or maybe I'm just nuts haha.

It's kind of like a weird set of super powers I didn't ask for. My hyper sensitivity definitely works to my advantage sometimes, like, you know, catching my XH in the act, but other times it's exhausting.

So yeah, I've created systems and tools for myself over the years to manage all of this stuff - behavioral, organizational, and just managing my own thoughts. I know what my triggers are, I buy clothes and food accordingly, I avoid certain noisy situations if possible, but prepare myself with alternatives like headphones if not. I create organizational systems to make sure I stay on top of things. I learned from a very young age to talk myself through things, give alternatives to every scenario that runs through my head, not everyone is rejecting you etc. - basically a lot of CBT and DBT stuff before I even knew what that was. Just would have been nice to have therapy or something else to help with that as a younger person, instead of just being yelled at for being messy, or interrupting, or being too shy etc.

I really don't think I need medication. It sounds more chaotic than it really is, and I've learned to manage it. I've clearly become a pretty high functioning adult on my own. And I know I need to minimize my stress, keep to a sleep schedule, eat well, hydrate, all that. Now I just know why I had so much trouble, and it helps put the pieces of the puzzle together a little better. Hopefully your DD comes around as she gets her addiction under control. I know I was super stubborn and resistant to change when I was younger. I only really started making changes when I became inquisitive about how to make my life better and more manageable for myself. Who knows, maybe having help with it when I was younger wouldn't have worked anyway, because I was too damn stubborn.

TL;DR And thus ends my novel about how it took me 33 years to figure out something so obvious - how supremely dysfunctional my brain is! I guess it's a good thing I'm smart and figured out how to make it work for me

But yes, I agree with you completely, a few months of no drama and/or trauma would be sooooo nice right about now!

There's a lot of uncertainty in the world right now. It really sucks that the people we thought we could count on helped put even more unnecessary shit on our plates. It really does feel like up is the new down sometimes. Hoping for a little clarity and peace for all of us right now!

20yrsagoBS posted 3/15/2020 20:38 PM

I wish we could plan a girlís trip, be able to share our stories, laugh, cry, get drunk together

TX1995 posted 3/17/2020 13:21 PM

Just stopping by to say hello and that I'm thinking of each of you. I am reading, but emotionally just don't have it in me to say too much. This whole social isolation thing would be easier without my whole family here (and with a little bit of sun instead of the rain we've had for a week now). I find myself slipping more into dissociation and numbing. I hope things are better in your homes.

Hi to CAS and Ellie!

HHADL and GMC, the entertainment and restaurant industries are getting hit so hard. It's heartbreaking to know of so much stress is happening in every home right now. Even ours has stress as my home's income is entirely dependent on a healthy retail market - which is entirely at a standstill right now (obviously). Hope things start to calm down in the next few weeks as people take this seriously, so that we can all start to slowly get back on our feet.

20YRS - Being a nurse has got to be super stressful right now. Big hug and thanks to you.

TG - Your husband is just full of shit and a coward. He remembers. He hopes you don't. And I just saw a video of a woman ranting about how ridiculous people are being in grocery stores right now.

I went to Costco on Friday and it was calm chaos, but I was floored that the ENTIRE case of raw chicken - organic, thighs, breasts, whole, everything - was empty. No pasta either. I'm running really low on TPand have no paper towels bc they've been gone every time I've been to the store in the past few weeks. I'm annoyed at all of the people buying a shit ton of stuff and leaving nothing for anyone else. Our grocery store hasn't put limits on paper products yet (but did on medicine and cleaning products) I'm sure there will be another round of chaos once our local governments do lockdowns. My BFF is in San Fran and went to the store yesterday for bananas. She said it was crazy town again with the lockdown announcement. But today that it's eerily silent. They are not even supposed to be outside unless for walks and staying 6 feet apart. Crazy times we are living in.

And I can't get my 15 yo off the couch to save my life. I need structure, I need solitude, I need this infidelity shit to not be a part of my life anymore. Is it wrong that I hope the OW's career (in retail) is destroyed because of this? I don't want her or her loved ones to get it, but I'll take a loss of income for her. (Just her too, she's an executive who is in a position that isn't essential to a business and does shit work anyways.)

Ugh. See? I hope you are all faring better than I. Stay safe and I'm sending out positive vibes for any of y'all that are having to make pressure-filled decisions, sacrifices or having more work or strain piled on as a result of this.

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